Video Transcript: How to Ask Questions
All right, welcome to the next session. In this session, I want to talk about how to ask questions. Asking questions is one of the greatest ways to get conversation going. It's a good way to get introduced, topics that you want to communicate with, it gets people thinking. It establishes a topic in an interesting manner. Who might have a question who asked the first question in the Bible? If you think about it. First question was asked by. Well there's Eve, she asked a question, Adam? The answer is Satan. Satan came to Adam and Eve. And asked, Did God really say that when you eat the fruit in the middle of the garden that you will die? The question got Adam and Eve thinking. And in fact, it was a leading question. We'll talk about the different kinds of questions. But that question was a leading question. Second question that was asked in the Bible. That was God. After sin entered the world, Adam and Eve hid from each other. But then they hid from God as well. And so when God came walking in the garden, and the cool of the day, he didn't find the man and the woman. And so we called, where are you? Where are you? And that was not just a question because God knew exactly where they were. It was, Are you going to confess and come clean or not? kind of question. It was a challenging question. So I want to look at questions. The most common question probably asked in the world, at least in my experience, at least here in the United States, is the question, how are you? How are you? It's almost a greeting in our culture center saying, Hi, we just say how are you? And the response is fine. You're not supposed to say terrible. You're not supposed to say, you know, I have this issue or that issue. That's not what people are asking. They just want it's just a greeting. How are you? Fine as the way to answer that one. All right. There are different types of questions. And I want to go over those. Number one, recall, a recall question is a simple one word answer question. For example, what is your name? My name is Steve, is very simple. What do you do? I'm a farmer. I'm a truck driver. I'm a teacher. It's a it's a very simple one word answer type question. I just want you to recall what you already know. Number two, a closed question. A closed question is a yes or no question. Are you married? Yes or no? We don't need any more explanation at all. Some of the questions that you have on our quizzes are yes and no questions. We try not to have too many of those. Because those are the least interesting. Is we're just asking you for basic information. And you tell us is it this? Or is it that. Number three open questions, questions that require a sentence or two to answer? Are you married? Yes or no? Yes, I'm married. Okay. And open question is, what did you What do you think about your marriage? Well, that's a good question. Now, that can still be a simple question. I think it's good. I think it's bad. Another question is, tell me what you like about your marriage. Okay. We'll get to that. That's maybe the next one. Okay. Questions that nudge a person to an answer in a direction that the questioner seeks. So what do you like about your marriage? I am pushing you towards being positive. You can be negative. If I just said, What do you think about your
marriage? Good or bad? Well, then you might go bad, you might go good. You might do a little bit of both. But I'm leading you I'm pushing you in the direction that I don't want to hear about the bad. What do you like about your marriage? Well, I like this, and I like that. And I like that. We you know, we do some of the same things together. Okay, so I'm getting what I want from you. What don't you
like about your marriage? Okay, so now I'm specifically looking for all the negative thing. So I'm leading you down a direction. I'm trying to help push you towards the answers. I'm interested in a hypothetical hypothetical question questions that are based on an imagined scenario. These are fun questions. These are good ways to get conversation going. If you knew you couldn't die, what would you do? Would you be timid? Would you be afraid in social situations? Would you be afraid to go in and ask for that raise from your your boss? I mean, if you're going to live forever, what difference does it make what happens? And as Christians, we are going to live forever. But a lot of times we don't live that way. So this is a great question, to get people to think about, you know, am I living with the sense of the Jesus resurrection power in me or not? If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it? That's a good question for you can have a all night conversation with something like that. If you could live your life a second time, what would you do different? What would you do the same? You know, when I write Bible studies, these are the kinds of questions I love to ask. A men's retreat or men's retreat, I ask questions like What did you like about how your father raised you? And what would you do differently? If you have children, and you're going to raise them? So what would you do the same? What would you do differently? Right, just that those questions alone would be a whole two hour session. And the stuff that people would talk about is stuff that maybe they've never thought about, or have never voiced to another human being. Powerful, powerful. Things can happen with these kinds of questions. Number five, clarifying questions that only seek to make clear the other person's point of view. What do you mean by that? These are good questions. A lot of times we assume we know what people mean, you know, what they're talking about and what they're trying to say. And even if we do know what they're trying to say, a lot of times the person saying it doesn't know that we know. And so when you ask questions of clarification, hey, could you explain them? To me again? Or could you give an example of what you're saying? It not only helps me understand what they're saying, but it helps that person understand that I understand. Number six, drilling down questions that begin with why? Why do you think that way? So then they give an answer. And then you ask, Well, why do you think that? They give a reason? Why do you think that they give an answer? Why do you think that you're, you want to know this, but you want to know the thing that precedes that. And the thing that precedes that I want to understand everything about this. Now, sometimes they can be annoying, but sometimes it can be helpful. So you have to pay attention to that. Number
