Video Transcript: Connection 4 - Friends

All right communication class effective communication, hopefully, hopefully  you're took my advice last time and you're trying the things that you learn, try  them out right away, reinforce the things that you hear. All right connection four  we're in the seven connections, connection, one, our connection to God  connection two, if you're married your spouse, if you are married and you have  children, that's connection three, your family. This is connection four, which is  your friends, or your support group, or any kind of small group entity that you're  a part of that supports you in anything. Small group can be in anything.  Hopefully it is our friends as well. Friends are like a little support group as well.  Basic communication paths for your friends support group is again, talking,  listening repeatedly. You can't have a relationship with anybody without talking,  listening repeatedly. And if you want to be supported in your walk with God, then talking is prayer. Listening Bible repeatedly is devotions. in churches, these are  called small groups or Bible study groups you get together, you read the Bible  you pray together, you do it on a regular basis. And doing it as a group,  hopefully supports you in your family walk, and your marriage walk and your  personal walk. A lot of times churches will have these small groups. And let's say you're studying the book of Ephesians. And so you get together, you talk about  the passage, in Ephesians, you end up praying together, but no one asked the  question, well, how's your personal walk. or your marriage walk? or your family  walk. And so you can have connection, four, and not have one, two, and three.  So you need people in your life that are actually going to help you hold you  accountable for connections one, two, and three. Well, how do you succeed at  this, you need a path. What are you going to study? What are you going to do  as a group together? You need a schedule. You know, every Friday night, we  meet together at somebody's house and we talk about these things. need  accountability, you need reward, you need support. Again, the same thing, you  need the same things to succeed in connection, one, two, and three, as in four  understanding connection four if you understood maybe what this connection is  all about, then maybe you can do things that will help you succeed at it.  friendships are formed with close and frequent proximity. I became friends I  have a lifelong friend or at least I met him in ninth grade, we moved to a different place a different city went to different school. I sat across this friend Rick de  cracker, I got to know him. We went to the same high school. He went to a  different college. He's in my church. Now. I've known him for 45 years. But I got  to know him because of proximity. We sat right across from each other. We were in the same school. Five days a week we went to the same church that proximity alone created an opportunity for friendship, shared interests. He likes sports. I  like sports. We like the same things we still golf together. shared interests,  proximity, shared interests. eros love, not agape. These are two different kinds  of loves that the Bible talks about. Agape love is love is unconditional. I love my  wife unconditionally. Doesn't matter what she does. But when I first met her 

when I fell in love, it was eros love. I didn't love her unconditionally in the  beginning. I loved her because of what she did for me. She made me feel good.  I like being with her. In other words, I loved her because of what she did for me.  It's like, it's like loving ice cream or loving pizza. I love ice cream. I love pizza.  Not because not because of what I do for it. It does something for me. That's  what friendship friendship love is Eros. Eros love is you love something because of what it does for you. And friendships are formed. I like this person. I get along  with this person, because I enjoy being with them. We share similar interests.  We do things together and it pleases me. It pleases them too. And that's why it's  a friendship. That's why it's a mutual thing. But it's not unconditional. It's  conditioned on shared interests. Examples of support groups or friendship  groups, workmates, you work with people, there's proximity, you work with them  every day, you have the same interest because you're doing a similar job. And  because of that, you end up supporting one another, in whatever that is,  neighbors can be a support group. This is our neighborhood. This is our street.  Right now, the street that I live on is all broken up, and someone needs to redo  it. So we're united on that. We're trying to get the city to do something. This is  our shared common interests, and unites us together. Sports or hobby friends,  I'm on a hockey team with my two sons. And we share this interest together and  my team, we're a team together. And when everyone plays like a team, it's more fun. And when people individually do their own thing, they don't pass the puck.  It's no fun. It's fun when we play as a team, Bible study groups, our support  groups, church task groups, you might be on the building and grounds  committee at your church. This group of people wants to make sure the building  is in shape and take care of things and use their gifts and abilities to make that  happen. Well, the whole group is in on this project together, they support one  another community groups. So there's all these different kinds of support  groups, how support groups work, number one, they're, they're formed around a topic or activity of common interests, I keep saying that, they're not formed. For  no reason. Groups are always formed around something else that everyone  agrees upon. They provide an arena for learning and succeeding in this topic or  activity, providing support. So if you're in a, in a, you know, maybe you're at CLI,  and you're doing this with some other students as well, and you support each  other, maybe you meet together, and you talk about assignments, and so on,  you're supporting one another, there's, maybe there's some competition  between the two who's going to do better. And various forms of evaluations, you  know, you, you take these quizzes and you get a 90 or you get an 80, or you get an 85, maybe you share these things, you know, I got a 90 Last time and you  got an 85, I won this week, and maybe you'll win this week. And that friendly  competition inspires people to become more than they would otherwise be. If  you're on a sports team, being a part of this group, and the challenge of being a  part of this group, often you do way better. Because of that than you would if you

