Slides: Challenges to Sexual Intimacy and Pleasure in Marriage

Challenges to Sexual Intimacy and Pleasure in Marriage

Henry and Pamela Reyenga

Talking About the Challenges

More difficult to talk about than your history with the pleasure of eating food or running an organization.

Social Sciences, therapists, and sex therapists take this out of the Christian worldview.

Ministers, marriage ministers, married clergy, married sex ministers, Life Coach ministers, matchmaker ministers, wedding officiant ministers keep the challenges within the Christian worldview.

The Challenges of Marriage and Sexuality

Sexual expectations differ.

Sexual urges differ.

Sexual abuse injury.

Porn injury – stop opening the wounds.

Previous sexual relationships.

Physical injury.

Mental health issues.

Stage of life issues.

Sexual Intimacy Connected to Marriage Sex

Genesis 2:24   For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Song 1:16   How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!

And our bed is verdant (green with grass or other rich vegetation).

Sexual Urges Differ but Sex is Expected in Marriage

Biological, sexual practice history, confidence, knowledge, and other factors that affect sexual urges. 

1 Corinthians 7:9   But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Song 5:8    O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you— if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.

Sexual Injury History

Sexual abuse 

2 Samuel 13:12-15     “Don’t, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”  But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

2 Samuel 13:20-22     Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. When King David heard all this, he was furious. Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

Marriage and Healing from Abuse

1. Knowing that God will be with you, to comfort, to heal, and to help you cope.

Psalm 34:19     A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Marriage and Healing from Abuse

2. It could happen in an instant, it could happen over a long period of time, or it could be a cross to bear.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9     To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Marriage and Healing from Abuse

3. Be open to a self-aware plan for your healing. Choose resilience even if things won’t be perfect. You do not have to be desolate or bitter from past abuse. 

Psalm 71:20  Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Marriage and Healing from Abuse

4. Forgiveness stops bitter roots. 

Colossians 3:13   Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Marriage and Healing from Abuse

5. Christian marriage is to be a safe place to process healing and sanctification.  It is a place of deep vulnerability, healing play, service, and freedom. 

Song 8:10    I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers.

Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.

Porn Injury – Stop Opening the Wounds

1 Corinthians 6:18     Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

Past Failures

Philippians 3:13    Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…

1Thessalonians 2:1    You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure.

Physical Injury

Isaiah 40:29     He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Mental Health Issues

1 Peter 5:7    Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Stage of Life Issues

1 Timothy 5:11     As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry.