Steve and Henry back, we're going to talk about more influence wrecking habits. And now by  now you see that not walking with God is one of that first critical pieces to think about. And I  was thinking about the role of prayer. And one of the things I have known that, okay, so you  have a tangible example where you're seeking to work with somebody, or you want to influence them for Christ, or you want to influence them in some kind in God glorifying way. So I find that my walk with God, prayer side really helps me to ask myself in prayer and ask the Lord, how I can be a blessing to that person, even before the day I'm talking, talking to them. So that is there something the Holy Spirit brings to mind that I didn't think about. And I find that a lot of times the Holy Spirit gives an insight on how to love and serve that person, before I even had  the opportunity to be in that context, whether it's speaking in event, or talking to someone  individually.

 

Or I think if someone has the sense that you're one who is talking to the Creator of the heavens and the earth on a daily basis, that you might have some insight to life, and you might be worth following. Because it's not just you. It's like you're connected. If you were, like the son of some kings somewhere, I think you have more influence than just Henry. But if I know you're connected to God, and you truly are trying to follow as well, okay. I like being around people like that, because it's not just them. It’s God in them. So people that are led by prayer and reading the Bible, and they're knowledgeable about those things. They are just great people to follow.

 

In one of the things it's becoming clearer and clearer to me as we do this class, how our walk with foundational is for influence. Because we are sons and daughters of the King of kings and Lord of lords. And automatically that's huge. Okay, dominating conversation, or dominating conversations. Proverbs 10, verse nine, the man of integrity walks securely, but he who take takes crooked paths will be found out. I picked that verse. My wife and I were looking at various verses, and there were no proverbs about that. But one of the things that we often noticed that, insecure person, or when we feel insecure about a topic, or that kind of gets us to dominate or to control, like what we don't know, or moving in a direction, so we looked at that as a as an angle of dominating conversation, but there's sure a lot of dominating conversations that are habits that hurt and wreck, influence.

 

I think, you know, anyone that's a mentor or someone that wants to help someone else. We're so eager to want to help and want to help you so bad, and I have so much and your life is such a disaster, that I just want to unload everything on you. I, you know, you sort of start talking, and then that fuels the pump of talking, and then I'm trying to help you and then you interject with something. And I just bow right over that, because I have 10 more points that I want to say, and I'm trying to help you, I'm not even listening to you, and you're trying to tell me something. And I'm not even listening. So I think it just gets out of hand. You just you get on a roll, you get under  one story. And that reminds you of another story. And it's kind of fun. You know, when you're on a roll of things. You're clicking, and you're making sense. It's like people could be writing your words down for a self help book. Because you're so good. And that's how you feel in the moment.

 

It's endorphins like.

 

And you don't realize that you're, I liken it to like basketball, you know, the guy, the point guard comes down with the basketball, and he throws it to the next guy. And then some players will go give it right back. Throw it to somebody and then they want it right back they and I see that in conversations where you know, I say something and then you say something and then I respond to you and then someone else says something and I respond to you. I am the hub of this whole thing.  When people all like to dribble the basketball. Everybody likes to dribble, everyone likes to take a shot. But it's easy to start dominating, when you're pretty good at it. When you're really good at something, you want to keep doing it

 

I think that’s a good point.

 

Sometimes, the better you get at some can become a detriment.

 

And so all your mentoring or your coaching becomes teaching. I'm just gonna teach you a bunch of a lot of stuff that people don't learn. That's not the best way to have someone learn, teaching you. The best way to have someone learn is to draw it out of them. That's the coaching thing. So if you're dominating conversation, you're not coaching.

 

You know, I think about like, running a church or running an organization, running a staff. And I think earlier in my life, I definitely was more dominating the agenda. And I have found through at CLI and through mentoring by you, Rich DeVos, and others, it's more powerful and more rewarding when other people have ownership in the process. That doesn't mean that you're brain dead now. But sharing the stage and creating new stages, is absolutely essential. Here's one monetizing yourself or someone else. Proverbs 15, verse 27, the greedy man brings trouble to his family. Proverbs 21 verse six, a fortune made by lying tongue is a fleeting vapor, and deadly snare. You know, this one is very fascinating to me, because in a lot of the self help books on influence, they actually tell you to monetize yourself.

 

Okay, what does that mean?

