Hello again, my name is Steve Elzinga. We're in the coaching classes, it's one of the badges that you can specialize in. It;s on pre marriage coaching. And we've  been looking at the seven connections that people have when they get married.  

And we're going to look at how a couple is purposefully connected, connected  around the topic of purpose, we're going to look at three different purposes. But  a good verse to start out with is in Genesis 1:28, God blessed them (the man  and the woman) and said to them Be fruitful and increase in number, God put  the first human beings on this planet called Earth to do something, there were  there were jobs, for them to do, to expand the people on the earth, to take care  of the earth to work it, to till it, to serve it. There's a reason why we're here. And  we're going to look at three of those purposes. So, so the goal here is to help  the couple that wants to get married to think about these things ahead of time.  So the first purpose is family, a man and a woman come together to form a  family and, and a man and a woman together is already a family if if they're not  able to have children, they're still a family. But often, couples want to have  children. And of course, that becomes the family if you get married, or if anyone  gets married, and that couple has two children, and the children grew up and get married and have two children. And if that family pattern continues for 400  years, there, there will be a million people in that family. So if I have two  children, my two children, God grew up happy children and so on for 400 years,  there'll be a million people in my family tree. So the question is, what kind of  legacy? Am I going to leave that family? So the first purpose is family. And so  we're going to be talking about family. The second is, is a legacy family tree. So  one is the family tree. This is a legacy family tree. Matthew 28:19, Jesus said,  Go and make disciples of all nations. If you disciple two people, every 20 years,  and two people and the two people, you disciple do the same thing. And that  discipleship pattern continues for 400 years, there'll be a million disciples in your family tree. I mean, can you imagine I think about that, if you just, if you just  spend the next 20 years, and the only thing you do is end up discipling, two  people. And that's it. That's that's the extent of all the discipling you do in the  next 20 years. And the people that you disciple do the same thing. It keeps  multiplying. In 400 years, there will be a million I know some of your going, that's impossible, how can that be. But if you just do the math, just quickly do it. Two,  to two people becomes four becomes eight becomes 16, becomes 32, becomes 64, becomes 128, round down on, 125 becomes 250 becomes 500 becomes  1000 becomes 2000, 4000, 8000, 16,000, 32,000, 64,000, 128,000, we round  down to 125,000 to 250,000, 500,000, a million. If you've kept track of all that it's 20 times. So 20 generations, starting with two becomes a million. So what kind  of legacy Are you going to have, first of all in your own family, you're ministering  to two people that want to get married, and you're talking about their future, what they do in their family is going to make a huge difference. And what they do in  the lives of other people is going to make a huge difference. And then finally, 

we're going to look at another another purpose in life is money and work. A lot of what we do with our time is making money. And we do that by working and you  have to work at something regardless of whether you make money or not.  Colossians 3, whatever you do, work at it with all your heart is working for the  Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord, as a reward it is the Lord Christ you are serving. So, with this  topic that I was meeting with a couple of I would talk in general about these  subjects. We're going to talk about family. We're going to Talk about your  purpose as a couple, to be used in God's kingdom to help people come to know  the Lord. And we're going to talk about this thing called work and the time we  give to work, and the money that we make with work and in budgeting and in our view of money, and how are we going to handle money together? Ecclesiastes 9 is another one, related to money in work, whatever your hand finds to do, do it  with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you're going is neither  working nor planning or knowledge nor wisdom. Work is a part of this marriage  thing. One or both of you will probably work outside the home. And the reason is money. And this is one of the major topics that married couples fight over. Who  does? Who does what work for what money what, you know, it's a partnership.  So how are we going to both contribute to this partnership? So it's a it's an area  where couples struggle. So we're going to have now questions. And again, it's,  it's in the book, and I would first of all, have the couple's answered the questions separately, again, writing them writing the questions or the answers down, so  that the person that has a hard time publicly talking about things, they've thought about it, they took the time, they wrote it down. And then when it comes time to  discussing it, the more readily able to do this. So questions. Okay, number one.  So now we're going to start with family. What role did your mother take in raising in the raising of the kids process? What role did your father take? How are you  the same? Or are? How are you different? So now each one so the the woman  now is sitting there going, Okay? How, what role did my mother take? What role  did my father take? How am I like my mother? How am I like my father? So the  woman does that? And the man does that? Number two, okay, again,  separately? How would you raise your kids one day if you if God blesses you  with kids? How would you raise your kids the same as you were raised? And  how would you raise your kids differently than you were raised? And the woman  does it and the man does it, this is incredibly important. Because how you were  raised, has a lot to do with how you will raise the next generation, or how how  your mother and father treated each other what what you saw in that marriage  relationship is how you are wired. And probably, the woman was raised different  from the man, these two want to get together and form a relationship want to get married, but they come from radically different families. So this is the beginning  of the process of trying to understand the family that each one comes from.  There's a phrase that goes this way, you don't marry the person, you marry the 

