Video Transcript: How to Use Stories Effectively

All right. Welcome back. Again, I hope that things are going well for you in this  communication class, how to be more effective in your communication. We're  looking at some tools. And I want to discuss with you how to use stories  effectively. First of all, why tell stories a lot of times when I asked someone to  speak or someone speaks in church for the very first time, they want to use  concepts, they want to describe God's love, or they want to explain some, you  know, insight that they have. And a lot of times they fumble around. Because it's  hard to know what to start out with, it's hard to know what logical order you  should put things in, in order for someone to understand them. And they  themselves are not sure what comes and then what follows and what's next. But what's cool about stories, stories are relatively easy to tell them listen to,  because they, when you, when you talk about something that you did yesterday,  you just start at the beginning. And then you tell what happens next, the next,  next, next, next next. And it just follows a sequence that you can follow, because it happened to you. And they here can picture it too, I got up, I put my pants,  then I got my cereal, and then I got in the car, I mean, I just described exactly  what I did. And everyone can follow with you. Stories generate useful emotion.  So if you tell a story that has some emotion to it, now emotion is on the table.  And once emotion is on the table, it's in the room, it's in the environment, you  can use that emotion for other purposes. The story brings the emotion there. But now that the emotion is there, you can use it for another purpose. stories go  under the defense system in the hearers. Let's say you want to talk about  something that's very sensitive. I want to talk about how it's going on in your  marriage. But if I said that people aren't, you know, they're sitting and they're not getting along with their spouse, they're going to, they're going to react and  they're going to put up their walls. But if I just tell a story. You know, the other  day, I had a conversation with this couple in a restaurant. And Bob was telling,  you know, and I started telling you their story. So you listen, it's not your story.  It's their story. So you listen. But at the end of the story, you realize that it's your  story. Stories help explain complex concepts and help listeners apply them to  their lives. When I was in college, I played tennis with my younger brother, one  day, we played for a while. And then after tennis, we got into my car, which was  a Volkswagen bug. I don't know if you know what those look like it was in 1974  Volkswagen bug. And these bugs had a very flat windshield. It was it was like  this small little car. So we're, we're driving back home. And you know, I'm not  thinking about anything. It was a Friday, you know, Friday, you know, towards  the evening and I'm just driving along. And all of a sudden, right on the  windshield. Splat! It was this bug. The bug hit my windshield. And it just oozed  all of its guts and insides. Just the green guts just oozed on my windshield right  in front of me. So I started thinking about that, but it was Friday. So this bug had  been working all week long, you know, at the factory or at the office or wherever  the bug was working. And finally was Friday, he was on the way home he had 

put in a whole week's work. He's looking forward to the weekend. He's  wondering what Ladybug his wife has made for supper and, and he's thinking  about what that might be. It might be roast beef with, you know, gravy and  mashed potatoes and maybe there's carrots and peas and he's wondering what  dessert might be. He's in the middle of all this stuff. He's feeling really good. And right in the middle of his thought, splat, he doesn't see the car coming. He's in  the middle of his thought and all of a sudden he's gone. And it's not like, you  know, it's not like you saw it coming is like, Oh no, there's a Volkswagen Bug, it's coming right at me, it's gonna hit me this is the end of my life. Oh, no, no, he's  not in some bug cemetery in the casket going, oh, man, you know, if I just been  paying attention, I culd have zoomed out of the way and I could have gotten  home, I could have seen my, my wife one more time. He's not sitting somewhere thinking about anything. One minute, he's thinking about his life. And the next  minute, he's gone. And he doesn't even know that he's gone. And that, as far as  that bug is concerned, it's as if he never existed at all. Okay, I thought all this  stuff. I made up this whole scenario about the bug. It changed my life. Because I realized that I could run around and make things happen, I was at that time, a  pre-med student, I was thinking of becoming a medical doctor. And I was  thinking, you know, I can help someone, I can heal their leg, I'd put them in the  cast, and they could feel better. But if that person didn't know Jesus, as his Lord  and Savior, He would be gone in the lost forever. And I realized that, if there is  no God, then when I die, it will be as if I never exist. Oh, yeah, my kids will  remember me, my grandkids will remember me. But soon they will die. And so  they will die. And every and soon, there won't be a memory of me at all. And it  will be