 

Okay, my time is worth this. Okay? Okay, I only spend time with the people who are in helping my business. Okay, so it's sort of, so I, you know, I,

 

You are there to help me succeed basically. I have a goal, and everyone around me is there to help me.

 

Now, it gets dicey because on one level, even in church, you need to be on team with those who are teachable, who seek to serve the Lord. And Jesus says, Don't cast pearls to swine. In other words don't waste your time with people who are just undertakers and are totally unteachable. Okay, now, you apply that to the in many of the business of self help books and the influence books, talk about that is don't spend your time on people that will not make you $1. Now, it's interesting the other books from a Christian perspective and point out some of that stuff, and say that that is missing out on the God's design as image bearers, that it's, you know, really the big influencers, always see people as image bearers of God and see them that way.

 

Have potential.

 

Have potential and dreams.  And so again, it's it's one of the I put that in there because it was mentioned so much.

 

Yeah, well, I think Rich often told us, even in a business where you're thinking about  your  game, if you build a business where you're thinking about your game, then your  business won't go, the only way to have a business that actually blesses and comes back to you, is to help people find what they want. That somehow your business has to be meeting the needs of others. Or ultimately, it's not going to be monetized. And I'm going to help you. I think this just doesn't work. It doesn't work to go into it thinking how am I going to get stuff out of all these relationships? How do I make my agenda? How can you help my agenda? If your agenda is so exclusive, that everyone has to help you with your agenda then your agenda won't work? Your agenda has to include helping other people get their  agenda, Essence, really, and that's the essence of Christian leaders Institute. We don't have all these courses to make you into. We don't know what you want to be. It's like we're just giving you the operating system and how what program you turn it into or what you make of it, or how you use it, or what you go into is really up to you. We're not trying to force anybody in a certain direction.  

 

Do you feel like people get this point? Do you feel me it is so confusing.

 

I think it's I mean, it's even hard for me as you know, I'm seeking God's kingdom first. Okay, but I seek My own kingdom first. And I'm hoping that God is in it, you know I do more of that, is truly put God's kingdom first and not your own. We tend to think of our own kingdoms and then want to put God on it. So if you're  thinking about how does God's Kingdom Come that when I'm talking to somebody, God has a plan for him and it may help my organization or it may not, I'm here to help you  regardless.

 

Again, I go back to that, walk with God aspect. There’s times you say, Lord, change me on some of these dicey area. So I sincerely my motivation is to glorify you,

 

You know, like in a church, I mean, I want to build my church. But what if my church doesn't fit this person? Do I care about building my church? Or do I want this person to discover God and find the place that fits him? Well, part of me wants to be in my church. Or a salesman, the car salesman, you know, a car salesman is really good, will tell the guy, I don't think this  car is the one for you, to describe what you want, and I don't think we have what you're looking for. Now, if that word gets around, that isn't the kind of car salesman he is he'll have more business than he knows what to do with because he's trustworthy. He doesn't, he isn't just monetizing everything for himself. And ultimately, he's going to get what he's looking for.

 

Because he's been trusted. And friends will say, go talk to George. Being fake, or insincere. It's fascinating. Various books talk about, that's an intangible judgment. That people you know, some people. In fact, there's even some literature that talks about how you analyze body language when somebody is lying, you know that they're really not sincere and so forth. Proverbs 15, verse 28, the heart of righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. You know, again, another, you know, this is our influence and walk with God really do connect.

 

Well, I think being fake, why am I being fake? I'm just trying to put a show on for you to get something. I don't want to be vulnerable. People are just how you doing? I'm fine. You know, everything is surface level. That's kind of fake, where people get to know you over a long period of time, and they go, I don't really know. Because the external shell that they project. So if you're a leader, and you're trying to influence people, and no one can get past your veneer, they get this external shell, how's it going to help me with I have real struggles, and I have real things, but I can't relate to this person. Who can relate to someone who's fake. It's to say, I'm safe, I'm fake. Everything's good. People just can't relate to that.

 

Let's talk a little bit about like, Christians are supposed to be this. And then I don't want to come off that way to hurt my witness. So then, what they really do is they have this like, public life, that's what it is, and they have their other life. That's this and then they try to  hold up, like perceived brand to the world.

