Video Transcript: How to Motivate a Client

Hello again, Steve Elzinga here, and this is the coaching class. And in this session, I want to  talk about how to motivate your client now, in some ways, again, you're you're not trying to  make things happen, you're trying to help your client make things happen. So it's sort of an  indirect motivation. You, you want the client ultimately to figure out how he or she can  

motivate themselves. But helping the client understand what motivates them, is your way to  motivate them. So how do you do this? Alright, top motivators. Number one goals. Having a  goal is probably the top motivator. That's why in the initial session, or with every session, the  goal is to come up with a goal, what is your client going to do? Especially a short term goal,  or, you know, maybe have this big goal of wanting to be a better parent or a better marriage  partner or a better preacher, whatever it might be. It's a long term goal. But but we need to  break it down into weekly goals. What are you going to do this week, a very specific goal or  goal that can be measured a goal, that that the client can know whether he did it, or he didn't do it, he can understand how well he did it. Having a goal, like my goal, today is to finish this  course and get all the classes done. And because of that, it motivated me to do certain things  over the weekend. So number one is goal number two is reward. We often don't think about  reward, especially when we come up with our own goals, because we would have to come up  with our own rewards. But in in real life, even school, we have our kids they study, and they  need to do papers, and they do quizzes and so on. And the reward that we throw out in front  of them is a grade. Now the problem with that reward is a lot of kids don't care what the  grade is, and only those that care about the reward will actually work hard. So sometimes,  you know, one reward works for some and not for others. You work somewhere, perhaps, and  they reward you with the money. The money that you get is an indication of what your boss,  what your company thinks about you. That's your reward. In the sports world, there's trophies and medals. I play a game called pickleball. If you don't know what it is just Google it. And we  have a tournament this week. What's at stake is little medals, they put her get a gold or silver or bronze. Couple of weeks ago, I was in a tournament and I got a bronze and gold. And then  the week before that I got a silver. So I got one of each. This week, I don't know what's going  to happen, will I get anything I don't it's gonna be a tough competition, the best players in the world are coming. But that little bit of a reward is I mean, no one really, you know, when they  when you finally win, and they put the medal on your neck, no one really cares about that  medal, you go home and you put it somewhere and you get a stack of them. It doesn't. The  medal itself doesn't mean anything is just that it's the recognition system. It's the system that says you did a good job. And our world world is filled with little systems that let people know  that they're doing a good job. So your client too, help your client figure out what is what kind  of reward? Is it just a pat on the back? Is it money? Is it honor? Is it a title? Is it recognition?  What what exactly motivates your clients in terms of reward? I mean, even in the Bible, if we  follow Christ, we get the reward of eternal life. We human beings are motivated by reward  often when we when you bring up the subject, people say well, I know I don't need anything. I  don't do that for a reward. Well, maybe we're thinking about it wrong. We do do things  because of some sort of recognition. The recognition system lets us know that we're on the  right track. So what recognition system does your client need to get motivated to let him  know that he's on the right track and that he's making progress? Number three negative  consequences. You touch a hot stove, you don't touch it again. You do something at work and  an ends in total failure and you don't get paid. You stop doing that. negative consequences  work in school we give grades and we, you know, there's A is really good B and sort of  average C is well, and then D and then E and an F. Okay? That's painful. Those are negative  consequences. No one wants an F. And so you want to avoid the pain. And sometimes that's  what we need. We are motivated by people talk about a carrot or a stick. Ithink they're  thinking about a horse, or horses like carrots. So sometimes you give the horse a carrot  encourages them, yeah, you're doing the right thing. And sometimes the horse needs to stick  to get going. And as human beings, we do, too. We need positive consequences. But we're  also motivated to avoid negative consequences. So when your client is coming up with a goal  or something that he or she wants to do, you might ask, Well, what kind of reward would you  want to throw on that? If you accomplish it? What is your reward? If you don't? What is the  negative consequence of you not pursuing and following through with what you said you were

