Video Transcript: Appearance

Welcome back to the ministry skills class. Today, we're going to look at  appearance. Why is this in the ministry skills class? In some ways, I feel like this is a skill. Right? Usually professional, you look like what you look like, you're  born that way. And there's some aspects of who you are definitely born with  certain characteristics. I have blue eyes, I suppose I could have those contacts  that change the color, grow beard or not grow beard, but some of the things are  a given. Let's look at a couple of verses and maybe get a little perspective on  those. So we have I Samuel 16:7, this is where they were looking at Saul as a  possible candidate for the king. Right? And, and there was some concern about  who he was, and someone. And this is what God says people look at the  outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. So in some ways it's an  outward thing, and we shouldn't judge a book by the cover. Right? And certainly  God doesn't. Right. But we do. So do we have we are not. And so on the one  hand, yes, we should not be quick to judge who people are. Because as you get to know people, you get to know more of who they are, right? But in all of life,  we do tend to judge things by what things look like, we go outside, and we look  at the sky and we go, hey, it might rain, right? We're making a judgment based  on what we see. If you're preaching a sermon, and you look out and you see  people yawning and closing their eyes, you are judging something by what you  see. And you should, because what you see does give you an indication of  what's going on. So Matthew 7 sort of gives the other side of the story here,  Matthew 7:16, by their fruit, you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? So if we were to apply that to your  appearance, you don't want to come off like a thorn bush. But you you don't  want to mislead people by how you're dressed. Or you get up in the morning  and you don't brush your teeth, or you don't comb your hair. What does that say  about you? Like, you're going to have a meeting with somebody and you show  up and you haven't bothered to comb your hair. What does that say that the  person that you're meeting, right? It says, I don't care enough about you to even bother to do this simple thing. You know, I think about this, there's a uniform of  your passion and colleagues. And it's in everybody has uniforms. And you see  that you go into hospital, and the doctors and the nurses have a uniform. And  that says something to me right away. It says they are in the passion, and have  the skills and the credibility to actually like deal with my health. And so if you  went to see the doctor, and he comes in with shorts, a baseball cap and a  sleeveless shirt, right, and he's about to operate, you know, and put a  pacemaker in or something. Like we get to the doors here, because our  expectations about certain professions, and our comfort level, right does go with appearance. And one of the things that we have seen with the whole  development of clergy programs in clergy caps, and clergy shirts, and where  each way of where you're wearing one right now too is that we feel like those in  ministry haven't completely seen as very well, that there is a uniform that 

represents a passion. And in each ministrybiz, or each thing, there's an  appropriate uniform for you. And it's not a bad thing to consider appearance,  because even something like hygiene is about a uniform in some sense, it  speaks a lot. Yeah, if you take care of yourself, then maybe the thing you're  talking about. You might if you're trying to help me, you're in a way offering to  take care of me in some ways. Right, if you're not even taking care of yourself,  then what credibility do you have to offer me anything? Right? Right? So I  Corinthians, I Corinthians 9, Paul says to the weak, I became weak to win the  weak, I've become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might  save some, I do all this, for the sake of the gospel that I may share in it's  blessing. How might we apply this to your appearance, right? That's interesting.  I become all things to all people. And I know my audience, whom I'm called to  reach. And I'm making sure that I'm not putting a stumbling block by how I look,  or how I smell, or my appearance as a first impression at the peoplesmart class. We talked long about your first impression. In fact, one writer said that, in the  first seven seconds, a lot of things are communicated right. Seven seconds,  right. So maybe you're not dressing appropriately. And now you've given the  impression of something that isn't maybe true. But now you have this obstacle to overcome, right? Because to overcome a first impression takes a lot of work. So why make it so difficult for someone to see who you truly are and what you're  really trying to represent? Yes. So, so wearing the uniform, so wherever I go, I  wear a kind of a uniform. So when I play pickleball, I don't put my dress shirt on,  right? But I have these little T shirts that say something, right? And even maybe  has a verse on the back or something that is, you know, not in your face. I want  to be appropriate. I don't want to come off like I'm judging people. But but I'm  wearing what is appropriate to the audience that I'm dealing with. Remember,  we have joined that was that thing in Grand Rapids really businessmen came  together? One of those clubs that you can Econ club. Okay, so you're going to  the Econ club, these are the top people in a city of a million people, all the top  business people. So you know, we're not going in jeans and a T shirt. We find  the suit, put the suit on and the tie, get the tie on, you know, I'm not a real tie  person. But I found going to the Econ club, that's what I'm going to wear.  Because why should I cause a stumbling block, I'm trying to connect with you,  I'm trying to have a relationship with you. You have a tie on I have a tie on,  Jesus took that up when he talks about, you know, having the right clothes, on  the wedding clothes, you know, there was a sense of honor, that was connected  to appearance. You know, one of the things Rich DeVos mentored us on. One  time you or I asked him, so why is it important? He says, it's, it's important,  because you honor the people you're trying to reach trying to influence and  honoring them is why it's important, right? So you know, it's interesting in  different sports, like a coach in basketball wears a suit. Where the coach in  baseball wears a uniform, actually has a baseball uniform, right. And I don't 

