Video Transcript: How to Ask Questions

All right, welcome to the next session. In this session, I want to talk about how to ask questions. Asking questions is one of the greatest ways to get conversation  going. It's a good way to get introduced, topics that you want to communicate  with, it gets people thinking. It establishes a topic in an interesting manner. Who  might have a question who asked the first question in the Bible? If you think  about it. First question was asked by. Well there's Eve, she asked a question,  Adam? The answer is Satan. Satan came to Adam and Eve. And asked, Did  God really say that when you eat the fruit in the middle of the garden that you  will die? The question got Adam and Eve thinking. And in fact, it was a leading  question. We'll talk about the different kinds of questions. But that question was  a leading question. Second question that was asked in the Bible. That was God.  After sin entered the world, Adam and Eve hid from each other. But then they  hid from God as well. And so when God came walking in the garden, and the  cool of the day, he didn't find the man and the woman. And so we called, where  are you? Where are you? And that was not just a question because God knew  exactly where they were. It was, Are you going to confess and come clean or  not? kind of question. It was a challenging question. So I want to look at  questions. The most common question probably asked in the world, at least in  my experience, at least here in the United States, is the question, how are you?  How are you? It's almost a greeting in our culture center saying, Hi, we just say  how are you? And the response is fine. You're not supposed to say terrible.  You're not supposed to say, you know, I have this issue or that issue. That's not  what people are asking. They just want it's just a greeting. How are you? Fine as the way to answer that one. All right. There are different types of questions. And  I want to go over those. Number one, recall, a recall question is a simple one  word answer question. For example, what is your name? My name is Steve, is  very simple. What do you do? I'm a farmer. I'm a truck driver. I'm a teacher. It's a it's a very simple one word answer type question. I just want you to recall what  you already know. Number two, a closed question. A closed question is a yes or  no question. Are you married? Yes or no? We don't need any more explanation  at all. Some of the questions that you have on our quizzes are yes and no  questions. We try not to have too many of those. Because those are the least  interesting. Is we're just asking you for basic information. And you tell us is it  this? Or is it that. Number three open questions, questions that require a  sentence or two to answer? Are you married? Yes or no? Yes, I'm married.  Okay. And open question is, what did you What do you think about your  marriage? Well, that's a good question. Now, that can still be a simple question.  I think it's good. I think it's bad. Another question is, tell me what you like about  your marriage. Okay. We'll get to that. That's maybe the next one. Okay.  Questions that nudge a person to an answer in a direction that the questioner  seeks. So what do you like about your marriage? I am pushing you towards  being positive. You can be negative. If I just said, What do you think about your 

marriage? Good or bad? Well, then you might go bad, you might go good. You  might do a little bit of both. But I'm leading you I'm pushing you in the direction  that I don't want to hear about the bad. What do you like about your marriage?  Well, I like this, and I like that. And I like that. We you know, we do some of the  same things together. Okay, so I'm getting what I want from you. What don't you  

like about your marriage? Okay, so now I'm specifically looking for all the  negative thing. So I'm leading you down a direction. I'm trying to help push you  towards the answers. I'm interested in a hypothetical hypothetical question  questions that are based on an imagined scenario. These are fun questions.  These are good ways to get conversation going. If you knew you couldn't die,  what would you do? Would you be timid? Would you be afraid in social  situations? Would you be afraid to go in and ask for that raise from your your  boss? I mean, if you're going to live forever, what difference does it make what  happens? And as Christians, we are going to live forever. But a lot of times we  don't live that way. So this is a great question, to get people to think about, you  know, am I living with the sense of the Jesus resurrection power in me or not? If  you had a million dollars, how would you spend it? That's a good question for  you can have a all night conversation with something like that. If you could live  your life a second time, what would you do different? What would you do the  same? You know, when I write Bible studies, these are the kinds of questions I  love to ask. A men's retreat or men's retreat, I ask questions like What did you  like about how your father raised you? And what would you do differently? If you  have children, and you're going to raise them? So what would you do the same? What would you do differently? Right, just that those questions alone would be a whole two hour session. And the stuff that people would talk about is stuff that  maybe they've never thought about, or have never voiced to another human  being. Powerful, powerful. Things can happen with these kinds of questions.  Number five, clarifying questions that only seek to make clear the other person's point of view. What do you mean by that? These are good questions. A lot of  times we assume we know what people mean, you know, what they're talking  about and what they're trying to say. And even if we do know what they're trying  to say, a lot of times the person saying it doesn't know that we know. And so  when you ask questions of clarification, hey, could you explain them? To me  again? Or could you give an example of what you're saying? It not only helps  me understand what they're saying, but it helps that person understand that I  understand. Number six, drilling down questions that begin with why? Why do  you think that way? So then they give an answer. And then you ask, Well, why  do you think that? They give a reason? Why do you think that they give an  answer? Why do you think that you're, you want to know this, but you want to  know the thing that precedes that. And the thing that precedes that I want to  understand everything about this. Now, sometimes they can be annoying, but  sometimes it can be helpful. So you have to pay attention to that. Number 

