Well, Steve and Henry, this is our last session of a long discussion of influencing wrecking  habits. And our first discussion, always come back to a walk with God. You know, we're talking about thermometer and thermostat in the last session. Maybe that's a question. Finally, I  always ask myself, because I know that when I have a vital walk with God, I'm praying, I'm  there. It's like my ability to be that thermostat, to have my life in this balanced place. Self  awareness, insights, in a better way. I started just like, going along with the flow through little  prayer here and out of willy nilly. I'm a Christian, but I'm sort of, I find that just one day, it's good one day, if not, the truly is having a walk of God that has that thermostat aspect of the habits. The seven connection, and all of that

 

I think, if you want to be an influence to someone, and you're walking with God, and you're reading His word, you're talking in prayer. And then as you deal with other people, your prayer life comes out on that. You want to influence people, most of all, in their walk with God. And how are you going to do that if you have nothing to say, you know. You're not praying. So how are you going to help someone pray? You're not reading the Bible? How are you going to help someone read the Bible? Because it's not real in your own life is real. Then you could say, you know, this morning, I was reading this, and it relates to what we're talking about right now. And then the first thing gets a sense, oh, I guess this guy has a walk with God, May be I should too. But if you never bring up the word, you never say that you've been reading this. You never talked about what you've been praying for. Why should I?

 

So being argumentative? Like a person who is argumentative loses influence? A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 17:14, stirring up a quarrel is like breaching a dam. So drop the matter before a dispute breaks out?  Argumentative.

 

Most arguments are I say some something, you react to what I say I react to use back and forth. And neither one of us is listening to the other. For my I have no desire to understand you, I have a desire to beat you, to get you to my side. And so how do you influence someone, if you're arguing with them, you're just bolstering their position, we're just gonna dig their heels in even more. So if you really want to influence them, stay away from the argument and go more towards if you walk along ways on someone's side of the shore, if you tried to understand them genuinely, I'm very interested in what you are saying. And why you believe what you believe. Even though I may disagree with it, I have a better chance of getting you to turn you change your mind.

 

And you all know that argumentative person, how difficult it is to be around that person who picks fights, who meddles argumentatively, who has a critical spirit. Is really difficult for that person to be influential.

 

They want to make a fight out of everything. 

 

Keeping track of offenses, Proverbs 17 verse 9, two covers, offense, promotes love, whoever repeats the manner separates close friends. Why are we repelled not to follow a person or repelled to not follow a person who is keeping track of wrongs

 

Why does someone do that?

 

I don't know. I mean, what I mean,

 

Our relationship, then is an adversarial one, a competitive one. You're keeping  track of my score? And I guess I'm keeping track of yours and who's winning? Well, now we're competitors. How are you going to have an influence on me when I'm against  you?  Or you're against me? So you want to influence people keeping track of everything that they did wrong. You know, they're gonna start thinking you as their judge not the person who believes in them.

 

This is often a bad habit that people have. They don't really self awaredly it leave think they're doing that, but they were well raised in a home where that was done,

 

It was the water they swim is again, it's a sport, you know, you say some negative things. And now I remember a few things that you did. And that's handy ammunition, why would I let that go? It can be used in my defense anytime,

 

And if I get my way I can even bring up that thing, where we are even.

 

Or if you find something negative about me, I got some things on you. So it's a defense mechanism. You know, now we're at war with one another. How can I be an influence with someone I met whirlwind?

 

Yeah, is a influence killer no doubt. Here's the opposite. We talked in the last session about one who is way too transparent about how they're feeling. But it's interesting, a lot of the literature on influence talks about the person who is not opens up ever, not transparent. In Proverbs 20 verse 9, who can say I have kept my heart pure I am clean without  sin. It's interesting. This is a self awareness. Moments are the Proverbs like, Look, I'm just telling you the truth. Who can say, you know. Now in this case, there is the opposite side of that can that an influential person who is close to doesn't open up their life tends to have diminished influences as well.

