Video Transcript: How to Quit Porn - Craig Groeschel
Well, the temptation started for me in the seventh grade. And just to give you context, in case you forget what a seventh grader looks like, this was me in the seventh grade, very proud that I was on the all star team, but just a little kid asked to babysit for a neighbor. And it was my first official babysitting job. And I was so excited to take care of the kids, I was gonna be a great babysitter and was excited beyond measure, but had no idea how excited I would be when I noticed that my neighbors had a giant stack of Playboy magazines. We're not talking about like just 12, January, February, March, April, but like two years, of 12 months of Playboy magazine sitting right out on the coffee table in plain view. And I know you look at me as a man of God. But I need to tell you that long before I was a pastor, I used to just be a boy. And I remember the feeling and the rush of sexual excitement, because just a few feet away from me were pages and pages of women without shorts, or bras, if I can say that. And that was the only time I had ever had access to it with the exception of in the fifth grade when my friend found it, or National Geographic, which didn't really count or Barbie dolls that I would occasionally stripped down. But we don't want to talk about that, because that's really gross. And I'm sorry, I haven't said that out loud, but on the spot. And in that moment, I just changed my babysitting strategy, which just kids you're gonna be going to bed a little earlier tonight. And I spent the next two or three hours just flipping page by page through the whole stack. And what I felt was confusing. Because I'll be honest, I mean, there was like this buzz and this hit and this thrill and kind of waves of confusing sexual energy to a little boy, followed by deep guilt, and shame, and remorse and embarrassment, I felt dirty, and just hated that I did that. If you can relate to what I just said, you're not alone. Even if you're a Christian, you're not alone. In fact, the studies today show that this is a growing problem by the minute. And not just like when I was growing up, I thought it was a man issue. And it is a man issue. But it's also increasingly becoming an issue for females as well. And not just men and not just women, but Christian men, and Christian women. In fact, one study shows that about 64% of Christian men, and about 15% of Christian women admit to viewing porn monthly, maybe not daily, but at least once a month. How many of you are between 18 and 30 years of age, you can just raise up your hand. For those of you that are and if you're a man, the odds of looking go way, way up 79% of men between 18 and 30 years of age admit to viewing porn monthly. When I was a kid, you had to find a stack of magazines, the rules have changed because now you got porn in your pocket. Meaning anywhere anytime all day long. And the majority of the world is just a click or two away from anything they'd ever want to see or everything they should never ever see. And it raises the question is purity even possible. And I want to talk to you today and tell you not only is it possible, but it is God's will. And the title for today's message is how to quit Porn would you pray with me today? Father, we ask that by the power of your Spirit and the truth of your word you would do God what only you can do?
purify our hearts and our minds that we could love you and love others. As you love us. God purify us we pray in Jesus name. And everybody said, Amen. Amen. Are you ready for the word today? We're going to start today in the New Testament in the book of James, and I'm going to show you in James 1:13-15. Some interesting verses James told us this. Whenever we're tempted, no one should say God is tempting me. In other words, like God didn't put that stack of playboys in front of me, if you agree say amen. Do you agree? Amen. God is not tempting us, because God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed, I was dragged away by a very evil desire in me and I was enticed. In fact, the word in the Greek that's translated as entice is a fishing term, that means to learn by using bait. And that's what our spiritual enemy does. Our enemy knows where we're weak and where we're vulnerable, and will put some kind of temptation, some kind of trap some kind of bait in front of us. Scripture goes on to say, then after that desire, has conceived, it gives birth to sin. And that's what happened to me, I want to look, there's a temptation, I looked, I sinned, and sin when it is full grown, gives birth, to death, to death, to death, sin when fullblown kills and destroys. And that's what our spiritual enemy wants to do. He wants to bait us, if you've ever been fishing, you might have used a worm or he might have used a lure or whatever. And the little fishy looks on, and he goes that looks, good, worm food spinny thing. And little fishes swims over to it. Sorry, I won't