Video Transcript: Influence Wrecking Habits 1.3

Welcome back. I'm Henry Reyenga with me is Steve Elzinga. And we're talking about  influence, wrecking habits. And, you know, it's interesting that we're starting this slide off with  not walking with God, as still foundational in being influential in the habit of not walking with  God will hurt your influence. A habit of walking with God, what is a walk with God, in its  simplest form, is simply talking and listening repeatedly to God, talking prayer, listening, the  best way to listen to God, most sure, way to listen is through God's word. If you're going to  influence people, from a biblical point of view, if you have to have, you know, what is God  saying to me in prayer? What does God say in his word, I have something to influence people with otherwise you're influencing people with the world or whatever you just read in the  newspaper or some book that you read. You know, we're Christian leaders Institute, right, the  Christian bar, we want people to be followers of Christ. So ultimately, the influence that kind of influence we want is a God centered influence. And if you don't ever walk with God, you can't  have a God centered influence. Well, let's keep going. Being a dream killer, or a dream,  puffer. Interesting. So how do I remind somebody like that? You've got an idea and you're all enthusiastic about it. And the first thing they say is the one possible chink in the armor of that  idea. And they lay it right in, you know, that sounds really good. But they find one piece that  kills the whole dream, right? It's like you just built a nice thing out of cars, and they take the  bottom one. And then you walk away deflated. The other one, the puffer the puffer, you know,  someone who hears what you're saying, and then all sudden, you know, they're thinking of  ways that it just expands, possibly even beyond your gifts, and they possibly know that, but  it's like a form of flattery. And they almost take over your dream, right? You follow a dream,  and then they turn it into this monster dream of that of theirs. That you couldn't possibly do. And again, where's the focus, right? It just shifted from me. I had the dream. And now you all  of a sudden, it's almost a one upmanship too you think of I mean, I even have a dream and  you went up my own dream. And it's not even your dream. Like a dream stealer? Yeah, as  always, the dream killer dream stealers dream puffer is Proverbs. And when an influencer is  really trying to help people get a dream. And if someone already has one, you don't want to  kill it. Right? You want to blow the coals? Blow this Ember and make it into something. Timothy was fanning the flames of something that's in you people. People have dreams. But  they're most people are totally absolutely insecure about their dream. And so when they meet  someone, what they need is just a little encouragement. Yeah. The criticisms can be done in a different context. Right there. Proverbs 13:12. Heart deferred makes the heart sick, but a  longing fulfilled is a tree of life, you know, so you can be the one that is bringing that longing  that dream and advancing it and encouraging. So we think we're helping people by pointing  out the few flaws we see in their dream. But we're just making their heart sick. Right? We're  just, oh, you can't get that dream right now. There's always all these obstacles, so not just  hurrying the other guy, he's excited. He's excited about what he's going to do. If he's on the  cusp of something, and you come and go, you know, if that does happen, it won't happen for  at least another year, and you are deferred to be the puffing thing. It's not used since you're  still distracting. You're taking their attention off of them. Why do you think that makes  someone less influential? Well, I think a lot of times we think when we give our little criticism  that, you know, we're being so smart, you know, we can see the whole, we're being really  smart. And if you would just fix these three things. It would it would help you. So we think  we're trying to help them. But really, again, I think it's always coming back to I'm trying to steal the attention. So if it was about me and I was smart about you have a dream, but I'm smarter  than you because I can see all the things that you need to make this happen. I guess it is  stealing or killing You're dreaming is putting it on me. And then for most people, they have a  dream and they haven't done it because they haven't been encouraged enough to go through  with it. I feel insecure about the the already feel, that there might be things that make the 

dream impossible already, they don't need three more things from you, when they need is  someone to come along and say, now there's probably obstacles this but I think you can do it. I think this is a good dream. Why don't we coaching kind of manner, I can help you actually  maybe follow your dream or tweak it or make it whatever it needs to be successful. Okay, I'm  willing to follow you. But if I am going to do is torpedo my dream. I have 1000 people that can  do that for me. How would you understand this in coachifying way the life coach, Minister way if somebody came to you, and let's say they were a referral from you, the pastor or somebody came in and said, You know, I'm just really struggling? I have an idea here. I'm not confident  in this. So I like to meet with you and get some coaching, how would you approach