Video Transcript: Opening the Conversations about Sex

Hi, my name is Ruth Buezis. I'm an art pastor. I'm not a theologian. I'm just a woman who 10  years ago, God called me to start teaching about sex in the church may tell you a little bit  about my story. In 2011, I took a Bible study on Song of Songs. And we were studying it as an allegory of God's love for us. And in the middle of that, somehow clicked, this knowledge of  who God was shifted from just being head knowledge, to heart knowledge. And I started this  amazing, passionate love affair with Jesus. But at the same time, I realized I was craving  more intimacy with my husband, my husband, Ryan, you know we have been really fortunate  to have a good marriage with not a lot of struggles, we're both a couple of rational engineers  that honestly get along well together. But we didn't talk about hard stuff. And we didn't talk  about sex. To be honest with you, sex was good. But it had gotten to the place where we just  had sex, those couple of days during the month when my hormones made me horny. And so I had become the gatekeeper that kind of relied on physical urges, for when we ought to have  sex. On this journey, I went, I wanted to discover what God wanted for sex, because I  somehow I knew that part of the answer to creating more intimacy in marriage was  discovering the truth about sex. And what I have found out along the way, changed my world.  It changed my marriage. And I want to tell you that my marriage is completely different than  what it was 10 years ago. And so, after a year of my own transformation, God called me to  share what I learned with other women. And I was terrified. Who was I to speak about sex,  especially in the church. And I was terrified of public speaking. So I remember one of the first  things I did was I marched into my pastor's office. And I told him, We got to start talking about  sex in the church. All we ever hear is, don't do it. And there's so much good in it, there's so  much power, the church needs to start talking about sex. And so he patiently listened to me  for a couple of different sessions when we met, until I finally figured out, God wasn't calling  him to talk about sex. God was calling me to talk about sex. So I outlined this six week  women's curriculum called awaken love. That kind of took the women on the same journey  that I went on. I wanted the women to understand God's design for sex. I wanted them to  spend time unraveling the lies that they believed about sex, spend time healing from the  baggage, I wanted to share with them, tips about how to start talking about sex and  communicate, how to use your five senses to be more fully present. But I also wanted to  teach them about the physical aspects of sex and how their bodies worked and how amazing  they were. And, and just help them not just understand sex, but create this passionate,  mutually enjoyable sex life for them in their husbands. And so, I finally got up my courage in  spring of 2012. And I invited my closest friends to join me on my porch for six weeks. And,  and I think they came as a favor to me, because they knew I was really out of my comfort  zone. I was sticking my neck out to enlighten them to the, to the problem section. So they  came. And by week, three or four, they were lingering at the door. So they could quietly tell  me, you know, I had a good marriage before, but I can't believe how my marriage, marriage  has changed. And so since that time, it's spread by word of mouth. friend telling the friend  friend telling friends and I've taught Personally over 900 Women have taken them on this six  week journey of discovering what God wants for their sex life. Along the way, about halfway  through, I was thinking to myself, well know, how do husbands understand about sex? Where  do they get their information, because they probably read even less than wives do. And so  they're much less likely to pick up a book. And so I decided that my husband and I had to start teaching men's classes. And so I developed a curriculum that parallels the women's class.  And, and the men came, and it was amazing, amazing conversations with them. They were  open, they were honest, they wanted to learn. And, and so it's been this amazing journey of  watching God, work, to having a front row seat to watch God, heal live in the area of sexuality  and transform lives. And so I don't, I'm not an expert. I'm not schooled in this. But I believe  that God has given me a unique position to share what I've discovered through the lives and 

the stories of hundreds of men and women. I believe that as a church, and as individuals, we  have largely been silent when it comes to sex, very few of us are comfortable not talking  about sex. When you think about it, how many pastors have had the courage to dive into a  study on Song of Songs, and an interpreted as a manual for how to intimately connect a  marriage. And honestly, silence communing with it, and, and it connects shame to this  beautiful gift that God gave us. And so we can no longer afford to be silent. In the area of the  sexuality of the church. The world is screaming lies about sex. Whether it's TV shows  showing how exciting and amazing it is to have sex outside of marriage and how boring it is to have sex within marriage. Or the hookup culture in colleges. And what the young adult saying, you know, it's just about pleasure. Just it doesn't. There's no intimate connection there. Just if  your body wants, enjoyment, or pleasure, do it. Or it's the way porn has distorted sex, or even like the whole LGBTQ issue. Sex is becoming a defining and dividing issue in the church. And I want to ask you, do you know what you believe about sex and God? Did God really create  sex? Is the Bible still relevant? In handling sexual issues? Today? Can God handle our  questions about sex? Do we believe that marital sex is worth fighting for and then it should be a vital part of marriage, not just the icing on the top of a cake? That is a powerful gift that can  help marriages survive? And do we have the courage and the authenticity and faith to open  up the conversation? That even when we don't have answers, that God will provide the  answers to people? Talking about sex is not about getting simple black and white answers, or  vague answers. It is about helping people involve God in their conversations about sex it is,  about creating safe places, and community where they can be honest, is about pointing them  in the right direction. So I like to share what I learn in hopes of inspiring you to take up the  battle. And so I'm going to share some things that we need to understand before we dive into  conversations, I'm going to share some guidelines to help you even think about how we talk  about sex in ways that are helpful. And so we're going to we're going to dive in In this topic.