as if I never exist. And I tell you, that affected me. So life only has  meaning if there is a God. And if there is a God, and God has some stuff that  he's doing, I want in, I want to know what that is. I want to dedicate my life to  everything that God is doing. Because that's the only meaning and purpose  there is. See how so that one little story. And one little thing that just came to my  mind, I'm a creative person. So that's what came to my mind. But it changed me. Right under all my defense systems, it broke through all the busyness and all  the things that I was doing. And it grabbed ahold of my heart and squeezed it  hard. And that's what a story can do. Jesus told stories, parables, almost  everything that Jesus told was a story. The parable of the prodigal sons, there's  two sons, One runs off, does his own thing, Dad, I wish you were dead so I can  have your money. And off he goes. The other son is faithful, he works really  hard. The son that ran out runs out of money and he comes back home. He  apologizes his dad grabs him and hugs. And the oldest son that's worked hard is upset. There's two sons. The father loves both of them the same. One finally  understands how much his father loved him because he knows he doesn't  deserve it. The other doesn't understand how much his father loves him  because he thinks he deserves it. That's the key in life. If you think you have 

things coming to you, if you think everyone around you owes you something,  you will be like that older son. Always upset. Why he's upset about other people  upset that your father's thinking you're not getting your share. But if you're the  son that knows he doesn't deserve it, I don't deserve anything, that I have all the blessings I have. Those are gifts from God. The parents have not had the  opportunity. Everything has been a gift to me. I don't deserve anything. It's all  grace. See, if I understand that, I'm in for a happy life. Jesus told those stories,  you know, people are listening. He told the stories. You know, he told them to,  he told them to the sinners. And he told them to the righteous people, they were  both in the crowd. And Jesus gave them a story, each one to challenge both of  them. The Parable of the Sower, you know, I can picture Jesus. You know, he's  walking around and he's talking about the kingdom. How am I going to describe  the Kingdom the Kingdom is so complex and since everything, how do I  describe the kingdom you see that sower over there and the guy sowing some  seeds. The kingdom of Heaven is like that sower throwing the seed around.  Some of it falls on hard soil and some of it See, the birds come up, see what's  happening. You see, it He tells a story. There's a complex thought this whole  idea of the kingdom, but he makes it a simple farming, illustration and people  can understand. Stories. Most of the Old Testament are stories. The story of  Jonah and the whale, the story of King David, the story of creation, the story of  Abraham, the story of Abraham and Isaac, he takes him when he's supposed to  offer him as a sacrifice the story of Jacob and Esau. They're all stories, one  story after another, the New Testament, the first four books, Matthew, Mark,  Luke, and John. They're all the story of Jesus. The book of Acts is the story of  the early church. And then you have the letters of Paul and such, but half the  New Testament, they're just stories, a lot of the Old Testament story after story,  we can relate to stories. We can listen to stories, and then apply them to our  own story. God has all these stories, but we're in the story. Tell stories from  history. I wrote a book a few years back, titled being a lifeboat church in a titanic  cruise ship world. And I got inspired to write this whole thing is probably 15,16  years ago, because of one story. My kids came home with a storybook  storybook. And in that story book, was this story that starts out this way. She  was only seven years old when it happened Shivering in lifeboat number 14  there were a million stars out and they were so bright. It was as if she can reach  out and touch them. When she looked across the water it was like a gray calm  sea. But she watched in horror as the great ship. Titanic the largest ship built at  that time slid out of sight. Her name was Eva Hart. And she remembers opening  her mouth in a silent scream of terror. The air temperature was freezing. And the water temperature was not much above that and out of the mouths of hundreds  of men and women and children that were still alive in the freezing water came a collective explosion of breath. That was a horror to everyone that heard it all the  people in those lifeboats. She didn't realize it at the time. The realization came 

