Video Transcript: Non-Verbal Communications

All right, we are in the effective communication class. And in this next session,  we want to talk about non verbal communication. We're going to start with our  hands. The Bible talks about hands. Matthew 8, when Jesus came down from  the mountainside, large crowds followed Him, a man with leprosy came and  

knelt before him and said, Lord, if you're willing, you can make me clean. Jesus  reached out his hand and touch the man, I'm willing, he said, Be clean  immediately, he was cleansed of his leprosy. Now, what you may not understand is that leprosy at least in those days was thought of as as a contagious disease.  So you didn't want to touch lepers there were leper colonies outside the city. If  you had leprosy, you had to go to that place. So here's a man that's outside of  that place, and he's pleading with Jesus to heal him. Now, Jesus could have  healed him from a distance. He could have said, Okay, you have leprosy, I'm  going to heal you. And then go over and give the man a hug. But what does  Jesus do? And I think he did it deliberately. Jesus goes over to him, and  reached out and he touches the man. Then he heals him. Now you've got to  imagine that this man has not been touched by another human being for years.  So Jesus wanted to reach out he wanted to touch him, I am going to touch you  as you are. Because even though you have leprosy, you're still a human being,  and I care for you. And then he heals him. It's very powerful, very dramatic. All  right, Luke 15:20. This is the story of the prodigal son, where the younger son  runs off, takes his father's money, gets into trouble, finally comes to his senses.  But notice, if you read this passage, he finally comes to his senses. And the first  thing he says is I'm hungry, back home, even the servants have enough food,  but I can't just go back, I have to confess. So he rehearses this confession.  father, I've sinned against heaven and against you. I'm not worthy to be called  your son. Make me like one of your hired servants, that's what he rehearses. So  he's gonna go back, and this is what happens. Luke 15:20, so when he got up  and went to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him  and was filled with compassion for him, he ran to his son threw his arms around  him, and kissed him. Now, the father does this before son says his apology. The  Father's love is unconditional. It's not dependent on his confession. Now, if you  read the text, you'll find that the Son does confess, he says, Father, I'm not  worthy to be called your son, but He doesn't say make me one of your hired  servants. And the reason he doesn't say that is because his father just threw his  arms around him, put a ring on his finger. He accepted him back as a son, there  was no reason to say. So the son by that embrace is forgiven. He's forgiven, be  helped before he even asked for forgiveness. That's how powerful arms can be  hands can be. The passion week is really fascinating to me. I remember one of  my professor, I went to a jail cell. With him. It was all the prisoners were there.  And he went through the Passion Week, the last week of Jesus. And he went  through the week, just talking about hands. The whole thing was about hands  and how we embrace with hands, we shake hands, we hold hands. We we use 

our hands to direct people, all the different ways that we use our hands. And  then he told the story of Jesus with hands. Luke 22:4, when Judas went to the  chief priests and the officers of the temple guards and discussed with them how  he might betray Jesus. They were delighted and agreed to give him money. He  consented and watched for his opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no  crowd was present, being betrayed Matthew 26 When evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the 12 and while they were eating he said, I tell you  the truth, one of you will betray me. They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, surely not I, Lord. And Jesus replied, The one who has  dipped his hand into the bowl with me, will betray Me. Judas, Matthew 27, when  Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but then instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd, I am innocent of this  man's blood, he said, it is your responsibility, then they released Barabbas to  them, but he had flogged Jesus flogged and handed him over to be crucified.  Luke 23, It was about the sixth hour and darkness came over the whole land  until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining, and the curtain of the temple  was torn in two. Jesus called out in a loud voice, Father, into your hands. I  commit my spirit. When he had said this, He breathed His last. Interesting isn't  it? The whole story is told with the use of hands, hands, communicate so many  things. I want to look at some hand gestures. Sometimes, we make our points  and we have our hands close to us. You know, you're talking and your hands are like this. Sometimes you're making gestures, and they're all very close to you.  And it, it, it feels closed off, you're not being expressive. A lot of times people will think they're making these wild gestures. But really, they're like this, people can  hardly see them, or you have your arms outstretched. It's very welcoming. Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I can  picture Jesus with his hands, why not let the children come to Me, Jesus said,  he wouldn't be let them, Let the children come to Me have his hands out there.  So you're closed off your open, little or big, you can make your little tiny gestures here and there you can make big gestures. You can be closed. Or you can be  open. You can hold your hands tight, or you can push people away, you can  bring people to you with your hands, you can push them away. You can have a  lot of motion, emotion with your hands. So you can very stoic. Put your hands in  your pocket, you can let your hands express what you're saying. Or you can just have them in your pocket. And that means I don't have a lot of emotion going.  Eyes Acts 14 In Lystra there sat a man who was lame. He had been that way  from birth and never walked he listened to Paul as he was speaking Paul looked directly at him saw that he had faith to be healed and called out stand on your  feet. At that the man jumped up and began to walk your eyes Your eyes can be  closed. And when they're closed, it's like you're contemplating something, or  your thinking hard about something, or your trying to figure out what to say and  sometimes that can be very dramatic, you're talking and then you're trying to 