were all alone trying to do this particular sport. They often provide levels of  advancement, you're taking this class, maybe you're working towards a degree  or particular certificate, you get these classes, and then you get this certificate.  And then if you add these two more classes, you get the next certificate, and  there's like these levels and degrees and, and you're climbing up some kind of  ladder of achievement that that you're striving for. And and when you get to the  next goal, it feels good. But then there's something else to work towards. Maybe ultimately, you want to be a pastor, a church planter, or you want to make a  difference in the workplace that you find yourself. And all these things are  helping you advance they help you study, they help you stick with it when you  want to quit the limitations of groups. Since most groups are formed around one  common interest, you're on a sporting team, I'm on a hockey team. That's what  we care about. We don't care about other things. We care about this one thing.  Since most groups are formed around one common interest or activity, they  often do not go deep in terms of another interest or activity. So I'm on a hockey  team, but they don't care about me completing this task. You know, they don't  ask, Hey, how's that communication class coming? Because what they care  about is hockey. So that's the limitation of groups is they generally are formed  around one interest. And that's the only thing that they care about. That means  most support groups will not go deep into one's relationship with God. So we're  all a part of these support groups all over our lives. Work Support groups, play  support groups, family supportgroups, community support groups, but most of  them don't concern themselves. With our walk with God, even Bible study  groups don't always go deep and exploration of its members walk with God.  Again, I said that before, they're interested in studying Ephesians 4, but they  don't ask questions like, well, how's How's devotions going with your marriage?  How are your kids walking with God? And what are you doing together as a  family? They concern themselves with the study for tonight. It's Ephesians 4.  what do you think it means? I don't know. What do you think it means? And  that's what we talk about. And at the end of the night, what do you want to pray  for? You have any prayer requests, they don't ask what I've been praying for all  week. And whether I've been praying all week. See, most church groups don't  hold people accountable for connection, one, two, and three. But that's what we  need if we're going to succeed. So what kind of friends and or support group do  most people need? A good friend that has a walk with God. I need people that  are trying to do what I'm doing. Then have a personal walk with God, to have a  marriage, walk with God and have a family walk with God. If I have teenagers,  and I'm trying to do family devotions, and I'm struggling, I want to meet with  another family. With teenagers. I want to know what they're doing, and what's  working and what's not working. So I can get help. I need a mentor in my life,  someone who's farther along the trail than I am that that I can get  encouragement and challenge from I need an accountability group. What 

