Video Transcript: Influence Wrecking Habits 4.3

Well, Steve and Henry, this is our last session of a long discussion of influencing wrecking  habits. And our first discussion, always come back to a walk with God. You know, we're talking about thermometer and thermostat in the last session. Maybe that's a question. Finally, I  always ask myself, because I know that when I have a vital walk with God, I'm praying, I'm  there. It's like my ability to be that thermostat, to have my life in this balanced place. Self  awareness, insights, in a better way. I started just like, going along with the flow through little  prayer here and out of willy nilly. I'm a Christian, but I'm sort of, I find that just one day, it's  good one day, if not, the truly is having a walk of God that has that thermostat aspect of the  habits. The seven connection, I think, if you want to be an influence to someone, and you're  walking with God, and you're reading His word, you're talking in prayer. And then as you deal  with other people, your prayer life comes out on that. You want to influence people, most of  all, in their walk with God. And how are you going to do that? If you have nothing to say, you  know, you're not praying. So how are you going to help someone pray? You're not reading the  Bible? How are you going to help someone read the Bible? Because it's not real in your own  life is real. Then you could say, you know, this morning, I was reading this, and it relates to  what we're talking about right now. Right? And then the first thing gets a sense, oh, I guess  this guy has a walk with God, I should do. But if you never bring up the word, you never say  that you've been reading this. You never talked about what you've been praying for. Right?  Why should I write? So being argumentative? Like a person whose argument loses influence?  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 17:14, stirring up a quarrel is like breaching a dam. So drop the manner before a dispute breaks out?  Arguments. Most arguments are I say some something, you react to what I say I react to use  back and forth. And neither one of us is listening to the other. For my I have no desire to  understand you, I have a desire to be right to get you to my side. And so how do you  influence someone, if you're arguing with them, you're just bolstering their position, we're just gonna dig their heels in even more. So if you really want to influence them, stay away from  the argument and go more towards if you walk along ways. Someone's side of the shore, he  tried to understand them genuinely, I'm very interested in what you are saying. And why you  believe what you believe. Even though I may disagree with it, I have a better chance of  getting you to turn you change your mind. Right. And you all know that argument of person,  how difficult it is to be around that person who picks fights, who? Meddles argumentatively,  who has a critical spirit is really difficult for that person to be influential. They want to they  want to make a fight out of everything, right? Keeping track of offenses, Proverbs 17 verse  nine, two covers, offense, promotes love, whoever repeats the manner separates close  friends. Why are we repelled? Not to follow a person or repelled to not follow a person who is  keeping track of what and why does someone do that? I don't know. I mean, what I mean,  what are my relationship, then in this area of one? Competitive one, right? You're keeping  track of my score? Right? And I guess I'm keeping track of yours and who's winning? Right?  Well, now we're competitors. How are you going to have an influence on me when I'm against  you? Right? Or you're against me? So you want to influence people keeping track of  everything that they did wrong. You know, they're gonna start thinking you as the judge not  the person who believes in them. Right? Right. This is often a bad habit that people have,  they don't really self aware idli think they're doing that, but they write well raised in a home  where that was done, right? It was the water they swim is again, it's a sport, you know, you  say some negative things. And now I remember a few things that you did, right? And that's  handy ammunition I want, why would I let that go? Right? It can be used in my defense  anytime, right? And if I get my way I can even bring up that thing, where even if you find  something negative about me, I got some things on you. Right? So it's a defense mechanism.  You know, now we're at war with one another. How can I be an influence with someone I met  whirlwind? Yeah, is a influencing influence killer. Here's the opposite. We talked in the last  session about one who is way too transparent about how they're feeling. But it's interesting, a lot of the literature influence talks about the person who is not opens up ever, not  transparent. In Proverbs 20 verse nine, who gives a cut my heart sure I am cleaning without  sin. It's interesting. This is a self awareness. Moments are the Proverbs like, Look, I'm just  telling you the truth. Who can say, you know, now in this case, there is the opposite side of 