figure out what it is. And everyone in the crowd is trying to figure it out too you're taking them on this journey. And you're like, you know, I visited this person. And,  and this person looked at in the hospital, and this person looked at me and he  said, Am I gonna die? And before I answered it, and you can just close your  eyes. It's like I really want to say the right thing. So you're thinking about it, your  eyes can be open you can look up you know a lot of times when you're talking to God, you look up now he's got up God is everywhere. But it lets everyone know  that you're talking to God or you can have your eyes down. A lot of times I like to look down before I say something dramatic. I'm talking about, you know, some  passage in the Scripture. And then I want to make a point to somebody. And  finally when I want to make the point I look up just looking down, I'm talking I'm  thinking but now I want to say something to you. When you have this down and  then that the contrast between looking down and looking directly right at the  person right at the camera. I want to say something really important and you  must listen to it. You're gonna have your your eyes wide open surprise wonder,  or there going to be half shut? half shut means I'm thinking about something half shut is I'm not quite sure there's something going on where your eyes are half  shut. away, they look away. You can look direct, it's talking about that earlier. A  lot of times when I'm talking see that I just looked down a little bit. I'm thinking,  what am I going to say. And I'm not to the dramatic part. But when I get to the  dramatic part, I want to look at you. Always, when you get to the dramatic part,  you want to look directly at people. And let's say you have a crowd, I only have  one eye looking at me, it's the camera. So I know exactly where to look. But if I  had a crowd of people, I have 100 eyes. So I have to spend time looking looking at you, you can just sort of blur and see a crowd. Or you can see that individual  in the third row. I look directly at them, they'll almost be embarrassed because  I'm looking directly at them, I'm directly looking directly at her. And if you do that  enough times people will feel like you're talking to them. Face, Proverbs 27:19,  as water reflects the face so one's life reflects the heart. So your face often can  reflect your heart, your face is often a window to what's inside. You can smile.  You know, as I've observed a lot of pastors, a lot of pastors just don't smile.  Serious. You know, we're gonna look at Paul today. And Paul has these things  that he wants to tell us in the Book of Ephesians and the Ephesians. And we talk about Ephesus, and where it is what was going on in that city. It was the city of  one of the Seven Wonders of the World, Aphrodite, all that's left, right today. If  you go there is one pillar, but it was one of the seven wonders, you know, so I'm  giving you all these facts. And then I want to tell you that like the people in  Ephesus, we have to resist the culture and in a way of all these serious things  that we want to talk about. And sometimes the pastor will preach for a half an  hour, and he's never smiled once. And it's like this. We have to live a certain  way. As Christians, we have to be vigilant. And we have this battle, and we have  this fight. And it's the fight of faith and everything is this. Like we're in the army 

and it's gonna be tough. And it is it's all these things are true. But there's joy too  times when I walk up to the pulpit, the first thing I do is I look at the people. Look at the people and I just smile. And you know what I'm trying to communicate. I'm trying to communicate to the people. Isn't it great just to be here together at  