many years later, but one from the screams that she heard coming from the  water must have come from her drowning father. she last saw him on the boat  deck. He had put her and her mother into the lifeboat and she remembers her,  remembers his last words. He said to her Be a good girl. And hold onto  mommy's hand. Eva recalled I want to read her exact words. I had an enormous teddy bear my father had bought for me the Christmas before we went away. It  was almost as tall as I was. I loved it. And I used to play with it on the deck boat  deck with my father. And the captain stopped several times and commented on  my teddy bear and spoke to my father. He was such a nice man. I wanted to go  back when my father was carrying me to the boat deck. I wanted to go back for  my teddy bear. I remember saying I want my teddy bear he didn't say anything.  He just continues to carry me. Eva Hart writes these words I never had another  teddy bear. I never wanted one. Eva Hart summarizes her whole experience this way. A calm sea, a starlit night, two and a half hours from the time of impact of  the time she went down. Plenty of time to save everyone if only there were  enough lifeboats. The Titanic didn't have enough lifeboats. There were 2,227  passengers on board. But there were only lifeboats for 1,200 people. Life boats  for 1,200 people over 2,000 people on board. There weren't enough life boats  for 800 of the people. But here's the real mystery. You think that if you're short of lifeboats, you don't have enough lifeboats for everyone, that you would at least  fill all the lifeboats that you have you;d fill them to the brim. You know, how many empty seats there were on lifeboats? 700 There's a lot of empty seats. A lot of  people died because they didn't fill an empty seat. This is a powerful, powerful,  powerful story. How do we apply it? Well, in the book how I applied as I apply it  to the church. There aren't enough churches to save people. People that don't  know Christ is the Savior are not just drowning in the freezing water. They're  drowning in the eternal freezing water. And if they're not reached, they will spend eternity away from God. And there aren't enough churches to reach them. If  everyone wanted to go to church, there wouldn't be enough churches for them  to go. And what's really sad that we don't have enough churches to  accommodate all the people that need church. But what's really sad is if the  church is a half empty, we can't even fill the few churches that we have. Maybe  the church you have has an empty seat right next to you. What are you doing to  fill it? There are people all around you dying eternally, they're drowning eternally. And you have an empty seat sitting right there. And what are you doing about?  Stories can be incredibly, incredibly powerful. They, they they they guess, okay,  but how do you tell it? When to talk about how you tell a good story. First of all,  you begin to no introduction. Now, with this titanic story, I could have said, well, I have a story. It's about the Titanic that was built in 1912. And I want to apply this  story to the church. And when the you know, outreach and evangelism, I had  this big long interaction, like wow, whatever who cares, okay. I'm not listening  because you're not capturing me. You're telling me what you want to do with the 

story. You're giving me all kinds of. No, how did I start the story? She was only  seven years old when it happened was seven years old? Who, who was seven  years old? When what happened? I don't know. I better listen. See I'm starting in the middle of the story. I'm starting at a dramatic point. Shivering lifeboat number 14. What is this about? Everyone has like, I know what's going on. I gotta I gotta pay attention. I gotta listen. I gotta listen to what's next. I want to know begin  with no introduction create mystery, anticipation, tension, curiosity, or a drama.  Yesterday I got a, I had this sense that something was gonna happen. So I got  up like I usually do. I brush my teeth, and I got my clothes. I had breakfast. I got  in my car and I drove and I went to the mall. And when I walked into the mall,  there were all these people in the mall. I saw a couple. They were eating at one  of the fast food things. It was a, it looked like a young couple. I don't know if they were married or not. But they were. They were just sharing coffee they were  talking together. Over at some stores next to a toy store I, I heard the  conversation of a mother and a father and their child and they were they were  looking for a particular particular toy that they were interested in. So I passed  them and but them in the middle of the mall. There were there were some chairs and in one of the chairs. This old man was just sitting in the chair. He didn't have his eyes open. I couldn't tell if he's breathing. So I walked up to him and I shook  him a little bit. And there was no response, and I shook him a little bit more.  There was no response. And I was sort of listening as I was shaking him. No  response. So I leaned down really, really, really close. And he jumped up. Now, I didn't have a story here. I put on my notes. I actually I spelled it wrong. I worked  up I woke up. All I had was I woke up I had no idea was going to the mall. I had  no idea where this story was going. I had no story whatsoever. I didn't have a  story. There was no story here. I'm making up as we're going. But notice how I  started. I had this feeling that something was going to happen. Because I said  that as I'm describing what I'm what am I saying? I'm saying I got up, I got  dressed. I ate. I got in the car. I went to the mall, I saw people well, you go to a  mall. That's what you see. There's people there. There's a couple eating, there's  okay, but I created this whole tension. I created this mystery. You're wondering,  why am I describing this? Who are these people? What's going to happen? It's  how you introduce the story. You can tell any story in a dramatic way. You find  the dramatic moment. You have the dramatic pause you have the dramatic thing that makes people I have to listen, I have to listen to this story. I don't want to  miss what it's about. take people on a journey. Purposeful meandering. I don't  know if you've ever been to Turkey but there's the city of Ephesus is in Turkey  they unearthed it. And you can go there you can see where Paul in the  silversmiths saying and the whole story of people in the in the amphitheater,  crying to Diana on the Ephesians you can see that whole thing. Well, if you sit in that theater, you can look out on the city and there's a walkway that used to be  right where the river the river came right up to the city of Ephesus is a major 