know what the whole history of that is. But I think it's kind of interesting, that in  every endeavor, there's the appropriate thing, the uniform that says, respect, I  respect you, I love you, Jesus Christ as Lord, he's my Lord. And we invite you  into a conversation about that without the appearance getting in the way, right.  

So in some ways, you know, at the very least don't be a stumbling block to the  relationship. And at best, why not get a leg up on the relationship by dressing  appropriately to the situation? Now, there's some obstacles there. Like, will I  come off like phony because I'm dressing a certain way, when I'm not used to  dressing that way? Is that a problem? I don't know. Is it? Think about that. I  mean, because I've seen people in ministry who have said, you know, I'm gonna have to wear a tie now, right? So I think just because you're uncomfortable,  doesn't mean you're phony for. So for example, I joined a baseball team, and  they give me a uniform. Now, the first time I ever did that, I never had a uniform  on. I felt a little self conscious and what have you, but it's what the team wears.  Right? This is the uniform of the team. I'm not being phony. Just because I feel  uncomfortable or I've never I'm not used to wearing a baseball uniform. I am,  like, acknowledging that I'm part of this team. And even if it's not doesn't fit my  personality. Exactly. I am willing to sacrifice for the sake of the team to do this for this, you know, we're, you know, let's say I'm on a team, and they their colors  are orange, blue, and I hate orange. Right? I can say, You know what, I'm just  not going to wear orange. I'll be the only one out there on the team wearing  some other color. You know, what does that say? I'm disrespecting the team. So  it's not necessarily that I'm being phony. I'm just joining the team doesn't mean I  always like it doesn't always mean that it fits me exactly. But I'm not making a  big deal about my personal preference versus the team. And so you can be  uncomfortable and be authentic. Yes. Okay. Some basic tips, just some basic  things. Number one, hygiene. What else can be said about? This? You know, so  if you if you don't have good hygiene, hygiene is like, again, just a stumbling  block possibility to any relationship. You know, when you were dating? Would  you go on the date without brushing your teeth? No. So this is part of the thing  that you should do. The care I remember seeing a guy that was a minister, and  he was kind of kind of a funny guy that that he just wasn't very good at it. I  mean, I don't know how he became a minister. But I remember seeing him at a  basketball game. And he had his buttons one off, right. And that just represented everything. Everything that he did was one button off. He just didn't care about  being precise about anything. He didn't take care of things. And you can see it in his dress, his hygiene, body odor, all those things. And it's again, it's respect for  other others. That's really all it is, is respecting other people. So hygiene, neat,  neat, and tidy, instead of being sloppy, again, sloppy. What does that  communicate? sloppiness is I don't care. Right? And if you're trying to start a  ministrybiz, and you're trying to start a coffee shop, or whatever it is, you want to be a life coach, and you're sloppy about it. You don't call back when you should 