this? If it  was the person that had the dream, or a person that's always killing the dream? Well, let's just say the person had the dream again, if a person has a dream, that's, you know, that's what  you're trying to, first of all, as a coach do what, what area in your life do you want to focus any energy on if they have run? Wow, you're way ahead of most people that you have one and  the you can even identify. So number one, I want to congratulate the person for having this  dream, whatever, I don't care, even if it's a lousy dream, right? That you can articulate a  dream and say, This is what you want your leaps and bounds ahead of everyone. Right? So  number one, you're encouraging right? Number two, okay, let's talk more about what this  dream means. You know, what some of the pieces might be the things that would have to  happen. Let's break it down into step one, what do you want to do about it? So all the  coaching stuff we talked about in the coaching class, is what you would do? Like we have to  break this thing down into something manageable. Where do you want to start? How quickly  do you want to go through this? How important is this as all those coaching questions, they  can help someone sort of pursue that dream. Now what happens if you come someone  comes to you, and they are a dream killer dream puffer and say that was on their list of things  that they want to be more influential? And they're coming to the influence coach? How would  you approach that? But then I'd ask him, Okay, let's try to identify in your life when you do  this, okay, when do you do this? What do seem the areas of you because you don't see it? And it's not gonna happen. So you might have to talk to people expect that maybe you're this  kind of person, talk to your kids talk to your when I asked them about the time that you did  that. Right. If you started hearing 5, 6, 7 people tell you the same story of how you stole their  dream, or how you killed their dream, you not have five stories that can help you prevent you  from doing that. So then, okay, if this is your your natural habit, because it makes you feel  good to do it. Okay, let's come up with a plan over the next two weeks, I want you to find  certain areas. You're talking to someone when someone shared a dream, and then what did  you do? And then in two weeks from now, we're going to talk about I want you to tell me what  you did. Or I want you to look for incidences where people are sharing sort of a dream, and  then what you did, right? So now while we're doing on trying to do is to help bring attention to  you, that this is you. And first you need to realize that this is what you're doing. And then how  can you stop it? So just reflect on? Where do you think you might do? We're talking various  principles here, but occasionally, let's shoot over to you. So where do you think you are a  dream killer, or a dream? stealer or dream, puffer maybe as a parent, you know, your  children. And that's an easy relationship to do this. Your dream isn't good enough, good. You'll never make a living doing that, right? Or the parents dream for the children. That is what gets  super imposed on them. And they don't get to have their own dream, family honor, and all  they feel in a lot of ways. Just seems like we would never do it. But in many ways, in some  ways, it's easy to do. Well, and we want to protect your kids. If we see one of our children  going in a career that doesn't pay for a good reason. Yeah. Definitely always kicking their  dreams. You know, only one of 100 make it in the thing you want to do. Right? Yeah. And  you're probably not one of them. You know, there's a lot of issues with Yeah, instead of letting 

in again, it's letting you know coaching is more more of a I'm gonna let you fail a few. And  maybe the only way that your child is going to learn that this is a closed door is to let the door  hit him in the face, right and the can't protect them from that. And then if you try to then he  blames you for the rest of your life, you know, I wanted to do this and you negated it is true if  one of your ideas really worse than when they never really feel that great about the idea,  either for No, because it's your dream is your living. They never find satisfaction. Very, very  interesting. Giving people a hard time. Now, it's interesting that in, in my own life, I know some people that you cannot see them, and they don't read away use humor or something, or point  something out. Ah, I see that a lot. In the last year, you know, it could be 100 different areas. It's it's meant sometimes to be humorous, like critical people or defiant, yeah, this sort of  negative, right. And you probably can't remember hardly a conversation where you're just  encouraging. There's just a thank you, when you see them the distance are a little afraid to  get near them. Now, again, we have the extreme cases. But the giving the hard time is a very  taking away influence habit. Yeah, yeah, it's good. Why do we do it, we do it. Even humor, we  do it to one another. And it's often in humor, I give you a hard time. But but there's a subtle  thing, where if I knock your peg down a little bit, I stand a little taller. And then you do it to me, and we kind  of it's a bit of a game sometimes. But sometimes, there's truth to the game. And sometimes  we don't know when the truth is the truth. And when there's just the game. It's like do not  accuse a man for no reason. Then, you