Video Transcript: Playfully Connected

Hello, my name is Steve Elzinga. Again, we're in the pre marriage coaching  badge class. Last time, we looked at how a couple is connected permanently,  the question Why do you think your marriage is going to last when so many of  them don't? And, and the answer is, of course, commitment to each other based on your commitment to Christ. So there has to be a connection to Christ to begin with, and, and we'll talk more about how to help a couple grow spiritually  together in another session. What I want to talk about in this second connection  is how we're how a couple is connected playfully, playfully, God has created us  to have fun when you when you look at people, you know, out in public, if you  see if you see two people talking, within two or three minutes, somebody is  laughing about something, a couple that plays together, stays together.  Ecclesiastes 9:8, enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, enjoy life with your  wife. Questions. So again, the in the book that all the questions are written out  here. And what you want to do is get each person, the girl, the guy, each one to  answer these questions first separately, before looking at them together. So a  question number one, how does the theory of opposites attract? hinder your  playing time together? So you know, usually, you know, not everything about a  couple is opposite. But but a lot of things are, we're attracted to someone, often  who's different than we are, you know, we like to get up early, the other person  likes to get up late. One person likes sports, another person likes some other  hobby. So in so if you look at your relationship, so what you're asking the young  couple to do, or the older couple, whoever's getting getting married, what you're  asking them to do is to sort of think about how they're opposite. And how  sometimes that makes it hard to connect in terms of shared interest. Number  two, how can the fact that opposites attract help you both explore new things?  So now you you want them writing down some things, you know, okay, we're  opposite in this, you have this interest, I have that interest. But that might  actually help us, you know, expand our horizons. God brings opposites together, sometimes, not just to make it difficult, but to help each person expand the  horizons on other opportunities. Number three, what might be some of these  new things that you could do together? So, again, each one each, each  individual is doing this on their own? So each one has to think about okay, well,  you know, he's into that. So, you know, could I join in that my wife is in the  birdwatching. So how might I join her in that now? I'm not going to be the  phanatic that she is. But you know, where can we connect on this? Music is a  thing that my wife and I share. So there's some shared things. There's also  some opportunities where I can learn to enjoy some of the things that she likes,  and vice versa. Questions and now you're coming out now the couple is coming  together, check out each other's answer from part one, what stands out to you  as positive? as negative as both? So now you're looking at each other's  answers. What did you say? You know, we're opposite How is that a problem?  And he says one thing she says another, and we sort of compare notes. Number

two, what interests do you currently share together? So now you're trying to  answer this together? What are you doing together? What hobbies do you have  together? What do you both like doing, you know, going for a walk at night or  sitting down and you know, coloring or drawing or doing some art or doing some craft or you know, doing a particular sport, my wife, you know, I'm into pickleball.  And so once in a while, she'll join with me and she's, you know, sort of working  at it. Number 3, How would you rate your playtime and you can have each one  do it separately and then share, you know, on a scale of 1-10 10 being  awesome. How would you rate it? I mean, do you do things together? Do you  have fun doing these things together? Number four, or how might you improve  your playtime? What could you do? Okay, it is what it is right now. But are there  some things that you could do to make it better? Okay, then. So after talking with this, I have a closing prayer, it's all right here in the book. And what I'm trying to  do with this closing prayer is, nice way to end our time together. But it's also a  good way to help a couple start learning how to pray with each other. That's  going to come in the lesson where we talked about spirituality. But I want to  model right from the very beginning, that learning how to pray with one another,  because there's a saying, you know, I made up the saying a couple that plays  together stays together, the real way that goes is a couple that prays together,  stays together. And they've done some studies, at least the United States, the  divorce rate among Christians is almost the same as the divorce rate among  non Christians. Except for Christians that pray together, the divorce rate goes  down to like .5%. For those that pray together, so this is a key habit that a  couple needs to incorporate into their marriage. So it's all written down, together. So you know, the couple says, these words together, Lord, thank you for  bringing us together then the husband, or the you know, the fiancee, I thank you, God for this person, you know, Helen, or whatever the lady's name is, for her  passion for the things she likes to do. I confess, I've not always taken an interest in her interests. The wife or the fiance and potential wife, I thank God for you  know, Bob, for his passion for the things he likes to do. I confess I've not always  taken an interest in his interests, then then they pray together, help us Lord to  spend time together and playful, fun, enjoyable activities that we can share  together, amen. Okay, now, if you're doing this study with a group, there's  questions for the group. Number one, what, what is one thing regarding play that the ladies would like to share with the whole group? So if you're doing in a  retreat setting, you first have the ladies meet together and go over the material  and answer the questions and discuss it among themselves. That's really  helpful. It's really helpful to get a bunch of ladies talking about this. What is the  one thing regarding play that the men would like to share with the whole group?  So now, you know, the ladies have met and talked about it, the men have met  and talked about it among themselves. Now what is the upshot of what the  women thing? What is the upshot of what the men thing? Number three, what is 

one thing regarding play that any couple would like to share with the whole  group? So now all the couples are there together? In this whole arena of play?  Is, is there anything that anyone would like to share? And finally, number four,  what are some ideas to improve couples playtime. So if you're doing it at a  retreat setting, or you're doing it in a Bible study setting, then this is a great time  for all the couples to brainstorm, like, what are the things that couples could do?  And so the benefit of that is you have a lot of ideas generated from a lot of  different people. One couple is doing something and when they hear about it,  another couple goes, oh, you know, maybe we can do that, too. So this session  really is about helping a couple think about their fun together. You know, when a  couple is dating, they, they work hard at fun, okay? And then people get married  and a couple of years later, the fun drops out of it, you start having children,  there's work is many things to do always behind the house to take care of all  these issues that that happen in a marriage that you don't have in the dating  process. And a lot of the fun goes out the door. So to establish a fun pattern, like you know, being playful with one another God created us to have fun to enjoy  one another. Joy is one of the gifts that God gives us. One of the benefits of  marriage, but we have to work at it. We have to think about it and and why not  start off the marriage on the right foot. So getting the marriage to think the  couples are thinking about their playing time together.