going to do? Because people can make up? Yeah, I mean, as a coach, you're trying to have  them come up with goals, things that they're going to accomplish before you meet again. But  how are they going to end up doing it, you're you are not going to follow them or around all  week long to make sure that they do it, they have to do it on their own. And so what's going  to drive them there. That's that's what the motivation is all about. Discovery, some people are motivated by a sense of discovery. Remember, a missionary went to Hong Kong, I was in the  Philippines used in the Philippines, and he went for to Hong Kong for a week and, and he took  a boat, he went to some island and did some bus and he ended up at a monastery and they  fed him and he thought it was just the coolest thing. And he told me all about. So in my wife  and I, we had four days. And so we went to Hong Kong, we decided to do that trip, we found  the boat, it was a two-hour boat ride, got on the bus, we went to the monastery, looked  around, had lunch came back. And I remember thinking, Well, this was no big deal at all. And  it wasn't a big deal. Because I didn't discover it. He discovered it. He didn't know what he was  doing. He got on a boat, that boat went somewhere he got on a bus, he ended up in a  monastery, it was a whole adventure for him. For me, it was just following the instructions  that someone else gave. It wasn't that motivating people are motivated by discovery. So as a  coach, you don't want to tell your client, you know what's going to happen. You don't want to  tell them, you know, if you work hard at this, this is what's going to happen. Or you tell some  long story about someone else that you've helped in a similar situation. And so you're telling  the client and you can do it too. I mean, the goal is, I mean, you're trying to be helpful and  motivating and reassuring. But you're taking the discovery process away from your client. You don't show them what's going to happen. And then when your client figures out something,  and he succeeds in something, and he's surprised by something, see, that is going to  motivate him to keep working hard. Sense of discovery. Number five, a lot of people are  motivated by potential, they have to see the potential of something if I do this, then this may  change. If I accomplish this one thing in my marriage, it may make my marriage way better  than it is right now. Or if I do this, if I take this one course. So the client has figured out he  wants to take a course because he wants he wants to get into some maybe he wants to  become a coach. And if he can see the potential, he can help him try to understand the  potential of what he was what he's doing, then he might get more motivated. That's a  problem with school. Kids take school classes. And they're studying history. They're centering  studying English. And they have no idea what the potential is. How does this translate into  anything in my life, because they have a long wait before they actually apply what they're  learning at the time. And a client can feel that way too, is don't just going through the  motions, all the things that all the obligations that are upon him and all the demands that  people have, but what's the potential and all of that? Number six success. There's nothing like success that can motivate. If you don't have a little successes along the way, then it's hard to  keep going at something that's why it's so important. When your client figures out a goal  something that he wants to change about his life or go to the next level in his life, that you  need to break that that ultimate goal into smaller segments. You know, just to become a  better husband is his way out there. What do I need to do this week? To start making that  happen? What do I need to do next week, and if I can experience little things this week, and  next week, then i'm motivated to keep going in that direction. And eventually, I will arrive at  my big goal. You're taking classes at Christian leaders Institute, maybe you want to be a  pastor, maybe you want to your church planter, maybe you want to do a ministry on the side,  or you have a business, but you have some free time you want to do ministry on the side, and you have this vision for something, well, you need the you need these little baby steps, taking a class and actually getting through it and getting a pretty good grade. It's like, yeah, maybe  you can do this. It's taking a small step, and seeing a little success along the way. Most people need that in order to keep going towards a bigger goal. Number seven, change. If we, if we're  working on something, and we don't see any changes, it's hard to keep working. In a sport. If  you if you practice and practice and practice. And then you go and you you play a tournament and you're you don't do any better than you did before. It's hard to keep working hard at  something. So try to help your client experience some small changes, help them recognize  that change is happening. Sometimes we don't always see the changes. Number eight fun. 

