Video Transcript: How To Do Your First Meeting
Unit 10c How To Do Your First Meeting
Hi again, my name is Steve Elzinga. This is the coaching class. And in this session I want to deal with how you do your first meeting. This isn't exhaustive by any means, but I just want to give you a few tips about having your first meeting with a client.
First of all, I think you need to explain to your client what coaching is. Go over some of the things that we talked about in the very first couple of sessions. There, we talked about what coaching is not. Because your client might not know exactly what it is. Maybe he read some of the literature you gave on it, but it's just good to go over some of these things so that they don't misinterpret some of the expectations.
Coaching is not pastoral care — the general care offered by the pastor or the staff.
Coaching is not counseling — which is a more professional, specific care offered by pastor or counseling staff. Counseling goes into the past, goes into why things are the way they are. It is more centered on understanding the situation and understanding a problem or a relationship.
Coaching is not teaching or training or discipleship — helping someone learn how to do something. This is not the place where we teach skills, how to listen, how to deal with certain relationships, where you're doing the training that your client needs, needs a lesson on something.
Coaching isn't mentoring — the process of helping someone acquire skills and attitudes and behaviors already mastered by the mentor. In mentoring, there's a lot of demonstrating: “This is how you do something.” If I'm mentoring someone in music, they watch me do something and then I have them try it. Ultimately, I'm trying to help them learn how to do what I already know how to do.
But coaching does include some of these things.
It includes caring, like pastoral care, but it's more about challenge than comfort. You can care for people when you challenge them — it's just a different way of caring.
It is like counseling, but it's more about the future than the past. It's more about what your client could or should do in the future, not about why or what happened in the past.
Coaching includes teaching, training, and discipling, but is more about helping the client teach themselves than the coach teaching the client. In teaching or training, I'm the trainer. But as a coach, I'm trying to ask questions and do things in such a way that the client ends up teaching him or herself.
Coaching includes mentoring, but is less about the client becoming like the mentor and more about the client becoming what he or she could become with a little bit of help.
So, it's not these things, but it does include these things. I think it's just good to remind your first-time client of these things because he needs to understand that you are not going to be doing things in ways he might expect. He's used to people giving advice, used to people pushing in a certain direction. He's not used to having to do the hard work himself.
Other Thoughts on Coaching to Share
Coaching is about action, not understanding.
Coaching is client-directed, not teacher-directed.
You're letting the client know that he or she is in the driver's seat.
Coaching is not about getting the client to do what the coach wants, but what the client wants.
Coaching is not about motivating the client — it is helping the client motivate themselves.
Prerequisites to Coaching
I'd remind my client — in the first meeting — that there are things I, the coach, am assuming about you, the client. If I'm wrong, then we need to do some pre-coaching work.
Client has a saving connection to Jesus. If not, coaching may not work well because I'm expecting the client to have something inside of them — Christ at the center.
Client has received the gift of the Holy Spirit. I want to be able to ask:
“What is the Spirit of God telling you?”
“Where is the Holy Spirit nudging you?”
Client has a walk with God. Daily prayer, daily Scripture, listening to God. I want God in the middle of the coaching process.
Client is part of a church. Without a support system, progress collapses when coaching ends.
Client is engaged in the seven connections. Personal walk, marriage walk, family walk, friends, church, kingdom, witness.
Because coaching is client-centered, I'm trusting the client to figure out good things — but if they're not doing the right things spiritually, it's hard for that to happen.
Client Must Take Responsibility
Most of my career in counseling and pastoral care, I was the one chasing people down. In coaching, the responsibility shifts to the client.
Client makes all appointments.
Client makes all connections — calls, texts, follow-ups.
Client must be on time.
Client must engage in the process.
Client must make the process a priority.
Client must be willing to pay for the coach’s time.
This is part of helping the client take responsibility for their own life.
Introduce Coaching Models
Introduce the client to the coaching models matrix — the Excel sheet listing all the models. But in the first session, don’t use the matrix. Use simple questions.
Three Things Coaches Do
Help the client figure out what they want to do.
Help the client figure out how to do it.
Help the client do what they planned to do.
Simple First-Session Questions
1. Helping the client figure out what they want to do
“Where in your life would it be helpful to have a coach?”
“Where in your life are you hurting?”
“Where in your life would you like to see some improvement?”
Then:
“Of all these answers, which would you like to focus on?”
“What action goal might come out of this?”
2. Helping the client figure out how to do it
“What action steps would you like to take toward reaching your desired goal?”
“What might be the first step?”
3. Helping the client do what they planned
“What action steps will you take before our next meeting?”
That’s it. That’s your first meeting. Give it a try.