Video Transcript: Communication Objective: Conversation

All right, in this session under effective communication class, my name is Steve  Elzinga You probably figured that out by now. We've been together for some  time. But and we're getting close to the end. So if you made it this far,  congratulations. I want to talk about the art of conversation, and how to improve. Just being able to communicate when you talk to almost anyone. Why is  conversation so important? Number one, it's how we connect with people. If you  think about it, you connect with your parents by talking, you can connect with  your friends by them talking to you and you talking to them. You you connect  with the people at work you connect with a project that everyone's working on,  and how would you do this project without some kind of conversation talking  about things. A lot of conversation is built around specific things, you're trying to  get work done. And it's very highly controlled conversation, there's a specific  topic, and we want to get something done. And we stick on this topic until it gets  done. But a lot of our conversation is just stuff that happens. You have breakfast  and you sit down and you just start talking. You don't have a big plan. You meet  a friend, Hey, how are you and you just start talking? And so in this session,  what I want to talk about is, how can you improve your conversational skills, it's  how we connect to people. It's, it's, it's how we grow as human beings. Number  two, it's how we learn and grow. You learn from conversations with other people, they talk about things that you don't know you share what you know. And in the  process, we learned things. Number three, it's how we do work, play family,  friends, everything. It's part of almost everything that we do. That it's hard to  imagine what it is that we actually thought about before we had words. When  you see a one year old, and they don't have words, I mean, what are their  dreams like? They did they just have pictures. And for most of us, we don't know what a picture is without putting a word. We see a tent. It's a tent, we see a cat  we call it a cat. And so words make all the difference. Conversation makes all  the difference. Number five, it's one of the greatest pleasures in life. People go  out to eat, they sit down and what do they do? They talk. Now I know in our  modern world, sometimes I see people sit down at a restaurant, there's four  people sitting at a restaurant and they have their phones out there texting. While they're text, talking, it's still a conversation. Number six, being poor at  conversation leads to misery. A lot of husbands and wives can attest to this. A lot of bosses will employees employees with bosses, poor conversation, poor  communication leads to misunderstanding leads to all kinds of hurt leads to  doing the wrong things, hearing the wrong things thinking the wrong things and  then you pass it on to other people and relationships, which is the point of  conversation, relationships explode. Alright. So do some people have an  advantage when it comes to conversation? For example, there are people that  are extroverted. And there are people that are introverted extrovert people like to talk, they get energy when they talk. They they see a stranger and they've got  nothing to do they they enjoy they want nothing else to do, but talk and the 

introvert likes his time alone. Introverts like to think they like to plan they'd like to architect and build things. And they're not talking to people often. Wears them  out. So do do the extroverted people have an advantage over the introverted  people when it comes to effective conversation? In some ways, yes, because  they can engage in it very easily. And introverts, of course, then are penalized  because they don't like to do it. But on the other hand, extroverts sometimes  engage in all kinds of conversation And that doesn't go anywhere. They just like  talking. And there's no purpose to the talking and, and they're talking can go all  over the place. And sometimes extroverted people talk too much. And then the  people around them don't enjoy the conversation, the goal of conversation is  that we all enjoy it. So sometimes the introvert actually has an advantage  because they stick on point. They can be extremely interesting people. And  because they're introverted, they're more inclined to listen to someone. And to  be frank, most people want to be listened to, they feel good about that. So I  think there's as many positives and negatives for the extrovert and the introvert,  it just goes differently. And each one has to work on different things. So if you're  an extrovert, you have to work on you know, focus, what are you talking about  letting other people talk letting other people have something to say introverts  have to work, stepping out there putting their thoughts out there, and being  willing to hang in there in a conversation. Okay, good looking versus average  looking a lot of marketing would suggest that good looking people have a better  time of it in life. People are hiring better looking people, a salesman, if they're  better looking people will listen to. I don't think there's any accident that you look at some of these evangelists. They all have the nice, wavy flowing hair, they  had, you know, they were good looking Billy Graham, or the long flowing hair,  some of these other ones, too. Joel Olsteen, at least in our country, are these  really good looking people. You don't see someone that looks like me is the  evangelists. You know, no hair is slightly overweight, and so on. So it seems like good looking people have an advantage when it comes to conversation. But this is what I found. I found that really good looking people when I'm talking to them,  if they don't make any sense, and they're not logical, and they have nothing to  say, they they go down a notch in terms of what they look like to me. And people that are, you know, maybe average looking, but, you know, we're engaged in  this really cool conversation, their looks go up. So I think if you if you can  become just good at conversation, it's not gonna matter what you look like.  Smart, not so smart. Again, it would seem sometimes that smart people maybe  have an advantage, they can say a lot of smart things. But a lot of times smart  people are smart in one way, but not so smart in another way. They're not smart  in terms of relationships. They're not smart in terms of how a conversation is  going and who feels in and who feels out and who's interested in who's not  interested, how many details to give to a thing, and how to be interesting. You  don't have to be smart to be a good conversationalist. You don't have to be at 

