Again, welcome. Steve Elzinga here. This is the coaching class. And you've been doing this for perhaps several weeks now. You probably took this class because you heard about coaching; you're obviously interested in coaching. Maybe you've been trying some of the things that you're learning. You've been trying them out in your marriage, with the relationships that you have in your workplace, and you're a little excited about some of the results.

Maybe you've tried counseling, and you've given people advice. As a parent, you've tried to mentor and direct your children, and you've had mixed results in terms of success. Or maybe you're a boss, and you're trying to motivate your employees. Sometimes they're motivated, sometimes they're not. You heard about coaching, you're excited about its potential. You heard that it was different than the general way that we try to help people do things and try to motivate people. You're thinking about things you could do with this.

In this session, I want to talk about how to start being the coach. You're taking this class; you might as well do it. It's not just information, but you might as well live it, regardless of whether you want to become a professional coach or not. What I want to do is show you, little by little, how you can get into coaching—just starting out, and then all the way to actually making a living doing coaching.

This is one of the fastest-growing professions in the people-helping business. It's growing faster than the whole counseling thing because people are seeing more success. And in some ways, this is a way to help people who aren't necessarily broken. A lot of times counseling is for those whose whole life is a total disaster. And then we pour all our energy—especially in the church world—into helping people who are really hurting to stop hurting, but we don't do anything with the 80% of the people who just need encouragement to become all that God is calling them to be.

So if you're a pastor and you're frustrated that all your time is used up with the people who are most needy, and it seems like you can pour your whole life into them and see very little change, this is a way that you can start pouring your life into the 80% who just need a boost, a little help, a little encouragement, and they can start really making good things happen at your church.

1. Be an Informal Coach — Starting with Your Own Family

Be a coach in your own family. It's a good place to start. Doing things with your family is the basic building block for everything. If you're going to be a preacher, first learn how to preach to your own family. If you're going to do Bible study, see if you can be a Bible study leader in your own marriage or in your own family. If you want to read the Bible and pray, start with your own life. Start with your own family before you start doing it with others. If you want to be a leader, be a leader in your own family first.

Instead of directing and telling family members what to do, ask them what they want to do. It seems counterintuitive because as parents we're used to telling our children what to do. They haven't lived; they haven't experienced the things you've experienced. You want to pour everything you've learned into them: “This is what you must do.” But then they don't learn how to do for themselves. They don't know how to think for themselves.

Allow them to figure things out. That's the best kind of training—not schooling that gives them all the answers, but schooling that helps them figure out how to get to the answer themselves.

Ask them what they want to do. We're afraid they'll say, “I don't want to do anything.” But ultimately people want to do something. They want to be successful. Start with that.

Instead of being the answer man, be the question man. My church accuses me of this all the time. Someone will ask me, “What does the Bible say about this?” And I say, “Well, what do you think it says?” They want the easy answer. They don't want to do the work. But if they search, they will get more out of it. If I give them an answer, by the next day they will forget it.

Instead of always giving your opinion as if it were the truth, ask for their opinion. If you state your opinion as absolute truth, you cut off discussion. If someone disagrees, they won't say anything because they don't want a fight. That doesn't mean you've convinced them.

Instead of dictating the plan of action, let others figure out the plan. If your child is struggling in school, instead of dictating, “You cannot play until you do your homework,” let them come up with the plan. “What do you think we should do about this? What would help you succeed?”

At first, this won't work. Kids are uncooperative. They don't want to say anything because in the past you had all the answers. They just sit back and wait. But over time, as they realize you're treating them with respect, giving them confidence, and letting them manage things, they will engage.

Let them manage things. Let them plan dinner. Let them plan the family vacation. Will they do a great job? Who knows? But isn't that what you want—to help them learn to figure things out?

2. Be an Informal Coach in All Your Relationships

Apply these same principles to your friendships, hobbies, and workplace relationships.

Start by really listening. Listen long enough to hear where they're frustrated, excited, confused, or struggling. Listen until you hear emotion. Then follow up:

“It seems like you're struggling in this area. Can you tell me more about that?”

You can do coaching without people knowing you're doing coaching. And in the end, you can help them figure out answers to their own problems.

Follow up your listening with questions that get people to think for themselves.

Practice in your family. Practice in all your relationships. You need to retrain your default setting away from giving advice and toward asking questions.

3. Be a Volunteer Coach at Your Church

Get official permission from your church. Don't just start doing this or you'll run into problems with the pastoral staff. You're taking a leadership role, and you need to come under the covering of your church.

Sometimes leadership doesn't recognize your growth. They have an old view of you. You've been taking courses, learning, growing—but they don't know that. You still have to deal with that.

If you're absolutely frustrated and nothing works, maybe you need to go to a different church. But don't start doing something without permission. You need the spiritual covering of your church's leaders.

Show them what you've done. Show them the course. Let them listen to lectures. Ask to be a volunteer coach. Tell them you're not charging money. Tell them you're just starting out. Tell them you're willing to try this with people who are willing.

Write down what you do. Explain your philosophy. Make a small flyer or pamphlet describing what coaching is and how you do it.

I recently did this with a married couple. They were frustrated with counseling. I described coaching in three minutes—focusing on behavioral change, figuring out what they want to do, and holding them accountable. She said, “That sounds interesting.” That was enough.

4. Start Your Own Coaching Ministry

Don't do this until you have a lot of experience. Doing it informally signals to your community that you're in training. Keep expectations low until you have successes under your belt.

When you're ready:

  • Register as a business.

  • Acquire a space to do coaching.

  • Get clients—through churches, businesses, or niches.

You might go to your own church and say, “You've seen what I've done. I want to take this to the next level.” Or go to other churches. Or go to businesses.

Find a niche:

  • Sports

  • Business

  • Marriage

  • Job searches

  • Elderly parents

  • Entrepreneurs

  • Health & fitness

  • Church growth

In each niche, you're not telling people what to do. You're helping them figure out what God is calling them to do.

Finally, charge for your services. If you're going to make a ministry of this, you need to charge. Free things are often not taken seriously. People pay for things that don't work—this actually works.

Ease into it. Start with your family. Work with your friends. Volunteer at your church. Then make the leap to ministry.

And I pray that God will bless you in this.



最后修改: 2026年04月17日 星期五 10:24