Video Transcript: Managing the Plan of Action Part 3

All right, welcome back again, Steve Elzinga here, the coaching class, we're looking at  managing, we made decisions for a goal in some area of life, we make a plan to achieve that  goal. And now we're holding our client accountable for following through with that goal. I want to talk a little bit about sand in the wheels of accountability. So accountability. Accountability  is a tricky thing. People, people want accountability, they welcome accountability before it  happens. But after it happens, they're not well, it depends. If they didn't succeed at whatever  it is that you're going to going to hold them accountable for, then you become a reminder of  their failure. So in the beginning, you're thinking about, you're helping the client, think about  what he wants to do thinking about some goals, some area of life, that they want to change  some area of their life that they want to go to the next level. And that's all kind of exciting,  because maybe they've been wallowing in, you know, boredom, they've been stuck in a rut,  or maybe they're on a downhill skin, things ever been going well in many areas of life, or they have so many things that they're committed to and, and they're not succeeding at any of  them, because they can't be you know, they can't prioritize. And so you come along, and you  help them, and you help them figure out what they really want to do. And you help them  figure out a plan of action that maybe is established over time. And it looks very doable. And  they're all very excited about it. And then when you ask, okay, so we're going to meet next  week, and how can I hold you accountable for next week, and they say, Well hold me  accountable for doing this. They're very excited, because they're very optimistic about their  chances of succeeding. But most people underestimate what it's going to really take to make  something happen. You can decide you can think about it. But to actually put the effort in do  it is another thing. So people, it's as simple as a walk with God. I remember when Henry and I  started trying to help people get a walk with God, it's simple. You know, just read a little bit of  God's word every day and pray, do this with your spouse did this with your children, okay?  Yes, it's easy. But people failed. And they failed miserably. They failed. They were surprised  themselves, how badly they fail. how something can be so simple, so easy. And yet, they just  don't do it. Because any new habit is hard. Any change in life, there's a reason why you're  going down a certain trail. And to change takes a lot of motivation, takes a lot of support to  make something like that happen. So people welcome you, as the one who's going to help  them be accountable to following their plan, until they hit the bumps in the road, until you  meet with them again. And you ask, Well, how did it go? And they go, Well, you know, here's  what happened, this didn't really go the way I thought I didn't really put the time and the  effort into. And then you say, okay, so what do you want to do next week? Well, I'm gonna do  it this week. And I know last week, I, you know, there were circumstances, but this week, I'm  going to do it, okay, I'll hold you accountable to do this. You meet with them again, and you  say how did it go, and then they have another excuse. Okay, if they do that 1, 2, 3 times,  soon they won't want to meet with you. Because you are a reminder of their failure. And so  it's, it's so it's very, it's a delicate balance as a coach. That's why you don't want to be  judgmental, you know, and so I want to talk a little bit about some of the sand in the wheels  of accountability, that you know, the wheels of accountability are going down the track is, this is a train, it's going down the track. And if you throw sand and the wheels in the gears, things  are gonna grind to a halt. And so these these are the things to avoid as a coach, do not be  judgmental. Don't have a little tone in your voice that suggests you know that your client is  lazy, or that he's just giving excuses. Or he doesn't really want to do what he says he wants to do. Or maybe he doesn't. Maybe all these things you're thinking about your clients are true.  But it's not your job to communicate that. It's your clients job to figure those things out for  him or herself. It's not yours. So don't Don't, don't give the your client the sense that they  failed you. See, that's how we do it in parenting, our children, we have expectations, they're  supposed to do something, this was to clean their rooms, they're supposed to do some work  around the house, they didn't do it. And so what we do is we come up to them, and  everything we say, and everything we do on our body language all says that we're  disappointed with them. My thought maybe, that after I've given you everything, I've supplied you with a house have supplied you with food, I give you opportunities, I would have thought  that you could have done this little thing for me. And we you know, and we're communicating  to our children that we're disappointed. We do this at work bosses do this with their 

employees. We do this in our marriages. And it was thinking that we're going to motivate  someone. But people don't get motivated when they feel judged. People coming to your  church, you know, they're coming to your church, they're new to church, the some of their  life, they committed to Christ and some of their life they haven't. And if you give this sense of  Judgementalism towards the things they haven't yet quite converted over to Christ, that then  they're gonna walk, they're gonna think that you think you're better than they are. So again,  it's, it's a good way to be in general, to not be judgmental of people. Number two, negative.  Your clients, the tendency is to go with whatever's happening. If your client is negative then  your negative your client is positive, your positive but don't do that be neutral. If your client is negative, be neutral. Okay, let's look at why your negative, what happened? explain what  happened. Let's evaluate what happened. Let's see if we learned anything because of what  happened. Is there any change you want to make to your plan, because of what happened?  