the top of the class. You have to be observant. And we'll talk about some other  things that you need. Rich versus poor. If someone knows that someone is  really rich people tend to listen to them more. Because they think that the rich  person has something but I'll tell you if you don't know whether people are rich  or poor, it doesn't make any difference. So ultimately, conversation does not  depend on that. All right, improving your conversational skills. I guess that's what I really want to talk about. Number one, you've got to learn to be interesting. No  one wants to talk with someone who's not interesting. have interesting things to  talk about. Don't just, you know, people that talk about the weather boy, it's really hot. It's been hot here lately and you meet someone. Boy, it's been really hot.  me so yeah, it's really been hot. Yeah, it sure has been hot. Yep, it really has  been hot. Okay. We've got nowhere to go with that. You know, try to be  interesting. Boy it's really hot. Yeah, it is really hot. What are the kinds of things  that you like to do when it's hot? See, now you can get onto something that's  more interesting. Whether it's hot or not, who cares? It's, you know, let's talk  about what you're interested in. Let's talk about what's fun. Let's talk about  what's exciting number two memorize a few interesting stories around general  conversational topics. You know, if you fly around a lot, you know from one city  to another in the United States or around the world know something about these places. For example, O'Hare. O'Hare Airport in Chicago was actually named  after a World War II pilot that got shot down his name was O'Hare, but do you  know the backstory His father was a gangster in the Chicago area. And he didn't want his son to grow up in that. So he isolated his son from that allowed his son  to get a really good education didn't want him to go into the family business. And O'Hare went into World War II became a pilot. And he got all kinds of medals  because he risked his life, life to save others. He was a man of integrity,  incredible success story, a person that you would want your children to be like.  And all because his father decided he didn't want this for his son. That's the  story behind O'Hare Airport. So if you have that, anytime you're in an airport,  you're talking, you're meeting someone, you've got that story ready to go, have  stories ready to go that relate to the different aspects of your life. And when you  get into a situation, you know, when the opportunity comes, you have something really interesting to say. Keep up on current events, what's going on around the  world. Listen to the news. Read the news. What are the things going on in the in countries? What's happening right now? In North Korea, what's happening with  the Russians what's happening in Britain? In Ireland right now they're they're  debating this whole thing, abortion, and they have laws that protect I listened to  someone the other day on the radio, saying, Ireland is one of these countries  that actually protects life from conception, till the day a person dies, we protect  people's lives as a great way of saying it. Well, stay current on these things.  sports, politics, movies, maybe you're not into movies, well keep up on these  things. Because other people are, you have an entry point in a conversation. 

People are talking about a movie, you can enter that conversation. And you can  be an interesting player. Politics, a lot of times people get angry when they talk  about politics be one of those that doesn't get angry. Ask questions. Don't be so  dogmatic about things to give people space to think and believe what they want  

