Video Transcript: Real Life Example 3

All right, welcome back. We're in our third session, Session Three, we are  connected socially. So there's, well, there's really three questions, one  observation and three questions. So the first one, what might be some of the  benefits of married couples having separate friends? What are the dangers of  separation tends to a kind of keeps it more fresh in terms of activities you do,  because they can be kind of repetitive. So it's a way to kind of break the pattern  for momentarily. So that can be a process you're not, you know, you're trying to  stir the pot a little bit, and we're gonna get out and try a different experience. So  you know, to each person has their strengths and their weaknesses, each  person is unique. So time you spend with other people you can grow from this.  Well. As I said, one of the dangers of that is they might find too much value in  the other person, they might spend more attention there than with their spouse.  Okay, yeah, I said, similar to some extent, but I think it's nice to get like some  one on one on one time, especially for me, like, with another girl, typically, that's  what my friends are slowly doing, like Girl Talk, like that kind of idea. And then  also like, it's like a friend, that's like a friend for you, not just like, for you as a  couple. So that can be nice. But I think the danger is misunderstandings, and  miscommunication and jealousy are like, really easy to come up. Like, I've seen  that with a lot of my friends. Like, if I'm just friends with them, and they don't  really have a connection to you, they tend to get jealous off, or you or me might  feel jealous of like something like, why would you do that with that? Like, it's I  think it's just a lot easier to have misunderstandings and like jealousy and  miscommunication. Okay, what might be some of the benefits of married  couples having mutual friends, I said on this one, it's nice to be able to, like,  have double dates. And when you're with another couple, it's typically easier to  share, you know, like couple related stories, or do couple related activities  where, like, if there's a fun couple story about you, and I wouldn't really want to  share to like one of my single friends just because it's, you know, I don't really  feel as a couple. So there's a lot of relatability to be with someone who like  knows both of us, like, they can connect with us on both levels. And a lot of  times I feel like it's, it's just a lot of fun to even hang out with like a couple  especially that gets along with us really good. And I feel like it even does grow  us as a couple when we hang out or in a scenario with other people. So the next is just observation. You know, couples have a hard time maintaining a  relationship, you know, 45% of them in the divorce. So obviously, it's hard just  for two people to share the same interests, or opposite or whatever to get along. And now to make another couple. Now, there's four people. And you know, so  not only, I mean, it's easy for you, you might have some friends, and it's just do I  like him Do we get along. But now it's like, well, I get along with him, but I don't  like his wife, or there's something weird there. Or you do like his wife, but you  have a problem with one of them. Or they just, you know, you three shares a  certain interest, and then you're left out or whatever it might be, or sometimes 