you don't. And your appearance is a tip off to that. If you don't, if you're not neat  about that. If you're not following through with that, why can I expect that you will follow through with what you say you're gonna do. And I know to for me  personally neat gives me confidence. Neat, right gives me like, last day, last  night, we were working on this class. And so Steve stayed over last night. And  so we had one spiritual warfare after another, and in walking around and trying  to figure out how the sound work and all that. So we left this room that we're in,  you can't see it all right now, but we left it with coffee cups here and this here  and chairs over there. So this morning when we started. The first thing I thought  to myself is, I'm going to have a great day. I mean, really, Steve, I'm not  impressing Steve, I look how neat everything is, but good for you. So I got out  the Windex, I cleaned all the tables and cleaned a desk and got rid of all the  cups and everything like that, put the chairs where they need to go. We're here  today, we're feeling confident. And again, I'm not doing it to impress Steve  because it doesn't matter whether the chairs and the cups from last night were  here to do this is a lot nicer. Right. So if you start your day, taking care of your  hygiene, dressing appropriately, you've already succeeded at something right  out of the box. And that sense of success can then carry you to the rest of the  day. So number three, casual versus mood. That's a really good question. What  should be casual versus formal and what is appropriate? So I'm a casual person in general. And but again, just because as a personality type I'm casual doesn't  mean that that's what I should always do. Right? Because again, it depends on  what team I'm joining it depends on the purpose. You know, I'm doing  someone's funeral. I'm not going to show up in shorts with a baseball cap. Why? Because I want to respect the people that are there. So as being appropriate  again, it's thinking about what is appropriate for the team that I've joining here.  Right? Rather than what do I personally like to do? What are the principles of  making that decision? Like what's casual? What's formal? What are some of the things that go in that decision? You know, there's, I think there's three things,  there's formal casual, and then there's whatever would be below that. Because I tend to when I'm relaxing, or recreational, yeah, recreational. So I think that  three things give us example, you got your suit. And then you've got your sort of  business casual wear, it's a nice pair of pants, maybe a nice, short sleeve shirt,  or a shirt like this. And then you've got jeans, and flip flops, a t shirt, that, so  that's the third category. So if you're in a recreational setting, have people over  for a barbecue, it's outside, right? Yeah, jeans, flip flops. That seems  appropriate. If you're going to some kind of a meeting of any sort, you know, the  sort of casual, I'm not in a suit. But I don't look like I just got done from the field.  And then, you know, your formal occasions, why not. I know, a lot of times you  yourself can't make the decision on what the answer is, and you need others.  Right. And there are people that really have a good sense of what is  appropriate, right. And that's something to deliberate with others about. I know, 

