Video Transcript: Communication Objective - Encouragement

All right, we are rocking along. Hopefully you've been keeping up with all the  lectures and the readings and the quizzes. I hope that's going well. And I  especially want to say that to you, because in this session, we're going to talk  about the objective in terms of communication, of encouragement. How do you  give encouragement? So again, we're talking about communication. Saying  something to someone, you're trying to communicate something? And here's  specifically, how do we encourage something with our communication? So why  is this a need? Why is it that people need encouragement? Number one, to help people overcome critical, negative environments. We live in a critical, negative  world. All you have to do is turn on the news, you'll see that. The news is  everything that is wrong in our world today. Husbands and wives, when they get  together often talk about what is wrong? What is wrong with the kids? What is  wrong with our neighbors? What is wrong with work? What what's what is going  wrong? Parents are often criticizing the children, you're not doing this, right? You didn't do that, right? I told you to clean up, you didn't do it. We live in this  negative critical world. And everyone thinks they're an expert on giving advice.  So you do something wrong, I want to give you advice, I'm actually trying to help you. So people think that they're being real helpful when they're giving advice to  people. But what people really lack is encouragement. In fact, I think the rule of  thumb is for every negative thing that you say to someone, one, every critical  piece that you say to someone else, you really need to say seven encouraging  things to sort of balance it out. Usually it is the other way around, we say seven  negative things. And then we try to balance it out. Oh, and by the way, you do  this pretty good. And it doesn't balance out. So everyone is feeling, you know,  bombarded, their boss, everyone's unhappy with me or with you. Number two,  why do we need encouragement to help motivate people to try new things or  stick with old things? People don't want to try anything new. Because if they try  something new, they're likely to fail. And if they fail, they're likely to get criticized  at work, why would an employee step out and try something new? The chances  of success are not good when you try something new. And if you fail, everyone's gonna let you know about everyone's gonna let you know about it. So  encouragement is you can do it. And maybe you'll fail the first time. But we're  not expecting wild success the first time. Encouragement gets people to do  something new. To help people know that they are making progress. Okay,  you're not there yet. But you're farther along than you were, you know, trying to  learn. You watch a coach trying to help players improve. He wants them to be  way up here. He wants them to be really good. But they're way down here. So  when they get here, when they get to the first step, he encourages them, Oh,  you guys are doing great. You're not You're not what doesn't mean you're where  I want you to be. But you're improving. You're making progress. I tell you if  people feel like they're making progress. They keep working at something. Why  communicating encouragement is sometimes difficult. It's I think encouragement

is probably the number one thing that people need. It's the number one thing  that if we who communicate would do would help people succeed more than  anything else. People in church need encouragement. Pastors need  encouragement. Parents need encouragement. Children need encouragement. I don't care what are we the bosses need encouragement. Employees need  encouragement. Every one needs encouragement. But the problem is it's  difficult and the reason why it's difficult number one, it is difficult to give  encouragement If you've never got if you never got or get encouragement.  Encouragement is like a glass of water, you're trying to give someone a glass of  water, they're thirsty, you're trying to give them a glass of water. But if you don't  have any water yourself, if you're thirsty yourself, see, when you get a glass of  water, you drink it. And you don't have anything to give to anyone else. So that's  the problem. A lot of a lot of parents have a hard time encouraging their kids,  because when they were kids, they didn't get encouragement from their own  parents. So there's like this lack. There's this emptiness inside that is not being  fulfilled. And if it's not fulfilled with me, I have nothing to give you. It's difficult to  give encouragement if you never got or get encouragement. Number two, many  people don't know how. How do you do it? A lot of parents don't know how to  encourage their kids, they don't know what to say. When do I do it. So let's say  you have this toddler, and they spill their milk. Be careful, don't spill the milk. I  mean, your initial reaction is to criticize every failure is an opportunity to help  someone grow. So you take your toddler, they spill the milk, you give them a  washcloth, you say, Oh, well, let's clean up this mess. Look at look how much  fun this is. And you help them help clean up the mess. And when they're done  cleaning up the mess, you praise them. Wow, you did a really good job of  cleaning up this mess. See, a lot of parents don't know how to do that all they  see is where the kids failed, they don't see it as an opportunity to turn the whole  thing around. bosses don't get that pastors sometimes don't get that couple of  husbands and wives, they don't get that either. So we're handing out negative  criticisms. And we don't know how to switch it to encouragement. Many people  just don't know how. Number three, many people are not secure enough with  their own position to give out, encouragement. If I lack it, if I don't feel  encouraged, I don't feel like I'm in an encouraging mood. I'm looking for where  people can help me. I'm looking where others can lift me up. And I'm not looking  for how I can lift someone else up. Well, what is encouragement. En- part of the  word is to make, courage is to make strong. So when we encourage someone,  we're taking their weakness, and we're trying to help them turn it into some kind  of strength. I want to give you strength, the words that I say are designed to help you go from weakness to strength. Well, how do you communicate that, number  one, be positive. It's easy to be negative. And I, you know, I find it very easy to  be negative. I'm kind of a lawyer kind of person, I see the problems. And, you  know, that's what I gravitate to. I remember when I first started writing up my 

