Video Transcript: Listening is a Skill

So we're moving along here talking about being a vocal witness. And today we're talking about developing vocal witness skill. You know, what was encouraging to me is to learn early on is that a skill is something that can be learned. A skill is not just something somebody has, nobody else can get. A skill, according to the dictionary is an ability coming from knowledge or practice to do something well. So a skill is something you do well. We're talking about being a vocal witness. We want to do it well for our Lord Jesus. And how does the person have that skill? It comes from knowledge, or practice, and I'd like to say how do you have skill as a vocal witness? It comes from knowledge and practice. The word skill just comes from a word that means to divide or separate. There are those who can do this well and those who can't. They are separated from each other. And why can one person do it well, and another person not. It's because of knowledge and practice, that has really helped me, kind of a timid guy to say, you know what, I can develop that skill. And when I pray that the Lord heard that prayer, and he's been working through me, he will work through you as well. 

Let's pray about it first. Lord Jesus, there's nothing mysterious about doing good work for you. It's been set out there in front of us. If we equip ourselves with the knowledge of your word, and we have the power of Your Spirit in us, and then we go out and practice and practice we know we will develop the skill to be helpful and an effective vocal witnesses for you. We want that because we don't just want to present the truth. We want people to accept it and give you the glory. We love you. Amen. 

So we're talking about listening being a skill. And as we start that I want to just go over a ton of verses. I could give you a lot more. We’re back at looking at verses again, because they are the truth. And we'll look at these verses and then we'll talk about them a little bit. In James 1:19 It says, Everyone must be quick to listen. slow to speak? You hear that? Proverbs 18 Verse two says, A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. And sometimes we act that way. And sometimes we experience that from others, that there are people who don't listen, they just gas on and on. Proverbs 18 Verse 15, the ears of the wise seek out knowledge. Isn't that something? 

Who's a student who learns a lot? The student who listens. Who is an apprentice who learns to do a trade very well? Electricity or building or masonry or painting? It's the one who has his ears open to what the master tells him to do. There are other verses as well, Proverbs 18 Verse 13, this one hurts a little bit. To answer before listening that is folly and shame. Are you ever talking to somebody and you get halfway through a sentence or you get halfway through explaining something, they begin to shake their head and they you can see their body language, they want to interrupt you and tell you, they know exactly where you're going. You find out you're not going where they were, and they give an answer, or they say something and say that's not what I had in mind. Because they answer before they listen. Or Proverbs 29 Verse 20. Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There's more hope for a fool than for them. Right away as the answer let's do this, this is the answer. 

And as we looked over all those verses, I want to ask you the question, are we being given a message here? And there are lots more along the same lines in the Bible. Look them up sometime. It's almost funny how many there are that talk about people who answer before they listen, who talk about people who just don't listen at all. And why is that? What message are we being given here? Something has happened to us as human beings. So that first of all, we shut our ears to what God had to say all the way back at the beginning of history. When God said, this is the truth. This is how I want you to live. We turned our ears against him and did not listen. And the picture through all the Old Testament before the Holy Spirit came is that people it says whose ears are hardened, they could not hear. Is that saying something about ourselves that we're just not ready to listen. 

Then when the Holy Spirit came, it began to change. People began to hear the Word of God. Do we listen? What did James say up at the top? Everyone must be quick to listen and slow to speak. Maybe you'd like to pause right here and ask yourself. Is that a picture of me? Am I really looked at by others as a listener? Here's an interesting thing that I've experienced. I do a lot of listening. Part of that is because what people have to say is important to me. The other part is I've said I'm timid. A lot of times I don't know what to say. But sometime when I visited with someone for an hour and they've talked for the whole hour, or some time and I've been in a hospital hallway and someone has poured out their heart to me about their sorrow are about their fear. Oftentimes afterwards, they'll say, thanks for talking to me. I hardly said a word. I've just listened. I think listening is probably one of the greatest gifts that we can give to someone, maybe to your married spouse, maybe if you're a teacher, you listen to a student or maybe if you're a boss, you would listen to your employee, or maybe a neighbor that we just listen. That's the picture. That's the message that we're being given here. James says, slow to speak quick to listen. A rabbi said we have one mouth and two ears. Does that teach us something? And what has been your experience? 

There’re times you had something that you really wanted to share with someone? Maybe it's been deeply personal. Maybe it's good news about something. Maybe it's something you want to teach them that would help them in their life. And you just start and they interrupt or they look away or they watch the TV or their computer they take out their phone or they look around? Do you have someone who listens to you I have friends who do I have friends we can go out for a cup of coffee or we can sit in a couple chairs together. They will listen and they will listen. They will listen. And finally when I pause, they will say is this what you mean? Or is this what I heard? It's interesting how often I have stuff I want to share. And people don't listen, I get halfway through it and they're not. 

One of the things that has helped me when I was in high school, I was very more timid than now. And I read somewhere that a good conversationalist is a good listener. And that helped me because I wasn't a good conversationalist. I was scared to talk to people. I never knew what to say just like I have now many times. But I found that no matter what meeting I go to where I am with people, if I listen carefully we have a good conversation. 

Now what about the people all around us? People who have stories to tell. People who are hurting people who are bleeding, people who want to be heard. There are very few listeners in our society. Most of the time we're being interrupted. But I guarantee it, if you will listen carefully, you will hear things that you never thought you'd hear before. I'm amazed at the number of people who say to me Ren, I never told anybody else this and then they'll tell me stuff. My heart and my head is full of things that people have told me and I hold that in sacred trust between me and the Lord. But it comes because I listen. 

