Video Transcript: How to Talk to Anyone about Anything

If you're like me, the first piece of advice your mom ever gave you was, don't  talk to strangers. And now I have a whole video that your mom and maybe even  my mom is really not going to like, I want to teach you how to talk to strangers.  I'll show you how to approach anyone about anything. Hello, stranger. My name  is Vanessa Van Edwards, and I'm a behavioral investigator at our Human  Behavior Research Lab, the science of people. This video is kind of funny,  because I'm telling you how to talk to strangers. Even though technically we are  strangers. I find this topic fascinating because for our entire childhood, we are  taught not to talk to strangers, and then all of a sudden, we become adults. And  we have to talk to strangers all day long, and befriend them and work with them. Strangers usually interview us for jobs, we take classes with strangers, we  present to strangers in meetings, we are supposed to network with strangers at  networking events, the list goes on and on. Even though you might not have  been given this very important skill growing up, I want to teach you how you can  bond quickly and effectively with new people. Step number one, the warmup.  Before we even talk about what to say to a stranger, I want to talk about your  warm up, your approach and what happens before the interaction. You could call this stranger foreplay. To avoid a cold interaction, you want to have a warm  approach. The most important thing you want to do when you are approaching a stranger for the first time is to send off friend signals. When we first meet  someone, our brain has to quickly decide Friend or foe. Foe signals are crossed  arms, lack of gazing, hidden hands. Friend signals are open body language  having an open torso with nothing blocking you direct eye contact upon  approach and visible hands ready for the handshake. So friend signals are  summarized simply into three counter points. Open body language, direct eye  contact, and visible hands. Make sure you approach people with friend signals.  Bonus points if you can smile. Step number two, the opener. Okay, so you've  approached with warm friend nonverbal signals. Now what do you say with your  verbal. Pickups, opening lines? These all tend to make people very nervous.  Don't worry, the opening line is actually not as important as you think one of the  best, most effective pickup lines is also the simplest. Are you ready for it? The  best opening line is just hey, how are you? Simple, right? easy and effective.  Don't drive yourself crazy coming up with something clever. Just say hey, how  are you enter name. This has worked for me 100% of the time. Number three,  the shake. After your opening line or during it, give out your hand for a nice solid handshake. What if you aren't much of a shaker? Too bad I want you to step up  and shake anyways. Why? Handshakes are so so so important. The moment  your skin touches someone else's skin, you release chemicals that help you  bond. If you need to supercharge your handshake, check out our video on the  art of the perfect handshake. Good rules of thumb are always keep your hands  dry and keep your handshake firm. Number four, the intro. Okay, let's review. So far you've approached with warm body language, use a simple opening line, 

given a nice handshake. Now it's time to introduce yourself right after you do the Hey, how are you? You want to start building rapport. The best way to do this is  to say who you are and how you arrived. And if you can bounce it back to them.  

For example, I could say, Hey, I'm Vanessa. This is my first time at this  conference. How about you? Then they respond and guess what? Now you're in a conversation and no longer strangers. My final tip is that you should use food  and drink as an opener if you can. sitting at the bar is the easiest way to start a  conversation with the person next to you. Siding up to the buffet to chit chat is  super simple. We all eat and drink so it's an easy way in. Okay, that's it. Now I'm going to give you the advice your mama never gave you go out and talk to some strangers