Video Transcript: What About Sexual Intimacy and Singleness

Henry - So we're back. What about sexual intimacy and singleness? So, because we know  that we're hardwired for our sexual urges and desires, and many people are single, we  probably as ministers need to be aware of some of these issues. So here we go.  

Pam - All right, the challenges of singleness and sexuality. One marriage age is delayed. We  talked about that before. Two to sexual harm and injury.  

Henry - And that one, again, I mentioned I and a harm growing up. A lot of people have, some people are divorced. There might be other injuries, abuse. And as a single person, there's,  without a marriage partner, there can be some of those things, you have no one to process  them through. And it's a challenge of being single  

Pam - three technology that aggravates the marriage orientation of sexual pleasure. Yeah,  

Henry - so everywhere you go, the message is experience wherever you want in your own  sexuality as a independent single person, not connected to any one person.  

Pam - Right? Right. Very challenging. It is. Yeah. Then under that Internet porn in Metaverse  

Henry - meta verses are the new thing coming you're gonna work around more see that? In  the future where I don't have to be in any relationship. But I can have like, almost a pseudo  relationship that need a virtual relationship that meets the need without having the  commitment to any one person anywhere. We're seeing some of that in Japan already.  

Pam - Right which we did touch on in an earlier section as well. All right, and then four  sexually separated from Christian marriage it sexuality worldview, right.  

Henry - So children, exclusivity of those things are more more output.  

Pam - sexuality is separated from movies are five movies and media supporting non marriage sexuality personal.  

Henry - Yes. And in the late 1990s, I looked at it, there was an extensive study done, where it  said that most of the sexual encounters in media, Movies TV, were no longer in a marriage  context. Wow. 90% Yeah, so that's already in the late 1990s. Right. Now we're at the point  where if you have a story, and there's a sexual encounter in the story, if it was between  married couple of going really, you know, so very, very different world.  

Pam - All right, so Christians single options, I Corinthians 7:33-34. But a married man is  concerned about the affairs of this world how he can please his wife and his interests are  divided. An unmarried woman or Virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be  devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the  affairs of this world how she can please her husband.  

Henry - Okay, so let's talk about being a Christian single, hey, an option is that you serve the  Lord, like the apostle Paul did. And maybe you have the gift of singleness. And you do not  have the same sexual intimacy desires. And you just give yourself to ministry. We have met  people that are called like that, and they are wonderfully fulfilled. And it's a beautiful option. 

Pam - Single and devoted to ministry continues on Acts 21:8, leaving the next day we  reached Caesarea and stayed at the house of Philip the evangelist, one of the seven. He had  four unmarried daughters who prophesied. Is this the gift? Or is this something you surrender  and devotion to the Lord?  

Henry - No, I think that's a really interesting question. I believe for some it is a gift. Yes. But I  do believe for others. It is a surrender to the Lord. The best of the Catholic church experience  was that many surrendered this area as a devotion to the Lord, and they were faithful through  our whole life, even though they had the sexual urges that are common to all humanity. They  surrendered that to the Lord, and you know, something, that's a beautiful thing. I know, social  sciences and people will say, Well, that seems like abuse. No. Our life on this earth is so  short. We are forever with the Lord, right? If someone were to surrender that to the Lord, and  let's say God did not provide you a spouse, surrender to the Lord. And that would be a  beautiful option. Others do have this gift.  

Pam - Your cousin Marshall did that for many years. And then that shifted, and then they  minister together. It was her calling for over 40 years. So  

Henry - yeah, well, single,  

Pam - single and contently cool to sexual urges. Philippians 4:11-12. I am not saying this  because I am a need for I've learned to be content, whatever the circumstances, I know what  it is to be a need. And I know what it is to have plenty. I learned the secret of being content in  any and every situation.  

Henry - In this case, you're able to put your sexual urges on low and you're busy with work  and ministry, you may be open to a marriage relationship. But you are content as a single  Marsha was in that one. Yeah.Yeah. And, and then she  

Pam - didn't feel golf. Yeah, she was single for quite a long time.  

Henry - As a minister, we I believe we need to communicate to others, that these statuses are out there and in get away from this victim thinking like, if you're not married, Oh, you're so  less. No, you are what you know, there are beautiful single options that don't include  marriage. And we have fanned those into flames.  

Pam - Right? Well, as Paul said and other you know, your you don't have a different division  of your, you know, interests in what you have to be concerned about a husband? Or do you  have children than children and all that. If that's your calling is to serve the Lord in this  beautiful  

Henry - Okay, single and content. No,  

Pam - it is continuing on in that same vein like single widowed or divorced. I Timothy 5:1-19  talks about No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over 60 has been faithful  to her husband. And it's well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children showing  hospitality washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all  kinds of good deeds. 

Henry - You know, I used to when we were young think how could that be? But you know, if  you were to die, and we talked about this yesterday, let's say you went to heaven. I don't  know if I would get married. And you said the same. Right? You know, like we wouldn't. And  there is a I do understand there's a list of widow types of things when where, where you say,  you know, what a beautiful life we've had or you are that whole segment of your life is over  and now a new era in your life and you can tend to pursue your dreams the Lord and your  maybe if you are a grandparent or you know I can see that that would be an area that and I'm  glad that Paul addressed that.  

Pam - Yes. All right, then single struggling and burning. Okay, single, lonely and burning with  sexual energy. I Timothy 5-11. As for younger widows do not put them on such a list  continuing for when their sexual sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they  want to marry I Timothy 5:14-15. So I counsel younger widows to marry to have children to  manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact  already turned away to false.  

