Video Transcript: Get on the Offense in the Conversation of Sex

Hi, I want to spend a little time talking about the importance of neutral and positive  conversations about sex. We need to get on the offense instead of always being on the  defense. Most of us didn't grow up talking about sex, every day comfortable sort of ways. It  felt awkward with our parents. It felt awkward with teachers, it's awkward with between our  spouse, we just didn't grow up with it. Can you imagine if the conversation about sex was as  normal as talking about how trees grow? What if parents didn't wait until something came up.  Till they have discussed sex ed, or a girl started her daughter, their daughter started her  period. Or a son having wet dreams. Or somebody fell into porn. The church tends to focus  on the negatives about sex. Like, don't do it in purity? Or do it for your husband in marriage.  Don't look at porn, don't love. And there's not a lot of positive fun messages about sex when  we start dreading talking about sex, because if, if all the conversations about sex are about  what we shouldn't do, or, or they feel so awkward, why would we want to talk about it? So  once we got on the offense, and didn't wait for an issue to come on, about sex, whether as  individuals, or corporately as a church. Few years ago, I was in Kenya, Africa, and an  orphanage, my friend started. And one of the questions and they asked me if I would talk to  the girls about sex. Of course, I leapt at the opportunity. I wasn't sure what to expect. So we  gathered the girls that were in middle school in high school, and they all sat around in a circle  as I grabbed the chalkboard. And, and I wanted them to understand about their bodies. But I  also wanted them to understand about God's design for a sex because I wanted them to  understand, what am I waiting for? So I started talking and I drew a diagram of woman's body on a chalkboard and explain what the three holes are for the urethra and the vagina and the  anus. They are all kind of amazed that we are even just talking about this in normal ways. And then I asked them so do you want me to draw a diagram on the the boys too? with much  enthusiasm? Yes, yes. Do you want the front view or the side view? Oh, we want the front. So I drew a picture of the front. And then I drew a picture on the side view of the man with his  penis erect. And then all of a sudden, one of the girls sitting next to me, hands me this little  folded piece of paper. And I wasn't really sure what it was. But thankfully, I took the time to  unfold it. And on this small piece of paper was a note that said, people say if you have sex  while standing, you won't get pregnant. And so one of the girls in this group had felt safe  enough to at least write a note and pass it along to me to answer pretty soon more notes  came. And I thought everything from stories about can you get pregnant from a brother? Or  things that you could tell boys and use to try to convince him to have sex? And I just thought  how cool to be a little open up a conversation for these girls, where they could ask questions,  any question that they felt like they needed to ask where they could get good information and  where it didn't feel awkward. And so I want to give you some examples of how to open up the  conversation about sex. The first one is a marriage I think if you're married, that's probably  one. Hopefully one of the easiest places to start and for my husband What really helped us in  having neutral conversations about sex where it wasn't somebody bringing up an issue or a  struggle or problem or a complaint? Was we read a book on sex. And we read it out loud to  each other, and then it and as we were reading, we could ask the other, is that really how it is  for you or, or we could share? Yeah, that's not quite how it is. For me, it's more like this. And  so reading the book out loud, and helped us to say words like penis, and clitoris, and and  orgasm out loud. So it helped us get used to even just saying words out loud. But are also put out on a neutral platform where we could feel less defensive and less hurt if somebody  shared something because there wasn't any issue that somebody was bringing up, we were  just talking about it so it was very neutral, and it helped us get comfortable talking about sex.  Another way, which has been helpful for a lot of women is a lot of women that taken awaken  love class talk about how it drastically opens up conversation with their husbands about sex  because they come and learn about it. And, and then their husbands like, what did you learn 

in class tonight, and so they get to talk about all aspects of sex from God designed to lie,  baggage, even a physical aspects about sex. And so it's this amazing opportunity to open up  a conversation of sex, it doesn't have to be an awakened lump classic to be any kind of good  class on sex to open up the topic. With Parents, I think, same idea, you know, if you're  uncomfortable talking to your kids about sex, the younger you start, the better. And I  remember as a kid, my mom having a book that talked about, first how seeds, plants made  seeds. And then it was about how chickens made chickens. And then dogs made dogs, and  finally, about moms and dads making babies. And I think, you know, could we read books to  our kids about sex where it was no different than this is how trees grow, where they got  comfortable, and they knew we were okay with a topic, sometimes for a parent reading a  book is really helpful, because we might not be super comfortable with the topic and reading a book and make us a little more comfortable. I think that it's important to have all kinds of  conversations with our kids about sex. And it doesn't matter how young or old your kids are,  it's never too late to start. But it is important, I can take ownership for our own discomfort,  because our kids are going to pick up on it. And so sex is not something you're comfortable  talking to your kids about to just say, like, I know, I'm not very comfortable with this, I want to  be more comfortable with this. I didn't grow a talk, I grew up talking about sex, but I want us to be able to talk about it. Because it's important. And so don't be afraid to take ownership. That  talking to your parents talking to their kids about sex is a whole topic in itself. But I think my  point in this is don't wait until there's an issue or they're going through this big change in life or something needs to be addressed. Look for opportunities to open up conversations with your  kids. The thing about the church and and how does the church get on? The offensive open up conversations mutual and positive conversations about sex instead are always negative  conversations about what not to do. Or when there's an issue. I think a Song of Songs study,  could be really powerful is a biblical way to really explore what does God want for sex in  marriage. I think offering classes that strengthen marriages, but also reach into that topic of  sex can be really helpful. And so, like we have to be proactive in opening up the conversation  of sex instead of waiting until there's a big issue. Our inability to talk about sex. Whether it's in marriage, with our kids, with our friends, or in church only reinforces the connection that  Shame has with sex, and the disconnection between sex and God. Like those two worlds are  so disconnected and how do we begin to merge those worlds? I told you earlier about the  pastor when I was first called to teach classes I'm in his office pounding on the door like we  need to start talking about sex and At that point in time, who is pretty uncomfortable with the  issue? He listened to me but it was not super comfortable for him. And even the first few times when he heard me speak it, he, he kept kind of, he would joke about it in advance and I could  tell there was some discomfort. And, you know, after 10 years of him watching me and  hearing me speak about it, and him beginning to speak more and more about it, like, my  pastor is so much more comfortable with the topic of sex because because he started  listening because he started reading as he started talking about it. And so, this is, this is an  area that we can all grow. Can we take the step and be courageous? Open up the  conversation and start creating neutral and positive conversations about sex.