to believe. And say things in a more winning kind of way. We'll talk more about  that business. What's going on in the business world? The biggest companies in the world, Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, some of these things. What do you know  about these things? Can you talk about these things? Are you involved in these  things? Learn a few jokes or humor, humorous tidbits from history. Lincoln just  got back from Washington DC, where my son had defended his dissertation and went to Georgetown University. So while my wife and I were there, we went to  the Ford's Theater where Abraham Lincoln was killed. We watched a play there.  But in the basement, there's a museum. And you can actually see the coat that  he was wearing the night he was shot and see the bloodstains and the pillow  that he laid his head on. It's just fascinating, interesting stuff. We went to  Washington, Washington's place Mount Vernon, and saw his house. And they  have a museum there too. And they're on display is a set of his latest wooden  teeth that were made wooden dentures that were carved out so that he can eat  things. I learned that when he died, he had 55,000 acres all over the United  States that he was buying land ever since he was young. So anyway, I go on  and on and on. It's all interesting stuff. Know some of these tidbits from history.  And you'll be surprised where these things just come up. And then you have  something to say. Be a person of knowledge. Okay, know some stuff. Take  Christian leaders, Institute classes, world history, learn something about things.  So you actually have something to talk about. People want to talk with people  that know something about something. My oldest son is a software developer.  And while he's writing his code, he watches he has a documentary going on  eight hours a day, 40 hours a week. He's been doing that for 10 years. He  knows something about everything. He's interesting to talk to watch  documentaries, read books, keep a notebook. I'm reading a book on Leonardo  da Vinci and he kept a notebook. And inside the notebook, you'll find all kinds of  things. But one of the phrases that keeps coming up over and over is I need to  talk to the baker about this. I need to talk to the mortician about this. I need to  talk to that math guy about this every, he had a bunch of questions. And he  wrote in his, I have to talk to some real knowledgeable person about this thing.  And then he'd write it in his notebook. Leonardo knew a little bit about  everything. He was just fascinated. He would watch birds and study birds for  hours. And he discovered that some birds, when they flap their ring, wings,  press harder down, and less hard up, harder down and others do the opposite.  And he's trying to figure out why that was, how they actually direct their, you  know, how do they fly through the air? And how, how, how does air, keep them  afloat? And that's he's trying to do, trying to design an airplane and a helicopter 

and all these things. But it was all observations that he had about nature. And he wrote these things down. Learn how to ask interesting questions. One of the  best questions you can ask anyone is, hey, in your opinion, what do you think of  this? Because people like giving their opinions. When you say, Could I ask what  your opinion is, you are putting that you're elevating them. You are the teacher  and I am the student. If you come and say, Why do you think a certain way then  I'm doing this condescending thing. But when I ask for someone's opinion, they  become the experts and people like to be the experts. So here's the example.  My friend thinks this. My friend thinks this about the rank Redwing hockey team  in Detroit. He thinks that they're kind of a marshmallow team, very soft. And so  what do you think? So I'm not saying this is what I think. And now if you disagree with me, we have this fight. I'm saying that I have this friend somewhere that  you're never going to meet. He thinks this what do you think, and now the  person is free leading is freely given his opinion, or I agree with your friend, or  he's gonna say I totally disagree. I think the Red Wings are a finess team. And  that the hockey situation right now is going towards big bruisers pushing and  shoving. And I think we have to make rules that protect these Finess teams,  because it's way more entertaining. Learn how to ask interesting questions that  honor the person's opinion does not seem to be pushy, but ends up getting them to reveal more that that more than they thought they would. Okay, I'll give you  example. One of this is one of my favorite questions. I can ask this of anyone at  any time, and I rarely get anyone that's offended by it. Why do you think most  people don't go to church? And what people will tell you is why they don't go to  church. But if I had asked them, Why don't you go to church, they would be  offended by that. See, now we have this battle. I just want your opinion of why  you think that people out there somewhere don't go to church? Well, let me tell  you why. And they'll tell you all the reasons why they don't go to church. See,  I've made them the experts. I'm interested in learning from you. And people are  interested in teaching people. Why do you think most people don't go to church? In other words, why do you think a lot of couples don't get married? Why do you  think a lot of couples don't get married. So if you have that situation where you  live about a couple of just getting married, and living together without getting  married, and you want to get a handle on that you want to understand this  phenomenon? Rather than upsetting everyone? Why not ask it in such a way  that people actually enjoy the conversation? What do you think people don't get  married these days. And they will tell you, they will give you all kinds of  information, and they will enjoy doing it. And you have them thinking about  something that you want them to think about, for the first time in a winning kind  of way. Learn how to give your opinion on any topic while at the same time  giving space for others to freely and willingly give theirs. Learn how to give your  opinion on any topic, but the same time giving space for others to freely and  willingly give theirs. Now, I have some strong beliefs about a lot of things. God is

