Video Transcript: Dealing With a Lack of Progress
Again, my name is Steve Elzinga. We're in this coaching class, and I want to look in this session at how you deal with a lack of progress. It's not what we want. We're coaching someone, and generally it goes really well. Sometimes it takes a little while for people to catch on that you're not going to give them all the answers, and that you believe in them, and you're going to help them figure out what to do. And you're going to help them figure out how to do it, and you're going to help them stick with it. But you're helping them do these things. That takes a while.
But sometimes it's like you're working hard and trying to do this, and nothing is working. And the client is getting frustrated. And probably as a coach, you're getting even more frustrated. So, what do you do when there's this lack of progress?
Signs of Trouble
1. Client can't make a decision. You're trying to get him to decide what area of his life to improve or where it's hurting, or some area that we can focus on changing or improving, coming up with a goal. And no matter what model you use—the seven connections model, different areas of your life, where you're frustrated, your dream, your possible dream—they just can't do it. They will not settle on anything.
2. Client can't stick with any decision. They decide they want to do something about their marriage, and they decide what they're going to do. But then they never do it. Week after week: “How did that go?” “I didn't do it.”
3. Client can't make up a plan. They have a goal, but no idea how to get there. No matter how many models you share—one day at a time, breaking it down—they can't seem to figure out a plan.
4. Client never follows through the plan. They have a plan, but they never do it.
5. Client never does anything, or does everything except what was agreed upon. They say they're going to do something this week, but instead they do something else. Every week it's a new plan, a new thing, but never the thing they said before.
6. The client just wants to talk, not do. In counseling, people often just want to talk—they're lonely, they need someone to listen. That's a service, but in coaching, talking alone doesn't work. We have to end up doing something.
7. Client is always negative. Negative about goals, people, whether anything works. They never do anything because they're so negative.
8. Client is often late for appointments. If you have to babysit your client, you're not coaching. You're babysitting.
9. Client fails to call or contact the coach when the ball is in his court. “Call me and tell me how that went.” They don't call. “Call me when you want to meet again.” They don't call. Coaching is client-centered, not coach-centered.
10. Client is a no-show often. If they're not paying, they just don't show up. It's not high on their agenda.
When any of these ten things are happening, you have a problem.
What Does the Coach Do?
1. Stick with the coaching plan. Do not start counseling, mentoring, or teaching. You want to say, “Buddy, this isn't working. You need to show up on time. You need to do what you say.” But if you start advising, you're no longer coaching.
2. After letting the client set the agenda for a while with no progress, ask permission to ask a more leading question. Coaches don't ask leading questions, but if nothing is working, ask permission first. This keeps the ball in their court. If he says yes, ask: “Why do you think you're not making progress with our coaching process?” This becomes the new focus of coaching.
3. If still no progress, ask again for permission to ask a more leading question. If he says no, terminate the relationship. If he says yes, ask: “Can I suggest some areas that I think we should explore together?”
This shifts into a hybrid role—coach + pastor + counselor + teacher—with permission.
Coach as Pastor
The client may need to be saved.
Maybe the Holy Spirit isn't in this person. Maybe he's not reading his Bible or praying. Maybe Jesus is not Lord in certain areas of his life. Submission or repentance may be needed.
Client may need meaningful connecting habits—the seven connections.
If the client isn't walking with God, isn't supported by church, isn't praying or reading Scripture, it's hard to expect him to find solutions within himself.
Coach as Counselor
The client may need healing from childhood wounds—broken relationships, abandonment, favoritism, divorce.
Negative circumstances like alcoholism or drug use must be addressed first.
Hurtful relationships may need forgiveness or repentance.
Unless these things are dealt with, coaching can't progress.
Coach as Teacher
The client may need to learn skills:
Time management
Research
Brainstorming
Team building
Without these, goals always fall apart.
When Nothing Works
Sometimes no hat—pastor, counselor, teacher, coach—makes a difference.
Possible reasons:
Timing issue — they're not ready.
Hunger issue — they don't want to change.
Chemistry issue — personalities don't mesh.
Unexposed blockage — something hidden is in the way.
What to Do When Nothing Works
1. Suggest they find another coach. Put the blame on yourself: “Maybe I'm not the one who can help you.”
2. Find another pastor. Maybe they need more pastoral guidance.
3. Find another counselor.
4. Find another teacher. They may need prerequisites before coaching can help.
5. Terminate the coaching relationship. This is tough. Avoid blaming the client.
Say things like:
“I don't know why it's not working.”
“Maybe it's chemistry.”
“Maybe I'm missing something.”
Appeal to mutual benefit:
“If we keep meeting, we'll both be wasting each other's time.”
Offer to check in later:
“Let's take a month or two off. I'll call you and see where you're at.”
Final Encouragement
Don't give up easily.
A lot of times things don't work at first.
Keep trying the coaching process.
If you get super frustrated, watch this session again and try these strategies to salvage the situation.