Video Transcript: The Power of Coaching

Hello again, and welcome back. My name is Steve Elzinga. You're in the coaching class, I want to talk about the power of coaching. Some of these things I've said before, but I wanted to  organize them under one category, the power of coaching. The usefulness of coaching, the  uniqueness of coaching, counseling, does something pastoral care does something mentoring teaching, they all have their strengths. What are the strengths of coaching, so I think the  more you understand that, the more motivated you will be to try this out. It's a different way  of trying to help people. And it seems to be working these days. And that's why there's more  and more of an interest. People are more interested in becoming coaches, people are more  interested in having coaches. First of all, coaching develops, leaders, a lot of times,  counseling, pastoral care, a lot of these things are focused on people that are hurting, there's  like, you know, someone's in the hospital, and the doctor comes in, and they focus on making  someone well enough and they go home, and then they carry on with their life, they need a  few weeks of recuperation. Their arm is broken, it needs to be mended. A lot of counseling  and pastoral care is that coaching can take Healthy People, people that aren't in the hospital,  people that are just out there living their lives and help them become more successful. help  them improve their lives, help them to have, you know, they have a marriage, that they can  have a better marriage, their parenting that they can be better parents never ministry, they  can be better at this ministry is really about improvement, rather than just getting back to  zero. A lot of pastoral care and counseling and you know, they're in the negative, and we got  to get back to zero so they can do things. This is you know, maybe the person's at one, two or three, and we can get them up to 10. A little bit of coaching. So it helps develop leaders, a lot  of times, especially in ministry, most of the energy goes into the bottom 20%, or the most  hurting 20%. And you do very little for the 80% and special, especially the top 20% of your  people, generally you never get to the people that could be leaders. And the more leaders  that you get in a ministry, the more leaders you get in a church, the more trickle down it  goes, the more people can be helped. The more leaders you have, the more ministry can take place. So coaching can develop leaders, setting goals, and I got this from I forget which book I read on coaching, but it's from some book, setting goals, taking action, taking responsibility,  making choices, problem solving. These are all important parts of being a leader. These are  the things that you teach in coaching. Because coaching exercises people's abilities in these  areas, into net it, it naturally increases their ability and capacity as leaders. So the various  things that you're helping people do in the coaching process also helps them become leaders  of themselves, but also leaders of others. Coaching is a motivation to change, motivation. If  someone else use power or position, to get us to change, You need to change because I am in charge of you. You need to change because I'm the pastor. If someone else use power or  position to get us to change we'll change for as long as we are forced to do so. Our parenting  is that way, kids will obey. But as long as they only obey as long as the parents are there.  parents are gone and people don't obey You know, the kids don't obey anymore. We like we  like to grumble about what the boss is making us do. And then as soon as the pressure's off,  we will revert back to their old way of running this. On the other hand, if I am the one who  identifies what solves a problem, I have to believe in the solution I come up with in order to  act on it. I'm freely choosing it. So I really embrace it. So in coaching, we try to help the client  figure out things. And if the client does figure out things, he's more motivated to follow  through. He if he doesn't, he's letting himself down. If you tell him what to do, and he doesn't  do it, he's only letting you down. actions often speak louder than words. Actions can shape  attitudes. So the goal of coaching is action. It's not just we Let's, let's try to figure out, you  know, what kind of experience you had growing up and what your father was like and your  mother and your siblings and what your early experiences at school was some sporting  activity, okay? Now, the goal of coaching is action, what are you going to do? What are you  going to do to improve your marriage next week? What are you going to do to improve in your ministry next week? What are you going to improve or change to relieve some of the stress  that you know is on you and making your life intolerable? Actions, a lot of counseling,  sometimes you talk about counseling, you talk about the past. And then you're hoping that if  the person understands their past, that they will change, they'll change their attitude about  things. a lot of times a people just bolo in it. Sometimes it's actions that get you to change 