That's one of the reasons I have such a hard time watching TV when they have people on from two different points of view. And they interrupt me shout, and they keep on talking when the other is talking. And nobody's listening. And they quit and they're in the same place where they started and I think well then why did you even talk? 

So we're talking about listening and I'd like to say several things about listening. Listening as a skill. Remember, a skill is based on knowledge, and experience or knowledge and practice. The first thing I'd like to point out is that when you listen, stay focused. Stay focused on the meaning of the underlying stay focus. On the meaning. We generally hear the words, but the words we hear aren't always the meaning that people want us to know. I remember when one of my boys was young and we were on a picnic with another family and he was a husky little guy and into sports and growing. And he was reaching for his fourth hamburger at a picnic lunch. And I said out of the corner of my mouth. You've had enough. He looked at me. He was 12 years old. He said I hate you. Well, I know he didn't because he loved me then he loves me now. And that night when I was putting him in bed and hearing his prayers, he said you know what, that I don't really hate you. And I said, I know that. Now if I go and by the words, we could have had a real scene there. I could have felt that I was a failure as a father, whatever. 

I've met with a friend I know. We disagree quite often, we're good friends, so we're free to disagree. And that person can say some very hurtful things. Because that person has some areas where she has to work through some materials. She'll make charges against me where she'll say things that just aren't true. And if I listen just to the words, they're being awful struggle there. But I know the person behind them. Think of when a person says, Oh, I was too busy. We hear just the words. We think they're really busy. Maybe they're saying I don't care to do it. Or person who says never. I'll never forgive I'll never do that again. Do they really mean never? What are they really feeling what's underneath for instead? Well, I don't care about that. Really? If we go by the words, that's the end of it. We have to listen, we have to know, we have to understand the person. You know the person all through this course we've been asking you write down the name of a specific person you know, who apparently is not forgiven. Think about that person. What if that person says to you I'm not interested?

Let's separate from mean. What if the person says well, most of the Christians are hypocrites. They really don't follow Jesus. Really all of them or you know you can trust the Bible. We talked about that. What are they saying? Are they afraid of the Bible? Do they know the Bible? You know, if we very carefully say well, what parts do you feel you can't trust in the Bible? Or, you know, God's angry at everybody. He's angry at me too. Is that turning God offers out a person saying but I wish it wasn't that way. We have to listen to the meaning person says Well, I hear what you're saying about being forgiving, but I'll take my chances on it. You know, that person could be really scared inside. It's a hard job, to listen and to focus on the meaning, but it's a skill that we can develop. 

Another part of the listening as a skill is to stay focused on the other person. We so easily think of ourselves. I was in an elevator at the hospital some time ago. These two nurses got on. The one said I have to go home, I haven't cleaned the house for a week. The other one said a week, I haven't cleaned it for two weeks. And then the first one said besides I got my three grandchildren coming over tomorrow. And  the other one said three grandchildren, I have five and I got off the elevator I think who's listening here. Just recently, someone who was all excited we were in company. And  said you know what, next summer we're going to Paris, France, and I'm going to see the Eiffel Tower. And somebody in the group said, Oh, I've seen it. I've been there. I climbed it. What does that do? We're taking something from the other person and we're focusing it on ourselves. 

We hear it a lot when people say oh I sick last week. You know I the worst flu or or my back hurt or whatever it might be. What did we always hear in response? Yeah, I was sick too. I didn't feel so well. Yeah, my leg hurts. When a good listener is always focused on the other person. There's nothing so there's no sound so sweet in the world as my own voice and there's no topic so interesting in the whole world has my life. And what I have to do through knowledge and practice is focus on the other person, that person that you identified by name, who might not be saved. A person I talked to you about a surgery. And you're gonna say yeah, I had that surgery too and then talk about your aunt. Or they're going to talk about unanswered prayer is a well yeah, you know, I've met all the time too, and never works for me. You go on you talk for the next five minutes you forget all about that person. Or maybe that person talks to you about his or her parents that they were good parents. And you say mine are the best or my parents used to beat me or ignore me. And so Yeah, mine too. They were the worst. And you spend all your time talking about you, instead of listening to the other person. What we do, we focus on the other person. It's a hard job, but it's a skill that we can learn. 

And then just one more, stay focused on the target. We generally get sidetracked. What is the target the target is to bring that person across the line to saving trust in Jesus Christ, the target is to get that person saved. And so maybe that person brings up crooked politicians and you go on for the next 10 minutes about crooked politician, you're off the target. You can acknowledge it and say yes there and then direct it back again. Or they can talk about people have never heard, like we said before in Africa or somewhere where they can talk about bad things that happened in life and why does God allow that. Or  other religions, well, they believe that too, or or, you know, I think we should honor everybody. Really, to bring it back. Just acknowledge it for a few minutes. Uh, yeah, that's right. But you know what we're talking about. Don't get sidetracked and end up talking about something that's comfortable. 

And then one more note on this all. When you hear those things, when you listen well and people open their hearts to you, hold on to what you hear. Don't share it with anybody. Because when you are trustworthy, you will be taught things and people will begin to know that they can trust you, but that's right between you and Jesus alone. So through knowledge and through practice, we can all become good listeners as we are vocal witnesses for Jesus. Stay focused on the meaning. Stay focused on the other person, it's not about you, and stay focused on the target to get there. 

It says in Exodus, God heard their cry, and he came down. Wouldn't that be a great thing on our tombstone? He heard my cry, and he came to me. That's what Jesus wants. He wants us to win them. And a big way we can do that is by being good listeners.