Video Transcript: How to Start Being a Coach

Again, welcome Steve Elzinga. Here, this is the coaching class. And you've been doing this for perhaps several weeks now. And you probably took this class because you heard about  coaching, you're obviously interested in coaching, maybe you've been trying some of the  things that you're learning, you've been trying them out, you've been trying them out in your  marriage, with the relationships that you have in your workplace, and you're a little excited  about, you know, the some of the results. Maybe you've tried counseling, and you've given  people advice. As a parent, you've tried to mentor and direct your children, and you, you  know, you've had mixed results in terms of success. Or maybe you're a boss, and you're  trying to motivate your employees. And, you know, sometimes they're motivated, sometimes  they're, they're not, and you heard about coaching, you're excited about, about its potential,  you heard that it was different than then the general way that we try to help people do things  and try to motivate people. And so you're thinking about, you know, things you could do with  this thing. So, in this session, I want to talk about how to start being the coach, you're taking  this class, you might as well do it. It's not just information, but you might as well live it,  regardless of whether you want to become a professional coach or not. What I want to do is  show you a little by little by little how you can get into coaching, just starting out, and then all the way to actually making a living, doing coaching. This is one of the fastest growing  professions in the in the people helping business. It's growing faster than the whole  counseling thing, and so on, because people are seeing more success. And in some ways, this is a way to help people that aren't necessarily broken. A lot of times counseling is for those  that their whole life is a total disaster. And then we pour all of our energy, especially in the  church world, we pour all our energies into helping people that are really hurting, stop  hurting. But we don't do anything with the 80% of the people who just need encouragement  to become all that God is calling them to be. So so if you're a pastor, then and you're  frustrated that all your time is used up with the people that are most needy. And it seems like  you can pour your whole life into them and very little chance, there's very little change. This  is a way that you can start pouring your life into the 80%, who just need a boost, who just  need a little help, a little encouragement, and they can start really making good things  happen at your church. So how to start being a coach. Number one, be an informal coach,  starting with your own family, be a coach in your own family, it's a good place to start. In fact, doing things with your family is the basic building block for everything if you're going to be a  preacher, first learn how to preach to your own family. If you're going to do Bible study, you  want to be a Bible Study leader. See if you can be a Bible Study leader in your own marriage  or in your own family. You want to read the Bible and pray start with your own life. Start with  the own family, before you start doing it with others if you if you want to be a leader, be a  leader in your own family first. So be an informal coach starting with your own family. Instead  of directing, telling family members what to do. Ask them what they want to do. I know it  seems counterintuitive, because as parents we're used to telling our children what to do.  They're the ones who don't have all the information. They haven't lived, they haven't  experienced of the things that you've experienced. So you want to pour everything that  you've experienced into them look, this is what you must do. But then they don't learn how to do for themselves. They don't want to they don't know how to think for themselves. Allow  them to figure things out. That's the best kind of training. That's the best kind of schooling,  not schooling that just gives them all the answers, but helps them figure out how to get to the answer themselves. So instead of directing and telling family members what to do, ask them  what they want to do. Now, I know we're afraid to do that because we're afraid they'll say I  don't want to do anything. But ultimately people want to do something. They want to be  successful. So start with that. Don't be afraid of asking this kind of question. Instead of Being  the answer, man, be the question, man. My Church accuses me of this all the time, someone  will ask me a question, hey, what does the Bible say about this? And I'll always say, Well, what do you think it says about this? They want me to supply the easy answer. They don't want to  go through the work. They can be googling things. They can be looking through their Bibles  and searching and trying to find things. And I'm telling you, if they do that, they will get more  out of it. If I give them an answer, by the next day, they will forget it. So I always when  someone asked me a question, I always turn it back on them. People want to know why this I 

always say, Well, why do you think and half the time people don't catch that switch? Half the  time they'll tell me what they think. See, and that's a better discussion. A lot of times, we tell  people what we think and they don't like it anyway. Instead of always giving your opinion as if  it were the truth. Ask for their opinion, a lot of times we tell people what we think is if we  know. Now, this is what we think. Let me tell you what I think I'm giving you room to say what  you think, if I tell you this is what it is. Well, this is how it goes, this is how it is, this is what  the Bible meant by that, well, then I'm cutting off discussion. If someone disagrees with me,  they won't come back and say anything, because they don't want to start this big fight. So  they just let it go. But that doesn't mean I've convinced them of anything. Instead of always  giving your opinion as if it were the truth, ask for their opinion. Instead of dictating the plan of action, let others figure out