know, I remember my cousin when he was five years  old, he was kind of a shorter, now he's my heights and so on. But when he was a kid, he was  always smaller. Right? And there's a story when he was five years old, his parents stopped at  a rest stop. And there was another five year old that he'd never met before that was at the  rest stop. And he walked over to this kid and just punched him in the mouth. What are you  doing? And he said, I had to punch him before he punched me. I think there's a little bit of  that. Like, like, we all have a bit of a chip on our shoulder, where we're feeling low. And so  there's a tendency to poke people and for no reason, other than I'm feeling bad about me. So  I poke you, right. And I guess we feel better for a little while. But it doesn't endear the person  we just post. People don't want to follow people that are always talking. Right? See, and  there's where it comes down to actually eventually avoid those people. Yeah. Just abuse. Not  keeping your word. Proverbs three, three, that love and faithfulness never leave you bind  them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Integrity thing? I think  ultimately, people follow for one follow truth. Right? What is true? And if you're not true, I can't trust what you say. How can I follow anything, even when you say nice things to me? You  could be trying to manipulate I don't know what you're doing. Right? I can't trust what you say  to this person. How? How can I follow that? If I don't, even in the good stuff. You're saying  good stuff. But I don't know. Maybe you're just manipulating something. Right? And I don't  know when it's gonna zing me. Right. It's just, it's very hard to follow someone who's  distrustful in some of the, like, car salesmen sale in a lot of ways of your ministry is a  promotional type of thing, too. And you wonder where those subtle places are, we're making  things you know, not quite reality, because we want a certain thing in even in ministry, right. And I think this one is one of those areas where I mean, the obvious ones don't lie. I keep my  words if I say I'm gonna do some, for it gets more complicated is when we exaggerate  something, trying to, you know, I know that I do fundraising, you're ever raise a lot of money. I  remember as a young fundraiser, being more exaggerative up things in and I've learned is,  you know, if someone's going to be about asking for money, just get it out there. Say, George, I want to come to you too. And then talk a little bit, a little fundraiser is that okay? As in the  past, I would just call somebody out. And then I talked about this, I was just I want to talk a  little bit about, like, you know, in and I think that many people were a little afraid of talking to  me because I wasn't clear about all. We don't know when you're talking about golf, that you 

really want to talk about fundraising. Right? Right now, we're just talking about golf. So you  can get to that. I don't know, when you're doing that you're not doing it, right. Whereas if you  come straight forward and go, Hey, let's just go or you say, Hey, can we talk a little business  before we go? Then everyone's everything's, they know what's coming, they're ready. Right? And they keep it brief, or keep it appropriate? Or say, can we go out to eat some time? Or  coffee? And just talk about it? But again, is it there's a lot of ways that something like this  does have impact for being an influencer? Would you say that this has influenced in  preaching and, and stuff like that? Especially when you tell your stories you finally got one, I  got one that was actually all the others are exaggerations. I think, you know, just being a,  generally a person of integrity that you you know, if you if you tell a story of someone else,  you don't make it your story, right? You're not afraid to say, you know, this happened to my  friend. And then you tell his story. This subtle little things like that, that people realize is not  again, about all about you, when used to lying is about protecting yourself. No, I didn't do that. Right now. If you fell short on something, and someone calls you out on it, I don't want to feel  it. No, it was, then I give an excuse. Yeah, there's something I just don't want to own it. Right. And I just think that person who comes off full of integrity, they own their mistakes. Admit,  when they make a mistake, they don't exaggerate things to get what they want. They if it's a  bad thing, they just say it, you know, could hurt the sale of this car. But tires aren't very good. I'm just gonna be honest about that. And now people trust that. And now when you do  recommend a car, they were they believe that what you're saying is true. They trust you. Right? No one that's related to this, invite your word is if you're saving to be there at this time,  right? To be not go against that, right? Just enemy. There are three qualities are there and he  doesn't care about me and my time? Does he care about me? Right? So how can you  influence how can you influence someone that they think you don't care? And again, there are times when you oversleep, there are times when you have to feed the dogs forgot you to go  back feed the dog or, you know, and then you're five minutes late, we're talking the habit,  you're habitually late person. That is an issue with your work indicator, it's an indicator  anyway, manipulating people. Right, do not say to your neighbor, come back