The client is thinking this is a negative thing. But from the coach's perspective, this is just  another way to go forward. There's nothing negative here. So don't be negative. Number  three, don't be uninterested. Can be your client is talking about things and you're like, Uh  huh, okay. Sometimes, or don't make this mistake. Don't make the mistake of thinking that  you're listening, when you're just not interested. Well, I'm just listening well, when someone is that when someone is interested in someone else, you can tell the difference when they  listen, then when someone is not interested in someone else, and they're listening. Active  listening is hey tell me more about that. Wow, that sounds pretty exciting. Can you explain  that? How did you feel about that? In other words, I'm not just sitting here passively listening  to you talk. I'm trying to encourage you to keep talking. If the client is very excited about  something, I'm joining in with it excitement, if the client is in discouraged about it, I'm letting  him you know, I'm concerned for him. I'm genuinely concerned for you. Tell me more about  that. That must have been painful. Let's talk about this. Number four, bored if you're bored  with the client that's going to come across? And now is your confidant you're the one that's  helping him succeed. He hasn't been able to do it on his own. And if your bored with your  client, that's going to show in the questions that you ask how you listen, the way you stand,  your voice, everything dismissive dismissive is when your client says something and you're  like, okay, whatever, in other words they say something significant, and you don't even  respond to it. You know, I, I tried to do this thing, you know, with my wife this past week. And,  and she didn't listen, and this is what happened. And you're like, okay, yeah, but let's get to  something else. You're dismissive about what that it's like, Okay, I don't want to talk about  that. I want to talk about the thing that I want to talk about. So the client is in charge. Number six, impatient, okay. Sometimes clients have a long time to take a long time to figure out what their what they want. They take a long time to figure out a plan. They take a long time to  actually actually succeed at their plan. And it's very easy to get impatient. See that's when  we want to jump in and give our clients the answer. And we do this in, in conversation. We  finish people sentences, someone struggling with a sentence and so we finish it for them. And we think we're doing them a favor, we're helping them out. This guy is struggling with what  he wants to say. So I'll complete it No, honor that person by, you know, thinking to yourself,  he knows what he wants to say he just needs time to figure out what he wants to say. But in  the end, he will say it the way he wants to say it. And so I am going to be patient, I'm going to trust that he knows what he's doing. See, that's what patience does. You're communicating to  your client that you believe in them, you believe that they can figure out their own problems  that they can come up with solutions that will actually change their world, take them to the  next level, take the pressure off, do you know, whatever the plan of action is, that will help  them achieve what they want to achieve, they can do this. And you communicate all of that  by being patient with somebody and trusting that they can figure it out. All right, that's the  sand in the wheels of accountability. What's the grease, the sand, slows everything down, and grinds everything to a halt. Grease helps things go quicker and faster. Be positive. Be positive  give it give your clients the sense that this is a good thing, even when the client comes with  negativity. You know, they didn't do what they wanted to do. Or they did it but it didn't work.  Okay. Okay, so it didn't work. What'd you learn from that? This is a positive, even things that  don't work, we can learn something from that we can change the plan, we can still do this. 

That's you're the coach. That's what you know, in the sporting world. That's what a coach  does. The team goes out there and they they have a bad first half, and the coach sits down at halftime it goes, alright guys, here's what we did wrong. But we can do this. The coach has to  stay positive. If the team is down, and the coach goes down with the team who's gonna lift  him up? Number, two, be supportive. You know, this is hard. This is hard, but I believe you can do it. This is hard. How can I help you succeed? Do we have to adapt this plane to help you  succeed? In other words, the client has failed. But he's failed. Because we haven't figured out  the best way to do this yet. You're not a failure. Okay, so as a coach, I'm not communicating  to the person that you're a failure, you know, the person may feel like they're a failure. But as  a coach, I have to change that perspective. You're not a failure. We just haven't figured out  how best to do this yet. We thought we had it last week. But apparently we didn't. So let's get  it. Be encouraging, I guess that's what I've been saying all along here be encouraging this is  possible, things can be done. Even in the face of failure. Failure is not the end here. We this  process, every failure is just a learning experience towards figuring out what the successful  thing is we can do this. So being an encourager Be inquisitive . You know, what is that? Like?  