real. The Bible is the only source of truth I have. I can go on and on about the  things that I truly believe. But if I'm talking with some of that I'm pretty sure  doesn't believe like I do. I can't just say things like this is the truth, even though I believe it is the truth. So I soften it this is what I believe This is what I believe.  This is what I think. What do you think? See, I think something you think  something. Now, just because I'm saying I think this and I think you think this  doesn't mean that there's many truths. There's still one truth. You know? Truth is truth. Doesn't matter what anyone says. There aren't many truths. There's only  one. But I'm, you know, being in the humble position of saying, Look, this is what I think the truth is, what do you think the truth is, I'm giving you space to say  what you think. Because if I don't give you the space, to say whatever you think,  I'm never going to convince you of my position, I can just brow beat it. If I can  just say, well, this is the truth, and you're just better believe it, or you're off to  lunch. That's not winning, that's not a great conversation. Learn how to never  get angry because of what the other person said to people will, people you may  be gracious to them. And you may say this is my opinion, but they may come  back and tell you this is the way it is. And you you may disagree 100% With  what they're saying. But you don't have to be disagreeable. Just because they're not engaging in the conversation in a winning kind of way. Doesn't mean that  you shouldn't respond in a winning way. Another was the goal here and the  conversation is to is to make a relationship. That's the goal. So maybe you're  bad at conversation doesn't mean I should be bad back. And anger is the killer  of all conversation. You want to kill a conversation, let anger take over, that  someone can get angry. And if you get angry back, it just escalates. If someone  gets angry at you, and you just retreat, one of the phrases that I've learned  lately, you know, someone in my church says something to me, and they  disagree about something or they want to complain about something. I often  start off by saying you're probably right. Even if I don't think they're right. I say  you're probably right. But here's another way of thinking about it. I am not the  sole authority on all things. So you could be right. But here's another way to  think about it. That's all I'm saying. Be humble, turn the other cheek. Never burn  a bridge. It feels good. But don't do it. Learn why the other person may be angry. This challenge. They're angry. Your sermon last Sunday was horrible. You didn't  preach from the Word of God, it was a bunch of, you know, I can get defensive, I can say but where I can, you know, but instead, they're angry at something. And  I to help them need to help them figure out what they're angry at now, they're  taking their anger out on me. I don't need to take that personally, they're angry at something else. And they're taking it out on me. You know, that's what people  did when they put Jesus on the cross. That's what salvation is all about. If I'm a  pastor, and I'm trying to help people, I have to be willing to take a few shots. And people aren't shooting me. They're shooting whatever, they're angry at, or  they're shooting. They're angry at their own fathers that never said, I love you 

and never spent any time with them. And they're taking it out on me. They're  taking it out on you. So don't take it personally. Consider it a challenge. How do I discover what this person is really angry at? See, you can have this great  conversations Learn how to enjoy a conversation with anyone. The challenge of  the shy person, okay, the person doesn't want to say anything. I can see it as a  challenge. This person doesn't like to talk. But he's shy, or he's intimidated. Or  he's afraid of saying the wrong thing. So how do I engage with this person to  help them come out of the bushes? The challenge of the talker that's almost  even harder this person is talking and talking. You can't get two words in. You  say something and they say 10 things. I find that the hardest challenge. I don't  know what to do with the talker. They just keep keep talking. And if there's any  space if you pause for one second, boom off they go, but it's a challenge again, I tried to challenge myself What can I do? What can I say hey, maybe we could let someone else talk for a minute. You know, the challenge of the know it all  people that know everything and they have have an answer for everything and  they think they're right about everything. That's, again, a challenge to how to  stop is how to start a conversation. These are the basics, find common ground.  Hey, I like your shoes. You know, I have I play pickleball to sport with a racquet.  And some guy has my same tennis shoes. So that was my opener. Hey, where  did you get my shoes? What size are they? You know, and we look at our shoes. Now whenever we see each other. We talk about the shoes, but the shoes was  just an opening to have a conversation with someone that I didn't know.  Occasion location, age, current events, ethnic background, Georgetown, I went  to Washington, DC, Georgetown University, and I got there for my son's  dissertation. And there was a guy in the elevator at the school. So he's in the  elevator at Georgetown University. I'm in the elevator at Georgetown University.  That's our connection. So that's what I asked him. I said, So what brings you to  the elevator at Georgetown University? Well, I teach here, oh, really, I have a  son going here. And so one thing led to another, he ended up staying to watch  my son's dissertation defense. In the elevator, the common elevator connected  us. Introduce yourself. This is my favorite way of introducing myself. I always  say I don't think I've met you before. Now, maybe I did. And I forgot the whole  thing. That's embarrassing. If I come up and say, I've never met you before, my  name is Steve. And they say really? Because two years ago I was here. See,  that's embarrassing. So I always start off. I don't think I've met you before. My  name is Steve. And then they say, well, two years ago, we met Well, I did say I  don't think I met you before I just don't remember. See it's a nice, safe way to do it. Ask questions. Where are you from? What brings you here? Who are you  with? What do you do? I mean, basic information, questions. find common  ground in the answers to your questions. They say what they're do. Oh, my  father did that same thing. My father was a fireman, your father was a fireman.  Wow, interesting. Or where they went to school? Or what they studied? Or what 

