Reading: 5.3—Strong Relationships

5.3 Strong Relationships: Relationships require investment in people, not just in terms of what they do for the church but in terms of who they are and what’s important to them. These investments, though labor intensive at times, pay rich dividends over time. Think of Jesus and His investment in His disciples, and note His R.O.I., His Return on Investment.

What are the elements of relational investment in people? To answer this question, I want to begin by recalling several elements that we’ve already covered as follows:

1. The Liberator – In our discussion of Spiritual Authority, I introduced the

SUPPORT/CHALLENGE MATRIX from GiANT Worldwide. We noted that the Liberator leadership style provides people with high support and high challenge, recognizing that Jesus provided His disciples with very high support while presenting them with very high challenge. The GiANT tag line is, “Become a leader worth following,” or, “Become a liberating leader.” Though we looked at this matrix in the context of leadership, we can also apply its dynamics to building strong relationships in working with staff and other leaders. When you provide people with high support while presenting them with high challenge, you will build strong relationships.

2. Interested before Interesting – Another GiANT construct, as previously noted, is “Interested before Interesting.” Leveraging positional authority to coerce people into being “interested” in what you have to say is the antithesis of building strong relationships. Showing a genuine interest in them; who they are, how they function, how they perceive their roles, what they see as top priorities, are among the keys to building strong relationships. One outcome of such strong relationships is their reciprocal interest in you. As a leader, you must be decisive and direction-setting, and you must mobilize those who work with you or for you to follow your lead but drawing that mobilization out of strong relationships will take you, them, and your church much further in the desired direction than simply spouting orders.

3. Managing Ministry Time – Skill #4 is Managing Ministry Time. We’ve already covered that in depth, and I won’t repeat that content here. However, I do want to point out two aspects of Managing Ministry Time that tie into working with staff and leaders. First, you cannot build strong relationships with people without investing time in them, so, infuse relationship-building time into your time management system. Don’t try to wing it or build strong relationships incidentally. Consider building strong relationships among your strategic priorities and intentionally invest the time. Second, when you do invest the time it takes to build strong relationships, that time will be rewarded in ministry outcomes that, in the long run, will be time invested that reaps strong dividends, i.e., time well spent.

Single-Cell & Multi-Cell Churches

An important distinction in local church ministry is the distinction between a single-cell church and a multi-cell church. Every church is one or the other, and this distinction will impact the building of strong relationships. A single-cell church is a church where a solo pastor will be the personal pastor to everyone in the church. Most American evangelical churches are single-cell churches, and most American evangelical pastors are solo pastors. A multi-cell church is a church where a senior pastor will NOT be the personal pastor to everyone in the church. The senior pastor will be the personal pastor to staff and leaders in the church, and these staffers and leaders will be pastors to sub-sets, or cells, within the congregation. It’s not quite that black and white but I think you’ll track with the primary distinction. 

It’s my view that clarity regarding this distinction needs to be established very early in a church’s life cycle, whether that life cycle begins with the planting of a new church or with a holistic revitalization of an established church. Consider this: The size of a congregation does not determine whether a church is single-cell or multi-cell. Rather, the decision to be single-cell or multi-cell will determine the size of a congregation, or, at least, the potential size of a congregation.

I don’t want to dive too deeply into this distinction in this writing because the context on hand is strong relationships, but I do want to go deeply enough to explain the implications of this distinction in regard to strong relationships. Admittedly, many, perhaps most, pastors are not keenly aware of the single-cell vs. multi-cell distinction as they enter a call. When a call is issued, the church simply is a church of a certain size, and the size of the church dictates whether it’s functioning as a single-cell or multi-cell church. I believe this to be a mistake. Cell distinction should be a strategic choice and not simply the by-product of whatever size a church happens to be when a new pastor enters the scene.

What’s at stake here? At stake is the potential growth of a particular church, and the manner in which that church will likely multiply. The local growth of a single-cell church led by a solo pastor is limited to the personal ministry capacity of that pastor. On average, a solo pastor can handle somewhere between approximately 75 and 150 people, depending on that pastor’s individual capacity. Whenever the numerical growth of a congregation begins to approach the peak of that pastor’s capacity, growth will taper off. How, then, would such a church continue to multiply? Such a church would need to mobilize some of its peak congregation as the core of a new congregation, sending those folks off with, more than likely, another solo pastor/planter who would then start a new church not too far away geographically. In this model, there is unlimited growth potential in aggregate as single-cell churches produce single-cell churches again and again. This is a very effective and practical model, based on creating a network of single-cell churches led by solo pastors. The challenge, though, is that most single-cell churches don’t embrace this model. Rather, they are small simply because they have few people and are more likely to be declining than growing.

The local growth of a multi-cell church led by a senior pastor is unlimited. In this model, as numerical growth reaches certain growth thresholds, additional staff or lay leaders are mobilized, allowing for numerical growth to continue. Again, the senior pastor is personal pastor to staff and leaders, and they are pastors to the sub-set cells of the congregation. The upside to this model is that the local church can continue to grow without hitting a ceiling. The downside is that, as such churches get larger and larger, they tend to become more and more focused on themselves and lose the vision for sending people out to start new churches, if such a vision existed in the first place.

The bottom line is that there are pros and cons to each model. So, what has this got to do with strong relationships? Simple: the church that is envisioning being and remaining a single-cell church needs a solo pastor who invests in each and every person in an effort to build strong relationships with all, especially, but not limited to, staff and leaders. Every one in the congregation will feel the force of the quality of relationship with that solo pastor. On the flip side, the church that is envisioning being a multi-cell church needs a senior pastor who DOES NOT invest in each and every person, even when the congregation is small, but who invests in staff and leaders while creating a culture where the folks in the general congregation look to these staffers and leaders for pastoral care and hence, pastoral relationships.

Working with staff and leaders effectively blossoms through strong relationships between those who lead and those who are led, and the responsibility for building those strong relationships falls first and foremost on those leaders.