seven, negotiating questions, questions that grease the wheels of negotiation.  Here's what if you could get everything that you want? What would it be? If you  couldn't get everything that you want? What would you be willing to  compromise? Okay, so when you're in a business situation, or you're trying to  compromise with your kids, what is it that you want, I want to be free to your kids says I want to be able to free to come in and go whenever I want. Okay. I  understand that. Now, if you couldn't get that, what would you be willing to settle  for? Okay, so you're, you're like letting people voice the full thing that they want.  But most people realize they're not going to get everything they want. So where  is the compromise? Here's the full thing that I would want. I would like to have  you asked for permission for everything you want to give? No, you want to do  things without any permission. So we're like miles away. Okay, what am I willing  to give up on? And what are you willing to give up on? See we did, you can  almost see that we have to compromise somehow and I'm willing to compromise are you. Number eight team building questions, questions that help everyone  contribute. So a lot of times in a meeting or in a conversation, one person  dominates and they're given their opinion left, right and center and they think  they know everything. The way to combat that is to say something like, Okay,  what does someone else think about this question? Is there another way of  thinking about This, we know what you think, John? Okay, is there another way  of thinking about this? So I'm, I'm inviting people to give a different opinion. And  I'm giving them the stage and the permission to do it. See, no one's going to go  up against John, because John is very forceful. He says that this is the way it is.  And if you think differently than I am, you're an idiot. But I, as the moderator can  say, now, let's, let's just explore if there's another way of thinking about it, so I'm  giving people permission to say that without combating John. Okay, how about  we let someone else who has not talked yet answer this question? And you  know, sometimes maybe that person suddenly gets the hint, look, you're not the  only one in this room talking. Number nine, funnel a series of questions that  funnel a person to a desired end that the questioner seeks. So this is kind of like a leading question. You have an end goal in mind, and you're going to ask  questions to get to that end goal. car salesmen are very good at this. Do you like cars? Well, who doesn't like cars? So you start out with a question? Yes or no?  Very simple. Yes, I suppose. If I gave you this car for free, would you take it?  Again? A very simple yes or no question? Yeah, I guess I would take it if it was  free. If you could afford this car, would you perhaps buy it? Well, maybe if I could afford it, but I can't afford it. Okay, notice? All the questions. Have the answer is  yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's trying to get me to say yes. Can I show you that you  can afford this car? I just said that if I could afford it. Maybe I'd buy it. So I guess I can't say no. Can I show you that? You can afford this? Yeah. Okay, go ahead.  Give it a go. And then he sits down and shows you that you can afford it. And he  goes, finally, Shall I drop the paperwork? Yes or no? You've said yes. Four times

