Video Transcript: Conversations Beyond the Birds and The Bees

When I first started teaching a wealth awaken love classes, I used to advertise by putting  hanging fliers in the bathroom stalls in the women's bathroom. And it worked great. Until one  day, a little girl, about five years old, saw the flyer in the bathroom. And she said to her Mom,  mommy what's sex? And mom was so upset that she went to the trustees of the church, and  insisted the flyers were taken down. Now, think about this. And I think, what an opportunity  that does this mom miss. Here she was at church, her daughter, is asking her about sex.  What if she just said to her daughter. It's an amazing gift from God, way that God gave  husbands and wives to love each other. I'm guessing that probably would have been the end  of the conversation. I don't think the little girl was necessarily asking about how babies are  made. And so we have to open up this conversation and go beyond the burden of equipping  parents to talk about sex because honestly, when you think about sex between a husband  and a wife, and how many times they've had about this many have been for making babies.  And what is the rest of this? For all these times they've been having sex is not about making  babies. We have to expand the conversation about sex beyond just the birds and the bees.  Parents have a huge influence, and a huge role in influencing the next generation, and how  they feel about sex. In fact, they can make all the difference, and I've seen it in classes. Every once in a while I'll get a woman, when I want to ask the question, How did you learn about,  she'll say? No, like, I've always talked to my mom and dad about it. I knew that they enjoyed  it. I knew it was something to look forward to. I can ask them anything I wanted. And it was no big deal. And these are the same women that had serious boyfriends before they got married, waited to have sex until they got married, and easily transitioned to enjoy sex and marriage  because it was something they look forward to instead of feeling like it was something or dirty  or awkward or something that they needed to control. And so parents have a huge influence  on our kids. The truth is that our attitudes, or anxiety about talking about sex has probably a  greater impact on our kids than the words that we now know what that mom says of that little  girl in the bathroom when she asked what sex is. I'm guessing the mom was pretty upset and  pretty anxious. And I'm guessing her daughter picked up on it. And my gut is that her daughter will probably never ask her a question about sex again. And so even though we can talk about equipping parents, the best thing that we can do is provide opportunities for parents to work  on their own attitudes about sex. I will tell you that parents having kids is a great impetus to  get them working on their own sex life. Because so many young people now have been  impacted by pornography or their choices. And they want things to be better for their kids. So I want to spend some time sharing some practical principles to help parents open up the  conversation of sex. the first thing is, the sooner the better. Right if you have young kids, just  like what you normally talk to them and, you know, using the correct terms and they're  comfortable and you get comfortable while they're still young. That's probably the most ideal  situation where they know they can always talk to you. Also say that it's never too late. In fact, you know, I talked to my kids, some when they were young, not as much as I wish I had Talk  to them. And and I feel like since I've been teaching sex classes, we've had some  conversations that we would never would have in the past. In fact, one time I remember, they  had some friends over and we got into this conversation of, does the Bible say is  masturbation is a sin or not? And how do we handle masturbation and singleness? And so it  was kind of it was amazing for me to sit there with my young adult daughters, and have a  conversation about sex and included the Bible. On like we talked about before, it's important  to have lots of neutral conversations, on parents meeting, parents checking in, and even  thinking about what better just like what do I want to correct or direct? What, what do I want to impart things like, God created sex, sex is good. Your body is God's creation, your body is  good. And so think about those positive things that you want to impart. The third thing is lean  into every question. There is no wrong questions, if your kids have questions you want them 

to ask you and not find the answer on the internet. So don't shy away. It's okay. If you don't  have answer right away, but don't shy away from the question. The fourth thing is, think about  the book ends. As far as you want to have affirmation in the beginning, and a reminder of  availability at the end. So your kid comes in ask you about something. Or it says, Look at my  body, you can say you can affirm how often that you're curious, or yet God gave you an  amazing body. Or Thank you for having the courage to ask me about that. Okay. And so  always start with an affirmation. And I think and have a conversation. Always remind them of  your availability. I'm so glad you came and talked to me. You can ask me anything, anytime I  want. Always have the answers. I'll try and you can always talk to me. And I think more even  more than what you said in the middle. They're going to remember those two things.  affirmation. Yes, this is good. And, yes, I'm always available. And so think about those  bookends, just a simple thing. The fifth thing is to remember, the conversation is not just  about the birds and the bees about how babies are made. Make a list of what you want to  communicate, like we talked about earlier. God created sex. Sex is a gift. Sex is about  intimacy and relationships, that there aren't simple rules for everything. That your body is  good. Think about like what do you want to communicate with your kids? And they're looking  for opportunities to speak those things into their life. The sixth thing is integrate God into your  conversations, right. include him in those conversations about sex? The seventh thing is,  don't feel like you always have to have the answers. And sometimes you won't have the  answers. They might be kind of stymied at the questions coming at you. And so it's okay to  say I need to take a step back from I'm not sure let me think about this and get back to you.  And then make sure you follow up with them. So you can give you a little time or time to  prepare. But always follow up with them. As your kids grow older, you need to think about  equipping them to be able to handle their sexuality to handle the choices that they need to  make, instead of just giving simple rules. This is not about rules. It's about a relationship with  Jesus. So let me give you a quick example. For Max, let's talk about masturbation. Because  the Bible doesn't clearly say you should never masturbate. The Bible doesn't really address  masturbation, but there are a lot of principles, biblical principles that impact your choice about  masturbation and and so can We are talk through those things with our kids and our kids to  pray about whether something is beneficial, or whether something is not. And so biblical  principles or minor impacts their decisions about maturation. So if you can't do it with a lucky  to not masturbate, God says that He created you for relationships, until masturbation causes  us to hide or create shame, then makes you hide from God, then you should not masturbate  that nothing should control you. And so if you feel like you don't have control, you should not  masturbate. You should have no body. And so masturbation becomes the thing that you're  constantly looking for to make you feel better, because you feel insecure, because you're  bored, because you don't know what you're doing. You don't have anybody to talk about,  need to feel better. So you're masturbating is becoming your God. And maybe instead of  masturbating, you need to spend time with God, or talking to other people. And so there are a  lot of biblical principles that our kids can look to as they discern, is this something that's  beneficial for me? Or is this something that's not because not everything is beneficial for us,  even though it's allowed. And so we need to equip our kids. The last thing I want to mention is that our attitude conveys far more than our words. And so the most important thing we need  to do for parents is giving them opportunities to work on themselves in their own sexuality.  Because because our kids will know if we're just talking about it, or if we actually believe it.  Because of the pornography in the world, it is more important than ever, that we open up the  conversation and kids are following pornography at younger and younger ages. powerful  force to be reckoned with. Parents have a great workload in their kids lives. And so we need  open up these conversations, beyond the birds and the bees, and even into conversations 

about pornography. Pornography doesn't become this hidden force that becomes more  powerful, more and more powerful. And we bring things to life. They lose the power, we the  power to change things for our kids, we have to go after healing for ourselves. We have made intentional choices, start talking, we have to look for good resources to help us in those  conversations. And maybe sometimes even, like I'm not very good at all, I want to get better.  And so whatever we can do, equip parents will make a huge difference for the next  generation.