Video Transcript: The Wildfire Triangle

Welcome back to the PeaceSmart Relationships course. At this point in the course, I'm going to do a quick review bring you up to speed on where we've been and refresh your memory of what we've covered in the past sections. 

We started off talking about the two fires of conflict: a Wildfire, which represents all of the dynamics of conflict, all the people involved, all of the property involved, all the emotions, circumstances; and the PeaceFire, that fire that ignites when someone decides to seek Jesus Christ in the midst of a conflict.  And at the Wildfire we find all of the turmoil, all of the fight all of the battle that goes on in conflict and at the Peacefire we find the transforming peace that Jesus Christ provides to those who seek Him. 

We talked about the choice that exists in every conflict, which fire is going to ignite your response to the conflict, what's happening at the Wildfire, or what's happening at the Peacefire, and how that choice will bear fruit for you in that conflict.  I want to mention something about that choice right now, before we continue.  And that is that there are repeated choices in every conflict.  It's not just a one-time choice to choose between the Wildfire and the Peacefire. 

There will be times in some conflicts, when you will make a choice that's based out of the Wildfire and what you see there, and what your feeling in that Wildfire that causes you to respond out of the flesh.  And then sometimes you will have another choice and you will respond at the Peacefire.  And the encouragement I have for you, this is not a one-time choice.  And no conflict is resolved or continues just on one choice.  But there are choices and conflict that one right after another.  And that as the Lord teaches you and lead you through conflict, it's not about getting your desired outcome.  It's not about making the right choice all the time.  But even when we make choices that are grounded in our natural desires, and not being led by the Holy Spirit, the Lord has opportunities there to teach us things, to change us, to correct us. 

Remember, then we talked about the three things that every conflict firefighter must know: that the Lord is always at work in the midst of conflict, that the reproof of correction is the path of life, and always to give thanks in the midst of conflict.  Even when things are going against us and we don't like the way things are happening in the conflict, maybe your relationship is has become strained, and tense, still to give thanks, because giving thanks, puts us in the presence of the Father and Jesus Christ, speaks to us, changes us, fill us with His Holy Spirit and guides us in our next steps.  No conflict is ever over on just one choice. 

Then we talked about also the Peacefire triangle and the three legs of that triangle being the Lord's purpose, and how understanding His purpose changes our priorities in conflict, His power and how His power changes our opportunities in conflict, and then His presence and now His presence will change our perspective on a conflict. 

And so we started into this section on the Lord's purpose and how do we discern the Lord's purpose and understand the dynamics of conflict in a way that we can respond at the Peacefire, rather than at the Wildfire.  And in the last session, we started to talk about the dynamics of the battle between the kingdoms, the kingdom of this life of this world that we're all born into, and then the kingdom of heaven, where we have to, can only enter by being born again, and when we're born again, we start the process of being changed, of the Lord transforming us into the image of Jesus Christ, and that is a work that alone can do and what He calls us to do is to seek Him in His Word, seek Him in prayer, and that through that relationship, He begins to change the way we think, and by changing the way we think, will change the way we respond to situations.  And we become His ambassadors and we begin to look more like Jesus Christ, we begin to act more like Jesus Christ as His presence in our life, transforms us into His image. And that process never ends.  And so we can expect that conflict will continue in our lives until the day we leave these bodies.  And then every one of those conflicts, there's opportunity to know the Lord, to see the Lord at work, and to be used as the Lord to bring blessing into the Wildfires that we encounter. 

So today, in this session, I want to introduce to you the Wildfire triangle.  And we're going to talk about the dynamics of the Wildfire and the dynamics of conflict at the beginning stages of a conflict and how does a conflict begin, and understanding that there's that battle between the kingdoms helps us at this point of our discussion. 

Remember, I spoke to you a few sessions ago about the Mount Vision fire and the campers that went out the hikers started their campfire and put it out, continued with their hike and the fire went underground and spread through roots underground before coming up and starting a very destructive Wildfire.  Conflict often starts that way.  It starts underground, it starts in the heart.  Most of our conflicts begin in our heart, and our desires where our desires are seated. 