 

They project themselves holier than they are,  because they want to live up to some Christian brand. You know, this is what Christians should be. And so I want to project that. And then in their real life, they're less than that.  But I think if they actually reversed it, and showed people who they really were, people could relate to that. Oh, you struggle with that, too? Yeah, I do. That's why I still need a savior. I'm just like you. I'm struggling with everything that you're struggling with. I just know where to go with it. And you don't. We're the same. Someone can relate to that and go okay, well, how do I do that? But if you're like, you're so distant, and you're so perfect.  Never be like that guy. Every time I’m in that guys presence, I feel like a total failure. My marriage is a disaster. My kids I'm around them and their kids are perfect. I think people, you know, when I go to someone's house, and they have a messy house, I always just make myself at home and I go, this is awesome. I feel at home, I don't feel threatened by your clean house. Because, you know, so perfect that I, you know, I can never live up to the standard I feel at home. You put me at ease.

 

It's great. I remember this one time, this was like 2013 or years ago, and somebody wrote a letter, an email about Christian leaders Institute, saying how that we have to have a higher standard in one specific class, because that one class, used the metaphor that could be interpreted worldly, and I really sincerely felt bad. So I called the person up. And I don't think that that person expected it was from me, like the person expected that the President was going to call. And I think something happened. She was a little bit upset. So I called and, she said, what the f*** do you want? This is president Reyenga of the Christian Leaders Institute and, you know, I brought events were really fun and interesting conversation. Because he was very real to me, but it should have known ahead of time that  the President might have not right, but the very thing she wrote about was that which was violated the very thing that she's in. Maybe that story illustrates the truth of all of us. You know, sometimes we get high and mighty about something ourselves. And then, like, you saw these issues that are being all talked about right now. And we're not being transparent about our real struggles. But so we want to try to, like create the world where, you know, this is it

 

It is more about us looking good than us helping someone. Because ultimately, if you want to  influence someone, you have to have the goal of helping someone.

 

Here's one, This  really hurts influence, according to many literature, but actually, in Proverbs 11, verse 17, a kind man benefits themselves, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself. You know, kind man, you know, I, I'd say, I don't like getting beat in golf or you don’t either. We are very committed people. And I know that when someone is a sore loser, like, I play with a lot of different people. And when they're a sore loser, it just, like my respect for them. And I don't, I mean, I try to love them in Christ. I tried to overlook it, but I sort of feel like they've notched down.

 

But they because of their bad experience, of bringing everyone that they're with down with them. Just because your game is bad. Why are you bringing my game now? I understand that.  It's not fun when things aren't going well. Things. Why do you have to drag everyone else  down? So I mean, I have tons run playing poorly do it, why should that influence? You may have something good happen, and I'm taking away all your fun. Because of me. And I think too, it's just, I don't know, when I play sports, I have the attitude, if you can beat me, 10 to nothing. And we play the next game, I think I'm gonna win. When you beat me again, 10 to nothing, I think the next game, I'm gonna win. I always think the next opportunity, I will do better, I will do better. And even if I don't do better, I think the next time I will do better. It's like, life is a thing to grow in. And so I want to win as much as I can possibly win while I'm playing. But if I lose, that's in the past, right, let's go to the next day.

 

Be a real ADD about your wins or your Yes, I think level that takes it into like the game of ministry, let's call ministry game. You know, I find that that too, and you'll see that I believe on Facebook, you'll see that where it's like, some of our topics are historical, traditional topics that we would have held to are eroding in some societies. And so instead of like focusing is Jesus strengthen what remains says in the Bible, you know, if there's a subject that we used to really have the winning on and we don't have the winning on, I find that that sometimes we come off as such sore losers we didn't know win that cultural war on this one issue. Okay, so we didn't  win the cultural war. And now we are grumpy about it. And we've now taken the gospel and  moved it down to that loss. And we want to, we want to like, talk and give excuses why we lost it, we want to point here, this is bad and that that person said this. And then this politician did this. And we are so grumpy that we reduce our message not to hope of forgiveness, the hope of resurrection, the hope of new Life in Christ, the transformation,

 

We, instead of we focus on all the negative things in our culture, and we poopoo it and we feel  sorry for ourselves instead of saying, What a great time to live, when the gospel could speak  to a broken world more than any other time in human history. And you and I get to be in the  middle of that. And God chose us to, you know, to live during this great time when Christianity is needed more than in any other time in human history. What an honor to be here.

 

The family break it out, we have the gospel message, everything is just in we get to be about revival.  You know, I always thought of the the world war two generation. And we get to be like  the greatest generation, for the revival, the renewal of Christianity. And we get to be that

 

We got chosen to live during that time. Yeah.