whole person's family. almost literally, you're stuck with all the problems of that  family and all the good things of their family, but also the legacy that gets carried on, we tend to repeat the same things that we grew up with. Third question, how might you treat each other as husband and wife? How might how you treat each other as husband and wife affect the kids? You may potentially have? So, so  again, it's looking at the past? How did your mother and father treat each other?  And what effect did that have on you? And how might you be doing some of the  same things? Or how would you do things differently? And each one is  answering these questions on their own. Number four, how do you think as a  married couple that you can go about fulfilling the Great Commission? Okay, so  now we're talking about the next topic, which is your, your legacy, not your family legacy, but your kingdom legacy? So what do you think is going to be unique  about the two of you together, that could affect bringing people to the Lord? And  finally, number five, many marriages that fail in the end fail over money and work issues? What are some of the bad practices that lead to this? What are you  going to do differently to avoid this? So you get the people write down?  Remember, they're doing it separately right now? They write down what they've  seen, well, you know, one in the marriage relationship spends money wildly and  freely. The other one is the saver. Or they have separate bank accounts, or they  they fight over which money they're going to spend what on and they don't have  a budget? What are the things that they've seen that have gone wrong? What  happened to their own parents? Marriage? How was money handled? How was  work handled? One is working, One isn't, you know, if things are unfair, then  people, couples get upset, and they end up arguing about things. Marriage is a  partnership, and both have to be in there. So this is the time for them to write  some of these things down. Now, the questions together, okay, so they do it  separately. And now they come together. What do you think will be your biggest  parenting challenges that you face? If you have children, one day a day you  build up these totally different backgrounds, you're going to share those things,  this is how I was raised. This is what I would do the same as my parents, this is  what I do different. Now. You know, what if that's a different thing for each one,  you know, this is how I was raised. And this is what I want to do. In in my family.  And the guy is saying, okay, but I wasn't raised that way. And that's not how I  want to do it. You see this, this is why we need to talk about these things. So as  husband and wife we can get on the same page. In terms of parenting, what do  you think you will need the most from your spouse? For example, support, you  know, if I tell the kids something, then you don't contradict me. A lot of parents  do that, you know, the father says one thing, and then the kids just go to the  mother and the mother changes it. And then why would the kids follow what the  father says? So, you know, trying to get some of these ground rules established  before the children come along? As potential parents, what spiritual legacy  would you like to leave with your kids? What habits and practices do you think 

will be most important to engage in with them in order to accomplish this? So,  you know, teaching them to have devotions to do prayer to read their Bibles on  their own? To take care of their rooms to be responsible to to be disciplined?  What are the kinds of things that you both want for your children? It's like,  thinking about that ahead of time. Number four, how might, how might? Or could you as a couple reach out to another couple in mentoring in a mentoring role of  one sort or another, to try to leave more ministry legacy? So now we're going  from family to not a family legacy, but a ministry legacy? Making a difference in  the lives of other people? How might you do this? Number five, how are you  going to share the work thing in your marriage? How are you going to deal with  the money thing in your marriage, and there's a lot of things to consider. And,  you know, there's, I have a few lectures in the enterprise class, that that you  might want to take a look at. You know, this is the pre marriage thing isn't  necessarily a class, I mean, you could I suppose you could make a whole class,  a whole teaching session on money and how to manage money. And you may  have to do some of that with a couple that doesn't know very much about it.  Maybe they were not raised in a home that that knew how to handle money. So  you're gonna have to sit down and go, Okay, what do you How are you going to  handle money? You're gonna have separate accounts, you're gonna have a joint account? Can Can either one spend whatever money they want without talking  to the other person? Or is there a limit? You know, if someone spends a little bit  more or a certain number, then you have to talk about it with your spouse? And  these are the things where couples end up fighting? Are we going to live by a  budget, where we're gonna look at our income for the year, and then figure out  what our expenses are and actually allocate certain amounts of money towards  certain things? Are we are we going to just play it by ear and hope for the best?  How are we going to attack this thing? Are we going to set up a savings thing?  Are we going to? Are we going to have a credit card and are we going to go into  debt? Are we going to borrow money? These are the you know, what kind of  family were you raised in in terms of money and what kind of family was I raised  in and how are we going to get together on this? A couple that don't figure this  out ahead of time and up with a lot of headaches later. Okay, now if you're doing it with a group, there's questions for the whole group. What's the one thing  regarding money or work that the ladies would like to share with the whole  group? What's the one thing regarding money and work that the men would like  to share with the whole group? What's the one thing regarding money and work  that a couple would like to share with the group? What are some ideas to  improve a couple's fruitfulness. So these are the general things under purpose  purpose is family, family legacy, a ministry legacy and then finally a what you're  going to do with your life, your work, and your money. How are you going to  manage those things? Very important topic that that you go over with this  couple. All right, we'll see you again next time.



Last modified: Friday, May 19, 2023, 8:34 AM