prayers and write all my prayers, my family, my friends, my church. And then  when I got to myself, I started writing PMA. And I would write that every single  day. PMA, positive mental attitude. Because it's easy to be negative. It's easy to  see everything that is wrong. How can I be positive? When I meet people, when  I talk to people, how can I be positive, you're going to encourage someone you  have to be positive. Be prophetic. You're not where you need to be right now.  But I know you can get there. I know you can succeed at this. And I'm telling my  kids. I know you're gonna do a good job with this new job that you took my kids  they're now grown up, they're out of the house. They're getting their own jobs  and so on. I know you can do it. I see something in, be prophetic. I love doing  that in church with especially with young people. I try to find something positive  something that I see. I see that you're very inquisitive. And I'm looking forward to what God is going to use you for with that inquisitiveness. When I was in fifth  grade I was working on something in art class. And the teacher came by and  looked at what I was doing. And she said, You are creative. She prophetically  looked into the future, and said, You are creative. I used that all through my  schooling. I am a creative person, I still feel that way about myself. This is what I am. But I would have never known that about my future. If that teacher didn't say something. Be sincere. Tell the truth. Don't just, you know, I think the next one  be realistic. Don't just give idle flattery. Oh, you're awesome. You're great. You're wonderful. You'll do wonder, you know, and a lot of times flattery is very generic.  You're great. I'm great at what? Specifically, what am I great at? I'm great at  speaking, I'm great at helping people. I'm great at numbers. I'm great at logic,  what am I great at? But sometimes we just give flattery, I just want to say nice  things to you make you feel good, or makes me feel good. Don't. Be sincere, be  specific. Build on a person's success. In the past, I saw you do this. And I think  God has something in store for you. I saw the way you took time with that  person. And I saw you listening to them. You were listening to them. You were  you were getting them to speak and you you had the patience to hear their side  of things or their story. I see that as a great asset for you to listen to people to  understand where other people are coming from before you give advice, or you  start talking. Boy, I wonder what God is going to do. Maybe he's calling you to  some ministry. I don't know what he's trying to do. But this is what I see in you. I  see this, this musical talent in you. You're just starting out. But wow, I start  seeing good things in people around you. When to communicate  encouragement, number one before, during and after challenging tasks. So last  time, we talked about Challenge Challenge can sometimes make people feel  bad, I'm challenging you to do something that you don't think you can do. So  there's a lot of failure thought, A lot of negative thoughts surrounding a  challenge. So I need to surround these challenges. With encouragement, you  can do this. I know you can do this. Now they're in the middle of it. I know you've had a rough time of it. But I still think you could do this. And then when they 