the plan. So in your family, there's a problem one of your kids is  struggling in school, instead of dictating This is now we're going to do, you cannot play until  you do your homework first, let your son or let your daughter come up with that plan. What  do you think we should do about this? What would help you succeed in the school? getting  behind in the homework thing? I know sometimes it's, you know, at first, when you do this, it  doesn't work as the kids are uncooperative. They don't want to say anything, they don't want  to say anything. Because in the past, you have all the answers. And they're just gonna sit  back and wait for you to give all the answers, you're in charge. You're in control anyway. So  why should they get involved? Family members just sit back and let you figure it out. Because they're not motivated. They're not going to follow through. So it's gonna take a while to get  past this, it's gonna take a while for your family members to get the the point that you're  dealing with them differently, that you're giving them a sense, you're giving them respect,  that you are communicating that you have confidence in them, that they can figure this out  that we can do this together. I don't, that you the parents aren't the one dictating and  controlling the whole situation. You're, you're treating them with respect and honor. Instead of instead of managing everything, let another family member manage some things. Instead of  you controlling how it's all going to go let them. The dinner, you know someone's gonna make the dinner, let them figure it out. What will they do a great job? Who knows? But isn't that  what you want your kids to be able to do to figure out things for themselves, and then let  them manage the process. Though they'll find out that managing is not easy. You have to  write some things down. They have to make some mistakes in in managing things and  managing the vacation, the family vacation, where do you think we should go? What do you  think the plan should be? What do you think we need? Number two, so start with your home.  That's a good place to start. The number two, be an informal coach, continuing with all your  relationships. You can take these same principles and apply them to your friendship circles, or the people that you are in a hobby with, or the people that you work with. Start by really  listening to the people in your life. Listen long enough to figure out where they're frustrated,  where they're excited in their life, where they're confused, where they're struggling. So you  listen long enough so that they say some things that there's a little emotion that comes  through and then you follow through questions on that. It seems like you're struggling in this  area. Can you tell me more about that? So you can do this. You can do coaching without them knowing that You're doing coaching. And in the end, you can help them figure out an answer  to their own problems. Follow up, you're listening with questions that get people in your life to think for themselves. Alright, so you start with your family, start with the people that you  know, I'm really serious about this is where you need to start. Don't just start, but you know,  I'm taking a class now I will professional the coach, no, no, you're not. Because you live so  much of your life in the other way of thinking, you know, where we give advice, you want to  teach somebody something, you want to show them the way you want to mentor them, you  want to train them, okay, so much of our life is that, that that's our default setting. And even  though you've listened to me say all these things, you're, you're probably going to fall into the giving advice and telling people and showing people what to do, and not being patient to let  them figure it out. So you need to practice in your family, you need to practice in all your  relationships, and then when you get reasonably good at it, then you can do number three, be a volunteer coach, at your church. Well, what does that get official permission from your  church to do this, don't just start doing this, or you'll run into problems with the pastoral staff. 

And legitimately so you're taking a leadership role in the church, and you need to come under the covering of your church. I know, sometimes this is frustrating, because maybe sometimes  the leadership of your church doesn't recognize that you're learning and that you're growing,  

they have a view of you that's over here. And you've been at Christian Leaders Institute,  you're taking training, you're taking courses you're learning, you're growing, you're not the  same person you were, but they don't know that. You still you have to deal with that problem.  And if you're totally, absolutely frustrated, and you've done all that, you could, and you try to  talk and try to be patient, and it doesn't work, then maybe you just need to go to a different  church. But don't just start doing something. Or you will offend the leadership of your church,  you need to come under the spiritual covering of the authority of your church, the people that have been called to be leaders of that church, you may not always agree with them, but they  are the leaders that you are under. And you need that covering. So get official permission  from your church to be a volunteer. So you might go to your leadership and say, here's what  I've done. Here's the course I've taken, if you want to look at some of the course, you can look at the course, people can look online, they can listen to these lectures, if they haven't listened to one to see what kind of training you've gotten. And then ask them, you know, I just want  to, I want to be sort of a volunteer coach, I'm not going to charge any money, I'm going to let  you know. And and I want people to know that I'm just starting out, I'm not maybe the best  that there is. But three is pretty good. I'm willing to try this with people if people are willing to  do it. And you might write down, you know, this is what I do. This is what I want to do.  officially take clients and work with them under the supervision of your church. So always  keep