Video Transcript: Ministering to Different Audiences

So when you're dealing with a never been married audience, many, sometimes there are different issues that come up, if it's a younger, never been married, let's say somebody 18 through 25, those are different set of issues than if it's an older single, or if, in fact, they're very different than if it's somebody who is 45 to 50. Or even older, who's never been married.

 It is fascinating as I look back at my life, I see the different stages of someone's 18 through 25. And they get married. Often, you'll notice that they often find someone and very much passion driven. And often, even as believers, they don't know who they are. And I've seen many wonderful examples of lifelong Kingdom partnership, my wife and I, I was 22, my wife was a 19, almost 20. And the Lord has blessed us. We both knew who we were at that young age. 

I also have many examples of people close to me, who married young, and honestly, they did not know who they were at that time. And it wasn't long, until they were divorced. Even as Christians and and very sad. Sometimes people get married, when they're young, because they're getting married out of a situation.

They don't like their home life or their home life is abusive. So they marry ultimate often somebody who's abusive, and they get divorced. And many of you maybe who are interested in matchmaker ministry, know this, and you've gone through that and part of your passion for this is that you want to help others avoid this.

You know, sometimes people go like, don't get married until you're older. Well, that's not necessarily true. Through look at the history of the world, look at the history of Christianity. Look at the young Mary, the mother of Jesus with the tro to Joseph, she was very young. So Young is not necessarily that in different cultures, young means different things. 

In Western culture, youth is being more and more delayed and people don't have to really choose who they are or what they want to be and don't even have to be responsible for their choices don't need to learn who they are, so that when they get married young inflame something, they almost don't feel responsible because they weren't expected to be adults anyway. 

Matchmaker ministers bring many of these issues to the table, at least we ask questions. So if someone's never been married, and they're young, it's just being aware of that stage of singleness. And encouraging them to focus on the big picture principles. Who are you? Why are you pursuing this person? Or why are you so desperate to want to get married? And in maybe marriage, we are awesome than for you. 

Maybe the matchmaker minister will help someone to just sort of enjoy their singleness, first, in Jesus Christ grow in their own relationship, find out who they are. Take some classes, I always say take classes that Christian leaders Institute grow and in who you are in Jesus Christ.

There are people who are young, who are called to be married. It's a calling the Lord has put on their life. And as in no matchmaker ministers should have a carte blanc attitude that all young people shouldn't get married. No, we're here to serve.

I have seen in four decades of ministry, people who are called to get married young and I would give them a few warnings about that. They got married. They had some children in three years later. They were dead, but they brought into the world A child and that child grow up and sovereign Lord. So they're in a providential side to all of this. 

So we don't want as matchmaking ministers to have the answer person on any of these issues. We're asking godly questions in different stages. Now, I've noticed as people get older singles, often there's a selfishness that sets it. So when you're younger, in a lot of ways you're learning and if it works, you're learning together.

I always find it fascinating, my wife's wedding ring was what a 20, something young college student could afford very small. But I've noticed various people who married older, the wedding ring is big, it's a big rock, very expensive. So it's a different stage. So now some careers have started. Often, they're very, very independent. 

Now, Social Sciences will like that. So that's the model. But there's a downside to that to people who choose that route, often. They are very independent lives, marriage can be just as much of a struggle. Sometimes they want to have, they wait until they're in their mid 30s. They would love to have children, but they can't they're not as fertile a woman's not as fertile or, or a man has moved on. 

You know, in when we talk like this, it just seems like so many things defy all of our all of our presuppositions because their sin in the world. So if you get married as a single young, their sin the world he had married older person in the world, then I've noticed people who are single never been married in their 50s and 60s, and it and God uses that.

 But sometimes sin the world crushes that, in what I've noticed, over the decades, in this whole scenario, and what a matchmaker minister can help, is, be sincerely teachable, prayerful, open to what God can do. It is no secret what God can do what he's done for others, he'll do for you. Opening the role of God. 

And if a if a couple at whatever age they get married, opens themselves up for power, Holy Spirit to Jesus Christ compatibilities increase in things that tear the marriage apart, decrease. No, I look back at so many of the instance instances of matchmaking. And there's something divine that occurs, it says in Proverbs, The way a man is with a woman is mysterious.

And as we deal with the different clientele in different situations, one of them they never married singles is very exciting. And in the material, the reading material, you can look more at that I just started the discussion, the conversation here so as you are leading as a matchmaker Minister, you can be aware of  that.

You'll also work with those who are divorced, and that creates another segment of population and the issue is related to helping people who were divorced. And moving on. As a matchmaker Minister, you have a vital role. In fact, in many times those who are divorced are more interested in talking to you, because they don't want to make the mistake again. So what they're in talking to you, they're talking about, what can I learn?

Many times those who have previously been divorced, have hate in their heart for their former spouses. So as a minister, you are there to help them forgive, to help them move on. You know, it says in the Bible about living in continual adultery, those who marry after there have been divorced. And, you know, people have tried to figure out what that means. I believe that's talking like this, those who are still carrying all the baggage of the previous relationship. And their point of reference is still that previous relationship when a new person comes along and they marry that new person.

They are still hating or be triggered, they have not forgiven that previous spouse. So what happens? For those who are divorced? Is there some moral failure, there's some need for forgiveness, there are triggers that are happening constantly in their life. And as a matchmaker Minister, you are helping them be aware of those and helping them seek forgiveness. You're there to help them heal. You know sometimes people who have been divorced, are so anxious to get right back in it, and they're not healed yet. And they're coming to you helped me find my match.

But they're not ready for a match. So maybe there's a time of healing that first must occur before they can actively look for that next match. You can help them now set realistic expectations, dive in a little bit of what happened. Now, again, we're ministers, we're not therapists. We're not counselors who have professional credentials. Our credentials are credentials of ministers. So it's through the conversations.

What you could do is help them find that right person, not the rebound person. And a matchmaker minister can be someone who in that often happens is somebody is divorces one person, only to marry someone that's even worse in that connection. And what you can do is help them have a successful dating experience. 

The last area that matchmaker ministers different groups of people is those who basically have buried a loved one. And now here they are, and their widows and widowers, and there are another set of issues there. And a minister can provide a safe place to grieve, to talk about becoming ready.

If they're called to get married again, how can they bury that former spouse not only in the ground, but also in their hearts and move on till death do they part. So these are all of the issues that are related to working with different people and as a minister, you can help in vital ways to prepare hearts for the match making process. 

You know, I would say one more thing about these different groups. Each different group has different dynamics. And as you develop more and more as a matchmaker Minister, when one in each of those dynamics come to immediately you will see common patterns. And as you get more experienced, those common patterns will be similar enough where you can start giving very viable and even greater amounts of wisdom to somebody who who in that life situation, whether it's single, Never married, where there's divorce, or whether it's widow or widower will be able to appreciate your encouragement and hope in their lives.