Henry - What I like about Paul here is he doesn't leave it hidden. He just says look if sexual  desires are real, and they must be addressed. And don't have this like don't create a new  thing where you can't be a minister unless you're a virgin. Right? You know, I like to know you  can in fact people who have a high libido can be ministers. Singles with a high libido can be  ministers. Right? And that's an awesome thing. It's it's good God created sexual identity and  sexual urges and it's good, just is good  

Pam - in that stay away from pleasure, idolatry, developing a plan to stay away from those I  Timothy 5 or 6 but The widow who lives for pleasure is dead young even while she lives.  

Henry - So even though it's good that you have, if you have a high libido, and you're a  minister or you're ministering to people with high libido, those who are single, it's all good. But we as Christians in the sanctification journey, stay away from those things that actually grieve  the Holy Spirit and to worship pleasure and just to lose ourselves there. Because if you have  the excuse, well, I'm not married. So I'm just gonna, you know, I have these urges, I'm just  gonna go ahead and do it. You know, that would be an example that would displease God, it  would ask a question. Am I even saved? Even really? Right, you know, do I even feel that  grace may abound? You know, there is that my honesty. So let's talk a few conclusions here  about this area, being single and dealing with sexual.  

Pam - All right, discern who you are, and how your plan will address your biological urges.  Okay.  

Henry - So, see, we've talked about these various, it's really, yeah. So whatever. If you have a high libido, you would have a plan different as somebody who had a very cool libido,  

Pam - right? And yeah, just knowing where God is calling you. Two make a covenant with  yourself to capture sexual thoughts to be in a future marriage, or in a soldier marriage place  development of marriage worldview fantasy.  

Henry - That's like, that's an interesting mouthful. But it's so true. Make a covenant with  yourself that. And again, this is a challenge because you got pornography, you got the  movies, you've got a pervasive understanding that the sexuality is separated from marriage. 

But to actually say, No, I'm going to imagine my world in a married state, even if I'm in a single state, and I'm going to do everything to keep my mind away from those things that would  make me discontent, yet still enjoy. And even, we really use the word fantasy, you know, we,  you know, have imaginations and we have all that, but to keep those in a boundary, despite  the fact that everything around us speaks against that. Right? I mean, that's like a fun  discipleship adventure. You know, we could take it as Oh, no way, nobody's gonna do it. Or  the other way we can say, well,  

Pam - there's certain challenges for sure. But you're right. Don't let that stop you from taking  

Henry - well, and I do believe I mean, Song of Songs. Good example. Song of Songs in the  Bible, Song of Songs can be read by a single Song of Songs as beautiful sexual expression  between a man and a woman and a single can read that. And, and there's an example. And I  do believe that that we can expose ourselves to literature of marriage sexuality that keeps our fantasy line in that's who I am. And that's who my sexual person is. So, yeah, but it's it is it  what we're saying it is a challenge, we get that. But we know that through the grace of God  into the sanctification journey, that that is a journey that as a single and ministers to help him  singles is encouraged them on. A beautiful  

Pam - thing. Create a lifestyle that connects with your goals, stay busy with meeting your  goals,  

Henry - right? That one is true. Like, let's say you you are single because you lost your  spouse. Okay? stay busy on your goals. And and, you know, I see that with retiring men, and  whether they're married or not married, especially when they have a lot of times in their  hands. Idleness is a terrible thing. And you can be very faithful in keeping your imagination  around marriage sexuality, and then get totally idle and totally bored. And boom. If we have  ministered to people that set that profile many times where they're doing really well. They're  actually standard discipleship, sanctification journey, they become idle and what's that saying  about the devil's workshop?  

Pam - Idleness is the devil's workshop.  

Henry - The workshop so, so to be single into stay busy is a real healing lifestyle  Pam - develop boundaries that keep your goals on track,  

Henry - okay? And the boundaries would be you know, even you know, don't create a world  where pornography is like plentiful for you, you know the to keep in our in that, you know,  really we should mention that as a if you're a single and alone and have no accountability now rented our true believer we've rented one of our apart one of our condos have vacation condo that we aren't going to use Bumble as long story but to a person who is actually getting  another single to live there and ask permission permissions really interesting. His he's a  sincere Christian and he's 30 he's getting married in November.  

Pam - So it's just like an accountability. Yes. He  

Henry - did not want to be totally alone. Because totally alone all the time. Yeah. So right  opens yourself up to trouble. So you know, maybe when you think of your housing situation, 

you know, you may have a lot of resources to go alone, but maybe you say you know, I'm  gonna be with someone else, because I want the companionship to be there.  

Pam - Yep. Five, if you masturbate, keep masturbation free from porn and in moderation. And  we'll talk more about that masturbation section.  

Henry - So yeah, so we'll got Mitch next the whole presentation on the masturbation issue. So we'll wait on that. So it, can you be single and faithful? Yes. You may not be perfect in this  because you're, it's a lot of time on your hand. But remember the difference between the  sanctification and justification, you are saved. Now, you're just like someone who's married.  You're ridding yourself of those things that sinned against yourself and sin against God, sin  against your future spouse. Yeah, again, when I say sin sounds like there's kind of a nice, I'm  just saying, I'm being honest with us that you know, whether you're married or whether you're  single, you've got a sanctification journey, right? Right. And the single one is different than the married person one, but just as much. You've got a faithful God who listens to your prayer. If  you mess up, he is faithful and just to forgive your sins. You've got a community of believers  that are around you. If you're ministering to single or you're single ministering to others. We  have a witness. You know, we have a testimony. We have a journey as we share that. We can see a world whether you're single, or whether you're married, God is glorified and we are all  on a journey, and our sexuality is not evil over against us. It becomes a very beautiful thing.