Video Transcript: How did we get here?

One of the most important things we do when we open up the conversation of sex is to help  people figure out how they got where they are to acknowledge our past, because our past  impacts our present. So in class, I asked the simple question, how did you learn about sex?  And we go around the room and women answer. My mom left her a book about sex on my  end table, or in fifth grade, I had this awkward conversations. Or I was babysitting my  neighbor's house and the dad left porn laying around. Or I don't know how I learned about  sex. I got married, and I didn't know anything. Or the friends of my friends on my bus, they  told me all kinds of things about sex. It's a seemingly safe question. And yet, just tip so toe  that helps people understand how they've been impacted by their past. I mean, when you  have a whole room of women, and only one of them says, Oh, my mom, and dad, they always talked about sex, and I knew they had a good sex life. And I knew it was something to look  forward to. I felt like I could talk to her about anything, when there's only one woman in the  room, and that can say that. It's easy to feel angry. I've literally had women sit at the table  after their class answer this question instead. Is anyone else here angry? This question of  how did you learn about sex really just tip toes into acknowledging that our past impacts our  present? How kinds of things impact what we believe about sex? It could be how we learn  about sex. It could be what we saw on TV or in movies. It could be what we read in marriage  books, it could be the message, the purity messages we heard in church, it could have been  our parents attitude or awkwardness about sex. And so we have to acknowledge that our past impacts our present. In class, we kind of do this back and forth thing between the past and  the present. Because if you don't understand that God created sex, for wives as much as  husbands, then why would you realize that you believe the lie that sex is just for your  husband. And so we have to understand what God in this intended for sex before we realize  all the lies we've believed. And so if you haven't watched the mini class on God's design for  sex, I would really encourage you to do that just kind of walk you through. Like if you are not  impacted by any messages about sex. What does God want for you? God wants sex to be  mutual between husbands and wives, he wants it to be this thing, this powerful gift that makes the two of you into one, even your when you're in disagreement. You want it to provide  comfort for you when you're sad. He wants you to provide a refreshment when you're  stressed out or tired. He wants sex to be this amazing journey of getting to know each other  where you're constantly discovering new things and just captivated by the other and  enthralled and learning about them. He wants you to experience freedom and be in this place  where you can be naked and unashamed with each other. And he wants you to learn about  him through sex because ultimately God created sex. Think about Adam and Eve in the  Garden of Eden, right? I mean, can you imagine that I have no idea what sex is supposed to  look like we're intercourse looks like or what? They've never seen a movie. They never seen a picture nothing. And the two folks show up naked. And there's no shame, no shame about  their bodies, no shame about their performance and no shame about what they've done in  their past and then just mesmerized by each other. And they have the freedom to just enjoy  and find pleasure Can you imagine what it would be like to have that kind of freedom in the  marriage? And so, looking at our past and acknowledging our past isn't about blaming, you  know, it is what it is, and messages can impact us. And they may not have been intended that way, it doesn't really matter why it happened. But it's about recognizing the lies that have  impacted us, in order to help us believe the truth, acknowledging our brokenness, so we can  move forward toward healing. So once we understand God's truth in class, then we can go on this journey of really answering the question, How did I get where I am? How do I feel the way I do? So that I can move towards what God wants for us? So we answer I have the women  answer questions like what messages? What messages Did you hear from church about sex? Silence? That, that might make you feel like sex is shameful. Don't do it don't do it might feel 

like, you gotta guard the gate and like, not have too much fun. If you you know, if you're  touched certain ways before you're married, or you have sex before marriage, or you've been  with other guys before marriage or other women before your marriage, well, you're ruined.  You'll never have a good sex life. We answer questions like, What did culture tell you about  sex? What did culture tell you about sex in marriage? Well, usually that is boring. That the guy always wants it the girl doesn't. The guys use girls for sex. The guys have no control. That  sex inside marriage is boring. sex outside of marriage is amazing. There's no mess, there's  no fuss. There are simultaneous orgasms for all. And it's just passionate and amazing. And so even just like all this cultural messages about sex impacts, even that, men always want sex  and women don't want sex, which is not always the case. And then we spend time. And I give  women room and space to talk about and share their baggage. And if they want to, to go after healing for their baggage. And a baggage can look like different things. It can be as simple as  a message from a mom, I felt so awkward talking to her daughter about sex that she made  her daughter feel like sex was a bad thing. Or mom saying to her daughter, men just want one thing. Or mom saying to a daughter. There'll be some things you don't like doing but you need to just just do it. Right, this message sex is, just something you do for your husband. There's  lots of baggage when it comes to sex. I mean, all the way out to the point of being impacted  by porn, which many, many men and women are impacted by porn now. And feeling like they  need to compete with it or they need to create it or they'll never measure up to that. Or people that have been abused, where their body has been violated and they don't feel like they have  rights over their body. Acknowledging our past is not about blaming, like I said before, but it's  also not about becoming a victim, because I believe that God can heal. But acknowledging  our past are important step and change in the future, both for ourselves and for others. And  so if we want to break open a conversation about sex in the church, we can't just teach about  it. We have to create space and opportunities for people to process and acknowledge their  past so they don't feel alone. So they know that God can move them forward. And and so that they begin In this journey of healing and moving towards God designed for them.