finally succeed, I knew you could do this. Number two meanings, speeches,  random encounters. Try to be encouraging. Whatever, whenever you open your  mouth, a sermon, a speech, discussion with your son or your daughter, a  random person that you sitting on the bus with doesn't matter. Try to be in other  words work at it. Today, I'm going to be encouraging with with everything that I  say or do. What are words of encouragement? You can do it. You are really  good at this. You are really making progress. This is why I chose you to do this  thing. By the way, with these four things, write them down on a card, stick them  in your pocket, walk around for a week or so. And then as you engage people  just take it out and look and see which one you can do. This is a skill. Maybe  Maybe you weren't surrounded with a lot of encouragement. And you're going to have to learn how to you're going to need to learn this as a habit. And the only  way to learn this as a habit is to practice it. Quote, encouraging scriptures, so  many encouraging scriptures were to begin Romans 15:4, for everything that  was written in the past was written to teach us so that through the endurance  taught in the scriptures, and the encouragement that they provide, we might  have hope. The whole Bible is about encouragement. Romans 12 for justice,  each of us has one body with many members and these members do not all  have the same function. So in Christ, we though many form one body and each  member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts according to the grace  given to us, to each of us. If your gift is prophesying then prophesy in  accordance with Your faith, if it's serving then serve, if it's teaching then teach, if  it's to encourage and then give encouragement, if it is giving, then give  generously. If it is to lead, do it diligently if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.  What is your gift? You have a specific God gives His Spirit to everyone. It gives  a certain gift to everyone. What is your gift? Do it, you have it? Then I have three examples. Gideon Gideon, is is, is in the book of Judges. God comes a lot of  problems in the land of Israel. Things aren't going well. People are ignoring God. An angel comes to Gideon and says blessed be you know, some some  encouraging thing to Gideon and Gideon responds to the angel by saying  nothing is going good ever. People are raiding us, taking advantage of us.  Where's God? And then the angel says to Gideon. Okay, you have a lot of  complaints about how things are going, how about I choose you? I choose you  to do something about these problems. All of a sudden now Gideon, you know,  when you're complaining, you're high and mighty, you're judging everyone,  you're looking down on every one, you have all the answers. But when it's  switched around, okay, why don't you do something about all these problems?  All of a sudden, this is how Gideon responds. I'm the least I'm from the smallest  tribe. There's 12 tribes, I'm from the smallest tribe. And I'm in the least the  smallest clan within the tribe. And I am the least within my family. So what was  he saying? I am the least possible success story to your to what you want me to  do? It all goes wrong. I'm the worst possible choice. And then God says, Well, 

I'm choosing you. And the rest of the story of Gideon is how God works. Faith  into Gideon. Gideon says, How do I know this is true? How do I know it's you.  And there's the test of the fleece. And then God tests Gideon, at every step of  the way. But the whole point of what God was doing with Gideon is to build him  

up. You feel like the least, but you are going to do this great thing. Because of  me, Moses, God comes and calls Moses, Moses is in the desert, he's run away.  He, he wants to he's, you know, it didn't work out well with the Egyptians didn't  work out well with his fellow brothers in slavery in Egypt. So he just escapes.  And God speaks to the burning bush and says, I'm going to have you go back  and I want you to be the leader. I want you to go back and get my people out of  Egypt. Moses says me. Who am I? Again, he does the same thing like Gideon.  All I've done is failed. I'm not the guy. And then the rest of the story is God  building up Moses. I'm gonna give you signs. I'm gonna give you your brother.  I'm gonna give you two sides of the ten plagues. We're gonna get through this.  I've chosen you. But I'm going to lift you all the way. Mary angel comes to Mary.  You're going to have a child this child will be the Messiah. How's that gonna  work? I'm a virgin. This is impossible. The angel says all things are possible with God. Mary is given this challenge that's an impossible challenge. But then God  what the angels said lifts Mary up so Mary says I will do I will do whatever is  commanded of me. And that's true. As you try to communicate encouragement  to the people around you What are you giving them you're making courage?  How can you give encourage again, it's a skill that must be learned so when  you're done with this you take it out. I don't know who you're going to meet the  rest of this day. But make it your goal to try to encourage everyone that you  meet Oh, yeah, I got some more to go. Are you still with me? Wally? I still am.  Are we still recording? All right, because I got more to say. Alright, share  encouraging stories from your own on life, I got a few stories from my own life,  special reading class. Third grade, I was in a special reading class, no one, you  know, the ones that couldn't read very well were put into it. So I was in the class  for the dummies, that's how I felt. I just couldn't get read. The teacher told my  father, you know, your son is just slow. I don't think he's ever going to make it in  terms of college, teach him a skill or some kind of thing that he can do with his  hands. Because he's, he's not, he's not going to be one for books and going on  to school and so on. Well, you know, my dad. He told the teacher that she was  nuts. And he found these books for my brother and I to do and we had to do  them before school for the next year. And he paid us $1. For every book that we  worked through, there were answers and things we kind of like Christian leaders Institute, kind of like what you're doing these books, we had a circle things and  read things. And it was all designed to help us read better. And you know what, I did go on to school. I did graduate from university, I did go on to graduate  school. All because of, because my dad encouraged me gave me courage in the face of failure. Drum Major. When I was in high school, I was in the marching 