why not one more. You're feeling good? Yes. Feels good. Keep saying is drilling  down. I start here where it's simple. And I take you to where I want you to go. A  good lawyer does. A good salesman does. A lot of evangelism styles are that  way. You take someone's and you drill them down. Now sometimes it can be  very manipulative. Here's another example. Do you go to church? Okay, this is  one I've used door to door knock door to door. The first question if someone  comes to the door, I've never met them. I don't know them. Do you go to  church? No, no. Great. You're the kind of person that I want to talk to. Because  I'm planting a church. And I want to know what people that don't go to church  think I know what people that go to church think. Okay, great. Next question.  Why do you think most people do not go to church? That's a question I've asked already several times. Why do you think people don't go to church? I'm not  asking why you don't? I'm asking what you why you think people don't in  general? I need your opinion. I value your opinion. And people freely give it.  They will tell you. By the way, the number one answer is sermons are boring and irrelevant. I had a guy tell me, Look, if you don't preach a sermon, maybe I'll  come to your church. Great. I went to seminary for four years to learn how to do  sermons. And now he doesn't even want. Second answer was churches are  more interested in your money than they are in you. So they'll give their reasons. All right. Next question. Again, drilling down. Do you go to church? No. Why do  you think most people don't go to church? You would know something about  them. So they give their answers. Okay. If you were to go to church, not that you would you just told me why you wouldn't. But if you were hypothetical. What  would you like to see there? Well, I wouldn't want to go, I know you wouldn't. But if you were what would you want? So now they started thinking about going to  church? The questions are taking. I'm using these questions to take you where I  want you to go. I want you to start thinking about going to church, even though  you had no intention of ever thinking about going to church and now they're  starting to Well, I guess if the sermons were more interesting, and you didn't  have an offering, and they give all kinds of reasons. So if I fixed all these things,  will you come to my church if I do the things you mentioned, would you be  willing to try out my church see? And suddenly, I pushed him into the direction  that I want him to go. That's funneling. Here's another one. What's your spiritual  dream? Most people will give the answer God and people what's holding you  back from getting your spiritual dream. Oh, Not doing anything. All right, can I  share with you how I'm getting actually getting the same spiritual dream that  both you and I have? Can I share that? See now all of a sudden, I can share my faith? Because I started here. And I funneled him down to where he's now  interested in what I have to say. Questions and speeches? Question words  when, why, where and what? Okay. So when you're giving a speech or giving a  talk or giving a sermon, you have to be aware of what you're trying to do. Why  are you giving the speech? What do you want this to do? These questions lead 

to a speech that basically gives the audience information. So if your, your talk is  about when, if you're talking about why, if you're talking about where, and what  you will tend to have a speech that downloads a bunch of information, when  should a person pray? Okay, well, let me tell you all the times that a person  should pray, why is the Bible worth reading? Well, it was written by God it's very  interesting is useful for correcting teaching, training and righteousness. Where in the Bible, does it talk about parenting? Well, there's this thing about, you know,  not exasperating your children. There's the thing about obeying your father and  your mother, and you go through all the verses, and I am now trying to inform  you about all this stuff. What is sanctification? Well, sanctification is the doctrine  whereby a person is trying to become more and more like Christ. It's not  justification. Justification is the doctrine that talks about how we are saved not  by the things that we do. We are justified freely by faith, it's all a gift.  Sanctification is where we work at stuff. Okay, the other is free. The other one  requires a little bit of work. So I'm just informing you of how this is, how it works,  what, where, when, and so on. All right. How questions this question word often  leads to action. Okay, so instead of when should a person pray? It's when  should a person pray? And how should they go about it? Well, this is how you  ought to go about it. See, now I'm telling you about how to do something I'm  trying to get you to do something. Why is the Bible worth reading? And how  might I do that? See, now the goal is not just to inform you why the Bible is  worth reading. I'm trying to actually get you to read the Bible. Where in the Bible, does it talk about parenting? And how does one do what it says? See, the goal  here is to motivate someone to do something, how questions lead to doing, what is sanctification? And how do I engage in a lot of sermons? A lot of talks do not  talk about how they talk about what they talk about when they talk about where  information, information information, people are, you know, bombarded with  information all the time. But what's the point of the information? Where does it  go? What do you want me to do with all this information? Think about how?  Finally, you know, we're talking about questions. And the fact is, if you read the  New Testament, the first four books, the Gospels, in those books about Jesus,  Jesus is asking questions all the time. If you greet your brother only what, what's unusual about that, do not the unbelievers do the same? Can any of you by  worrying add a single moment to your lifespan? Why do you notice the splinter  in your brother's eye and yet fail to perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?  And what can be given in exchange for his life? What do you want me to do for  you? That question is great. That's a good one, isn't it? What do you want Jesus to do for you? I mean, if you started your sermon that way, Jesus question for us this morning. What do you want me to do for you? What would you answer if  Jesus came here this morning and asked that question. Just take five minutes or write down five things that you want Jesus to do. Most people have never 

thought about that, what specifically do you really want Jesus to do for you? If  therefore, you are not trustworthy with worldly wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? How is it that you seek praise from one another and not seek the praise  that comes from God? Jesus asked questions because questions are a great  way way to communicate, to get communication going, and to help people think  about their lives. And if you can be a person that does that, you're going to  develop relationships. And that really is the goal of communication.  Communication is not so much to give information that people can learn  information everywhere. The goal of communication is connection. You want a  relationship with someone, and it's in that relationship that you can make a  difference. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you again