thoroughfare the river came right up there. But now there's no river.You can't  see the river. In fact the river is five miles away. You know what the river is  named. The Meander River. That's where we get the word meander. meander  means it moves around. When you tell a story you can move around. You start  here and then you tell some different details and people wonder where this is  going. And they have to pay attention. And finally you get to the point that you  want to make. take people on a journey Hey, lets go on a journey a purpose or a problem. There's a problem you're gonna preach on John 3:16 This is what  people do. John 3:16 God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son. So let's talk about God. Okay, we'll talk about God for a while. Then we'll talk  about love. Now there's love there's three kinds of love there's Eros love, there's agape love, there's this love there's that love. Let's talk about the world. What is  the world and you parse and describe every single verse and people in the  crowd are going why are we talking about this? sermons? We're gonna look at  this verse and we're gonna look at this passage and why are we talking about it? Why should I listen? So you got you got to set it up. We're gonna look at John  3:16. But here's my question. Does God love the world? Did God love Hitler?  Does God love you when you sin? What You know, what does it mean? That  God loves the world? Well, we're gonna look at this verse and maybe we'll find  out. See, I'm giving you a problem. And maybe if you listen, we can solve this  problem. Well, then you might listen. Be in the story that you're telling see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He  makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me by quiet streams, He  restores my soul. But even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of  death, I will fear no evil. For thou are with me, your rod and your staff, they  comfort me, You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, my  cup, You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely, goodness and  mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the  Lord forever. Okay, so I'm telling this psalm. I want you to picture it, I want you to picture the quiet streams, I have to look at them. There's a stream, it's coming  right through here. I have to see the stream. And if I see the stream, you'll see  the stream. And notice, the psalm starts out he's describing things the Lord is  my shepherd, I'm talking to you. But when he gets to the part of the valley of the  shadow of death, when I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I  want you to see that all of a sudden it switches, even though I walk through the  valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou are with me, your rod  and your staff comes to see all the sudden I'm talking to God before I was  talking to you. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want, talking to you. But now  I'm talking to God. You have to picture this, I'm talking to you, I'm looking at you.  I'm talking to God, I'm looking at God. And at the end, Surely goodness, and  mercy will follow me all that is in my life. Now I'm talking to you again. So I need  to look at you. I need to look at what I'm saying. And I have to act out what that 

is. Disciples, that were in a boat, Jesus wasn't with them, big storm comes up.  The waves. They're rocking in this boat, and all of a sudden the picture Jesus.  There he is. He's walking on the water. And Peter says, “Can I come out?” How  can I? How do you How does this work? The boat is going up and down the  waves going up and down. And somehow Peter has to get how to? How do you  get out of a boat that's going up and down and get on the waves. So somehow  he managed it's gonna be the most incredible moment of his life. I'm standing on the water. This is amazing. He's looking at Jesus. It's like, wow, we're sharing.  And then he sees it looks around, he sees the waves and sees the howling and  the wind. And he sinks down. And when you see when you tell that story, you got to do it, you got to act it you got to be you got to feel it. If you don't act it out. It'll  just be some story. I am I know this story I got out of the boat and you keep your focus on Jesus, or bad things happen. Act, let people see the waves. Let them  feel what what Peter was feeling. See, then, you know, as he's sinking down,  and all of a sudden a hand grabs him. And he's lifted up. And that's maybe what  you need to do. Maybe you're sinking, your finances sinking and your marriage  sinking in your relationship to your kids. I don't know. You're sinking somewhere  and what you need more than anything else. So Jesus did reach down and grab you by the hand. And lift you see, it's more powerful. When you can feel this  story that happened so many years ago. act it out. tell personal stories. Be  vulnerable. You're gonna tell a story be vulnerable. If you if you're always safe.  