band. And I was elected the drum major my senior year, and I had this suit on  and it was a white suit, and a big tall hat. And I had a big baton, and I was direct, I was the director of the band. And before the football game, I would lead the  band out. The band would come out onto the field. And then the announcer  would say, and now that man up front, and he'd say my name, and the whole  crowd on both sides would be on their feet watching. And I was supposed to sort of prance through the middle of the band. And once I got to the outside, I was  supposed to jump up into the air. do a somersault, come down on my feet, and  the band would stop or the drum roll would stop. So is this elaborate thing, you  know, the way to start the whole thing out? Well, it was raining. And the band  director came up to me and said, You know, it's raining? I said, Yeah, I know, it's  raining. And you know, the grass might be slippery. Yeah, the grass might be  slippery. So be careful. Are you you know, you could you know, in front of  everyone, you can fall on the ground. So I said, you know, and I thought that  would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I mean, I had  nightmares about falling in front of everyone, and how would I ever recover from such a negative experience? So it's raining. And, you know, they call my name.  And now that man up front, and the drum roll happens, and I'm doing my thing  through the band. And then I get to the end, and I do my somersault? Well, I  didn't really get to it. I didn't get to the somersault because what I forgot, is, you  know, I was thinking, be careful on the landing. You know, when you land, you  better be careful, because you might slip on the wet grass. But what I forgot is  that when you push off to go into the air, you know, that force on the ground is is  where you might slip. And that's what happened. I never got off the ground. I  came in, I was about to jump, and I just, I just slid right into the 50 yard line. It  was a nightmare for me. A total absolute nightmare. Well, we did that at the  beginning before the game. And then we did the same shtick at halftime. Now at halftime, usually, because the people have already seen it at the beginning.  Everyone is going getting hotdogs and they're getting pop and they're doing  other things. But every this time everyone stays though. The stands on this side  stands on that side. Everyone stayed no one went and got a hot dog or their  their pop because they wanted to see this guy in his white suit fall on the 50  yard line again. They were wondering what I was going to do. And I'll tell you  that first half, I was wondering what I was going to do. So I thought about it. And  this is what I did, is uh now that man up front, and the drum roll is going and I'm  doing my thing through the band. And when I got to the edge of the band where  I supposed to do my somersault and land and so I just stopped and I took off my hat and I gently walk out into the crowd and I bowed to this side and I bow to  that side and that was it and this negative experience. It became an incredible  positive experience is encouraging for me, because my worst, I thought you  couldn't fail or be more embarrassed by this than anything else that can happen  to me up to that point in my life. And you know what? It turned into a good thing. 

That the worst thing can happen to you, but who knows what God might do  through you in it, or what he might do for you. There's always something  encouraging, in everything you go through. One more the trumpet, I learned how to play the trumpet. I was in fifth grade. And the band guy wanted me to do a  solo. It was a hymn, and the hymn had this really high note, at least for a  beginner. And I played in this service thing. And when I got to that high note, I  missed it. And I was, I didn't know what to do. I decided I will never play my  trumpet in public ever again. This is so humiliating, this is I'm not, I'm never  doing this again. And after that service, someone came up to me that I didn't  know. And just talking in general, and said, Oh, were you one of the kids in the  program. And I realized this person didn't even know that I was the trumpet  person. And I realized people don't care. As much as I think they care. And  they're not paying attention to all the failures and mistakes that we make. See,  we make those bigger than they really are. That turned out to be in a really  encouraging thing. So I tell stories like this. Stories that have happened in my  own life, to try to encourage other people that have gone through failures, and  they think they think this failure marks who they are, this is no turn it around. It  can be a positive thing for you to find stories in your own life that are  encouraging to people that hear them. Art teacher I told that one once before. All right, we're gonna end this session, and we'll see you in the next lecture.