 

Especially if you're the influencer, you come off  like, you know, you're so high and the person you're trying to influence is so low, You know, Shaquille O'Neal was a great basketball player seven foot one, he can dunk the ball with hardly even jumping. If he came to help me play basketball, he's so superior to me. I don't know. No even playing, So I need someone to come and help me that’s closer to my level. I can go Hey, baby, I couldn't be like that. So if you come off, like you have it all  together, and you don't need you know, I'm a good Christian. I gotta get a walk with God. I'm doing all the right things. And your new guy just starting out. And you are so far behind me. I don't see how I'll ever catch up. You know, the Lord's Prayer ready, you know, verses the Bible. I don't know anything. It feels like, in my lifetime, I can never catch up. with the right project. You know, I'm a sinner to ready to savior just like you. I still struggle with everything that you're struggling with.  

 

Well, I like the fact that you and I met Shaquille O'Neal. And what's really neat is when you are a Shaquille O’Neal walking with God. And when we met Shaquille is the nicest, he goes right to like, he appreciates you wants you to do great. And even though he's seven foot, whatever, he's able to be you five foot nine like me, and give an apt word.

 

Then you walk away going, that he was just like a normal Christian. And when we  say that we're we mean that in a positive way. One of the things we loved about rich DeVos he just comes off

 

He’s a normal superstar. And he just comes off.  So that's I mean, even preaching. I mean, I think sometimes ministers, they preach for a persona that they invent in their mind, but they don't actually just are with the people.

 

We're all in this together.

 

Yes. No priorities, prioritizing of your time. Proverbs 24, verse seven, finish your outdoor work and get your field ready and after that build your house. It's interesting to me, we've talked  actually many different sessions in an aspect of that, but just to really give it a exclamation point as we roll and finish this up. Really prioritization cannot be understated as becoming an influential leader,

 

It goes back to that ROI, return on investment, If you gravitate towards the urgent, whatever's going on in your life, whoever's yelling the loudest, whatever thing is like has to be done now and then you never do the important things. You don't have to  encourage your kids today. You have to pay some bill or they penalize you. There's all these things that we have to do, but then you never get around to encouraging your grandkids. You never get around to spending time with your spouse, you never get around to reading your Bible. You can do it tomorrow. What's gonna happen if you didn't do it? No one's gonna dock your pay or anything. So you do those things that are required. But don't necessarily bring you the best of life, and you let go of the things that really would give you the best. So to be that kind of mentor that can help someone says this, this is where coaching really is really good. Because it helps. As a coach, you help the person, think about all the things in their life, the urgent, the pressing, the expectations, the dreams, the goals, everything that they're, you know, like, making a mess of their life. And then you know, let's put it on the table. Now let's look at it, what's really, you know, you're helping them sort it out. They can't do it on their own because its, too overwhelming. So as a coach, you're  helping them sort it all out. Alright, we decided these three things aren't let's work on these  and we're not gonna worry about them. I give you permission to just forget those things. And now, you know, so next week, you're gonna do what? is the routine? Well, how'd that go? Well, let's adjust it. Let's try it again. Okay, next week, what are you going to do, and you might  actually finally cut through all the stuff.

 

I remember Rich DeVos years and years ago as he is mentoring us about prioritizing, and he said, look at someone's life and how they prioritize  their life. That is their dream.

 

That as their true dream, they say they want this. I want to  really get married, but they never work at it. I want great kids, but they never spend time with their kids. So that's not your real you your real dreams, what you do, and what  you do. That's what's cool about coaching is like, what are you doing? What do you want to do? 

 

Let's make a plan about what you want to make your self awareness of your dream into reality. Just kidding. Too much. Proverbs 26. Verse 19, is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, I was only joking. That's actually a proverb. Like back then they were talking, and then there was a little hidden agenda. And then oh, I'm just kidding. They were actually doing the ancient Hebrew society.

 

So positively what this is saying is take responsibility for stuff. Because just kidding is your way out of it. I was going to do this, but I did. I was just kidding. It's a way of letting yourself off the hook without facing what it was instead of being open and honest. Yeah, I blew it. I didn't do it. I failed that. And now we can try again. deflecting it?

 

Well, I mean, even in interpersonal  relationships, like, you know, Oh, so you're late again, today? ha, just kidding. You know, in some ways, you have an issue there as passive aggressive behavior really. Leader will not be influential. Becoming sue happy. Okay. And what does that mean? Do not bring do not  bring hastily to court for? What will you do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame. The literature talks about that, that there are people out there who quickly like threaten court.  Oh, bless you, I'll sue you. And I love you have ever met them over the years. Like, you know, I've heard that you know, that person has I'm gonna sue them. Or they'll say that to me or something. And I know that if someone says that there's an instantaneous in my mind immediately, I want to cross that person, you might be in court. They're really saying, I will  retaliate, you will pay if you go against me. And again, even though you're forcing your influence, you have to listen to me or I'm going to do something to you, that’s going to hurt you. The world has tried that over and over again. You know, World War, those wars were all about that. You want to make life better for everybody. And they're going to do it by forcing everybody to do.