you meet with couples. And the two guys have been friends forever. And the  girls are sort of new to the scene and they don't know each other. So the guys  start rambling on about their past and what they've done. The ladies are like,  okay, so it's just hard. So the last question, what are some of the ideas to  solving this dilemma of trying to find people that you can relate to both of you? I  think that like, what what I was saying, like, one thing is like, okay, exploring  them for your own interests, like, you might not think you necessarily like doing  something, but it's like, a lot of people also in the group, or at least two people  like doing it, like stretch yourself, be willing to compromise and try. I think  another thing too, is like, just just be willing, like, especially in that scenario  where you said like, okay, especially with my friend, like we both have that we  have a best friend and like my restaurant, you know, without dating someone,  and thankfully, you guys get along so well. And we're like, Great couple friends,  but like, I felt like you had to take a step and he had to be like intentionally trying to get to know the other person. So I think sometimes you have to like push  yourself to intentionally, you know, make an effort with especially a newer  member of like a couple or share friendships. So it's pretty, pretty similar. I said, I think it would be best for each person to do the activities that they liked the  most, and the friends that might not think that they liked it. So like, let's say, I'm  super passionate about hiking, and you're not so much. I think it'd be best to you know, lets each person do something that they like. So we'd go hiking one day  and then you try and look at all the pros about it. Well, I don't necessarily like  walking what I like the birds or like the trees or like the nature, find something  that you can compromise on and then vice versa if there's something that I  might not like that you like If I was on the show, I try to take turns on big time  and find what you guys can share in terms of similar interests. Because then  you might be like, Yeah, I didn't like to walk in, but I like to be outside. Well, how  about we camp? Oh, you know, I think that just by the idea of trying new things  getting out there and being open minded, we can find a common four way  connection. Yeah. And that's, you know, that's really, I think that's very mature  about how you really have to try to fit in because the chances of four people just  naturally meshing with all their interests, they're all the same. It's just really hard  to make that now. You know, I, when I was in Vancouver, we had probably three  good couple friends that that happened. You know, kids, Kid wise we matched,  just everything lined up. And that was awesome. But I haven't had that really  since then, you probably have to work at it more. And compromise. I think those  are all good words. And even interests with yourself. My wife is into birding.  Okay, so she likes going out in the walk and looking for birds, you got a big  camera and so on. So I will do that. But not, there's no way I can do it to the  extent that she does it, right. She wants to do it four days, four days a week or  something. And I'm like, once a month I saw the I got I've seen the birds. And I  tried to when I go I try to enjoy it. I try to you know, be active. I'm not just like, 

Okay, this make you happy. You have to go into with some enthusiasm, and I got binoculars and I'm looking and what's that bird? Those kinds of things. And she  has the same thing with pickleball. You know, I liked pickleball, four days a  week, and she's no way she's gonna play. You know, she plays once in a while.  Now, when I know, when I first started dating her, it was like, I knew that we  needed to be doing everything together. And we had to share the same passion. I love swimming and water and her family is afraid of water. They don't know  how to swim, you know, and I'm like, Okay, we got work to do. And I, you know, I finally realized we can have a good relationship and not do everything together. I can have a passion in something, and she can have a passion and it's okay. It's  not, but I had to learn that. So that you know, that stretching thing, I think you  need to stretch it, like you're saying. And I think sometimes we all let people be  who they are and be happy with, like, you know, I don't have to force you to like  something that I don't you know, my wife to will go golfing with me like two or  three times a year. And she and she actually does well, she's, you know, she's  pretty naturally talented sports. She just doesn't like sports that much. She'd  rather just sit on the carpet, look at the nature and the birds. So she comes in  plays once. It's just fun, you know, and I let her really she wants if she doesn't  like but she is she is another one I you know, I have a rule, I will not give you  any advice whatsoever unless you want it unless you ask for it. So I don't tell her anything. I don't say anything, rules of how to do this. But you know, I think I like  your answer is very mature that, you know, you gotta stretch a little bit. And  sometimes you gotta let people do what they're going to do. So the rest is really  like, list list his friends list her friends, list your mutual friends, and then list  potential friends and the common interest that you could share with them. So  this is something you can sort of do on your own, I would do it probably in this  session, but we're not going to expose all your friends to the world of the internet and so on. But I think it's a good exercise to go okay, let's take stock of who our  friends are. These are my really close friends. These are your really close  friends now out of that big pool. Who do we think is the best shot at being  together and which ones are separate? And that's okay, you might have a friend  that this is just your friend and why shoehorn her into a really, you know having  to have a relationship with you. And it's like, okay, you know, my wife has friends that I rarely see. And she's, you know, just spend time with them and I don't  have to get along with them. I don't have to like them. I don't have to anything.  And it works fine. But there are it is cool to have those mutual friends. And you  can find people that all you know all four of you really get along that is worth  holding on to keep that going. Alright, let's end this session. to a closing prayer  on page 21, so you can start together. Thank you, Lord for friends help me  connect with some of my fiance's friends. Help me connect with some of my  fiance's friends. Help us, Lord to spend time looking for other couples to be 

friends and then give us the energy and enthusiasm to invite them to something. Amen Perfect. I will see you again in the next session.