at Christian leaders Institute, sort of the team runs here where the girls come  with dresses, and they want to be respectful. It's sort of business casual. And for women, I think this is a really good question. And to men, I can tell you women. I think there is some principles I know in the people smart book, it talks about,  you know, you know, to watch the difference between looking pretty and  respectful. To coming off sort of like suggestive, and again, far be it from us to  tell anybody how to dress, but I think there is a appropriate, and I've noticed that in different countries. Like as we traveled the world, what's like, moderate  moderation in one country, in another country would be considered not  moderation at all and scandalous. So there's even that issue in, in each local  culture for men and women sort of have that decision. So in some ways, in  some ways, you're, you're not dressing for yourself. Because you don't look at  yourself. Right, right. Unless you look in the mirror, right? I don't really see  myself, so you're dressing for others. And again, what's your goal, your goal is to have a relationship towards an end, right? We're trying to be a witness to Christ. So how can I help you in this relationship building thing by what I dress. In some ways, it's not like a book that was written, Dress to Impress, it's Dress to Bless.  Right? There you go. Right. So not dressed to impress, dress to bless. How do I  bless others with how I look? Should be a book, dress to bless. style. What do  you mean by style? Well, you know, what's interesting, I have I have clothes  from back in the 70s. I still have a shirt from the 70s There you go. My wife  hates it. I love it. And so it's a certain style right thing, right? Things, you know,  collars were small in collars got big. Buttons get small to get big, or you get  zippers or whatever. There's all these subtle style things. And when you see  someone that's like 20 years behind, you notice it, right? So. So again, I don't  want to speak against individuality, people doing their own thing. But do you  want to be a stumbling block like people will look at you and they'll start thinking  about how out of date you are and then they start thinking you may be out of  date with everything you may not know you're not self aware of the world in  which you live and now they don't take anything that you say seriously. Just  because of that sort of thing. You know, I'm not a I'm not a style genius, or  anything I don't always know why suddenly why things have gone out. Right and you know, used to be pleated pants were the thing. And then it became straight.  Probably gonna go back to pleated again, because that's how it happens. I am  grateful to be a man. I mean, you Gals out there, right. It's a complicated thing.  Like what style in this year, not style next year, because I'll say to my wife, we  don't like to throw things away because I want to say, you haven't wore that  dress in a while. And I just thought it was so pretty unheard from three years  ago. And she says, really, I really liked that dress, too, but it's not in right now.  And I look at it like why not? To me, anything you wear is always in, but she's  sensitive to, there is a style out there, right. And, you know, a lot of the styles are set by young people, because they have no idea what they wear. And we should

be very careful, you know, we're talking the Western world, there are places,  maybe some of you in place, you're grateful to wear the clothes you wear. That's fine. So when we talk about this, please understand, we're not being insensitive  to we have a wide range of economic people in different economic states at  Christian Leaders Institute. We're trying to in your culture, right, be paying  attention to being the best possible you can be with the means you. So I, you  know, I was in the Philippines for a year, you know, there was a certain there  was a barong. And it was a very fancy dress shirt. And it was like the suit for the  Philippines. You know, there were a lot of different versions of it, right. But when  you went to things like graduations, and weddings and funerals, and any thing  that sort of was very special, this was the thing that you wore, and you're giving  respect to the people. So every culture has its clothes, and all throughout history have been used to communicate. So what we're saying is know what your  purpose is. You're, you're establishing a ministrybiz, what is appropriate for right, your purpose and what you're trying to do. Be aware of those things. Okay,  context, context. I'm waiting to hear like your context. Like, I know, a Bible verse  has context. So that the context of the situation if you're starting a coffee shop,  what fits that context? Or what clientele Do you have, you're in this inner city,  and you're starting a coffee shop. So what is it that people do? Right? So almost context is sort of like the vision statements, thinking of your appearance, like  Okay, so what, what is the set of clothes I wear? What is the based upon the  setting that the audience that you're trying to establish? in ministrybiz with is  going to determine, you know, your look, what does that look from your haircut  to beard, no beard, dress, slacks, shorts, tennis shoes, formal shoes, all the  other different options that are out there. In some ways, God, you know, God  created us to be creative and clothes is one of those areas that people have  gotten really creative on. Because it's like, we're wearing art, right? And it  communicates something. So what do you want to communicate? Don't, so in  some ways, like, we're wearing these shirts, and I tend to wear something like  this wherever I go. Why? Because I am a walking billboard. Right? Wherever I  go. Now, I don't want to be a walking billboard with blinking lights in an  inappropriate manner. So right now we're wearing this. This is a really, really  nice shirt. Yeah. It's not, you know, it's not a cheap thing. And it's kind of a classy look. So I can wear it in more formal settings. And it's still okay. You know, I have t-shirts that have verses and so on. Well, that's for more informal situations. So  again, why not take advantage of the billboard that you have, and there's so  many creative ways to do that.