do that in the next service. But the fishy swims over to it, and takes it and the bait then captures the fish and ends up in death. And this is what your spiritual enemy does. It gives you a temptation, a little bit of bait. And before you take the bait, the devil tells you, it's no big deal. It's just a little spinny thing is everybody does it. Go ahead. It'd be fun. You'll love it. And after you take the bait, your enemy tells you you're horrible. You're disgusting. You can't be a Christian, God doesn't love you at all. And the devil who hates you, and wants to use the wrong desires in you to lure you and bait you so that eventually he can kill and destroy you. He wants you hooked. How do you get hooked? How do you get hooked? I'm going to tell you how some of you have gotten hooked, or how some of you stepped into a world of struggle against lustful thoughts. And the story I'm going to tell you is a common story. And the details may not be exactly yours. But I'm guessing that if you have any kind of battle with lustful thoughts, that there's some version of the story. That is actually your story, because most stories go something like this. Unfortunately, at some point, like me in the fifth grade, and again, in the seventh grade, you had some type of traumatic sexual experience. Maybe like me, you're exposed to pornography, tragically, and heartbreakingly. Many of you were molested at the hands of someone that you trusted or someone who abused you. Maybe for you it was on a date and you liked the person and you were in the car and you're kissing or whatever. And you thought you ended up doing something that you
shouldn't have been doing didn't plan to, you got hooked. And at that moment, you sustained an injury. It was a mental injury that distorted the purity of God's gift of lovemaking. It was an emotional injury because you weren't married. And weren't ready to experience the purity of lovemaking that is available. And it was a spiritual injury that likely caused shame and separated you from God. And you are confused because it's really confusing. Because sometimes you can get caught up in porn or masturbation or fooling around or whatever it is. And you simultaneously can have this like dopamine rush, like you feel good. And this is fun. I like this. And there's enjoyment and there's pleasure and there's shame, and there's guilt and there's self disgust. And so if that's your story, like it was my story, you feel a little bit embarrassed, and you don't want to talk about it. And so you either hide it, which is a problem, because sin grows best in the dark. Or you justify it and you say well, at least I'm not I could be and they are and I'm not and this isn't that bad. And so, you know, God understands and we know we're in love anyway or it's not that big of a deal. I'm just looking and I'm not doing whatever, she's not meeting my needs or he's not doing whatever and you justify it and so you either hide it or you justify it or both. Then at some point many of you your story goes like this, you You prayed, God take the desire away. God I don't want to do that again. God I don't want to look again. I don't want to go there again. And you ask God to take the desire away, but the desire doesn't go away. And so at some point, you promise I'm going to stop, this is my last time, and I'm not going to do it again, or we're not going to do it again. And for many of you, you actually do stop for a little while. And you have short periods, a sexual sobriety, until you stumble once. And when you stumble once, that often triggers a sexual binge, because well, I just did it once. I might as well, whatever. And then I was trying to start over again. And so you hate it, but you can't seem to overcome it. And then you hope one day, when I get married, all my problems are gonna be solved. Because you know, we can be together twice a day, every day and three times on Sunday when we get married. That's another sermon. And that's not true. But many of you think that, and then you do get married, and it doesn't go away. And the reason it doesn't go away, is because you don't just have a lust problem. You're dealing with a spiritual injury that hasn't healed. And somewhere in there, very likely, is some part of your story. You might say, you know, what's the big deal? Like? Why? Why get upset about like little bit porn, and not hurting anybody I could be doing so much worse, was a little bit less, what's the big deal. And what I want to say is that whenever your lust are full grown, James said, it gives way to death. And James isn't the only one who issued the stern warnings. And that Solomon talked to his sons in the book of Proverbs, and he said this in Proverbs 5:3-5. Listen to the severity of these metaphors, he said, For the lips of an immoral woman, they're sweet as honey. Hmm. And smoother than oil. But in the end, she is as bitter as poison. And as dangerous as a double edged sword. Where does she lead you?