People they tell story. They're gonna be safe. I'm not going to tell you anything  that reveals anything about me. I'm not going to tell you the things that bring out  the emotions in me. I want to protect myself. I want you to be vulnerable. I want  you to admit that you're a sinner that you need Jesus, but I'm not going to admit  mine. You can tell stories be vulnerable about yourself about the things that you  have failed. People will learn more from your failure than your successes. Be  self deprecating. Self deprecating is, I'm not the star of the show. I'm not the  one. You know, it's not all about me. Use humor. Make an application with what  you're doing. Tell other people's stories. Other people have stories, tell their  stories, why does it always have to be about me? Why does it always have to be my story. Other people have great stories and you tell that story, get permission.  And don't just tell someone's story without their permission, and give them  credit. You know, I was talking to Bob, he told me, this is what happened to him.  And I asked him, if I can tell all of you this, he said I could. So here it goes. Do  not tell a story that embarrassed the other person. Sometimes I tell stories about my wife. And I usually, most of the time get permission from her. The times I  failed to do that it doesn't go well. Create realistic life scenarios. I like to do this.  Here's the one thing I've learned over all these years in ministry is that people  will not apply what you say, you can say, you can make all these glorious points  and scripture passages. And this is what the point is, but they will not apply it to  their life unless you help them. You have to apply it to their life, you can tell the 

story about love, and how love is sacrificial. But unless you apply it to a  marriage, the married couples sitting there listening won't apply it to their lives.  You have to do it. And one of the ways to do it is with scenarios. So with for  example, parents and their children, I might say something like, Bob. Bob is 37  years old. He's been in several relationships that have not worked out. He's had  several jobs that didn't work out. He's an angry man. He's angry at everybody.  And if you knew more about Bob, you'd understand. Because Bob's father was  angry at everything. And maybe that's why Bob is angry at everything. And if you knew something about Bob's father, you know that his father's father was angry  at everything. See, so that's one scenario. So that's one scenario, then I might  go to Tom. Tom is not doing well in school, he's not doing well in life. His parents have no clue what to do. On the one hand, they can be on his case, on the other hand, they are afraid to talk to him because they're not sure what he would do.  They have this fear that one day they're gonna come home, and their son Tom is going to be hanging from a rope. They don't know whether to do something, or  not do something. So I make up several scenarios, I just just made up stories.  But I try to think about the people in my congregation, and what they're maybe  going through. And then I make a scenario, a possible scenario, not not exact, I  don't want them thinking I'm talking about their life. But something close. And I  come up with three, four, or five, six of them. And I just go through them one at a time, Sally, Ann, Frank, I just go through these scenarios, from different  perspectives, you know, takes in the very short, and in 5, 6, 7 minutes, I've  applied what I want to say to you, you, and you that after the service, people will come up and say, Man, you were talking right to me. And the reason why they  think that is I was and I took the time to make the application to all these  different people, because there's all these different people. And they all have a  slightly different story and a slightly different need. I'm taking the one thing I'm  talking about, but I'm making a several applications because people need a  specific application to their life. So how do you do that? You think about the  relationship issues that people in your audience have and create scenarios that  capture these issues. You keep scenarios short To the point. Well, why do this?  Well, as a speaker, you cannot just explain concepts and hope people will apply  them to their lives. They will not do it, you must help them. Tell Bible stories.  Don't read the story. Tell the story. We've lost the art of telling a story. Jonah in  the whale, don't open the Bible and you read the story. Tell the story. You know,  he's in the water, this huge whale is coming at him. His mouth is wide open.  What would you be thinking? Describe it. Let people see it. They can go home  and read it themselves. You must bring it alive. act it out. Perhaps add a few  details that are current I said that with the whole Jacob and Esau thing or under  the humorous section. You know, Esau drives a pickup truck with a lift thing, a lift kit. He's got to get on a stepladder to get into the thing. That's what he drives.  Jacob drives a cabriolet. I mean, you take current things, and you sort of throw it