later. I'll give it to you tomorrow, when you know, you have to manipulating is sort of related very much. So why  doesn't that work? I'm trying to influence you. But they get to since I'm manipulating them. Why doesn't that work? But I think they know, it's all about you, and you're pretending it's not. And then you're giving the impression that about them pay tomorrow or when you really have  it is a form of control mischievous. Someone. So I'm trying to control you that influence. I'm  going one step beyond influence, influence. What's nice about influences. I'm just trying to  help you and give you an influence. But it's up to you. Right? I don't control you, right. Your life is your law. I respect you for you. Yes. I'm trying to help you go down a certain trail. But I'm  not trying to force you to go down. Manipulation is I'm going to talk like, all I'm doing is  influencing you. But all I'm doing I'm really forcing you. I am I am arranging things in such a  way that you have only one direction to go. And then it's manipulation because I'm not. I'm not just presenting something to you and letting you just dug for yourself, right? And some people  want to be intimidated, controlled. But eventually, a lot of times people figure that out. It's hard to figure out sometimes you can get away with manipulating people for a while. But over time, I think people want out in that relationship. So if you find yourself, you know, with people, and  it seems to go well, for a while, and then noise breaks up, it might be because you're more  manipulating than influencing. I think as a leader, this one is like a subtle heart check that  check truth check, you have to really be self aware and honest. On this one, because what is  it? That is about that? What is it about glorifying God? What is it about your own self interest? This goes back to the walk with God one, like to really have that sincere walk with God. And  when it is about you, you're transparent. Now, George Allen talked about, about fundraising. 

You know, I'm going to talk about this right here. You know, it's not I say this, I do this, and  then talk about this. It's just being that transparent person. I think part of it is to when you  manipulate when you have a certain goal and end in mind, and you want it to go that way  

only, right? So parenting a lot of times is that a parent will say, Look, you know, if you come  home late tonight, at 10:30, you know, you have to work with me all day Friday, right? But I'm  giving you a choice, you can come home tonight at 10:30. Or you can go home after 10:30  and work on the LD center. So the kid comes home at 11. Right? So what happens, the  parent comes out, and B rates the kid for half an hour, right? You know, shouts at them, talk to them, gives them a lecture. And then and you know what, this Saturday, you're gonna be  working with me. So, so the original deal really wasn't the original deal. Because apparently,  he was telling the truth should have said, Look, you can come home at 10:30 Everything  would be great. If you come home later than 10:30. You're gonna have to work with me all day Saturday, and you're going to get a half an hour of lecture from me, right? And I'm gonna be  really angry at you and belittle you and do whatever I can do to shame you. That would have  been the truth. But you presented it like it was, you know, hey, you have an option. I don't care which one you do. It's up to you. Well, it wasn't really true. Because you had one thing in  mind, you will be at home at 10:30. And when I give you a choice, is that really a choice? Then people feel manipulated and feel pushed. You're not really you're saying one thing, but  you really don't mean that because if you meant it, you just meet your kid at 11 o'clock. You'd  come home late, you just go. Well, I'm just so glad you chose to work with me all day  Saturday. I mean, it'd have been nice if you'd been on 10:30. But I'm okay either way, I give  you a choice and you chose. We'll see you Saturday, right? There's a smile on my face. That's right. A little father's on time. being passive, aggressive. Proverbs 10 Verse 18. He who  conceals his hatred, has lying lips, another form of this truth therapist, and whoever spread  slander is a fool. So what is this address? It's a term that we use. I don't know what it means. Okay. So passive-aggressive, opposite words. Okay. I'll tell you a story. Okay. So I was  playing golf with one of my golf partners. And we were in our second day of tournament. And  we were in second place and everything's going really, really, really well. And then second  day, my golf partners struggled all day, kind of find the fairway, all the other stuff like that. So  we didn't win. And, and at the end, we're just bantering a little bit. I was angry. I wanted to say  so I said something like mine, maybe next year if you can find a fair way we could I believe I  said that. My partner was a little passive aggressive. And I went I said you're right. I was I  apologize. I sometimes my winning gets out of hand and then we all laughed about it. And  that was glad that he actually mentioned that to me, because I would have gone home and I  felt really bad. Look at me just throw that shot that passive aggressiveness in generally I am  not. So what made that passive because aggressive is just the passive is like Sitting back. So how is that sitting back? How's that what you did? Well, aggressive? Well, we're just