your leaders abreast of who you're talking to. And what you're doing. Don't do the Lone  Ranger thing, or people be distrustful of that. Okay, so volunteer, in church, and in one of the  things that I would do is I would, I would make a little flyer, a little pamphlet of what it is that  you're doing, what is your philosophy of a coach, what is coaching, you know, some of those  things that I talked about in the first two sessions of this class and go back and write some of  those things down, give people an example of what you're trying to do. And I just did this with a married couple, they were frustrated, they were working with a counselor, they're sort of  getting nowhere. And they they call me Speaker 14:07 was talking to me. And I said, Well, if I were to meet with you, this is what I would do. And I described this whole coaching thing I did  you know, I did it in three minutes. I said, I'm not I don't have to get into the past. I don't have to go into you know, the hurts and what's going on all the things that led up to this problem  and so on. What I want to focus on is behavioral change, getting you to figure out what it is  that you want to do, what you husband, what, what, what you what things are you actually  going to do that will make a difference in your marriage going forward. And when she heard  what I wanted to do, she said, Okay, that sounds interesting. Okay, she knew what the other  thing was, and it was there was going nowhere with it. So I described briefly, what coaching  is. It's is about helping people figure out an answer to their own problems. It's about listening  and asking questions. It's about action, finding something to do, and holding people  accountable to that thing. I described that in five minutes. And that was enough for her to go.  Yeah, I think that would be interesting. And that's exactly what we need. So I would print up  something like that said, this is what I want to do, this is how I'm going to do it. So people can look at it and see it and read it, and go, this is maybe something that might work. Alright,  number four. So you start with your family, several people, you know, your work friends, then  you take it to the next level in your own church. And then this is sort of the final level, start  your own coaching ministry. And I wouldn't do this until I have a lot of experience, you don't  want to, you don't want to project to your community that you know what you're doing before you know you're doing. Doing it informally, is a way of saying to your community, look, I'm in  training. You know, keep let's keep the expectations low, a lot of things don't work out.  Because Because of people's expectations don't don't come in with such high expectations.  So get some experience under your belt. And then when you feel competent, you've had  some successes, you've helped people, change things about their lives and go to the next  level in their lives, then maybe you're ready to start your own coaching ministry. Register as a business. You know, every country has its own way of doing that. Acquire a space to do the  coaching. It's hard to do the coaching out of your home, it's hard to do coaching in a client's 

home, there's all these distractions. I don't either whether you have an office, or whether you  can borrow an office, you can, I wouldn't do it like in a public space. You want people to be  able to focus on what they want to do. Get clients? Where do you get clients, where you get  clients at churches, again, you need permission from your church, or, Hey, I'm starting this  thing. And I want to offer my services to the church, if you willing it, and, and even go to your  own church, remember you maybe you've been volunteering in your church already, but now  you're saying, hey, you know, you've seen some of the effects of what I've done. And  hopefully, the people in your church have seen that. And I want to go to the next level, I want  to start making this more my ministry. And so, you know, I want to pursue clients in our  church, if that's okay, or you can refer them to me, but you can go to other churches in your  community we have we have a counselor that goes to our that comes to our churches doesn't doesn't go is someone that I knew growing up. He was in a church near where I was in my  first church. And he became a counselor, and he wanted to do counseling, he takes some  space in our church, and he offers some free counseling to people in our church. But he went  to all the neighboring churches and said, Hey, I, you know, this is I have something available  to your members if they want. And he had a little flyer, you know, what he does and how he  does it. So again, you're talking to your church, but maybe you're talking to other churches as well. But or you might go to business, or business and say, Hey, I'm here to help some of your employees and some of your leaders, sort of, maybe take it to the next level, or solve their  problems. Or find what your clients in, in some niche, a niche is, you know, a certain area of  life or just look at some of them, sports, they and this is where coaching really started. You  have people that want to do well, in a particular sport, and you have a coach who has been  there that knows the you know, how to motivate how to help people excel. So and maybe  that's the direction you want to go. So you got all the sports teams and you're helping people  achieve what they want to achieve in sports, or again, business. Or maybe you want to focus  on marriages, that this is the arena that you want to spend your time coaching. The more you figure out a certain arena, the better you get in that area of life, or job searches. A lot of  people struggle with trying to figure out what they want to do. And then having a plan to  pursue what they want to do or to find or even a plan to figure out what they want to do. So  there's a whole area of coaching associated with job searches, elderly parents, and I'm just  I'm just giving you some possibilities. I mean, the possibilities are infinite, but at least in our  country. Our population becoming older people are living longer. So we have older people who have old, really old parents, and what do you do? How do you take care of them? You know,  and people are struggling in that area, they don't know what to do. And there's a lot of guilt,  there's a lot of frustration. So there's a lot of people who need someone to come alongside of  them, to help them figure out what what is the best solution to these problems. So there's all  kinds of different niches, entrepreneurs, maybe your business in Klein, you've started  businesses. And now you're you're there to sort of coach someone through that whole  process. Again, you're not telling them what to do, that you're not the coach coming in  saying, Look, I started a business. I know how to do this. And here's the way you need to do  step one, do this step two, step three, step four, you know, that's teaching. That's mentoring.  