Video Transcript: The Power of Coaching
Hello again, and welcome back. My name is Steve Elzinga. You're in the coaching class. I want to talk about the power of coaching. Some of these things I've said before, but I wanted to organize them under one category: the power of coaching.
The usefulness of coaching, the uniqueness of coaching — counseling does something, pastoral care does something, mentoring and teaching each have their strengths. What are the strengths of coaching? The more you understand that, the more motivated you will be to try this out. It's a different way of helping people, and it seems to be working these days. That’s why there’s more and more interest. People are more interested in becoming coaches; people are more interested in having coaches.
Coaching Develops Leaders
A lot of counseling and pastoral care focuses on people who are hurting — like someone in the hospital who needs to be made well enough to go home. Much of that work is getting people from the negative back to zero.
Coaching, however, can take healthy people — people living their lives — and help them become more successful. It helps them improve their lives: a better marriage, better parenting, better ministry. Coaching is about improvement, not just recovery.
Often in ministry, most energy goes to the bottom 20% — the most hurting. Very little goes to the 80%, especially the top 20% who could become leaders. The more leaders you develop, the more ministry can take place. Coaching can develop leaders.
Setting goals, taking action, taking responsibility, making choices, problem-solving — these are all important parts of being a leader. Coaching exercises these abilities and naturally increases a person’s leadership capacity.
Coaching Motivates Change
If someone uses power or position to make us change — “You need to change because I’m in charge” — we change only as long as we’re forced to. Kids obey only when parents are present. Employees revert to old habits when the boss leaves.
But if I identify the solution, I believe in it. I freely choose it. I embrace it. Coaching helps the client figure things out, and when they do, they’re more motivated to follow through. If they fail, they’re letting themselves down — not you.
The Power of Action
Actions often speak louder than words. Actions shape attitudes.
The goal of coaching is action. Not analyzing childhood. Not dissecting the past. Action:
What will you do to improve your marriage next week?
What will you do to improve your ministry next week?
What will you do to reduce stress next week?
Counseling often focuses on understanding the past, hoping attitudes will change. But sometimes actions change attitudes.
Example: a couple who can’t stand each other. He listens more; she makes his lunch. They don’t feel like doing it — but as they act kindly, attitudes shift. Actions lead to more actions. Success breeds success.
Actions reveal truth.
Actions are measurable.
Actions can be managed.
Actions can be evaluated.
General thoughts can’t be managed. “Love your wife more” is unmeasurable. But “spend three hours with your kids” is measurable.
The Coach as Encourager
A coach is a positive encourager. He believes in his client. He is on the client’s side — not the judge, but the encourager. A Barnabas.
Encouragement says, “Good job.”
Encouragement says, “I believe in you.”
Encouragement says, “You can do this. It may be hard. You may fail. But if you persist, you will succeed.”
The Client Must Take Responsibility
See, part of the power of coaching is giving the responsibility to the client. In so many other situations where we're trying to affect the lives of people, we are responsible. As a parent, I am responsible for my children. I'm responsible for their upbringing, for training them, for teaching them the right things. The responsibility is on me.
As the boss, my responsibility is for my employees — to train them, teach them, be clear about assignments. In most roles where we influence others, the responsibility is on the mentor, the trainer, the teacher.
In coaching, it’s flipped.
The responsibility is on the client.
That’s the power of coaching. Because it’s hard for people to take responsibility — and it’s when people take responsibility that good things happen.
The client must take responsibility for the goals.
I don’t come up with the goals for you. I’m the coach. What are your goals? I’m here to help you figure out what your goals are, but I am not going to give you the goals.
The client must take responsibility for the plans.
“Here’s your goal — you want to be a better father. Now what are the steps?” My job is not to tell you the steps, not to suggest the steps, not to say, “I’ve seen others do this.” No. My job is to help you figure out the plan. You figure out what to read. You figure out who to talk to.
The client must take responsibility for evaluating the process.
“How are we doing? What’s going on? How do you think it’s going?” I’m not going to tell you how it’s going. That’s what you do with your kids or your employees. But not with your client. You must evaluate whether you did well or didn’t do well. You must own this process — not me.
The client must take responsibility for the work.
The coach isn’t going to do the work. The client does the work.
The client must take responsibility for the relationship.
In pastoral care and counseling, I was the one calling them. I was the one saying, “Shall we meet again?” I was the one doing everything. No wonder it didn’t go well — I felt more responsible for their problems than they did.
And if it doesn’t get fixed, guess who they blame?
“I went to counseling — it was a total waste of time.”
As if counseling is supposed to do something for you.
People blame the counselor because the counselor took the responsibility.
In coaching, if you keep the responsibility on the client, the coaching relationship empowers the client. The client learns to take ownership of his or her life. It may take a while. The client will push back. The client will ask for advice. The client will say, “What do you think I should do?”
Resist that.
You know what they should do. You’ve seen it before. You want to tell them. But that is not what coaching is about. The client has to figure it out for himself — through experience, trial and error, and failure.
Generally, that’s the biggest problem in the first place: the client hasn’t taken responsibility for their time, parenting, ministry, work — whatever it is.
The client learns how to set goals, make plans, and manage the plans to completion. The goal of the coach is to help the client do these things to the point where they no longer need you. That’s when you know you’re succeeding.
The client learns through his or her own experience — not yours.
Teaching is sharing your experience. Parents try to do that. But most people don’t learn the easy way. And if you try to save them from painful experiences, you may rob them of the chance to learn at all.
Empowering Verses
These are verses you can quietly remind your clients of — especially when they want to throw responsibility back at you:
Philippians 4:13
“I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”
Romans 15:18
“I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me.”
Galatians 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…”
Philippians 1:6
“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”
These verses remind the client:
It’s not all on you.
Christ is in you.
God finishes what He starts.
The Power of Christian Coaching
Secular coaching can only say, “Somehow the universe will help you.” But Christian coaching can point to:
God
Scripture
Prayer
The Holy Spirit
The Christian community
The solution is not all within you.
It is all around you — in the Christian culture you’re part of.
That is the power of Christian coaching.