Video Transcript: Relationship Skills that Go Further

But there are also some set of skills that are long term relationship skills, how to build trust, how to continue to communicate effectively, how to resolve conflict, how to compromise, how to support your partner, how to have fun together. 

So this week, it's about the agenda for relationship skill development. And I look at this as sort of you as a matchmaker minister now are helping in long term marriage success. And as your clients start dating and courting a lot of this teaching and discussion and conversations have huge benefits. 

Here's why, I've noticed there's different stages in these relationships. So, so much, we as matchmakers, and the matchmaker industry, talks about the match, and then it really forces the chemistry and, and since it's sort of courtship oriented, people want to get married, I've noticed in the general population, matchmakers things are not going to take too long, and they're gonna get married. 

They have contracts about how long the marriage might last. It's just fascinating to read books on matchmaking, and I have, but here's what I've noticed, matches that are made with long term relationship, trust building skills were ever minster matchmaker, you're helping them develop a long term relationship in Jesus Christ. 

Yet learning the principles that are in the Bible for long term relationships, such as building trust, and all those things, when I learned about all this, is that those are the seeds that make the engagement happen. So early on, about getting dates, a lot of it can be chemistry. 

Now that chemistry can continue if a young woman or a woman does not give sex to the man, and vice versa, if sex is held off, that really is a powerful non-verbal, that this is a trustworthy person, that this person wants to respect the sanctity of marriage, and is into hot monogamy, and can be trusted because that person doesn't see me specifically because of my body. Or it doesn't see me because of physical things only, but sees me as a soul, a person, see, and then to develop a relationship around those important relationship skills that later in life are essential for a growing and a happy marriage. 

I remember phrases like saying that, yeah, the effectuation stage doesn't last forever. And you know what it doesn't. That sexual attraction can be there for a season and all you do you think about that person. But to live with that person means to develop relational skills. So in this agenda for relationship skill development, you're going to talk about how to build trust, how to communicate effectively, long term, and how in a lot of ways it's introduced earlier about communicating effectively for those first dates. 

But now, let's talk about how to get stronger in that how to resolve conflict net, and I like to use the word navigate conflict rogonan of conflict, how to compromise, how to support your partner, how to invite God in every single equation for long term relationship. 

You know christian leaders is that we have so many resources. The marriage ministry class is out standing for this long term relationships, you know, ultimately, hot monogamy, comes we have skill classes and mini classes and, you know, sex education and conversations class, you know, all of those things relate to ongoing relationship skills, relationship smart, long term, what is monogamy? You know, and all of that can come in, and they're going to be questions. So in that first half hours you go through here, you'll find there will spawn all sorts of questions that relate to questions about long term, how does someone keep a long term relationship?

In I've noticed over the decades that that first infatuation stage, if someone doesn't get married right away, will lead into a relationship phase where people then start seeing is this a trustworthy person. And one of the dangers of like, just meeting someone and getting married is there's not enough time to let that mature and to let that be seen.

And I can see over the decades, the disaster of that where someone gets married, because they want to get out of their house, or they get married because they feel quick physical attraction. But I might feel in lust for a person around I feel that person is escape, but am I gonna feel live? Get along in love with that person? Are we truly going to be a match that builds the kingdom that's other centered, not too self centered people getting together? 

Now, again, I can't claim there's all these formulas here, because I have seen people that violate so many of these things. And then the Holy Spirit transforms them. And they're here together living these relational principles. But as a matchmaker minister, we're here with informed conversations. And we want long, healthy, growing relationships, and caring about relationships, and relationship skills. 

Long term skills are very important. So the homework is, and this particular one is simple. But what I love about it, it's just this concept of coming up with a plan for your client to think about what's one area for long term relationship skills that they need work at it, a lot of times it will be overlapping from the earlier communication section. 

Maybe it's they're not a good listener, well, how can they be a non interrupting good listener, and what's their plan to actually get there, so it's not to get there so that they survive a first date, but they get there so that they continue to grow. I've seen, this has been something where I've seen people get together for a year. And then of course, they're together, now the matchmaker is out. And then all sudden, one of these things that were there a week, come through. 

But here's another example, I've seen things like this, where, you know, one, like the woman as a rule, godly walk, but she's also unseen, a little judgmental. And then you have a guy who sort of like spontaneous, grace filled, kind of rough around the edges. And there's great immediate attraction, because sort of like the person whose little more you know, uptight and moral. finds this christian is graceful because she herself is often very critical about herself. 

And then she finds this really graceful guy. And so after about a year, what starts happening is the sort of judgmental woman feels that she has to save, the sort of spontaneous Grace guy in the gray sky feels that he's mothered, and so save this woman from herself. Okay, no, I'm not making any judgment here. 

I'm just saying here. aerodynamics, a matchmaker minister can can talk about some of these dynamics and discussion that hey, you know, compliments attract, but don't lows, the opposite of yourself. Always appreciate the opposite of yourself. And out of those opposites, many awesome things happens to people are growing and becoming self aware, becoming curious. 

Moderation is that place, you know, in some ways, you were free in Christ, but we don't use our freedom to indulge that sinful nature. You know, on the other side, if you go too far on the gray side, and you know that, then there is no law and you know, but you can go too far on the gray side. 

You know, that's the Apostle Paul talking in Romans 8, you know, what I want to do? I don't do what I do. I do. I don't, you know, that whole Romans 7 sorry, passage, he talks about that. But also, on the other hand, we have James about, you know, you know, faith without works is dead. And so, again, in a marriage, all these things can be worked out so wonderfully, as to center saved by grace can be together, but it's in these courtship times, that longevity. 

So as a matchmaker minister, you can have a longer term relationship because you're in ministry, then you can help kind of develop how can this become sustainable? Who knows? They may continue to go to see you now as a couple. They might ask you to be Wedding Officiant at their wedding, because they see the role that you played in helping them overcome some of those relational barriers that make a match actually match