 

So that what we're doing is we're regretting on things that we've locked in and some of the cultural pinnings of Christianity, how we would understand it are not the same. So how do we live in the world where certain things are this way and other things are that way? Do we still have the fierce revival attitude? I think you got it. Being proud, this one, Proverbs 16, verse 18, Pride goes before destruction or haughty spirit before the fall.  Proverbs 3:7, Do not be wise in your own eyes, Proverbs 27:2, let another praise you and not your own mouth, someone else and not your own lips. By the way, there are a lot of Proverbs on being brought up an issue, it must really hurt your influence, because there are many passages about that.

 

Again, your focus is on you. And if you want to influence someone, your focus has to be on the person that you want to influence. So if you're concerned with your own status, people get that feeling. You know, when you tell a story, you're the center of your persecution, they help tell their story, and you tell a better story. It's all on you.

 

In some ways, the pride is the tree and all the branches are a lot of the other ones that we've talked about.

 

Humility is going, I'm gonna sacrifice I'm not gonna say the story that would fit here perfectly and make me the star of this conversation. Because I want you to feel like you're the star of this conversation today. And I have this perfect story but I’m not going yo tell it. That takes humility,

 

And one more related to pride being a bragging winner. So we talked before about being a sore loser versus maybe the hurt of pride. And now we're talking about being the bragging winner, which is like pride, where that goes to that verse that you had before. Either don't praise yourself, let someone else do it. Yeah, the bragger that goes, no one else goes through it. So I'm doing myself on my self. In my own head. I get that because we live in a culture where all of us are short on encouragement. Yes,  we're deficited and so we're all looking for that. And so it's hard for me to give it to you when I'm short of it. And then, you know, I'm so short of it, that I got to do it myself.

 

If you won't do it I’ll do it for myself. Proverbs 24 Verse 17. Do not gloat when your enemy falls. So when you win, don't gloat. When he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice. You know, I think too, we  know what the game level but I think at the movement level. I do feel where we are still  dominant in a culture or in area. We have to be careful not to like surround ourselves with that prideful posture. We mean the dominant Christian, a Christian. There are places where you  know where Christianity and then we are not truly loving and welcoming for people not like us.

 

Yeah. Maybe we can be a little arrogant about, we have the right answer and all you people are dumb and you're all lost, and you're all sinners and you're all in the dark, and you're in the light, we're the smart ones. And sometimes I hear that when people pray, when they're praying in church for the lost, you know, Lord, we pray for the lost that haven't seen the light. And what we're suddenly saying is we are the found, and we have seen the light, and we got it all together, and all you sinners out there. And there might be those people sitting in your church. Instead of saying, Lord, we all need the light. We all struggle with darkness. You know, like, I'm joining people in their struggle, and I need to say that I need just as much as anyone needs the Savior. I still struggle in all areas of my life like other people, and I'm on your team, why don't you join us? Rather than I'm sure you're not, on that distance, subtle separation. It's just a subtle little twist. And people catch it, they catch with your judgmental of them. Or, you know, you think you're better than they are. And a lot of it is this bragging kind of thing. You know, one guy was bragging, you know, I  don't have a television. If I don't watch that, because he has internet, he watches anything you want on the internet. He's not telling the truth. He's trying to look like he's better than he is. I'm better than you.  

 

Well, you know, to in Christ, we're to reach the enemies of the  gospel. I find that to be such a contradictory thought, like, a person who's an enemy is someone I'm to love that is to become a friend, that then I embrace as a brother. So we have this mission, like what an impossible mission without God's grace, who could do this. The whole deal, the whole setup, is proclaim the gospel to the enemies of the cross. It's not like proclaim the gospel to the people who buy your widget, because they need it. It's proclaim the gospel to your enemies. So our audience is the enemies of the gospel. So, yeah, glowing about all our winning isn't really a way to be influential in evangelism or ministry.

 

That Paul was on Mars Hill. I see this altar to the unknown God, let me tell you about, when I see that you respect gods. He found something he can relate to, rather than you stupid people. What are you thinking? He found the one place he could sort of agree with them. And then explain a little more. Come along with me. This is good. You're halfway there.

 

Well, here we go. We're done with another session. We look forward to meeting you and talking very soon.



Last modified: Tuesday, February 25, 2025, 11:46 AM