Where does sexual sin lead you? Her feet go down to death. Her steps lead straight to the grave. These are strong metaphors, right? sexual sin, it looks sweet and smooth, but it's bitter and sharp. Someone said it thrills. And then it kills. It fascinates. And then it assassinates and it takes you to death. What does porn do? What does lust do? It kills you. Porn very specifically kills you how it kills you physically, it doesn't help your sex drive, it hurts it, it brings stress into your body. It kills you emotionally, because you can't relate and love others in a way that God intended. Because you objectify others, and you start to see people through the eyes of sex instead of through eyes of love. It kills you mentally, because you enter into a mental battle in your brain that is very difficult to overcome. And it kills you spiritually, robbing you of confidence and joy. And you find yourself when you slip into a world of lust, battling with anxiety and you're irritable, and you feel depressed, and you're moody, and there's a loss of motivation. And there's a loss of sex drive. Yes, there's a loss of sex drive. People think that's gonna increase your sex drive, it kills your sex drive, because real life is real. And that's not real. And what you're watching is not real. And eventually, especially if you're a Christian, and you're fighting it, you become exhausted, trying to cover your tracks, and manage the shame. And there's always this fear of when is he going to find out? When is she going to find out? When am I going to get caught? When are they going to know I'm dirty, and you lose spiritual confidence if you lose intimacy with God, and many describe it as a non stop weight and a heaviness. That just never goes away. You're dragging this this lust problem, this porn problem, and there's always somewhere in your mind, the wonder, the fear, the anxiety, what happens if and why can't I and why am I not? And where is God in all this? And you want to stop? But you can't? Why? The answer is because you have an injury that hasn't healed. You have an injury. You're you're stuck in the lust loop. And I want to show you how the loop kills you and how to break the loop. Here's what tends to happen and you would know this if you've ever been stuck in it. The first thing is you you lust and you look and it gives you that that injury, suddenly, the gift of lovemaking, the purity of how God intended it is distorted and disrupted in your life. But when you look and lust, you find yourself excited, and you get this dopamine hit, like, Oh, that was fine. Oh, that was thrill. Oh, that felt good. Oh, I like it in the moment. And after the dopamine hit, then suddenly, you feel this guilt. And this, this shame, and I feel dirty, I don't want to do it. So you decide, I'm going to try to stop and I don't want to do it anymore. And I'm gonna overcome it. And God help me and I promise I'm not going to do this. And when you try to stops, at some point, your body starts to crave that dopamine hit, I want I want the emotional escape, I want to forget about my problems. I want the hit. I want the thrill. I want the buzz. And so you go back to your injury that doesn't heal, and continues to look and lust, and the cycle goes on. How do we as followers of Jesus, who have access to a God honoring life, and the ability to honor God with
purity, integrity, how do we break the cycle? I want to be incredibly practical, and even more so biblical, and show you the two things that I promise empowered by the Holy Spirit, inspired by the word of God, these two things over time, with the help of God can help you break the cycle of lust and allow God to heal your wound and make you whole again. Are you ready for it? You guys are really quiet. Can we just deal with real stuff today? Hey, don't be acting like this isn't a real issue. If you're ready, say I'm ready. Are you ready? Type it in the chat? Say I'm ready. Just typing in the chat. Say it out loud. Are you ready? Two big thoughts? The first thought? Number one is this. If you're battling with lust and porn, don't conceal it. Confess it. Don't keep it hidden. Bring it out into the light. And this is scary. Right? It's nerve racking right now. You're going Oh, okay. Don't conceal it. Confess. Scripture is so powerful. Proverbs 28:13. People who conceal their sins, they don't prosper. They don't find freedom. There's not healing. People who conceal their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and turn from their sins, they will receive mercy, they will receive healing. You don't conceal it, you confess it. And some of you say, but I don't want to confess it. This is just scary. And I would say to you, if you haven't, and you're still battling with it, you haven't overcome this on your own. Because you are designed to heal together. And when we talk about Confession, we can understand there's two different types of confession. There's confession to God. And there's confession to people. We don't just confess to God, we are in life groups. Come on Team LC, we life is better together. How in the world do you expect to defeat the forces of darkness on your own, you're not that strong. We confess to God and we confess to people and there are two different results from two different types of confession. confessing to God brings forgiveness. And this is so great, no matter how dark your life is, If you confess your sins to God, Scripture says He is faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. We confess to God for forgiveness. But James says we