 

War is a form of I mean, the form of suing.

 

Whether is the communist thing. We're going to  force everyone to be equal, or the Hitler thing. We're going to force everyone to be this way. And all these leaders did it for the good of everybody. Did it didn't turn out that way. No, it doesn't turn out. I mean, even God doesn't force us. No, God. just something you write, is that tried to force us to do one thing or another? He leaves it up to us.

 

Interesting. And last, and I think it's probably so that all slandering others, Proverbs 10 verse 18 He who conceals his hatred has lying lips. And whoever spread slander is a fool. Do not slander servant to his master or he will curse you and you will pay for it. You know, I guess really comes down to it isn't really about love Bob said, maybe you take this whole course how to be a influential leader is just to really love and don't put people down, want the best for them,

 

If you want to influence people then think the best of them, see the potential in them. A lot of  parents make that mistake, they see their kids and see all that they lack. See what they could be to communicate what their potential might be, rather than you're still not doing this. Still not doing that your grades aren't very good. And you keep hammering  on all the things that they lack. Which they know by now. Because you've said that often? Yes. How about seeing some potential in them and seeing, hey, I noticed that you're getting A's in this particular thing, it seems like you really are good at this particular thing. And, you know that might encourage them to study more and do better in the other classes as well, rather than always focusing on the negative?

 

Well, I tell you, Steve, with that it's been quite a journey through 12 sessions, talking about negative habits, that hurt our influence, dampening, or hurting habits that we all have done. I mean, I would say, I have done all of them at some point here and there. It's not like all of a sudden you can arrive. But they do prick in me a desire for strengthening my walk with God, and learning how to love my neighbor as myself more and learning how to proclaim Christ as an influencer. Any concluding thoughts?

 

Well, I think some of you have taken this class the whole time, you're really just  applying it to yourself. How can you be you're taking classes here because you want to minister somehow. You want to be effective in God's kingdom. And you just see the whole list of  things that help you not become effective and the opposite. How you can become effective, others of you are taking this class because you want to be a coach, maybe in this area, help people who are struggling with being an influence, they feel like they're not, they're not influencing their kids, they're not influence with their friends, they're not influence with their work, they don't have a ministry that they can grab ahold of. And you can come alongside as a coach and look at their life, let's, let's look at your life and see if you might be doing some of these things that are limiting you in terms of an influence, maybe there's some of these blockers. He wants to be an influence, but he's doing five of these that’s killing his influence. So you're gonna help go through maybe some of these things and help him pick out things that okay, these are the five I want to work on, I want to, I want to be more of an  encouraging person than a complainer, or I want to talk too much, I have to learn how to be listener, okay, so they pick out five things and then the coach gives, okay, we're going to work on these five, and see how you can become a better influence.

 

So again, thank you all  for coming on this journey with us. And I pray that God will bless you. Steve you close with prayer. 

 

Lord was just thankful that we could spend this time together and looking at parts of your  word from the book of Proverbs, wisdom that has been with us through the ages. And I pray  especially for those that are struggling right now some of the students out there who so  desperately want to be used by you, in the kingdom to build people up. And yet they feel like  they're being thwarted. That what they're doing isn't working. They're not seeing the fruit  that they want to see. Help Help them to maybe identify some of these things that are  blocking the way things that are killing their influence, and then maybe help them get connected with someone it's considerate. Help them turn this around, get some positive habits in your life. And I pray for those that want to use this material in a coaching capacity. They see people out there who are struggling in this area of influence. They feel like they're not gifted in anything that no one could learn from them. And some of these students out there have a heart to minister to people like that, to give them a sense that God has called them and that there's gifts in there, we just have to find it and discover it and eliminate some of the things that are getting in the way. I pray a blessing on both of those kinds of people  so that more and more people can hear more about you and become all that you want them  to be. And we pray this in Jesus name. Amen.

 

Amen. Thanks for joining us.

 

 

 



Last modified: Friday, January 17, 2025, 7:26 AM