church. And they're just wonderful to me. We've had a week we've been busy  doing things, and we are together. Isn't it awesome just to be here together.  Now. We have some things to do. We're going to look at some passages, we get some serious work to do with that think we have to apply. But isn't it great to be  here together and communicate a little bit of that. It is great to be here together.  It is good to be with families and their children and singing and giving praise to  God it is just awesome to be here. So we need to communicate that with our  face. But it's not all smiles sometimes it is from sometimes it is hard some of the  times it is sad. Emotions, your your face probably more than anything else will  communicate emotions anger. And sometimes anger is appropriate. We need to  get angry at things. I wrote a book I showed it to you earlier and Being a  Lifeboat Church in a Titanic Cruise Ship World. On the back. I wrote about  lifeboat number one. And it goes like this. When the Titanic went down lifeboat  number one was only a couple 100 yards away. There are there was plenty of  room for more passengers 20 Empty 28 Empty seats and a boat that can hold  40 So that means there were only 12 People in this lifeboat. Fireman Charles  Hendrickson said it's up to us to go back and pick up anyone in the water. No  one said a word. Finally, Sir Cosmo Duff Gordon announced that they shouldn't  go back too dangerous and with these few words the matter was dropped and  lifeboat number one rowed away from 1500 desperate drowning men, women  and children Then I write on the back here. This one event raises the most  puzzling unanswerable questions of the whole Titanic tragedy. How could a  lifeboat with more empty seats than filled row away from people who are  drowning? I get angry when I think about these people and lifeboat Number one, don't you? Wish I was there alive? So I could demand an explanation? Why  How could you possibly possibly row back? Then I write, then I realize they are  alive. They sit with an empty seat next. They sit with an empty seat next to them  in church every Sunday. And I sometimes sit with them too, because there's an  empty seat sitting next to me. So there are things we should get angry about.  Angry about how people are lost to God forever, and we don't do anything about it. So anger is an appropriate emotion sometimes, and you need to demonstrate it. What are you angry about? What upsets you in our culture, let your people let the audience know, joy, of course, peace, tension, warmth, all these emotions,  we need to express them and you do them with your face, you can see it on my  frame, disapproval, I disapprove of that. You can see it on your mother's face  when she disapproves of what you're doing compassion. You can see a warmth  in someone's face, when their heart goes out to somebody, or quizzical is like, I  don't quite understand that. I don't understand what you're saying is he, you 

know, I'm saying these words, but my face is communicating it as well. Her  determination, you know, I'm determined, I'm gonna make this happen. Your  face helps sell how determined you are, or guarded, or fearful. All these  expressions, and the way to work on it is to go to the mirror, you know, if you  have a speech that you must do, look right into the mirror and give your speech  and you will see what your face is doing or not doing, you'll see what your hands are doing what your body is doing. You think you're going like this, but you're  going like this, you think you're smiling when you're just barely, it's not much of a smile. So watch and start using your face more to communicate the words that  you're saying. head position. You know, if I lean in, you know, it's time to really  listen. Or if I step back, you know, I'm creating a little bit of distance. So  sometimes it's the contrast, I'm stepping back. But then when I want to make a  real point I come in, I'm looking right at you, I'm really close. And then when I'm  you know, okay, we have a little distance a little safe. You know, I'm giving you a  little space to think about things I step back. Voice. I Kings 19, the Lord said to  Elijah, Elijah runs away and he goes back to the mountain of God. And the Lord  said, go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord for the Lord  is about to pass by, then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord. But the Lord was not in the wind. After the  wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake, after the  earthquake came fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, came a  gentle whisper. Use your voice a lot of times, preachers especially, they can get  into this monotone pattern where they they keep the same volume, it doesn't  matter what they're talking about the volume is the same. Well, beloved, we  have come here today. And we're going to read Psalm 23. And we're going to  talk about this for a while. And then we're going to you know, and you need  variety, and you need to be the variety has to be appropriate. You don't just  make a lot of noise because you're making noise. And you're not just soft,  because you want to be soft, it has to be appropriate. There has to be a reason  why you're raising your voice. There has to be a reason why you soften your  voice louder. pastors are really predictable. They start out soft, and they start  getting really loud. And at the end, you can tell their messages getting to a close because they start winding down and people that's what we have to do. We  have to be more like Jesus in our lives, and with our families and with the people around us because that's what he's called us to do. You know, and you can just  tell that we're going to end now. Okay, you don't want to be predictable. You  want to be loud when it's appropriate want to be soft, when it's appropriate, but  mix it up, you can speak Hi, in, the more excited you get, the higher the voice  usually goes, a lot of times the quieter you get, the more deliberate you get, the  more your voice goes lower, it's all these things come natural in some ways to  us. But you have to, you know, my best advice is you should listen to yourself,  record it and listen back and see if you make much of a variation at all in your 

