Video Transcript: Uncomfortable Subjects

And as a matchmaker minister, we want to inform our clients of how they can be safe how they can do well it's even beyond an etiquette thing.  When should you go on a date with someone, there are some crazy situations that could be potentially unsafe. 

And by this time, you're forming a relationship with your client, where you can talk about where they're gonna go on a date and give incorrect encouragement. So on the agenda here, is pretty straightforward, about ways in which to, you know, first of all, it deals with ways to respect the opposite sex, and how to be mindful of that, and based on some scripture passages, and how to use respectful language and and there's a prayer there. 

And then it deals with this concept of establishing consent. And I want to talk specifically about that. So in this world that we live in today, consent is unclear. It's just unclear. And we have so much abuse. And so what either what's the difference in kissing one person, and that's abuse, or that's an unwanted advance or kissing another person. And that's a welcome thing, it's down to the word consent. 

In the past, when sex and many, many things were delayed until monogamy, when the wedding would occur, the wedding was a clear sign on the guideline consent. So you can touch that person physically, and have implied consent, most of the time, unless they said specifically, I am not in the mood to be touched do not touch me. But in general, in a marriage, that we're hot, monogamy is practice and that is the Christian worldview. Don't deprive each other except by mutual consent. Notice, even there. 

So in general, in a marriage, consent is implied, but it has been established on the wedding day. In the world of dating today, people have different interpretations of consent, that are all over the map. So there's things that we talked about here, no, ask for consent explicitly, if it if that daily relationship turns into a kiss. This means saying something like, Can I kiss you? Or, you know, I mean, even the very thing would you like to go on a date with me, there's a lot of consent in there. 

So as you are trying to navigate these waters with your client, you want them to be aware of these consent issues. Be respectful of another person's response. If someone says no to your advances, don't pressure them to try to change their mind, respect their wishes and move on. As a matchmaker minister, these are the issues in that our discussion you have, let's say, a half hour this presentation of an hour discussion, cover these areas. 

Now, I It's fascinating to me, in some ways, as a matchmaker minister, it's important that you define consent. In my mind, you'd say, look, don't mess around with a lot of physical until you're married. Now. That's your opinion, in rooted in the word of God. But that doesn't mean you should not be very clear, that you may choose and because of sinful nature and human nature, maybe something gets out of hand and and later you'll confess that to Lord, but I'm here to keep you out of prison.

I'm here to keep you on the moderation path, so that you learn something from it and that you're out of jail to confess your sins or vital you know, so that She or he, both of you confess your sins, because it's clear that it's to that tangled. So as a matchmaking minister, we want all of the consent issues brought before your client, so that even if as human, they fall into sin, and they go for grace to Lord, they're not incarcerated.

They're not, it's not a rape, or it's not abuse or whatever you want to call it. So, you know, consent is very important to ask for explicitly and no to that consent is just not about kissing or sex, it's important to get consent before you do anything that can make someone feel uncomfortable, such as touching their hair, holding their hand or giving them a massage. content isn't consent is an ongoing process. Even if you've gotten consent once you should continue to check with the other person throughout the interaction, to make sure they're still comfortable. If they seem comfortable or hesitant. Stop what you're doing an ask you it's okay. 

Now, I haven't thought it, I am not necessarily saying that anything is okay, except sex in marriage. But make it clear as a faithful minister, that you also are aware of these issues. And it's your responsibility as a matchmaker minister, for them to know clearly about consent. 

You know, there are other uncomfortable issues to talk about. Like, the opposite of consent is just plain the complete lack of consent and unwanted advances. And there could be abuse, and, you know, to report abuse to the police, and indeed, report abuse to police. But again, this is where you want to have your cell number available. If there's a really tough situation, that person knows they can call you and you can help them get the police over there. Again, what's it all about? It's all about serving in ministry.

Now, as uncomfortable as this, these things can be, sometimes, I will say overall, being a matchmaker minister is an incredible blessing. And you will rarely have these situations, these situations happen much more. And with people who are not godly, they're not even coming to you, they would never see a minister, they would never be teachable to the Word of God. 

So in these cases, you're gonna see some margins. If you teach a young man and a young woman, what we've talked about here today, and there's a good discussion about it, usually, that takes care of almost everything the issue can leak in is when they're using eyeline tools, and they meet someone and that someone doesn't have these definitions. 

And that's where sometimes the problems can occur. But a lot of times in Christianity, there is even though it's not spoken, if a woman says no, the guy backs off if they've met on a Christian dating site, because they're at the Christian dating site, and they may make some advances, but usually, things can be stopped. And then that can be a violation of etiquette. 

And then the woman can say, you know, I feel uncomfortable around that person. I don't feel safe. I hope that you as a matchmaking minister, get lots of guys to help. I know in some of the matchmaking circles that it they're often populated by a lot of women who will see the matchmakers or see the matchmaking ministers. 

But I feel like hey, you ministers, go into your churches and say, you know, let people know guys especially know what you're doing. As you go through these modules, you can do all of these modules individually. Or you can do these modules in groups. 

Call it a single ministry say go to a church and say, hey, singles minister, Minister, I am in your area. This is what I do. This is the the honorarium that I receive. Let's say it's $100 a participant, but I come in and share these things. Or maybe it's just, you are doing this as a volunteer labor of love. You come in and you teach, you know, eight weeks in the singles program, which includes a lot of men. 

All these things are incredible. But I encourage find men that you can train in the etiquette but also trained in this concept of consent. No. You know, all of these topics are often avoided by the church, and we're going to conclude our next section and some of those issues.