seven, negotiating questions, questions that grease the wheels of negotiation. Here's what if you could get everything that you want? What would it be? If you couldn't get everything that you want? What would you be willing to compromise? Okay, so when you're in a business situation, or you're trying to compromise with your kids, what is it that you want, I want to be free to your kids says I want to be able to free to come in and go whenever I want. Okay. I understand that. Now, if you couldn't get that, what would you be willing to settle for? Okay, so you're, you're like letting people voice the full thing that they want. But most people realize they're not going to get everything they want. So where is the compromise? Here's the full thing that I would want. I would like to have you asked for permission for everything you want to give? No, you want to do things without any permission. So we're like miles away. Okay, what am I willing to give up on? And what are you willing to give up on? See we did, you can almost see that we have to compromise somehow and I'm willing to compromise are you. Number eight team building questions, questions that help everyone contribute. So a lot of times in a meeting or in a conversation, one person dominates and they're given their opinion left, right and center and they think they know everything. The way to combat that is to say something like, Okay, what does someone else think about this question? Is there another way of thinking about This, we know what you think, John? Okay, is there another way of thinking about this? So I'm, I'm inviting people to give a different opinion. And I'm giving them the stage and the permission to do it. See, no one's going to go up against John, because John is very forceful. He says that this is the way it is. And if you think differently than I am, you're an idiot. But I, as the moderator can say, now, let's, let's just explore if there's another way of thinking about it, so I'm giving people permission to say that without combating John. Okay, how about we let someone else who has not talked yet answer this question? And you know, sometimes maybe that person suddenly gets the hint, look, you're not the only one in this room talking. Number nine, funnel a series of questions that funnel a person to a desired end that the questioner seeks. So this is kind of like a leading question. You have an end goal in mind, and you're going to ask questions to get to that end goal. car salesmen are very good at this. Do you like cars? Well, who doesn't like cars? So you start out with a question? Yes or no? Very simple. Yes, I suppose. If I gave you this car for free, would you take it? Again? A very simple yes or no question? Yeah, I guess I would take it if it was free. If you could afford this car, would you perhaps buy it? Well, maybe if I could afford it, but I can't afford it. Okay, notice? All the questions. Have the answer is yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's trying to get me to say yes. Can I show you that you can afford this car? I just said that if I could afford it. Maybe I'd buy it. So I guess I can't say no. Can I show you that? You can afford this? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Give it a go. And then he sits down and shows you that you can afford it. And he goes, finally, Shall I drop the paperwork? Yes or no? You've said yes. Four times
why not one more. You're feeling good? Yes. Feels good. Keep saying is drilling down. I start here where it's simple. And I take you to where I want you to go. A good lawyer does. A good salesman does. A lot of evangelism styles are that way. You take someone's and you drill them down. Now sometimes it can be very manipulative. Here's another example. Do you go to church? Okay, this is one I've used door to door knock door to door. The first question if someone comes to the door, I've never met them. I don't know them. Do you go to church? No, no. Great. You're the kind of person that I want to talk to. Because I'm planting a church. And I want to know what people that don't go to church think I know what people that go to church think. Okay, great. Next question. Why do you think most people do not go to church? That's a question I've asked already several times. Why do you think people don't go to church? I'm not asking why you don't? I'm asking what you why you think people don't in general? I need your opinion. I value your opinion. And people freely give it. They will tell you. By the way, the number one answer is sermons are boring and irrelevant. I had a guy tell me, Look, if you don't preach a sermon, maybe I'll come to your church. Great. I went to seminary for four years to learn how to do sermons. And now he doesn't even want. Second answer was churches are more interested in your money than they are in you. So they'll give their reasons. All right. Next question. Again, drilling down. Do you go to church? No. Why do you think most people don't go