voice. A lot of times you'll you'll figure out that you really don't fast and slow.  Instead of having the same pace, the words are the exact though, sometimes  you won't really have to say a lot of things. I want to talk about this with you.  Some of you need to start getting organized with your life, you're just sitting on  the couch, you got to get off the couch, or you got to get out there and do  something. Okay, I'm trying to motivate you to get you going, I'm trying to get  your engine started here, and I'm not gonna get your engine started by talking  really, really slow, I think you gotta go to work and you got to work hard, and you got to do you know, like, I'm putting you to sleep before you even get to work.  Sometimes talking really slow is important. The one thing that every person  needs in their life is Jesus. Okay, so I want to make a really important point, I  want you to hear this point, there's nothing more important, I may slow the whole thing down. Because I don't want you to miss a single word. Okay, so speeding  up words appropriate when it's needed, slowing down, words has its own use.  Matching words and emotion, versus a habitual pattern. A lot of professional  speakers get into a pattern, you know, I went to the store, and then I went back  home. And then I did this, and then I did that. And then people are beloved, we  need to go, you know, and they have to sing songy thing where they kind of, it's  almost like the waves are coming in, and then the waves crash on the beach,  and then the waves build up and the waves. And it's like, doesn't matter what  we're saying, doesn't matter what the verse is, the Lord Himself goes before you and He will be with you, you know is, you know, an up and down and up and  down, and people stop listening. Because the your ups and downs have nothing to do with the words that you're saying. It's just a pattern that you get into. And it  doesn't matter what words you're saying. They just sort of come in the pattern.  And so it doesn't add anything. The emotion that you feel has to fit the words  that you speak, if you're talking about a really sad scripture verse, reflect that  with how you're saying it. If it's a really, you know, Paul is saying fight the good  fight of faith, then you would say it was that kind of cadence, you would, you'd  say it was a fight in your voice. If you're talking about comfort, you would say it  with comfort in your voice, make what you say, appropriate. And watch for the  patterns, these, these sing songy patterns that you just get into. A lot of people  especially have that when they read, they start reading from the Bible. And  instead of really knowing the passage that they're talking about, instead of really working at it, and trying to make people see you know what you're reading. If  you're reading a story in the Old Testament, instead of just reading it and you  have no idea what the next sentence is going to be you know ahead of time. You know, this is where you want to be dramatic. You know, this is where you're  going to act it out. This is where you're going to step out. This is where you're  going to boldly do something because it reflects the passage. Instead, you get  into these seesawing patterns. And there's nothing that bores people more than  that were when your voice doesn't match what you're saying. Emotions, anger, 