happens? Why should I stick to this? How can I stick to this? What is  communication look like in connection four? Honesty, I need people who are  honest with me that really want to know how my walk with God is going. I need  people that I can confess to I'm going to fail. I need people that I can confess  and receive forgiveness and try it again. I need people that will challenge me. I  need people that would encourage me, not just challenge but encourage lift me  up. I need people that will forgive me when I fail so I can try again. Alright,  questions for accountability, I'm just going to give you a whole list of questions.  These are really good questions, you might want to write them down and  actually use them in an accountability if you don't have people that support you.  Even at CLI you're doing the CLI thing. And it's hard on your own to just stick  with it. It's tough. You know how hard it is. It's really hard because no one's No  one's forcing you to do this tomorrow to go to the next session. You have to on  your own figure this out, you have to put it into a schedule. You of all people on  the earth know more about what I'm talking about, and then most. So I'm going  to give you a list of accountability questions that are that would if you if you  formed a group that would help you. These are the kinds of things you might go  over. What are the greatest challenges you have been experiencing? What are  the greatest joy? So you sit down with your accountability group? This is a  couple of questions you might ask. How is your walk with God been since we  last met? Have you been experiencing the abundant life experiencing God's  presence drawing on his wisdom and strength? Number three, have you been  spending consistent time with God on a regular basis in prayer and Bible study  and reading? What have you gained in this time? Okay. Did you read your  Bible? Yes, I did. Oh, really? Well, what did you read? How was God speaking to you? So you have to be in prayer with God if you can answer that question.  What are you reading and setting in addition to your quiet time that is deepening your relationship with God? Number four, in what ways have you stepped out in  faith since we last met, given your testimony sensed God's activity in your life?  So you read God's word you're praying? Have you shared it? Number five, what  has been your greatest disappointment? Since the last time we met? How have  you handled this? We're not just looking at the positive we're looking at the  negative, too. Is there any hatred, bitterness, spite resentment or unforgiveness  in your heart towards another person? Let's deal with it now before it becomes a thing of bitterness. Once it becomes a bitter root, it's hard to get rid of have you  gossiped about any person or situation since we last met? That's a touch one.  number seven. How have you managed your tongue? Have you been sharp,  unkind and said things You should not have said to anyone, have you used  language that's inappropriate, swearing laughing at inappropriate jokes? Have  you compromise your integrity in any way by your speech? See, these are?  These are tough questions, aren't they? Hey, how have you served others since  we last met? What were your motives and attitudes when serving? Was it just so

you could feel good about yourself? Number nine, have you procrastinated on  the important things in your daily life? Or spiritual walk that should not be put  off? Number 10. Are you spending too much time at work or another activities at  the expense of your family? Or others or your spiritual life? Eleven, Have you  been spending good? A good quantity and quality time with your spouse, your  children, mother or father? What have you done since we last met to enhance  these relationships? Are you praying together? You know, there's a statistic at  least in America, that, that whether you're a Christian couple or not a non  Christian couple, the divorce rate is the same. Except among those couples that pray together. Number 12 Are you giving to the Lord's work financially? Have  you misuse your finances? By buying things you don't need at the expense of  your tithe or other responsibilities? Have you spent time with or talk with  anybody that could that could have been misinterpreted, as something unholy?  Have you endeavored to avoid the appearance of evil? 14? Have you accessed  internet sites watch movies or television which is inappropriate? That would  have grieved the spirit had a negative impact on someone else detracting from  your testimony or hindered your spiritual walk? That's a tough one.Because you  can do all these things and no one will know. Have you committed any sexual  sin? Have you had improper thoughts about the opposite sex? Has your thought life and pure? Are you wrestling with any sexual sin temptation? Have you put  yourself in an awkward situation with the opposite sex? Those are tough  questions. But those are important questions that we ask one another if you're  going to have a group of people that actually support you and help you grow in  the Christian life, and in relationships around you. These are the kinds of  questions we have to ask one another. 16 Have you used or abused any  substance as an escape? Instead of Casting all your cares on the Lord?  Cigarettes, food, alcohol, drugs, excessive caffeine, etc? 17 Are you taking time  to exercise your body and eat proper foods? This is the temple of the Holy Spirit, you only get one in your lifetime. And the better this is, the more you can do for  the Lord. Are you eating habits healthy? Are you taking time for rest and  relaxation? Is there excessive stress in your life? And how are you handling it?  18, Is there anything you're hiding? Or something else you need to be  accountable for which I did not? Number 19? Overall, does the external you and the internal you match? What's inside matches? What's on the outside? Are you  leading with your life? And then the last question, what is your number one need in the coming week? And how can I pray for you? Can you imagine if you had a  group of people that you actually went over these questions with, probably not  all of them every time. But what if you know four or five of them, you put on the  table and you met with someone once a week, maybe one person, maybe a  group of people and you actually held each other accountable for all that you're  going to fail. But the group would have to learn to trust one another. So you  need each other at first, that's eros love. We're in this group because we need it.

And it does something for me. But in the end, you end up with unconditional  love. Because you'll need that because you'll fail. And you need the  unconditional support of that group. See, what's the point. The point of  connection four is to help you in your walk with God and your personal walk with God connection one, to help you in your marriage walk with God. to help you  with your family. walk with God so that you can be a blessing to individuals a  blessing to other married couples, a blessing to other families.