into the story. Number four, make application where appropriate in the middle of  a story. You don't have to always tell a whole story and and go through the  whole scenario of the Bible thing and parse every verse and so on. And finally, in the last two minutes, you go, okay, and this is what it means for you. Now you  can do it right in the middle of the story. You can, you know when Jacob, it's  interesting when Jacob has to run away from his family, he goes to where his  relatives are, he doesn't know anybody. And he gets to this well, and there's this  big, huge rock over the well. And once a day, the shepherds would roll a rock  out. They feed their sheep and so on. So that's the scenario the rock here, big  rock. Once a day we move it out is the big rock, are they gonna move it? Three  four times? Well, all of a sudden, Rachel comes in the sheep. And this is before  the rock moving time. Okay, he sees Rachel coming with a sheep. What does  Jacob do? She's beautiful. He takes off his shirt. He flexes his muscles. You  know what little muscles he has, because Esau remember is the strong one, he  flexes his muscle. He goes up to that rock and he just moves it that's what a  young man does when he's in love. The Bible text says that Jacob worked for  seven years to get Rachel and they seemed like a few days. That's what a  young man does. When he's in love. These falls in love. He's gonna do  whatever it takes. Okay, so in the middle of this sermon, I make application and I say, you know, ladies, this is what men are like, men are one track mind. You  know, and when they're in the dating phase, gotta find a wife. They're gonna  work hard, they're gonna, they're gonna get you candy, and they're gonna write  poetry, even though they're not poetry writers, they're gonna listen to you talk all  night long. And they're gonna say, please tell me more. But once they get  married, once that job is done, you know, men are like, okay, got that done.  Moving on to the next thing. Next thing is making a living, got to make a living.  And you, the spouse are going what in the world happens? There's no candy.  There's no flowers, there's no poetry. What happened to this guy that would  listen to me talk all night long. He's off doing something else. So you have to  understand that ladies, this is what men are like. And then you have just  understand that the rest of the ladies are not I like this. They're gonna wonder  what happened to you. Okay, so in the middle of this thing, I have a little  application. That's not the main point that I'm trying to make. But it's an  application that happens along the way in the story. use metaphors and similes  a metaphor is using one thing to describe another. The simile is a particular kind  of metaphor that uses a word like so. The kingdom of heaven is like a farmer.  That's a simile. farmers aren't the kingdom, but it's like it. So I did this. Both are  our stories. Being a lifeboat church in a cruise ship world, what I did with this  book, is I took the metaphor of the cruise ship. And I liken that into the church. A  lot of churches are cruise ships cruise ships. What does a cruise ship a cruise  ship is what? They have no purpose. They start in one place. They run around  they go to a few islands they go right back to where they were. There's no 

purpose to it. is other than fun. People go on a cruise ship because they just  want to have fun. It's all about me. It's about the good food. It's about the  entertainment. It's about everything for me. And a lot of people think church is  that way. The church is for me. The church is for us members, we pay for this  cruise, we prayed to this church, it's all about us. And we never look outside or  look past the church, we don't see the people that are in the water. We're too  busy on the Lido Deck, enjoying the midnight buffet. See, that's a metaphor I'm  giving. I'm talking about one thing. But I really want to talk about this other thing.  And this just gives you a picture. You can see the selfishness. And now you can  see it maybe in the church, that we can be the same way that we're not a  lifeboat. See, the lifeboat doesn't have a midnight buffet. It doesn't have any  entertainment. The purpose of the lifeboat is to go out and find people that need  to be saved need to be saved. And that the purpose of the church, see the  picture. The story makes a point that we should know and grab onto but it  makes it more obvious. And it convicts us. It gets under our defense systems  and our defense radar that we have going so tell stories, learn how to tell  stories. Maybe you're not a great storyteller. Listen to this video over and over  again. Get the whole idea that you have to create drama, you have to create  energy. When you every time you speak. You know you're solving a problem.  You're taking people on our journey. You're making this mysterious thing that  now I have to listen. Make it so that people have to listen to you on or they will  be lost or they're missing out on something and enjoy it. We're in this story that  God you know when you're born, you're born into a story. Tell it