they're doing for a living? Or what have they met their wife, or what church they  go to and on and on and on, you find something that you can relate to that you  can get into a conversation. If you find common ground explore doing something together, hey, you liked this sport. I like this sport, or you liked that sport, I think  you would like this sport. And I play this sport, and I'm playing this Friday, would  you like to go along, I can teach you. I can show you how one thing can lead to  another they can be it can be the same thing. Or it can be an opposite thing.  Hey, I, I've always wanted to do that. You think you could show me how to do  that. I've always been interested in that topic. I'd love to come over some time.  And we can discuss this more how to go deeper in a conversation look for their  hurts in the conversation in their family, their business religion church, and  gently ask them about them. I don't want to pry but I noticed that there that there is when you talked about your son, you know, there was some emotion there.  So you're talking about family, and he mentions his son, and then he's it slips out a little bit. You know that there might be a little issue there. Okay, so it's difficult  when you don't know someone, but this person is sneaking out this information.  It means they sort of want to talk about but they don't have to, you know, how do they bring it up. I remember meeting a guy, it was in the middle of Wyoming, we  were camping. And I got up real early and he was camping next door. And he  was he was fiddling with something in his truck that was broken. He looked over  me and he said, Hey, I see you made it through the night. And I just wanted to  be alone, you know, have coffee before the kids and wife and everyone wakes  up. And he wants to engage me in this conversation about his the part in the  truck not working, where he came from, etc, etc. And so I'm not really paying,  I'm not really engaging. I'm like, please go away. And but then, you know, the  conversations going in sort of one sided. He said, Yeah, I came from Montana,  and I did this and then I'm on my way here. And then he said something. He  said, You know, I used to come with my wife doing this and this and this. And  then he said, of course they don't have a wife anymore. He just met me. It  wasn't like, Hey, I'd like to talk about the fact that my wife died a year ago and  I'm lonely and I'm all alone. That's not what he's gonna say. But he let it slip out  there. Okay. So when people let the little things slip out, it's a little hint. Really  what happened to your wife? And now he wants to talk. See, now we have a  conversation going. And you know what? I enjoyed that conversation because it  was talking about real life, and real hurts. But you have to listen, sometimes  those hurts and those needs are right below the surface. Ask opinion questions.  What's your opinion about? Anything? People love giving their opinion? Ask  feeling questions, how do you feel about this? How do you feel about it when  your wife died? How do you feel about driving around now and camping?  Without your wife? See, that's when you get to something. And it's more  interesting for me. And it's more interesting for that person. Because they're  good. It's to a deeper level. It's not just chit chat. And all of a sudden, nice 

shoes, nice shoes. Or the sports teams doing either winning or losing, does the  stock market, it's up, it's down. It's whatever. Okay, a lot of conversations, you  know, pass the salt in, how's the car? It's not very fulfilling. The art of real  conversation is how to go from the mundane, to something deeper, get a little  deeper in the water and feeling questions. Get there? How do you feel about  that? When we talk about being angry. Well, how angry were you? On a scale of one to 10? That was a 10. Really? Why do you think that is? So suddenly start  talking about their past, they start talking about how they were raised they were  they start talking about things that they didn't even know themselves? why most  people really want to go deeper in the conversation. Number one, they are  suffering alone on the inside. Most people are suffering on the inside. And  they've got no place to go. No one gives them an excuse to talk about their  suffering. You can't just start a conversation. Hey, I'm really hurting. I'd like to  talk about it. No one does that. So someone has to draw it out. But they want to  give it they want to talk about it. Everyone wants Adam and Eve, wantss what  Adam and Eve had in the garden before sin entered the world. What was that?  Adam and Eve were naked and they felt no shame. Okay we all have this  shame. We're all covered up. We we hide who we really are. I don't want you to  know who I really am cause if you did you might not like me. So I have to project a nice image and hair just certain way and the way I talk and what I do in I have  this image to maintain. But that's a lot of work. It'd be really cool if someone  would just accept me just the way I am so we have this desire to get back to  what Adam and Eve had. But where are we? We're in chapter three of Genesis,  and chapter three of Genesis, the man and woman have to hide from each  other, we have to sew fig leaves. We have to cover ourselves, I don't want you  to see me. You know, I don't see you and when God comes around what  happens they hide in the bushes. That's what sin does. But we have an inner  deep desire to be free of that. And every person you meet, they're hiding.  They're covered up, they're hiding in the bushes, they're hiding behind the fig  leaves they want to come out into the sun. So you can help them everyone  wants to come out of the bushes. How to Have Fun in your conversations.  Henry and I Henry the president of Christian leaders Institute wherever we had  drive long distances, we would do this kind of thing. Just for fun, not for anything else. We try to figure out inventions we would pick you know a room in the  house you know, okay, the kitchen. What can we invent? And we go through all  the silverware, utensils, plates, you know, maybe there's a better system, the  washable table, you know, we don't even have plates, forget plates. So we don't  have to wash them. We don't have to clean them. But after put them away, we  just eat off the table. And when tables done some washing thing comes in  cleans it all away. Crazy thing that doesn't work and then we go on invent  something somewhere else. Just for fun. It is fun. Your your mind is solving a  problem. It's you're employing creativity. You're laughing about the stupid ideas 

