Transcript: Roles in the Marriage Relationship

In this lecture, we're going to talk about the roles of the husband and the wife in marriage. 

The apostle Paul writes about marriage in Ephesians 5, “The body of Christ submits to Jesus Christ, in the same way that Jesus Christ submitted to the Father when he walked this earth.”

In several of our previous sessions, we've talked about Jesus’ relationship with the Father, that He always did what pleased Him.  That the works that He did were the Father's works, not his own. That the words He said were the Father's words, not his own, that he only did the things that pleased the Father. 

The relationship between Jesus Christ and his Church is mysteriously reflected in the marriage relationship.  The Apostle Paul starts writing in Ephesians 5:21. It says “Out of reverence for the head, we are to submit to one another.” Here's the exact passage, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  Submission is always, not always but often, a controversial topic when talking about marriage. 

But recognize that Paul starts off by saying, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  So there is a mutual submission in the marriage relationship.  

In the marriage relationship, the husband represents Jesus Christ, and the wife represents the church. And Paul goes on to describe these roles in successive verses, starting with Ephesians 5:22. He says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

It is from these verses that the term headship is derived; that relationship between the husband and the wife, where the husband represents Jesus Christ and the wife represents the church, in the same way in which the church submits to Jesus Christ, the wife is encouraged to submit to her husband.

How does the church submit to Jesus Christ?  Well, according to the Word of God, we’re to submit in love, we’re to submit in obedience.  But the church often fails.  We often fall short of that obedience.  And when we do we are quick, Lord willing, to repent, confess and restore that relationship.

But the Lord desires that we submit to Him and do those things that please Him, as we've talked about in previous sessions.  

Submission is given to Jesus Christ because He's worthy, but recognize that in a marriage relationship, a husband isn't always going to be worthy of your submission if you're a wife, watching this session.  A husband doesn't always earn your submission.

But the Lord doesn't ask the wife to submit to the husband because he's earned it or he deserves it but to submit to him as to Jesus Christ.  So the motivation for a wife to submit to her husband is grounded in her relationship with Jesus Christ, not first and foremost with the relationship with her husband. 

And the path of blessing for a woman as a wife is to submit to Jesus Christ. And through that relationship to her husband, the strength to submit to a husband, the power to submit to a husband, the blessing in submitting to a husband is found in the wife's relationship to Jesus Christ.  

And when submission becomes difficult is when the husband doesn't deserve submission and the wife bases her submission merely on that fact and not out of her relationship with Jesus Christ and submission to Him.  And it’s in those moments when a conflict Wildfire can erupt in a marriage relationship from the wife's side.  You just don't want to submit; he hasn't earned it; he hasn’t deserved it. And the way he's treating you does not reflect the way Jesus Christ treats the church.  In those moments, fires of conflict ignite.

Now the husband side: his path of blessing is to love his wife as Jesus Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. 

In Ephesians 5:25-27 we read, “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle, or any other blemish but holy and blameless.” 

So husbands, loving our wives should reflect the love of Jesus Christ for the church.  He sacrificed his life for the church, he gave his love for the church.  And inasmuch, a husband is called to sacrifice for his wife, to give his life for her, to cherish her, to present her radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless. 

Husbands run into difficulties loving their wives when they think she doesn't deserve it, or has earned it.  But our love from a husband to a wife isn't given because she earns it or deserves it.  The love long from the husband to the wife flows out of the husband's relationship with love with Jesus Christ.  And in that relationship, the husband receives the love to love his wife, regardless of her level of submission. 

Sometimes we are in seasons in marriage, we will go through seasons where a wife will find it difficult to submit, or a husband is finding it difficult to love.  And one of the spouses is acting, or maybe both are acting more like unbelievers and believers.  We can find some encouragement in 1 Corinthians 7:14, where Paul addresses the relationship of unbelieving husband and believing wife.  And he writes “For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.  Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

Now, I recognize that Paul is writing about a different situation than I'm talking about, but what I want to say to you, to pull from that Scripture is that when there's conflict and one spouse is acting like an unbeliever, the other has a great opportunity in that moment to stay at the Peacefire, to stay focused on their relationship with Jesus Christ and keep walking in obedience.  We'll talk more about that opportunity in the next session. 

But for now, recognize that the power to love, the power to submit to one another is only found in our relationship with Jesus Christ.  I've heard it once said husbands that we don't marry the woman we love.  We love the woman we married.  

The commitment to love the commitment to submit to one another is one of the most challenging commandments we have in Scripture.  

And so I hope that you'll keep an open mind as we move forward and talk about marriage conflict and marriage Wildfires because marriage Wildfires present us with great opportunity. And in the next session we're going to talk about the dynamics of marriage Wildfires and what the Lord is at work doing in the midst of those wildfires.  

And I pray that you use it as a blessing in your marriage, if you're married, and a future marriage for you, if you're not married, if the Lord has that in His plan for you.  And also that as a Christian Leader, that this will be information that's helpful for you to bless the marriages of the people you serve. 

God bless you. We'll see you next time.