that can that an influential person who is close to doesn't open up their life tends to have  diminished influences. Especially if you've come because you're the influencer, you come off  like, you know, you're so high and the person you're trying to influence is so low, right? You  know, Shaquille O'Neal was a great basketball player seven foot one, he can dunk the ball  with hardly even jumping. If he came to help me play basketball. He's so superior to me. I  don't know. No even playing, right? So I need someone to come and help me this closer to my level. I can go Hey, baby, I couldn't be like that. Right? So if you come off, like you have it all  together, and you don't need you know, I'm a good Christian. I gotta get a walk with God. I'm  doing all the right things. And your new guy just starting out. And you are so far behind me. I  don't see how I'll ever catch up. You know, the Lord's Prayer ready, you know, verses the  Bible. I don't know anything. It feels like, in my lifetime, I can never catch up with the right  project. You know, I'm a sinner to ready to saviour just like you. I still struggle with everything  that you're struggling with. Right? Well, I like the fact that you and I met Shaquille O'Neal. And what's really neat is when you are a secure meal walking with God. And when we met  Shaquille is the nicest, he goes right to like, he appreciates you wants you to do great. And  even though he's seven foot, whatever, he's able to be you five foot nine like me, right and  give an word. Then you walk away going, that he was just a note like a normal. And when we  say that we're we mean that in a positive way. One of the things he loved about rich DeVos he just comes off like a normal superstar. And he just comes off. Right? So that's I mean, even  preaching. I mean, I think sometimes ministers, they they preach for a persona that they  invent in their mind, but they don't actually just are with the people. Right? We're all in this  together. Yes. No priorities, prioritizing of your time. Proverbs 24, verse seven, finish your  outdoor work and after that build your house. What it's interesting to me, we've talked  actually many different sessions in an aspect of that, but just to really give it a exclamation  point as we roll and finish this up. Really prioritization cannot be understated as become an  influential leader, right? It goes back to that ROI, return on investment, right? If you gravitate  towards the urgent, whatever's going on in your life, whoever's yelling the loudest, whatever  thing is like has to be done now and then you never do the important thing. You don't have to  encourage your kids. Right? You have to pay some bill or the penalize you right? There's all  these things that we have to do, but then you never get around to encouraging your  grandkids. You never get around to spending time with your spouse, you never get around to  reading your Bible. You can do it tomorrow, right? What's gonna happen if you didn't do it? No  one's gonna dock your pay or anything. So you do those things that are required. But don't  necessarily bring you the best of life, and you let go of the things that really would give you  the best price. So to be that kind of mentor that can help someone says this, this is where  coaching really is really good. Because it helps. As a coach, you help the person, think about  all the things in their life, the urgent, the pressing, the expectations, the dreams, the goals,  everything that they're, you know, like, making a mess of their life. And then you know, let's  put it on the table. Now let's look at it, what's really, you know, you're helping them sorted  out, right? They can't do it on their own business, too overwhelming. So as a coach, you're  helping them sorted all out. Alright, we decided these three things aren't let's work on these  and we're not gonna worry about them. I give you permission to just forget those things. And  now, you know, so next week, you're gonna do what is the routine? Well, how'd that go? Well,  let's adjust it. Let's try it again. Okay, next week, what are you going to do, and you might  actually finally cut through all the stuff. I remember Rich DeVos years and years ago is is  mentoring us about prioritizing, and he said, look at someone's life and how they prioritize  their life. That is their dream. That as their true dream, they say they want this. I want to  really get married, but they never worked, right? I want great kids, but they never spend time  with their kids. Right? So that's not your real you your real dreams, what you do, and what  you do. That's what's cool about coaching is like, what are you doing? What do you want to  do? Right? Let's make a plan about what you want to make your self awareness of your dream into reality. Just kidding. Too much. Proverbs 26. Verse 19, is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, I was only joking. That's actually a proverb. Like back then they were talking, and  then there was a little hidden agenda. And then oh, I'm just kidding. They were actually doing  the ancient Hebrew society. So positively what this is a is take responsibility for stuff. Right? 