to church? You would know something about them. So they give their answers. Okay. If you were to go to church, not that you would you just told me why you wouldn't. But if you were hypothetical. What would you like to see there? Well, I wouldn't want to go, I know you wouldn't. But if you were what would you want? So now they started thinking about going to church? The questions are taking. I'm using these questions to take you where I want you to go. I want you to start thinking about going to church, even though you had no intention of ever thinking about going to church and now they're starting to Well, I guess if the sermons were more interesting, and you didn't have an offering, and they give all kinds of reasons. So if I fixed all these things, will you come to my church if I do the things you mentioned, would you be willing to try out my church see? And suddenly, I pushed him into the direction that I want him to go. That's funneling. Here's another one. What's your spiritual dream? Most people will give the answer God and people what's holding you back from getting your spiritual dream. Oh, Not doing anything. All right, can I share with you how I'm getting actually getting the same spiritual dream that both you and I have? Can I share that? See now all of a sudden, I can share my faith? Because I started here. And I funneled him down to where he's now interested in what I have to say. Questions and speeches? Question words when, why, where and what? Okay. So when you're giving a speech or giving a talk or giving a sermon, you have to be aware of what you're trying to do. Why are you giving the speech? What do you want this to do? These questions lead
to a speech that basically gives the audience information. So if your, your talk is about when, if you're talking about why, if you're talking about where, and what you will tend to have a speech that downloads a bunch of information, when should a person pray? Okay, well, let me tell you all the times that a person should pray, why is the Bible worth reading? Well, it was written by God it's very interesting is useful for correcting teaching, training and righteousness. Where in the Bible, does it talk about parenting? Well, there's this thing about, you know, not exasperating your children. There's the thing about obeying your father and your mother, and you go through all the verses, and I am now trying to inform you about all this stuff. What is sanctification? Well, sanctification is the doctrine whereby a person is trying to become more and more like Christ. It's not justification. Justification is the doctrine that talks about how we are saved not by the things that we do. We are justified freely by faith, it's all a gift. Sanctification is where we work at stuff. Okay, the other is free. The other one requires a little bit of work. So I'm just informing you of how this is, how it works, what, where, when, and so on. All right. How questions this question word often leads to action. Okay, so instead of when should a person pray? It's when should a person pray? And how should they go about it? Well, this is how you ought to go about it. See, now I'm telling you about how to do something I'm trying to get you to do something. Why is the Bible worth reading? And how might I do that? See, now the goal is not just to inform you why the Bible is worth reading. I'm trying to actually get you to read the Bible. Where in the Bible, does it talk about parenting? And how does one do what it says? See, the goal here is to motivate someone to do something, how questions lead to doing, what is sanctification? And how do I engage in a lot of sermons? A lot of talks do not talk about how they talk about what they talk about when they talk about where information, information information, people are, you know, bombarded with information all the time. But what's the point of the information? Where does it go? What do you want me to do with all this information? Think about how? Finally, you know, we're talking about questions. And the fact is, if you read the New Testament, the first four books, the Gospels, in those books about Jesus, Jesus is asking questions all the time. If you greet your brother only what, what's unusual about that, do not the unbelievers do the same? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your lifespan? Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye and yet fail to perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? And what can be given in exchange for his life? What do you want me to do for you? That question is great. That's a good one, isn't it? What do you want Jesus to do for you? I mean, if you started your sermon that way, Jesus question for us this morning. What do you want me to do for you? What would you answer if Jesus came here this morning and asked that question. Just take five minutes or write down five things that you want Jesus to do. Most people have never
thought about that, what specifically do you really want Jesus to do for you? If therefore, you are not trustworthy with worldly wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? How is it that you seek praise from one another and not seek the praise that comes from God? Jesus asked questions because questions are a great way way to communicate, to get communication going, and to help people think about their lives. And if you can be a person that does that, you're going to develop relationships. And that really is the goal of communication. Communication is not so much to give information that people can learn information everywhere. The goal of communication is connection. You want a relationship with someone, and it's in that relationship that you can make a difference. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you again