Coaching is what I've been where you are, and and I believe that you have the goods to do  this. You have the skills, the abilities, I'm here to help you figure out how to do this. What do  you think you need to do? I'm going to ask, keep asking questions, until you figure out what  the steps are to starting this business. Health and Fitness. This is an area where many  coaches, people, people want to be healthy again, coaching is really trying to help people do  what they already want to do, they just can't do it. So people want to be healthy. And people  want to be sick. They want these things. People don't want to be overweight, they don't want  they don't want to be they want to the effects of that being tired. susceptible to things like  diabetes, disease, heart disease, no one wants this. But we struggle in doing what we want to  do. And so we need a coach to help us to come alongside to make us focus on what you know, we're what we're going to do and the steps that we're going to do it and then just stick with  the plan that we come up with. So you might go into that arena, all these areas right now, in  our culture, to have professional coaches, and people that are willing to pay people to help  them in all these areas. church growth. Maybe you're here at Christian Leaders Institute, 

because you're interested in ministry, you can become a church growth ministry, expert or  coach, again, you're not giving the answers to people. See, that's what a lot of people do. A  lot of people, you know, they write a book and they go, I planted a church, you can plant one  too, here's how you do it, just follow all the eight steps that I did. And then people do, and it  doesn't work. Why? Because the eight steps that worked for you, to fit you. And they didn't fit  me. And I wasn't motivated, like you are motivated. You did those eight steps because you  learn through experiences, and instead who you were, then you are motivated to do what it is that you wanted to do. And so you succeeded. But I'm not as motivated as you were to do the things that you did. So I don't succeed, and I go, Well, that didn't work. And then I read the  next book, and I try his eight steps. And then I try someone else. And that's what people are  doing right now in church planting. Everyone thinks that there's some magic way of doing it.  And so they read about some successful person or they go to some successful church, they  hear exactly how they did it, they have notebooks. And you know, here's how we do it. And  they just copy everything. And then they wonder why three years later, they're burnt out, or it doesn't work. Because it wasn't them. It wasn't how God wired you. It wasn't the plan that  God has for you. So if you want to go into the go in, you know, to make. Make a profession or  a ministry out of coaching in the ministry world, you're there to help them figure out what  God's will is for their life, not what your will is for their life. So in going into ministry, again,  you're assuming that God is working in them, you're assuming that your client is reading the  Bible, you're assuming that they're walking with the Holy Spirit, and you're just helping  helping the client figure out what the Holy Spirit is really trying to get them to do. Alright, so  again, you start your own coaching ministry, register, require, as a business, acquire space to  do some coaching, get clients, churches, business niches, and this is the final thing, charge  for your services. If you're going to make a ministry of this, you need to charge for your  ministry or for your services. And and by the way, that's the problem with everything else that I talked about. What do you do with your family? You do the coaching with people that you  know, when you do it as a volunteer in your church. You're sort of at deficit with all these  things, because people can sort of take or leave it, then people need to get involved. It needs  to cost them something, or people don't take it seriously. And then that's the problem with  free. That's the problem. Sometimes with the courses, you're taking your Christian leaders  Institute, because they're free, sometimes you don't work hard. It's like, well, it's free.  Anyway. I like that. So you skip on to the next one. So, I mean, it can be done, you are  hopefully succeeding here at Christian leaders Institute, even though it's free and, and met  and maybe, maybe you're you've gotten involved by coming a vision partner, and so you're  giving some money back to to help others around the world who need this training. That's  how the ministry actually works. Its generosity driven. People like you get benefited from this  material. And then out of that, thankfulness, you send some money to Christian leaders  Institute so we can continue doing this for others, okay. Without a sense of involvement or  sense of ownership, things don't happen. So ultimately, if you do start a ministry, do not be  embarrassed by charging people. People pay for a lot of things that don't work. This is  actually something that does work. And so don't be afraid to do it. But But again, ease into it.  Start with your family, work with your friends, volunteer your church. Then finally make the  leap to ministry. And I pray that God will bless you in this