Reading: Introduction

Pam and I recently celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary on June 4, 2023. To mark the occasion, we went to the golf course at Muskegon Country Club for some fun. Little did we know that our love story would catch the attention of the cart attendant, who was genuinely curious about our secret to reaching such an impressive milestone.

I blurted out, "Jesus Christ!" The surprised attendant looked puzzled and wanted to know more. With a warm smile, I explained that surrendering ourselves to Christ and serving Him has taught us the art of submission and service to one another. I confidently proclaimed, "That's the secret to keeping the fire alive!"

He replied with a big smile, "I see that in both of you!"

Our journey as a couple has been one of redemption. We know we're far from perfect, but we consciously committed to each other for all our lives. With that commitment came the understanding that we're in this together—spiritually, emotionally, physically, and sexually.

When Pam and I were courting, we sang a hymn called "Fill Thou My Life," written by Rev. Timothy Dudley-Smith. We wanted this hymn and another hymn, "O Jesus, I have Promised," to be our life theme songs. The hymn "Fill Thou My Life" has the word "intercourse" used regarding conversation or exchange of words. Very appropriate for a book on Marriage Sex Conversations in more ways than one! 

Here are the lyrics: 

Now, let's talk about the word "intercourse." It has quite a history! We can trace its roots back to Latin, where it meant "a running between" or "an exchange." As it entered Middle English, it still referred to communication and interaction between people. But over time, it also took on a spicy meaning—describing intimate relations between individuals. Nowadays, it can cover all sorts of social interaction, communication, and exchanging ideas.

Sexual intercourse is like having an intimate conversation—a profound connection. It can bring confidence and joy. But it can also come with its fair share of struggles and wounds. As Christian leaders or ministers, it's essential to tackle the topic of sexual intimacy with honesty and courage, especially when navigating the complexities of sin.

Many people carry deep scars from their sexual pasts, shaping their faith journey. That's why exploring this topic is crucial for discipleship and spiritual growth. We can't shy away from the fact that sexual experiences are a mix of pleasure and pain. Sadly, the church hasn't always handled this sensitive realm perfectly, sometimes adding to the complications.

Submitted Sexual Agency

From a Christian perspective, evidence-based research and science can help us understand reality through God's Word. We view our lives as devoted to our Creator, God, who designed sex for monogamous marriage. We willingly submit our sexuality to the guidelines in the Scriptures, mutually submitting to our spouse within the context of marriage.

This approach may not resonate with everyone, but for those who embrace it, there's value in what we call "Submitted Sexual Agency." It's a voluntary commitment to align our sexual intimacy with the biblical principles of monogamous marriage. And remember, we're not forcing this on anyone—it's a personal choice.

So, if you're a Sex Conversation Minister ready to support individuals who desire this narrative, this book is for you! If you are a Christian who wants to dive into this subject, you will find this book valuable. There are many narratives, and sex therapists and counselors often have different approaches to sex conversations. 

In today's society, where the path to marriage is often a bit twisty, Christian singles face the challenge of protecting their sexual purity without much guidance from pastors who shy away from the topic. The social sciences have also disconnected sex from the sanctity of marriage, leaving a gap in understanding sexual intimacy within a Christian context. Even within Christian marriages, couples often encounter obstacles and frustrations when discussing this complex subject.

Ministry in the realm of sexual intimacy holds transformative potential. Engaging in biblical and ministry-sensitive conversations can provide a safe harbor for spiritual and physical oneness that society desperately needs. Sharing personal stories and highlighting the role of marriage in glorifying God and impacting others allows us to make a profound impact.

We need to approach these intimate discussions with sensitivity, understanding the complexity and pain that can surround sexual intimacy. By fully grasping the challenges within this realm, Christians and ministry leaders can address deep wounds and pursue transformation for individuals and couples. So, let this book encourage you to have conversations that ignite a flame of monogamous passion that burns brightly in your life, your spouse's life, and the divine connections orchestrated by God in ministry. Let's dive in and have some fun!

Discussion Questions

1. What are some memorable ways you and your spouse have celebrated significant milestones in your relationship?
2. How do you navigate sharing your faith with others in a way that sparks curiosity and genuine interest, just like the golf cart attendant who approached us?
3. Can you share some practical examples of how surrendering yourselves to Christ has positively impacted your marriage and helped you cultivate submission and service to one another?
4. What are your thoughts on the hymn "Fill Thou My Life" and its emphasis on praise in every part of life?
5. How do you understand the term "intercourse" in the context of the hymn and its broader meanings?
6. In what ways have you experienced redemption in your journey as a couple, and how has it shaped your perspective on commitment and lifelong partnership?
7. How do you prioritize spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual connection in your marriage, and what role do these aspects play in strengthening your bond?
8. Have you encountered any challenges or misconceptions when discussing sexual intimacy within a Christian context, and how have you navigated them?
9. What are your thoughts on "submitted sexual agency" within monogamous marriage, and how does it align with your beliefs and values?
10. How do you think society's changing attitudes towards sex and marriage impact how Christians approach discussions on sexual intimacy?
11. How can Christian leaders and ministers approach conversations about sexual intimacy with honesty, sensitivity, and a desire for transformation while acknowledging the complexities and pain that can surround this topic?