talking  about the day and everything bad about the pots we made and everything bad. But I was  mad. But does you deserve mad face on? Right, right, yeah, I'm really mad. I really want to  say, You know what happened here? How come you couldn't hit a thing? Have you been  practicing? Because it would have been another violation? I really felt like the practice wasn't  this tournament important. You know, what's the deal are your Joker's early? But that would  be too harsh. Yes. So then what we do is soften it. Yeah. And, and so what? So we're really  communicating the same thing, right? It's just we soften it, and we think it's gonna be more  acceptable that way. But generally, people will figure it out. Even though you said it as a joke. They get it. That's it, you're me. Right. And so this is, this is so rapid in the church, because  we're not supposed to be aggressive in the church. We got to love one another. Love your  enemy, all that stuff. So we know that, right? So we can't be aggressive. But we're still upset  with all kinds of people. How do we stop? And how do I give those subtle little hints? But I'm 

not happy without saying, right? Well, think of the leader and influential leader, we avoid those public moments. I mean, like a political in the political seasons, there's always things, there's  certain things you say that you can sort of do a little swipe, but you still can call a main God  language, you know, or you can say how much you accept that person. But then you have to  point out, the one thing that makes everybody know that we Christians don't agree with that  worldview. But it's sort of like a little bit of a, you know, a passive aggressive, or we're working with a actually, you know what, we all do this, and you know, you do this, in marriages to  children, as leader. So now I want to take this one and go back to life coaching, how would  this, this is a very practical thing if I came to you, and helped me be less passive aggressive? You're my life coach, and I know this is on my list. How would I even think about this one? So  again, that would be you know, I would first of all, turn it back on you. And say, You tell me,  how do you think you can fix this? So now you're sitting there going, I get the problem. Okay. How do you know you have the problem? Well, people and talk to me and said this to me. So  you have learned some things by talking to other people. So what idea could you maybe  come up with? Is along those lines, and they go? I suppose I could ask people I can. Yeah,  well, could we make a list? For the people you need to ask next week? Do I do this? Right? Your wife, your husband, your kids, people that were at church, make a good list of 10 and go, Okay, go do that. We'll meet next week. Tell me out when you come back on the go. People  said, you know, they had this story, this guy. How do you feel about that? I really got this  problem. I didn't know I had this on my head. But I really did. Okay, so now let's talk about  how so now you're more aware of it, right? So these coaching things were okay, so now, what can we do that could make you more aware of when you need a win? Win, you tend to do this is threatening when you're writing? So it's just getting them to understand more about it? And  then okay, so What solutions can you come up with? Again, I can go over the 100 solutions. Try this, try that. Put a note in your pocket. This is passive aggressive, and just take it out and look at it every hour. There's 1000 things we can try. But I have to get used to brainstorm the  ways of trying to deal with this rather than me telling you again, but a lot a lot of these things  are just awareness. Right? Right. You know, you're aware that you do this, rather than right. In fact, I would imagine that if we actually did that exercise, and we remained humble, and  joyful in the process, I think it would be very hard. We might find things out like, you know,  sometimes you pray you're judgmental in your prayers. Oh, Pastor, sometimes, you know, for  every leader I noticed that you are always passive aggressive in this situation. prayers can be Dear God, you know, I help us as a church to be more loving and caring, and not always  critical of the past. I mean, people. I mean, when they criticize us, even you use the pulpit, get back at them, right? Let's be more like Christ and accepting people as they are, you know,  finally came up to us in just getting anything out of your sermon. So this is your rebound. And  you're not doing it to them. You know, I remember one time when I was working on being  transparent, and truthful, all the time. And one of the mentors and I had this in Chicago years  ago. So I have that problem too. And it related to my sound self loathing. Claiming essentially, I'm aggressive and even passively aggressive to myself, right. Now, for me that I started, like,  analyzing and prayerfully in toggle for mentors that, you know, some of these things are  deeply embedded in the discussion in prayer. But I know for me, I own the process. Why am I  passive aggressive? Right? against themselves. I have one pickleball guy that I play with, and he's overweight. And then when he hits a bad, Fatty, yeah, you know, he's making fun of it. But he hasn't just dealt with it, that's something that holds them back. It does bother us in  hurts, it hurts is influence. But instead of just dealing with it directly, he makes a joke out of it,  and thinks other people are thinking that of him. So he's just gonna say it. But that does bring  up a good point that humor is often the passive aggressive foreign vehicle car that we drive to bring home point. But people get in marriages, I think so many of you understand this. And 