your attitude. helps you actually go and do it. And you start feeling a little bit of success. All of a sudden your attitude about you and your capabilities changes to change, your attitudes  change, because you change and maybe have a married couple. And then right now they  can't stand each other, they have a bad attitude about each other, they distrust one another  they that you hurt me, I want to hurt you. That's what's going on. And then you get them to  actually do something, I have one couple in the guy's job is to, you know, listen more to his  wife. And the wife's job is very simple to make his lunch every morning as he goes off to work. That's the one thing that he'd appreciate. Okay, now, they don't like each other right now. But if they actually do these actions, and right now you're doing this action, because I'm  supposed to, because we're in this counseling situation. And this is what we agreed to do. I  feel like you, okay, but if you keep doing nice things towards someone, and someone keeps  doing nice things towards you, you'll be amazed at how the attitudes just change is changed  because of the actions. Actions often lead to more actions. And I start doing this, and then  that works. And so I do it more. You know, what works, we tend to do what works. But we  have to get started somehow. And the coach helps you get going. So that thing feeds on the  next thing. Actions can reveal the truth. Action, the proof is in the pudding, they say. The  proof is in what you do, you can say that you love God. But show me what you do with your  time. You can say that your family, your kids are number one, but show me how much time  you actually spend with them. Show me your actions. And I will tell you what's really true.  evaluate what you do. And then you will know the truth of what you believe. Actions can be  measurable. And what did you do with your kid? How much time did you spend, I spent three  hours on Thursday, I spent half an hour on on Friday, you can measure something. So if we  want to improve your connection to your children, maybe we just need add a few more hours, it's at least something is something that could make a difference. And it's something that you  can do. And you can know that you did it to just you know, if I just said to someone, like just  be a better parent. Well, how will they evaluate with that? How will they know whether last  week they were a better parent or not? Actions are measurable. Actions can be managed?  Okay, what did you do last week? You said you were going to do these three things. Did you  do these three things? Okay, general thoughts can't be managed. Did you love your wife more last week than the week before? I don't know. I don't I don't know how to manage that. I don't, I don't know whether I'm succeeding or not succeeding. It's like bowling, you know, you throw  the ball down. And if you couldn't see how many pins you're knocking down, you wouldn't  know if you're making progress or not. You wouldn't know what to adjust. The reason why we  improve in things is because we get a feedback loop. And the feedback loop says you did well or you didn't do well. And then from there, I can adjust. That's how we learn anything, how  you learn video games, how you learn how to do courses here on at Christian leaders  Institute, It's how we do everything. So in the coaching process, where we're focusing on  action, something that can be measured, something that can be done, something that we can make progress. Actions can be evaluated. How did you do? Did you do it well? Did you not do  it well? Did you succeed or didn't you succeed? See? How do you feel about it? you can  evaluate these things. And in the evaluation, you can make adjustments. Alright, Coach, the  coach, the whole discussion, we're talking about the power of coaching, why coaching is so  effective these days and helping people grow as people and change their lives and improve  and take something to the next level. What's part of that power, a coach is a positive  encourager. He's positive, he believes in his client, okay? The coach believes the best about  the client. I'm working with you. And I'm working with you. Because I believe that good things  can happen, that the client has to have that sense. You are on the client's side, you are not  the judge, you are the encourager. your Barnabus you can do this. the coach encourages the  client. Encouragement is saying Good job. The coach is saying I believe in you the coaches is  is you know, when the person fails, it's like I know you can do this, it might be hard, and you  may fail several times. But in the end, if you persist, you will succeed. The client must take  responsibility. See part of the power of coaching is giving the responsibility to the client. In so  many other situations where we're trying to affect the lives of people, we are responsible as a parent, I am responsible for my children, I'm responsible for their upbringing, I'm responsible  for training them, and teaching them the right things, the responsibility is on me. As the boss,

my responsibility is for my employees and to train them and teach them and, you know, give  be clear about the assignments. So much of affecting other people's lives, the responsibility is on the mentor on the trainer on the teacher. And coaching it's flipped, the responsibility is on  the client. You are responsible. And that's the power of coaching. Because it's hard for people  

to take responsibility. And it's when people take responsibility that good things happen. The  client has to take responsibility for the goals. I don't come up with the goals for you. I'm the  coach, what are your goals, I'm here to help you figure out what your goals are. But I am not  going to give you the goals. The plans, you know, okay, here's your goal, you want to be a  better father. Now, what are the plans? How are you going to get there? What are the steps  by which you're going to become a better parent? Again, my job as the coach is not not to tell you what these plans are not to suggest what these plans are not to say, you know, I've seen  others and this is what they did? No. My job is to help you figure out this plan. You figure out  what to read, you figure out who to talk to the client must take responsibility for their  evaluation of the process. How are we doing? What's going on? How do you think it's going,  I'm not going to tell you how it's going. That's what you want to do as a as a coach, the client  goes in the supposed to do these things, the next time you meet with them, you sit down, he  hasn't done a thing and you want to say well, things didn't go well, because you didn't do a  thing. And that's what you do with your kids. That's what you might do with your employee.  But you don't do that with your client. I'm not going to tell you what you did or you didn't do  you have to figure that out. You have to evaluate whether you did well or you didn't do well.  You have to own this process, not me. the client must take responsibility for the work. The  coach isn't going to do the work. The client does the work. The client must take responsibility  for the relationship, this relationship that I have with you is your responsibility. In all my  pastoral care at all my counseling, all the things that I've done in my ministry over all the  years, I'm the one that felt responsible. I'm the one calling them on the phone. I'm the one  saying hey, shall we meet again? I'm the one I'm the one doing everything. No wonder it  didn't go that well. Because I feel more responsible, responsible. I feel more responsible for  their problems than they do. So no wonder they want me to fix it. And if it doesn't get fixed,  guess who they blame? I've talked to so many people who you know Yeah, I went to  counseling It was a total waste of time and didn't do a thing for me is if the counseling is  supposed to do something for you. You're supposed to be doing the work. But everyone wants to blame the counselor blame the pastor blame is because we take the responsibility. We take it and put it on ourselves. We take it from the client, we put it ourselves in coaching If you  keep the responsibility on the client, the coaching relationship empowers the client. The client learns to take ownership for his or her life, it may take a while, the client will push back, the  client will ask for your advice. Your client will say things like, Well, what do you think I should  do? resist those things? I know you want to do it. And you know what the client should do you  have experience, you've seen this, before you know exactly what he should do. And you want  to tell him but that is not what coaching is all about, the client has to figure it out for himself.  And he has to figure it out the hard way, because it's not the easy way. He has to figure it out, through his own experience, his own trial and error through his own failures, the client learns  to take ownership from his for his or her life. Generally, that's the biggest problem in the first  place. The reason why the client needs a coach is because they haven't been able to take  responsibility for their time, their parenting, their ministry, their work, whatever it is that they  want to do in life, they haven't decided that they are responsible. We live in a world where  you blame everything else. The client learns how to, to goal set, to make plans, and manage  the plans to completion. The goal as a coach is to help the client do all these things and figure out these things to the point where they no longer need you as the coach, that's when you  know that you're succeeding. The client learns through his or her own experience, not yours.  In teaching, you teach your experience, look, I've done this, I've seen this, this is what  happens. This is how it goes. You can learn from me, you don't have to go through all these  experiences yourself. parents try to do that, right. Your parents say, you know, when I was a  kid, I had the same thing and and they go on and on. They tell some long story to the kid and  what does the kid do? He goes off and does what he wants anyway. Now, you just tried to  save him from painful experiences. Look, I went through this painful experience. You don't 

