Video Transcript: Responsibility
Hi, my name is Steve Elzinga, and in this session I want to talk about responsibility. If there's one word—well, maybe there's not one word—if there were a few words that would sum up what coaching is all about, I would say on the coach's part, it's listening. Listening is the key ingredient.
But I think on the client’s side, the one word would be responsibility—taking responsibility. But the client is not going to take responsibility unless the coach understands the whole concept of responsibility, and how to give it and take it, and what responsibility is all about.
So in some ways, the coach is responsible for the client taking the right form of responsibility. That sounds a little bit confusing, but let's delve into this subject and see where it takes us.
Two Questions
Are you responsible?
Are you a responsible person?
These are two different questions.
The first question—Are you responsible?—has a resounding yes. You are responsible for things in your life whether you like it or not. If you're married, you're responsible for your marriage. If you're a parent, you're responsible for your children. If you're an employee, you're responsible for your job tasks. If you're in a community, you're responsible to live up to the laws of the land and contribute to society.
You are absolutely responsible.
But the bigger question is: Are you a responsible person?
You may be responsible, but you might not take up that responsibility. You might ignore it. You might be responsible for your children but not act like it. You might be responsible at work but do other things.
Just being responsible doesn’t make you a responsible person.
Luke 16:12 — “And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?”
God gives us life, gifts, abilities, and opportunities. He asks us to contribute to His plan. We must decide whether we will live up to the responsibility He gives us.
If we don’t pass the little tests, why would God give us more responsibility?
A Responsibility Matrix
Think of responsibility on a grid:
1. Take Responsibility
You do the right things. People can count on you.
2. Give Up Responsibility
“I’m not responsible. Don’t hold me accountable.”
Other people must do it because you won’t.
3. Take Over Responsibility
You take responsibility from others.
You do everything. You don’t let others grow.
4. Give Responsibility
You empower others. You trust them. You let them try.
Two quadrants are healthy:
Take responsibility
Give responsibility
Two are unhealthy:
Give up responsibility
Take over responsibility
Signs of Each Type
Taking Responsibility (Healthy)
You get things done.
There is order in your life.
You accomplish things.
Giving Up Responsibility (Unhealthy)
You blame others: boss, spouse, kids, pastor, community.
Your life is chaotic.
You’re overwhelmed.
You’re bored or “just getting by.”
You avoid owning your situation.
Taking Over Responsibility (Unhealthy)
You are stressed.
You have a martyr complex.
You believe no one else can do it right.
You’re surrounded by “incompetence.”
You do everything yourself.
Many pastors fall into this trap.
Giving Responsibility (Healthy)
You are surrounded by willing, eager, thankful partners.
People appreciate your belief in them.
A Story from the Philippines
Steve shares his experience returning to the Philippines after 37 years. Former students—once 18 or 19—are now leading the denomination. It was inspiring to see their growth.
He highlights one man, Ben Gonzaga, not a former student but a CLI student and ministry leader. Ben:
Takes responsibility
Does not take over responsibility
Built a church with creativity and limited resources
Mobilizes young people
Created a seminary using CLI materials
Motivates and equips others
Does not do the work for them
He is a model of healthy responsibility.
Back to the Matrix
Ben takes responsibility without taking over responsibility. He doesn’t blame circumstances. He acts. But he also empowers others.
Christian Leaders Institute works the same way:
“We provide the training. But we don’t babysit you. You must do the work.”
To succeed at CLI—and in ministry—you must:
Take responsibility
Give responsibility
Avoid giving up responsibility
Avoid taking over responsibility
Jesus modeled this: He had responsibility, but He gave it to His disciples. He sent them out two by two—even when they didn’t know what they were doing.
Applying This to Coaching
Your personality tendencies will affect your coaching:
If you take over responsibility, you will try to rescue clients, suggest solutions, and push them. You must learn to step back.
If you give up responsibility, clients may feel you don’t care. You must learn to step forward.
Step 1: Evaluate yourself.
Where are you on the matrix?
Step 2: Evaluate your client.
Where are they?
Clients who give up responsibility will push back when you try to give it to them. They will subtly try to delegate their responsibility to you. You must be aware of this.
Final Thought
Start with who you are.
Then look at who your client is.
And I pray that it goes well for you.