Video Transcript: Sex for Pleasure

The next reason that God created sex is for pleasure. And I'm going to read you some  passages out of Song of Songs. I'm going to start in Chapter 4, Chapter up chapter 4:11. And  this is him speaking to her on their wedding night. He says, Your lips drop sweetness as the  honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a  spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice  fruits, with henna and nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of  incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. You are a garden fountain, a well  of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.And she says to him, Awake, north wind, and  come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my  beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. In other words, all right baby on  there. Let's get it on. And then he says, afterwards, I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I  have drunk my wine and my milk. And then there's this little part that is usually designated  friends. And it says Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love. A lot of people think that this  is God speaking over them on their wedding night. Friends And drink, drink you're full of love.  And it's it's drink your fill. Love to the point of getting drunk, like get drunk on each other, be  intoxicated, drink your fill, don't hold back until God intended sex for this amazing experience  of pleasure. Now, I like to challenge women on this idea of whether God created sex for  pleasure because there is a certain connection with pleasure or over indulgence with sin,  right? I mean, you could have one glass of wine. And that's okay. But you have a lot of wine  just over indulgence. Like that's not okay. Right. But God is saying like in the marriage bed in  a loving marriage, whether you're both loving and serving, and it's mutually enjoyable, like,  get drunk on each other. Don't hold back. And are there times that we as women hold back  and think, Well, that's not okay. Or that's too much, or that's too much pleasure. Why can't be  like, the ways that sex has been corrupted and porn, I can't have that much freedom. I can't  show myself that much. I can't. And so I think it's important for maybe for both husbands and  wives to say, You know what, God is extending this gift of immense pleasure and freedom in  the marriage bed in a loving marriage. Are we embracing that and receiving that gift? Are we  saying? No. I don't know if that's safe. I don't know if that's okay. The other question that I  think we need to bring up when we talk about sex being for pleasure is is that true for wives?  And I want to show you a slide here to help you understand, did God design wives for  pleasure and the first thing that I want want you to understand is it God gave women a clitoris  a part of their body whose only purpose is pleasure, every other part of both men's and  women's body has some other purpose. But the clitoris has absolutely no other purpose.  Then give me the wife pleasure. It is packed with twice as many nerves as the man's penis,  highly sensitive, highly responsive, and God gave it to wives for the only purpose of pleasure.  The other question is, well, does my wife need that needed? have an orgasm all the time  does she need to experience orgasm all the time? Is she even capable of experiencing  orgasm and pleasure on a regular basis. And so I'm going to give you some stats to just kind  of to get you thinking about this. The first step is that women who masturbate, reach orgasm  95% of the time. And so that tells me that women's bodies are at least capable of  experiencing pleasure on a regular basis. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms. But  here's the thing. Two thirds of women don't orgasm from intercourse alone. They need other  kinds of stimulation, and might be manual stimulation, either hand fingers vibrator, and might  be stimulation from a mouth or a tongue. But intercourse alone doesn't stimulate most  women's clitoris enough to create an orgasm. And so if sex is going to be mutually enjoyable,  right, we talked in the first section about how God intended sex to be mutual between  husbands and wives. The sex is going to have to be redefined to work for both husbands and 

wives. Were what people call foreplay, right? Arousing the wife is not done just in order to get  her to have intercourse. But it's done to create pleasure for her. Now, a lot of people might be  in the fight. A lot of people might have the idea that wives are supposed to orgasm during  intercourse. And some women do. And some women don't. And some women can as they  have extra stimulation. But God created all of our bodies in unique different shapes, different  sizes. And there are a lot of things that need to come into play in order to make intercourse  more enjoyable. But the truth is, and many women will not orgasm that way. And it's not that  we're broken, or that there's anything wrong with us. It's simply that God created us different  than men. And so husbands are going to need to learn how to create experiences for their  wives to orgasm in different ways. So that it can be mutually enjoyable. Now, I've read plenty  of marriage books, many of them Christian marriage books, that would imply that women  don't really care that much about orgasm. And they'll say something like, husbands you know  what, sometimes your wife doesn't really need to orgasm. She's happy to just cuddle with  you. Why I've asked the women in classes, and I put the question this way, would you rather  orgasm and then cuddle? Or would you rather just cuddle? And to me, it's like, why would you want to just cuddle when you can also orgasm. And to women. I think that they want sex to be mutually enjoyable. I think sometimes they feel like it's not possible because they don't  understand how their bodies work. Or they feel like they don't want to make their husband feel bad. And so this is an area that takes a lot of hard communication. It requires husbands and  wives vulnerably sharing, talking, showing in order to create a sex life that is mutually  enjoyable, where both husbands and wives experience pleasure. And we have to stop  believing this lie that sex will just naturally happen. And we don't have to work at it, or the lie  that husbands will know what to do. Because wives bodies are very different than their  husbands. And we need to give wives permission to understand their own bodies and to help  their husbands understand their bodies. And so don't believe for a second that a wife is not  capable of enjoying pleasure on a regular basis. Don't make women feel like second class  citizens because our bodies don't work. Why Demand God has been designed to this and and God intended to be pleasurable for both husbands and wives.