have to, I can tell you how this goes. You can avoid it. You can learn things the easy way?  Well, the truth is, most people don't learn things, the easy thing. And all you're doing is  robbing them of the chance to learn it at all. The client learns, learns things through his own  or on our own experience. Empowering versus let me give you some tough, empowering  verses. These are verses you can quietly once in a while remind your pain your clients, you  know, especially when they want to throw the responsibility back to you. I don't know what  I'm doing. Coach, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the goals are. I don't know how  to stick with the plan. I'm inadequate. That's why I'm going to you you know people will do  that. When they're frustrated. They'll throw throw back at you. And that's the time for you to  throw empowering verses. And I know how you feel but Philippians 4:13 says, Paul says I can  do all things through him who gives me strength. Why don't you say that? Why don't you see  why don't you say this every morning when you get up? I can do all things through Him who  gives me strength and then see what happens. Romans 15:18, I will not venture to speak of  anything except what Christ has accomplished through me. Okay, your client is whining that  they can't do things they can't figure things out. It's not you figuring it out. It's Christ in you.  You can do this Galatians 2:20 I've been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live. But Christ  lives in me. The life I now live in the body. I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and  gave himself for me. It's not me. You're trying to push responsibility on the client. He's  resisting? Because he feels inadequate. He's had a lot of failure in his life. You think I can do  it? I don't think I can do it. Well it's not you. You've been crucified with Christ. It is not you that live it's Christ in you. Philippians 1:6 is the last one. It's one of my favorite. He who began a  good work in you. God who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the  day of Christ Jesus. Getting a client to think about something that God has started. God made  you a parent. you're married. God made you a married person. You have influence over  several people in your life. God put you in positions of influence. God started these things in  your life and what This verse say, this verse says that God will complete what he started, you  can be assured that God will complete what he started in your marriage, God will complete  what he started in your family, God will complete what he started among your friends, and  the people you have influence over. Believe, believe in the God who believes in you, who  wants to use you, who wants to empower you, who has a plan, who has included you in that  plan. So you're gonna have to constantly remind your clients of the God that's there for him. It is not you, the client doing all these things on your own. It's God with you and see that the  power of Christian coaching, see, the non Christian coaching is just says coaching. The coach, in the end has to say, well, you know, somehow the universe has prepared you to solve all the problems. Somewhere inside of you. Well how does that work? I don't know how it works. This  is somehow the universe. You know, we're all connected to the universe, and somehow you're  connected. And if you just really think hard and sit in the dark room and figure it out, you  know, the answer, the universe will bring the answer to you. And all this hocus pocus. But  that's all the secular counselors can do. Because the secular counselor can't give advice. And  all he can say is, you know, well, somehow he with a Christian counselor he can constantly  come back to God, come back to the Word of God. You don't understand. Ask for wisdom ask  the Holy Spirit to give you answers. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as real as you read the  Word of God. As you pray as you go to church, as you listen to sermons as you're part of a  small group, Bible study. All these things have an influence on what God is going to do with  you. It's not all on you. It's not all within you. The solution to your problems is all around you.  It's the Christian culture that you're part of. That's the power of Christian coaching.