People are motivated by fun. Allow your client to try some things that are just fun. Or even  ask the question, Are you having any fun with all the things that you want to do in your life?  Are you having any fun? Where does fun fit into your life? Number nine connections,  connections. We are social beings. We have a God who has social Triune God Father, Son and  the Holy Spirit. And God created us in His image male and female. There's always this, this  this group. We're always part of each other. Romans 12:5, we belong to each other. And each  of us needs all the others that motivates some are extroverts. They like a lot of people around all the time. Some are introverts. They don't like a lot of people around all the time. But we all need people in our life. We all get motivated by connections, you meet a person, you hit it off, you talk about things, you laugh, you you share deep things, and it's like, you know, you  didn't have that relationship before. And now you do. And that makes life more interesting. So how do you use connections to motivate? Number 10? What are the top motivators, one's  own ideas. That's, that's why coaching is so powerful, because you, as the coach are not  giving your client the idea is, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not suggesting what you  should do. I'm trying to help you figure out what you want to do. And once the client figures  out what they want to do, they're more motivated, they're more more motivated to do the  thing that they came up with, than what someone tells them to do. Number 11 ownership. I  mean, that's capitalism, when someone owns something, they take care of it. If you have  children, you know that that's true. If you let your kids use your stuff, they don't take care of  it. But if your kid has to work for it and buy it, and he owns it, he takes care of it. It's the same thing in the coaching experience, the more the more you let the client own what he's doing,  the more he follows through. And when he fails, if he fails, it's not it's not your problem. It's  not the coaches problem. It's not the coach's fault. It's the client has to take ownership for the goal. client has to take ownership for the attempts, the accomplishments and for the failures.  Number 12 Applause We like to be encouraged. We like to do things and have people  recognize that we've done them. Otherwise we feel like we're all alone. Housewife working  hard at the house and but no one cares. No one says thank you. No one notices is hard. You're at work. A lot of people are working hard and whatever work they do. And a lot of times the  leadership at the company doesn't recognize what What people do and when people don't  feel recognized, they stop being motivated. Number 13. encouragement. Everyone needs  encouragement in fact everyone's short on encouragement. The reason why we don't receive  encouragement is because everyone is short on encouragement. So every was looking to be  encouraged. But no one does the encouraging. So, so we need to, we need to start creating a  culture of encouragement. And so as a coach, that's what you can do. Encourage your clients, because he's going to make goals and then he's going to fail or he's going to get to a there'll  be excuses. And how are you going to motivate them? You can't just point out all the  problems you have to encourage along the way, hey, you can do it. Hey, good try. Maybe you  can complete it this week. Everyone needs encouragement. Okay, top short lived motivators.  Okay. And this is good, not just in coaching, it's good in any relationship. Motivation is how  everything happens in life, marriage, family, church, business doesn't matter what it is. We're  always trying to motivate one another to do things and try to motivate ourselves. Top short  lived motivators fear, a lot of people will use fear a lot of bosses will use fear, don't do this,  this bad thing is going to happen to you will do things because of fear. But they'll only do  those things as long as the fear is there. As long as you know, there's a boss standing over  there, saying some bad consequences are coming. If you don't do this minute, the boss is out  of the room. He stopped working authority. Everyone wants more authority, I just, you know, I  have these people under me when I need the authority, they don't listen to me. Well, they  don't listen to you, because they don't believe in you, or they can't see your vision. Or you  haven't been encouraging enough. But we think if we could just tell people what to do. And  so, as a counselor, a lot of times, you know, we have the authority where the counselor or I'm  the pastor, so I meet with someone, they have problems. And by my authority, I say this is  what you should do. And you should listen to me, because I am the authority, I have title. But  people ultimately don't follow titles that ultimately listen to titles. That's, that's a short term.  motivator, short lived, motivator, money. Studies have been done. People don't work hard for  money. They initially, but money is not what people want. It's a sense of purpose. It's a sense 