confess to people for healing. James says confess your sins one to another, and pray for each other, that you might be healed. Remember, you have an injury that hasn't healed. And I found that you're only as strong as you are honest. You're only as strong as you're willing to be honest. The first thing and we're gonna talk more about this, don't conceal it, confess it. The second thing is, don't fight lust. Flee from it, run from it, get out of town. And the Apostle Paul said this in I Corinthians 6:18. He didn't say fight sexual sin. He said, run from it, run, because there is no other sin that so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. We don't fight lust, we free from lust, we flee it. For example, in the Old Testament, you may remember the first Desperate Housewife that was Potiphar's wife. It's like a true story. Like she attacks Joseph like Joseph you're looking so good there in those tight little pants or whatever. And so she she threw herself at Joseph and what Joseph didn't do, as he said, Didn't say, now let's talk about this. Let's, let's
negotiate. Let's join hands and pray against temptation. That's not what he did. What scripture says he did was very clear verse 12, of Genesis 39. when the wife caught him by the cloak and said, come to them with me, big boy, take me to bed and lose me forever. She said, Okay. That's the new Craig version. But Scripture says, But he left his cloak in his hand. And what did he do? Say it aloud? He ran out of the house, someone type that in the chat, what did he do? He didn't fight it. He ran out of the house, Jesus taught us the same thing. Jesus said very clearly, he said, If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. But get rid of whatever is going to if you if your right hand, cause you said, he said, cut it off. Now, we can pause for a moment ask ourselves, do you think Jesus was being literal? And I'm no expert, but all I can tell you is, Dear God, I hope not. I think what he was saying was if there's any place you're vulnerable, and anything that could cause you to sin, if there's any bait in the water, get out of the water, get rid of it, get rid of that temptation. Is he saying be severe? Like if he was being literal? Can you just imagine you like walk into your office and you see another guy's got a patch on his eye? You got a patch on he both got one arm like, Christian? Yeah, me too. Right. Don't conceal it, confess it, don't fight it, flee from it. And here's what's gonna happen when you do this. The God who created your body will heal your body from the injury. And studies show just as if you break your arm and put it in a cast, it's gonna take what, six weeks, eight weeks, maybe longer to heal, it takes some time to heal. And in the same way, a physical injury takes time to heal your spiritual, your mental, your emotional injury takes time for God to heal. And studies show it takes about 90 days for you to start to stabilize. And what I want to do, because what I know is that many of you, you're not going to hide it anymore, but you're going to confess it, and you're not going to fight it, you're going to flee from it. And you're going to start the healing process that God is going to do. And I want to show you what to expect while you're healing. I did a lot of research. And the best place I found confirmed by others was a well documented article called what porn does to your brain and how to quit. And I'm going to show you over the 90 day period, what's going to happen as you're detoxing from lust, and God is healing your injury. In a go like this the first week without porn, your dopamine is going to take a nosedive because you're used to feeding it and it's not going to be there. And because of that, you're going to likely experience dramatic mood swings, you're up and you're down. You're all over the place. You're likely to experience increased anxiety, and possibly headaches, and you might be hypersensitive to lustful thoughts. Anything makes you lust, the wind blows and you find yourself in a vulnerable place. And that's the first week without porn, then as you progress in the process, the first one to three weeks without porn, because of the loss of dopamine and because of the change in your body, your motivation and energy's going to plummet. You might find yourself depressed, you're going to have little to no sexual urges. If you're married, which is going to be confusing
to you. But the problem is, you've been looking at very lustful, pornographic, non real stuff. And at this point, only porn can excite you because your body is messed up. The good news is that you continue to heal and the next process is four to eight weeks without porn. So you're now a month going on two months without porn. Your emotions are still all over the place as a roller coaster, and you will have bursts of returning energy because your body's normalizing followed by sluggishness and depression because you're not all the way healed. During this season. Watch out for sudden burst of temptation. Many experts say it's at this point that the most people will relapse. If you do relapse, don't give up. Don't binge confess it get back in the game. Whatever you do, do not give up. Because in this process, God is healing your wound. Even if you mess up one time. It doesn't mean you're as injured as you were God is doing work. He's doing a work. God is healing your brain. Then beyond three months or so, you're going to start becoming emotionally stable. Your focus is going to sharpen guess what your sex drive it normalizes it