that you come up with brainstorming, brainstorming about anything, whether it's  a problem, whether it's real, whether it's pretend whatever it is brainstorming the  The ability to just try to figure out a solving a thing, and you say almost anything, and it's the things that don't work, it's the crazy things that you come up with,  

that aren't going to work at all that you laugh and have a good time with. Teasing one another, okay? Having friends that you can, you know, you know, you can  say, you know, you get off on the wrong side of the bed, or what happened your  face, or you call that a haircut, or, you know, little things that you can say, with a  good friend, just poking each other, especially guys, you know, guys, we like to  do this, I like to be around people that don't take themselves so seriously that  you can't say these things. It's almost a game. You poke me, I poke you, you  poke me, I poke you a little harder, you poke me a little harder, and we have fun  with it. Find the humor in difficult circumstances, I have a good friend, his father  just died. But while his father is dying, he had such a sense of humor about it,  his father, at the end, couldn't go to the bathroom. And he you know, he's yelling  and screaming about this. And, you know, part of it was just as sad as can be.  And part of it was as funny as can be. We talked about how, you know, a few  years this will be him. And I maybe will be in adjoining rooms, you know, dying  together. And we can compare notes. I mean, that humor in the face of  difficulties, it was a bonding thing. It's a way of going through tough times. And  you can if you can do that with people, you have people that you can safely  have fun, use humor in difficult circumstances. It just makes for, again, what's  the goal of conversation to build a relationship dream of possibilities. I love  doing that. I have, I have built so many incredibly successful companies. In my  own head, you can't imagine if, in fact, I almost you know, a did it all in my head, the planning everything, how it went, it went really good. All these things. And,  you know, when I'm done dreaming, and I don't even want to do it anymore,  because I've already done it. But it's so much fun. And if you have someone that you can do that with, to dream of things. changing the world, becoming the  president of the United States, why not? I could do that. What I have to do to  seek it all through. Yeah, I could do this. Dream, play games, whatever. What if  you were to graduate from Christian leaders Institute? What if you were to go off and plant your own church? What if you started an Enterprise Program and you  started a successful business that allowed you to have free time to plant your  own church? Wow, if you do both of those things, and have a great wife and a  family what if what if you met the right person? What if why not see these are  good conversations to have with people in conversations that are no fun are the  ones that go the negative direction? Oh, I can't do this. Oh, this is what's bad. A  lot of people get together and all they do is complain, complain about everything under the sun, instead of positively thinking about what is possible What if what  can be people will ultimately want to hang around with people who are positive  people that that lift their spirits up. So why not try to be that kind of person? I 

don't know what you are right now. But why not try to do this go over this? This  whole message again? Write some of the things down what are you going to  work on this week? What what are you going to try the opinion questions? Write  down a bunch of opinion questions and they just go out and ask them Henry and I asked this for 20 years. What is your spiritual dream? person after person after person try that. You know what? Why do you think most people don't go to  church? Why are a lot wire of couples not getting married? Ask opinion  questions this week. Let's see what happens. See what kind of great  conversations you end up with. Alright, thanks for listening and we'll see you  again.