of making things happen and contributing being part of something bigger than themselves.  Titles. They've done studies on this too titles we give people titles, you're the vice president of this in the company, or you're a pastor or the associate pastor, or you're the you know,  people follow you because you make a difference in their life. It doesn't matter what your title is. Christian leaders Institute I work here but I don't even have a title. Doesn't matter what my title is. Who am I helping? What am I doing? Demand. You can demand things our parents,  this is how they motivate they demand you must do this. And again, people will only do it as  long as you're standing there making sure it happens the minute you're not there. It doesn't  happen. So again, as a coach, you don't demand things. You don't, you know, say to the  client, look, I'm the coach, you're the you're the client. So I'm the one who knows stuff, you  should do what I say no. Authority fear, you don't use any of those things commands, do this  expectations. Again, as a coach, and it's really easy to do as a coach, you start having  expectations, your your client has said some things that they want to do you agree this would be a good thing to do. And now there's this expectation your client comes in and he's  changing his mind or he didn't follow through. And then you suddenly, you know, let him  know that look, I am certain expectations of you and you're failing in those expectations. I'm  disappointed in you. You're just trying to help the client figure out what he wants to do. It's  not your job to judge them or to have these expectations. It's your clients job to figure out  why he's not motivated, why he's not following through what he's doing. And you're there to  help him do this. motivators by personality types. Okay, some people are curiosity motivated.  I'm one of those curious about everything. The desire for knowledge knowledge and  experience. That's what drives me. So if you're a coach, you might help me come up with  goals that are more down this direction. Curiosity is what can motivate me. So, you know,  help me go down that trail. Others are motivated by acceptance, the desire for inclusion, they like to be a part of things, they like people to like them. And that's what drives them. And you  know, now I'm, I'm not that way at all. I'm like, No, you shouldn't live your life that way. Who  cares what people think you got to do what's right, you got to follow through with a vision.  Okay, so but that's me. That's my personality. That's what drives me. And, you know, I don't  care what people think I'm going to follow through with it. But others are driven by  relationships, that's they don't have grand visions for making things happen. They have grand visions for people connecting. Order, the desire for organization. I don't have that at all. My  wife does. She was raised in a family where things were put in order. On the first time, I met  my father in law in Washington State. Farm, and I met him I was already engaged to his  daughter, he's never met me never seen me. And the first day that I'm there, he sends me  out to the backyard to dig up their septic system. Gave me a shovel, a place to put it. And I  spent all day cleaning out his septic system. And I had rubber boots that he gave me. And  when I was done, I washed the rubber boots off, and I put them at the back door. And when  he walked in, walked by and he saw the rubber boots, he didn't say hey, thanks for spending  all day cleaning out our septic system. He said we don't put our boots there. We put them  over here. And that was that family was that family's interested in organization. I was raised  in a family that was interested in accomplishment. It's what you accomplished. It's not the  organization of things that were the tools or putting all those things, those are unimportant.  My dad, it felt like you know, I don't have to put screwdrivers and tools away. I can afford to  buy new ones every year. Because he was driven by accomplishment, not not keeping things  neat and tidy. Well, people are different. So what what what is your client like what drives  them don't like your view of how things go? influence how your clients should think about how things should go. Physical activity, the desire for the exercise of muscles, people want to be  out there doing things, they don't want to sit at a desk. Some people like sitting at a desk  Some people don't honor the desire to be loyal to one's parents and heritage, power, the  desire to influence others. That's what drives people they want to make a difference in the  lives of people around them. Independence, the desire for self reliance, some are  interdependent, some are more self self dependent, social contact and desire for  companionship. Some some are extroverts, people around them, motivate them. And so as  your client is trying to figure out what they want to do and their goals, then pursuing, you  know, involvement with other people's teams of people trying to make things happen. 

Introverts want to figure out on their own, you let your client be who they are. Family, the  desire to raise one's own children, status, the desire for social standing. For some people  that's important. idealism, the desire for social justice, vengeance, the desire to get even  

romance, the desire for intimate sensuality and sexuality. Eating. Some people are foodies, I  call them they love food and everything is driven by food. And, you know, this city in this  town has this food we have to eat here is all about food and connecting to people. That's what drives them. Saving the desire to collect tranquility, this desire for emotional calm. So what's  my point? My point is, is that that, that it's not just coming up with goals and figuring out a  plan and then managing that plan and helping them succeed. Behind all of it is motivation.  And the more you know about what motivates your client, the more you can help your clients  think about how he can use the things that motivate so that he can actually succeed I will see you again next time