you do it in you receive it, and it just takes away love in the home. So it is a you can see, I can see why this life coach, Minister, reach in program will be very effective for many people,  because it deals with some of the things that hold us back anyway. So the positive event is to, like any occasions speak the truth of love. Like, we don't want to speak the truth to somebody because it will lead to harm. Or and then we suffer by making it passive. But it's so does the  same thing as the harsh thing, instead of speaking the truth and love would be, you know,  like, like you just mentioned a friend of yours who asked you before he gave his criticism or a  helpful hint. Could I tell you one thing that I saw in the event that I that might be helpful? Can I can I do this? And then you said, Yeah, okay, write permission, he asked permission, which  made you feel you're more on the teacher role, because you're giving permission. Yeah, you  know, what, I give you permission to criticize me, if I he's giving you a little bone to stand a  little platform to stand on instead of, you know, you're no good at this. I'm just pushing you  into talking about our banquet. And we had various people come into the same banquet on  September 4 2018. Doug DeVos was our speaker, we had a wonderful time. So I was calling  various people, thanking them for coming. And this one, man, it's just very respectful. And  instead of saying, you know, you missed this ball, why didn't you do it? Or, you know, I can  see that you're somewhat new at these banquets. Because you missed out, you know, they're upset. He's going here to make this point. If he didn't like something, but even he was just so  sincere and direct. We just love the banquet. Would you like to hear the one thing that we  noticed I can make the banquet better? Are you into the feedback time yet? And I said, Sure. I'd love it. He said, Well, you missed that. In my opinion, it has been great to have like, with  the Wikipedia view 30,000 foot view, like what is Christian Leaders Institute because, you  know, if you're there for the first time, you might not know. Thank you, thank you, thank you,  but he just was no aggress, passive, transparent, and all of those things, and I appreciate it. And one more yet today being impatient with others. A patient man is great. You know, I liked  how the Proverbs write sometime because it in a sense, when the Proverbs are writing,  they're reading from the perspective, it's a hidden perspective, but always on the mind, you  know, what is an influential man that's well suited in this community and well suited with God,  it makes the difference. A patient man has great understanding. So how's that true? How's  that? How's that helping? I know that if I'm around a leader, and I feel like I'm not changing  fast enough. I'm not keeping this soon enough. I'm not pleasing this person, the way that  person wants to be pleased, and that person exhibits frustration with me, because he doesn't  want to waste his time with me. Now, again, assuming I would be teachable, I'm not saying to  someone who I think that. See how what I just did, I just interrupted you. And I wasn't patient  enough for you to finish. I you know, and that's what people do in a conversation, you're  telling a story. And also that, you know, we're talking about something and then you slip into a  story, right? Rather, this give me a five minute thing, maybe. So I'm gonna cut you off, I don't  want to listen to I got your point. I don't need a whole story to illustrate it. So I cut you off. And  it's like, I'm, whereas if I just relax and listen to a three minute story, when I already got the  point, it only costs me three minutes, right? And all I've done is encourage you and make you  feel like you're heard, rather than I'm listening to everything. And now it's my turn to maybe  counteract what you've just said, you just might listen to me and I might just have an influence over me over you. But I don't have the patience for that. I think a lot of times, you know, when  someone's talking, they're thinking about what they want to say, right? And that really goes  right in that lack of impatience hurts their influence, right? Because if you listen to me, I can  listen to you, right? So your patience is the payment. And I guess there's that saying, you  know, seek to understand before being understood, you want someone to understand your  point of view, you better first try to understand theirs. Which if you truly do, you'll meet you'll  be able to speak into their lives a lot easier, because you know who they are. Right? So I fall 

into this I, I majored in psychology, someone talks. I know who you are right now. Right? And  maybe I do, right? But the problem is, that person doesn't have confidence that I know them. And the only way that that person will have confidence that I know them is that I patiently  listened to everything that they have to say and I just say I know you, right? And so they're not going to listen to me. Because again, if a person doesn't have a sense that you care about  them interesting. Well, that's it for today. We will continue our discussion on how to be an  influencer.