What did you think? Can you tell me more about that? How does that work? You know, when  the client is sharing stuff about his life, and it doesn't matter what stage you're in, whether  you're in the you know, trying to help your client to decide what he wants to do to enhance  his life or change in his life, or go to the next level in his life, or whether it's coming up with a  plan or whether it's the management piece. Always be inquisitive, always be asking  questions, always want to know more about whatever your client is talking about. Don't, don't come off like you know, already. I'm very good at this. You know, I've had a lot of experience  with a lot of people, they start talking, and I really want to just say to them, okay, I got it. I got it, because I've heard this story many, many times before. And maybe you have, and maybe  you do have it. But your client doesn't know that your client is only going to know that you  have it when you take the time and you have the patience to listen to him. Tell you all these  things. And not only listen to him tell you the things that he wants to say. But keep them  going. You want to find out as much as you can get them talking. And you get them talking by asking questions, be inquisitive. Be interested, be genuinely interested in your client. I'm  interested in you. I'm interested in your life. I'm interested in your goals. I'm interested in the  things that you want to change in your life. I care about this. I'm on your team. See that's  what a coach is. We're we're in this together. Don't feel alone. I am helping, I'm trying to  become part of your support system so that you can succeed, even though you've failed in  the past, that doesn't mean you're going to fail in the future, because you have something  different going on for you right now in the future. Be interested, be empathetic, you know, the coaching process is up and down, there'll be some wins will be some losses, you know, walk  with them, understand when they're, when they're down, when they're discouraged, be  empathetic. You know, tell me how that feels, I want to know, I'm going to walk with you, in  your, your failures, I want to walk with you in your frustration. You know, if you walk long  enough with someone's frustration, you can help them overcome it, you can help them figure  out what they want to do to change it. A lot of times, we just want to give an answer, you  know, we see someone's hurting. And then we want to supply the thing that stops them from  hurting, you know, you see the funerals, sometimes, you know, someone is in grief, and then  you want them to you want them to stop crying. So you say something like, Well, you know,  your loved one who died is now in a better place. Instead of just listening and being patient,  they feel bad, and they need to feel bad for a while. And they don't want someone trying to  just quickly, you know, because what you're really suddenly communicating is it's wrong to  feel sad, here, you should feel you shouldn't feel sad, because we believe in heaven. And this  person is heaven it's a better place. So you shouldn't be sad. So you're actually doing more  harm than good. And it's because you're not empathetic, you're just not, you're not just  walking alongside with them. So walk alongside your client. Be hopeful, be hopeful.  Sometimes things will be going south, and things won't be going well at all. Everything that  you that your client is doing ends in failure, it's actually getting worse instead of better. And  then they want to quit, they will come to that you are the source of hope. Let's be hopeful  about this. Look, we just haven't figured out what works yet. You know, Thomas Edison tried 

10,000 Different filaments to see how to light a light bulb. But he kept going, he was hopeful  that eventually I will figure this out. And you want to communicate that kind of attitude to  your clients, that we will eventually figure this thing out. Accountability always ends with a  new commitment. So in the session of accountability, it always goes back right to the  beginning. We want to get the client moving towards an action, we don't want to just talk  about things. You know, how did it go? Let's evaluate. What went well, what didn't go, Well,  what would you change, eventually, before you end the session, you have to get back to  some form of a new commitment. Now, it might be a new commitment to the same thing.  Okay, we're gonna keep going in this direction. Or it might be something new, we've learned  something. So we're going to tweak this or we're going to change it entirely. Again, just real  quick, the commitment models. Okay, so now you get a client to make a new commitment, or  abridged or adapted commitment. But, you know, again, it's sometimes good to go through  this commitment model thing, so that you, you both understand what kind of commitment  we're making here is this, you know, are we doing the easiest thing or the hardest thing is  sometimes, you know, it's good to attack the hardest thing, and then you know, what you're  up against, or the easiest thing, because then when you succeed at it, you feel good, and you  have energy to go to the next thing. So which one are we going going to do? Or is this the  biggest bang for the buck? You know, that kind of committment we're going to make there's  this fun, boring commit continuum, the Holy Spirit or the word, you know, you know, again,  remember the prerequisites for doing this kind of coaching is, you assume that your client has a walk with God, that they're talking to God through prayer every day, that they're listening to God with his word every day. And so you can bring the Word of God into this. You know, what  is God telling you about what you should do? How is God in this in terms of your  commitments, opportunities, obligations and commitments. Try it for a season. These are all  just different ways of making a commitment, throw mud on the wall and see what sticks and  these are all things that we talked about in the commitment section. But sometimes you have to go over these things again. with your clients so that as you make a new commitment, what kind of commitment is is this to just let's see what happens commitment? Or is this a  commitment where you know you're all in, regardless of the obstacles? Is this the is the  testing of the waters to see if this is the right direction? And so you're just looking for  feedback and might not we're not quite there with what we want to do. What kind of  commitment are you willing to make before we meet again next week, so that next week,  when we meet again, I can say so how did that commitment go and we'll both know what  we're talking about. Alright, that's it for now. Management