Because just kidding is your way out of it. Right. Right. Right. I I was going to do this, but I did. I was just kidding. Right. Right. It's a way of letting yourself off the hook. Right? Without  facing when it was instead of being open and honest. Yeah, I blew it. I didn't do it. I failed that. And now we can try again. Right, deflecting it? Well, I mean, even in interpersonal  relationships, like, you know, Oh, so you're late again, today? ha, just kidding. Right. You  know, in some ways, you have an issue there is passive aggressive behavior really. Leader will not be influenced. becoming sue happy. Okay. And what does that mean? Do not bring do not  bring hastily to court for? What will you do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame. The  literature talks about that, that there are people out there who quickly like threatened court.  Oh, bless you, I'll sue you. And I love you have ever met them over the years. Like, you know,  I've heard that you know, that person has I'm gonna sue them. Or they'll say that to me or  something. And I know that if someone says that there's an instantaneous in my mind,  immediately, I want to cross that person, you might be in court. They're really saying, I will  retaliate, you will pay if you go against me. And again, even though you're forcing your  influence, right, you have to listen to me or I'm going to do something to you, the rest of the  world has tried that over and over again. You know, World War, those wars were all about  that. You want to make life better for everybody. And they're going to do it by forcing  everybody to do. War is a form of I mean, the whether is the communist thing. We're going to  force everyone to be equal, or the Hitler thing. We're going to force everyone to be this way.  And all these leaders did it for the good of everybody. Right? Did it didn't turn out that way.  No, it doesn't turn out. I mean, even God doesn't force us. No, God. just something you write,  is that tried to force us to do one thing or another? Interesting. And last, and I think it's  probably so that all slandering others, Proverbs 10 verse 18 He who conceals his hatred has  lying lips. And whoever spread slander is a full denounced slander servant to his master or he  will curse you and you will pay for it. You know, I guess really comes down to it isn't really  about love Babson, maybe you take this whole course how to be a influential leader is just to  really love and don't put people down, want the best for them, right? If you want to be you  want to influence people then think the best of them, see the potential in them. A lot of  parents make that mistake, they see their kids and see all that they lack. Right? See what  they could be to communicate what what their potential might be, rather than you're still not  doing this. Right? Still not doing that your grades aren't very good. And I'll keep hammering  on all the things that they lack. Right? Which they know by now. Because you've said that  often? Yes. How about seeing some potential in them and seeing, hey, I noticed that you're  getting A's in this particular thing, it seems like you really are good at this particular thing.  Right? And, you know, that might encourage them to study more and do better in the other  classes as well, rather than always focusing on the negative? Well, I tell you, Steve, with that  it's been quite a journey through 12 sessions, talking about negative habits, that are  influenced, dampening, or hurting habits that we all have done. I mean, I would say, I have  done all of them at some point here and there. It's not like all of a sudden you can arrive. But  they do prick in me a desire for strengthening my walk with God, and learning how to love my neighbor as myself more and learning how to proclaim Christ as an influencer. Any concluding thoughts as well, I think some of you have taken this class the whole time, you're really just  applying it to yourself, how can you be you're taking classes here because you want to  minister some. You want to be effective in God's kingdom. And you just see the whole list of  things that help you not become effective and the opposite. How you can be comm effective,  others of you are taking this class because you want to be a coach, maybe in this area, help  people who are struggling with being an influence, they feel like they're not, they're not  influencing their kids, they're not influenced with their friends, they're not influenced with  their work, they don't have a ministry that they can grab ahold of. And you can come  alongside as a coach and look at their life, let's, let's look at your life and see if you might be  doing some of these things that are limiting you in terms of an influence, maybe there's some of these blockers. He wants to be an influence, but he's doing five of these killing his  influence. So you're gonna help go through maybe some of these things and help them pick  out things that okay, these are the five hour workouts, I want to, I want to be more of an  encouraging person than a complainer, or I want to talk too much, I have to learn how to be 

elicited, okay, so they pick out five things and then the coach gives, okay, we're going to work on these five, right, and see how you can become a better influence. So again, thank you all  for coming on this journey with us. And I pray that God will bless you. Steve you close with  Lord was just thankful that we could spend this time together and looking at parts of your  word for the book of Proverbs, Wisdom that has been with us through the ages. And I pray  especially for those that are struggling right now some of the students out there who so  desperately want to be used by you, in the kingdom to build people up. And yet they feel like  they're being supported. That what they're doing isn't working. They're not seeing the fruit  that they want to see. Help Help them to maybe identify some of these things that are  blocking the way things that are killing their influence, and then maybe help them get  connected with someone it's considerate. Help them Turn this around, get some positive  habits in your life. And I pray for those that want to use this material in a coaching capacity.  They they see people out there who are struggling in this area of influence. They feel like  they're not gifted in anything that no one could learn from them. And some of these students  out there have a heart to minister to people like that, to give them a sense that God has  called them and that there's gifts in there, we just have to find it and discover it and eliminate some of the things that are getting in the way. I pray a blessing both of those kinds of people  so that more and more people can hear more about you and become all that you want them  to be. And we pray this in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Thanks for joining us.