becomes healthy and returns your spiritual confidence and your intimacy soars you're walking with Jesus and guess what you're being healed. You feel at peace, you feel whole, you feel alive again, because the Spirit of God is healing you. You don't conceal it, you confess it, you don't fight it, you flee from it. And the bottom line is this, you are only as strong as you are honest. And I want to encourage somebody today, and I don't know who I'm talking to. But let's get honest. And I'm going to be as honest with you as I can, I will model it. I told you as a kid, I saw it in fifth grade, I saw it in seventh grade. Miraculously, I didn't see much porn through high school and college, it just wasn't very available. And the time when it struck me, and it scared me bad was I was probably 31 or 32. Amy may remember better. But it was when AOL came out who remembers when AOL came out, be? Okay. And Amy and I were sitting down together, but learning how to kind of surf online, and that was back when porn would pop up. And with her sitting right next to me, something popped up in my living room on my computer. And it scared me. Scared me. Just like, You got porn in your pocket. There was now porn available to me, in my house. And like I told you long before I was a pastor, I used to be a regular guy. And all the way back those those memories that fifth grade and seventh grade and sexual sin. I felt vulnerable. So what did I do? I did not conceal it. I can't. I talk to people about it, talk to Amy about it, talk to John about it, talk to Bobby about it, talk to my friends about it. And we came up with a plan. And that is I just call it locking down. Meaning everywhere I could have access. I lock it down. And I want to tell you what I do. This is my phone, and it's locked down. To the best of my technical ability. I have no way to look at porn. On my phone, I have the back door shut that limits adult content, meaning and this is true. Amy will tell you I cannot search for a hot air balloon ride. Because it blocks me because the word hot is in there. It's incredibly inconvenient. Amy could not order a swimsuit from my phone because it blocks it. But limited adult access. I
don't have the ability to download any apps, meaning there are some apps you can get to stuff that I don't want to get to. So any app that has access, I just don't have social media. I hate to disappoint you. But that's not me posting all the time. Okay, there's no I'm not sitting there all day posting on four different platforms. There's like four or five people that have access to I'm on one form of social media. I look but I don't want to interact. I don't need to go there. Because there's some stuff on Twitter, I don't want to look at, I don't have to log on to Twitter, tick tock Facebook, you guys have fun. I'm not there. Okay, I have this locked down my computer. Everything I click is viewed by lots of people. It takes images. One time, I did a FaceTime with the ladies from my office. And there were images that said you're with ladies and my accountability partner says who are those ladies? Well, they're in my office and I'm at home and quarantined and so everything is visible. And you may say, oh my gosh, Pastor Craig, are you like that vulnerable? Are you that weak? Are you like, are you that sick? answer's no. Like, really? Generally, most of the time almost all the time? No. But guess what? I'm still capable of falling short. And in the wrong moment at the wrong time. If I just happened to be vulnerable six months from now, or two years from now? Why would I leave myself access to something that I don't want to look at? Why would I leave the bait in the water when I don't want to get hooked? So the way I phrase it, and I tell my pastor friends and my staff this all the time? Why resist a temptation in the future when you have the power to eliminate it today? Because what do I have to lose by being careful? What do I have to lose if I'm not the same thing you have to lose? Your relationship, your peace, your joy, your integrity and your influence your ministry. You're only as strong as you're honest. So I'm going to do is encourage you, those of you online wherever you watching to be honest. And there's two questions you're probably going to ask. And the first question you might ask is who do I tell Okay, who do I tell if I'm going to confess it? And you're also maybe asking well, how do I receive a confession if someone confess it to me. I don't want to talk about these things. Who do I tell? And the answer is, I'm going to ask you a question back. Who do you trust to tell when at all possible if you're married, it's a lot easier to win when your spouse is on board. But I will acknowledge based on 30 years of ministry, there are some spouses that do not want to know, if it's possible, I'm going to recommend you work together. And if it's possible, and wise, we're going to tell our spouse, if your spouse is one of those that refuses to work with you and wants you to deal with it on your own. I'm gonna encourage you to tell who you trust, a Christian counselor, your life group leader, your local pastor, close friend, John and I have talked about this for probably 28 years and we have no secrets. You may want to get in a 12 step program, you may need to go to rehab, but we're not going to conceal it, we're going to confess it, and how do you receive a confession? If it's two buddies like me, and John, it never offends me, if he talks to me, I don't offend him. If I talk to him, it's just two buddies. But if your