The battle between the flesh and the spirit, between the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of heaven, it rages and is fought in our heart.  That battle is for the desires of our heart, and who will we give, and to what will we give our desires.  Galatians 5:16-17, say, “So I say walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh, for the flesh, desires, what is contrary to the Spirit, and the spirit, what is contrary to the flesh.”  They're in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” 

So we can expect in our conflicts, to have this battle between the flesh and the spirit. We've all been there, we've all had conflicts where we have given into our natural desires and said that thing that felt so good to say, but we knew we shouldn't have said it.  And then we have to deal with the consequences.  We've also been in conflicts where we've walked by the Spirit, but those that we've been in conflict with have stayed in the flesh, and things didn't wind up the way we thought they would if we walked in the Spirit. 

So remember that the desired outcome that we have and the expectations we have for how conflict will be resolved are not within our hands in our control.  All that we control is our piece of the conflict, our contribution to the conversation and the dynamics of the situation.  The other parties involved in a conflict have their own situation, their own desires, their own perspective on the conflict, which is why go into the Peacefire, we want to seek the Lord's perspective, we want to understand His purpose. It changes our priorities and we deal with the conflict in a way that will bring glory to Him.  And we trust Him to protect us.  We trust Him to provide for us, we trust Him to accomplish His purpose and His good pleasure. 

The Scripture tells us that we cannot love the world and the Lord at the same time.  In the book of 1John 2:15-16 we read, “Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world love for the Father, the Father's love is not in them.  For everything in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life comes not from the Father, but from the world.”

The Apostle John identifies three things that comprise the love of the world.  The Scriptures are clear that we're not to love the world, we're in the world, but we're not of the world.  And sometimes in the midst of conflict, and we're fighting over the things of the world. Sometimes it's our reputation. Sometimes it's our possessions. Sometimes it's our pride, that the Apostle John writes that those three things are the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life.  And out of these desires, come the love of the world. 

The Apostle James writes about two types of wisdom that are applied, that assist us in whether we are to have peace in our relationships, or that we're going to have conflict.  He talks about a worldly wisdom and He talks about a wisdom that comes from heaven.  It starts in James 3:13-18, where he writes, “Who is wise and understanding among you, let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you harbor bitter envy, and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it, or deny the truth.  Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but is earthly unspiritual, demonic.  For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure than peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” 

One of the fascinating dynamics of conflict is that we each have our perspective on the situation.  If you and I are fighting about our lantern again, and from where I stand, I see that my right to the lantern is how I see it, I'm right.  I believe I should have the lantern and you should not.  Now from where you stand if from where your perspective on the conflict exists, you think you're right and you think that lantern should belong to you.

And what I have learned in practicing law for 20-some years is that we're both right.  You can explain to me exactly why that lantern should belong to you and I can explain to you exactly why that lantern should belong to me. But we can’t both be right can we?  Well, my challenge to you, as we process through the dynamics of conflict is that it's not about being right.  But it is about, for us as believers in Jesus Christ, is are we going to walk by faith through this conflict, in obedience to Jesus Christ, or are we just going to pursue what our desires want? 

What James writes about in James 3, he tells us that if we have envy, if we have bitterness, if we have affection of spirit, we're going to be using wisdom that applies to this world.  And we are not going to see the Lord's peace at work in our situation, our relationship.  But those values that come from abiding in Jesus Christ, those fruit of the Holy Spirit that evidences itself in in love, joy, peace, patience, long suffering, gentleness, kindness, self -control help us discern our motivation. 

If I am trying to get the lantern from you, in our conflict, and that's what's driving me, my desire for the lantern and not my desire to walk and please Jesus Christ, I'm going to be evidencing the works of the flesh, as we try to resolve this conflict.  If I'm walking in the Spirit, I'm going to evidence the fruit of the Spirit.  The challenge for us as believers is not letting those desires of the flesh control us because that lantern, whatever it is we're fighting about, wherever the fight is in the conflict, those things are so important to us.  And they're often extremely important to us and they become idols and they become more important to us than our relationship with Jesus Christ. 