care, determination, encouragement, all these things can be reflected in your  voice. You can hear it in normal conversations you can hear in a person's voice,  what they're trying to do. Your body. Luke 18, to some who are more, who are  confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else. Jesus  told this parable. Two men went up to the temple to pray. one a Pharisee  religious person, the other a tax collector, The Pharisee stood by himself and  prayed. You can picture this. God, I thank you then I'm not like other people.  Robbers, evildoers, adulterers, or even like that tax collector over there,  huddling in the corner. So, what's this Pharisee doing? He's standing up tall,  he's standing up proud. I fast twice a week, I give a 10th of all I get. But the tax  collector stood in a distance, he's over here. He's standing at a dis, he's not  standing at Center Stage, he's over there in the corner. He would not even look  up to heaven. His head is down and he beats his breast and said, God, have  mercy on me, a sinner. I tell you the truth, said, Jesus, this man rather than the  other went home justified before God for all those who exalt themselves will be  humbled. And those who humble themselves will be exalted. Okay, you should  tell this story. Your body has to communicate the areas. I'm glad I'm not like  other men, especially like that guy over there, huddling in the corner, and the  guy in the corner is beating his breasts. I'm just sinner. What happens in  church, we know this story. In church, what are church people doing as, as  you're telling this story? You know what they're doing. They're in their minds  somewhere standing up in the middle of a church going. I'm so glad I am not like that. Pharisee I, I'm glad I'm like the, the humble publican, the how humble, a  tax collector huddling in the corner saying I am such a sinner. And you know, we end up doing we end up, up out Phariseeing the Pharisee. But you can  communicate all that with your body. You can stand, we're standing. But you  know, it's sometimes dramatic is to get down on one knee. If you're giving a  speech, and all of a sudden you get on your knee, or even more dramatic is you  get down on your face. Sometimes we should get down on our face before God.  And we would if I didn't. What if I said, you know, at some point, I just looked  down on my face and said Lord, I am so worthless. I'm such a sinner. I don't  deserve to be talking to these people. You see, people would be listening, it  would communicate more of what you're saying then, you know, I'm sometimes  sometimes I feel down sometimes I feel like a sinner sometimes they don't feel  worthy of demonstrate what you're saying, with your body. Your body can be far,  you know, I'm talking in general, but I want to make a good point. And I come in  and I'm dramatically looking and I'm getting closer to you and I'm invading your  space. And that's what we're doing. Okay, now I'm giving you space. But now,  I'm invading your space. I want to invade your space because I have this to say  to you. And I want you to listen. Okay, so sometimes at appropriate, now if I  spent the whole time invading your space, I'm in your face and giving you all the  eventually you're gonna back away. So there are some pastors and speakers 

who are like that. They're like Bulldogs, and they're like punching, punching,  punching, and people are like backing up. You can only get in there so often,  then you give the people a little rest. And you step back to the front, I can talk to  you like this, because sometimes I gotta go this way. I don't know what to do. I  don't know what to do anymore. I don't have to always be looking at you. I can  communicate something by looking away. I'm frustrated. And your body tells you that walking. I like to walk when I preach. I like to walk when I speak. That's why  here at a Christian leaders Institute, we have this wonderful studio Wally  De la Fuente is doing an incredible job. He makes it so that I can go over here. And  he follows and I can stand over here. And I can go over here and I can sit on this chair. And I can say you know how life is good. And I can say something from  here because this is what I feel right now. Or I can come over here and I can sit  down We can discuss things. Hey, welcome to my living room. Let's talk about  Yeah, jelly. See, we have a different feel. Because I'm sitting. You're there. It's  like I'm inviting you into my living room and we have a nice chat together. What  should we talk about? How's your studies going? Are you keeping up with your  studies? I know it's hard. You know, you, there's no one pushing you, no one's  shoving you. And yet you do it here, you are listening to this next lecture and  you're trying to take some notes, you have to take a quiz at the end. I know, then you have a lot more to do. But you're on a mission, you have a goal. And you're  building something. And God is working something you see. We're here  together. And the fact that I'm sitting here and I'm relaxed, you're relaxed, I'm  relaxed, you're relaxed. We're having this little conversation. It's almost as if I  know you. And that you know, me, maybe you're on the other side of the world.  And here we are. You're in Africa. I'm here in Michigan in the United States, and  we're sitting around the same table. Isn't it wonderful? but your body  communicates some of this, the setting that you find yourself in so use the  appropriate setting for what you're trying to do. Okay, stationary, you don't  always have to be walking. Sometimes it's very appropriate to just stand here. I  can stand here and just talk. The life is good. Serving God is good. sharing this  video with you is good. What, what a blessed thing that God has called me to  do. What? What an opportunity. God has given me some things and I get to give these things to you. And guess what? You get to give them to someone else.  What a blessing. And I can just do this standing here. So just to sum up, use  your voice. Use your hands, use your face, use your body, use all that you are  that are the nonverbal cues that communicate all that you're trying to say