boyfriend or your girlfriend or your spouse confesses it to you, you might be real tempted to feel hurt, or angry or sickened or embarrassed, you might you might wonder what's wrong with me. And what I want to do is I want to just try to help you see that if your spouse is coming to you, saying I want help is because your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend, they're injured. And they want healing. Just like I didn't plan to walk across those things and open up that door didn't plan for AOL to pop up. And then plan to do some of the stuff I did before I was a Christian, I got injured. And I needed healing. And some of you if someone comes to you just remember their confession is a genuine desire for purity and love for you. So even though it's gonna be tempting to want to take it personally and be hurt and be offended, and I understand that, as best you can recognize that you got someone who really craves righteousness, and loves you enough to come to you and say, will you please help me heal? don't conceal it, confess it. Don't fight it. Flee from it. And if you find yourself battling with this right now, let me just tell you right out, you're not just some weirdo, pervert, jerk, loser, something. You're just a person that got injured, that God loves so much, and brought you to this message at this moment, because by the stripes of Jesus, we are healed. And he wants to help you heal. So Father today, we pray that there would be no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but your love, your grace, your presence, your power, your truth, would help set us free. Normally, at this time, I would ask for kind of a what I call a soft close meaning in sales, you close people. And I would say if you're dealing with this and you want to be free, raise your hand. I'm not going to ask you to do that right now. What I'm gonna ask you to do is in your heart to make a decision. If your heart's beating fast, if you feel a little nervous, I'm talking directly to you. More importantly, God is talking to you. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? The next step could be incredibly uncomfortable. Could be could be painful. It could be filled with some tears and some challenges. But let me ask you this. How's it been being locked in prison? How's it been dragging that weight around? How's it been Feel? Feel feel like you may get caught dirty and sick and things not working? Right? How's that? How's that injury working for you? What I'm gonna ask you to do is make a decision. What's your next step? What's your next step? And Father, I pray that you would guide that next step. Show us who to confess to show us who to confess to. God help us to heal. We've seen what happens when you're healing us, help us to even expect what's coming and endure it because the glory on the other side is worth the price will pay to find freedom. And God for any who might find themselves in a more challenging conversation on the confessing or the receiving end. We pray God for your grace and your presence and your Holy Spirit to go before us. Because you are the God who heals. You are the God who loves us. And we know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So God, we trust you. And we pray that you would heal our minds heal our hearts, heal our
souls, heal our relationships. We can show your love and all we do. As you keep praying today without looking around those you watching online, let's go broader than this topic and let's just talk about sin. I can remember all the different times I've sinned growing up, I can remember what I sinned yesterday and fell short of God's standard what is sin, sin is missing the mark of God's holiness, we serve
a holy God, a perfect God. In Scripture says, all of us, and this includes you. And this includes me, every single one of us, we have sinned and fallen short of that standard and you feel it at times you feel the weight, you feel the conviction of that sin. Here's the good news because God is so good. He, his love is so broad, that He sent His Son Jesus who never sinned he was perfect in every way. And Jesus gave His life on a cross for the forgiveness of our sins. He didn't stay dead. He died as a sacrifice. But God raised Him from the dead, so that anyone, and this includes you, who calls on the name of Jesus, your sins would be forgiven, and you would be made completely new I called out to Jesus in college, a broken sinner, I knelt down one person, I stood up different when you call in Jesus, your sins are gone. He forgets them, He forgives them. You're not just different. You are new today, wherever you're watching those who say, I need that I want his grace. I'm leaving my old life behind. I'm trusting in Jesus today. I give my life to Jesus. That's your prayer. Lift your hands high right now. Just lift them up all over this place saying yes to Jesus, those of you watching online, just type it in the chat right now. I'm giving my life to Jesus type that in I need his grace. I'm giving my life to Jesus. And I would love it wherever you're watching. If you're comfortable to say this prayer loud, pray, Jesus, forgive my sins. Heal my heart. Make me knew I give you my life. All of it. All my brokenness, all my pain. Fill me with your Spirit. So I could know you heal my wounds. Make me new. Purify my heart, purify my mind. Heal me Jesus. So I can know you and show your love. I give you my life. In Jesus name I pray could somebody celebrate big, worship our God, love from those born into God's family and find freedom and life in Christ.