In those moments, when you recognize that you're in the grip of an idol, or a desire is driving you that you know is not from the Holy Spirit, does not reflect the nature of Jesus Christ in you, it’s time to run to the Peacefire; it’s time to humble yourself, and ask the Lord to change you because something's been exposed and therein lies your opportunity for transformation. 

James goes on in Chapter 4 to talk more about our desires and how conflict stems from those desires.  In James 4:1, he says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?  You desire but do not have, so you kill and murder. You covet but you cannot get what you want so you quarrel and fight.  You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  Your adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity with God?  Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world, becomes an enemy of God.”

Conflict brings out the real me and the real you.  It reflects our desires.  And these few verses in James Chapter 4 are so instructive to us, in revealing to us where conflict begins.  It begins with our desires.

Let's talk about the lantern again for a moment. If I desire to have that lantern, and I currently don't have it, this passage suggests that my desires are going to drive me.  If I let the desire for that lantern, overwhelm my desire to walk with Jesus Christ and follow him and obey him that that lantern will result in my becoming in conflict, creating conflict first in my own heart, in my relationship with Jesus Christ, and then with others. 

That passage says that if I don't have something, and I want it, my desire will drive me to go get it and even to kill for it.  And remember Jesus’ parables in the book of Matthew talking about thou shall not murder?  And he said, you commit murder even when you are angry with someone.  

Do you ever get angry and conflict?  I know I do.  So when those moments arise, the Word tells us that those desires, then we don't get what we want and so we're willing to get angry with someone, we're willing to murder a relationship in order to get what we want.  And he goes on to say that we don't have what we want because we haven't asked God for it.  And that, then even when we do ask God for it, we don't get what we want because the Lord doesn't want us to have it. 

And that brings us to an interesting place.  Because if I want the lantern, and I've asked the Lord for, but He sees fit not to grant my request at the present time because of my motives, or for any other reason for that matter, once I persist in trying to obtain the lantern, I'm now pursuing something that the Lord doesn't want me to have.  I'm pursuing my purpose.  And my priorities in pursuing the lantern are governed by my own desires. 

But the Lord would have us come to him at the Peacefire, seek let Him, let Him examine our desires and change those desires if they need, and He will reveal to us whether He wants us to have the lantern or not, and what to do about that lantern.  Sometimes we don't hear from the Lord, but we want to hear, or sometimes we're just too busy to listen and so we pursue our own path thinking that the Lord must want me to have this lantern, because it's so nice looking at it will look great, on my mantel by the fireplace at home.  And so I continue to pursue the lantern, not even realizing that the Lord doesn't want me to have it at this point.  As long as I pursue that lantern, I'm going to become a conflicted person and I'm going to cause conflict with anyone who stands in my way of obtaining that lantern. And if it's you, our relationship is going to be strained, our relationship is going to suffer conflict.  And so the roots of conflict start with the desires in our hearts. 

So think back to your last conflict and the desires that you had about that situation. What was the fight about?  Was it about relationship issues?  Was it about property or money?  And what was the desired outcome for you in that conflict, in that conversation?

Consider your desires, consider what the Lord is at work exposing there and showing you and the opportunities you have, even now, to take that situation before the Lord and ask Him to examine your heart and give you insight into what He's showing you, what He's doing, what is the Lord at work doing in the midst of that relationship?  And then as He shows you respond. Maybe there's something you need to confess, maybe there's something you need to go to someone and ask for forgiveness.  Maybe there's someone you need to forgive.  But whatever the dynamic is, you'll find the Lord at work in that relationship and His desire is to bring restoration; reconciliation.

So concluding this session, we've talked in this session about the unmet desires of the heart that can create idols that cause conflict.  When those desires exist, that underground fire is about to come to the surface.  And in our next session, we're going to talk about that dynamic that we call the fire trap of offense, that when someone takes offense, the Wildfire begins. 

God bless you. We'll see you next time.