Video Transcript: How to Escape the People Pleaser Trap

Rick: If you take out your message notes, we're going to continue in the series we're doing all summer on "you make me crazy." 

Now I have been receiving many, many notes from you during this series on unhealthy relationships. And a lot of you have been giving me some good material. In fact, this weekend's message is based on a letter that I got recently. Let me read it to you. It's a pretty serious letter says: 

Dear Pastor Rick, you're crazy-maker series is really helping me a lot. But there's one area where I always make myself crazy. And that is the fear of disapproval. It really messes up my relationships, and it makes me miserable. To be honest, I am so afraid of being rejected that I let people walk all over me. It affects what I say. It affects what I wear. It even affects the food I eat. I hate feeling this weak. But I don't know how to change. For all my life, I have worried about what other people think about me. As a little child, I quickly learned that certain things would bring the smile and approval of my parents and other adults. And then when I started grade school, the approval of my friends became the most important thing in my life. Now I'm in college. But I've never grown out of this fear of being rejected. I still live my life mainly based on the approval of others. I know you're relating to this, and I know you're relating this, I still live my life basically based on the approval of others I want so badly to be liked, to fit in and to be accepted, that I have done all kinds of dumb stuff that my friends, and my boyfriend's forced me to do. I really regret that. You know, most of the time, I know the right thing to do. I'm just afraid to do it, worrying about what my friends will think. Why am I so weak? Why can't I handle their disapproval? I have opinions. But I'm always afraid to express them. I remember that one time you said the fear of sharing your faith is a sign that you're a people-pleaser. That you're controlled by the opinions of others. I am tired of saying yes to people just because I'm afraid to say no. I know you're relating to that one. I'm tired of caring too much about what other people think of me. I'm tired of being manipulated and used. But in many ways, it's my fault. Sometimes, I feel that I don't even know who I am. I'm just a collection of the expectations of others.

Wow, that is a brutally, brutally honest letter. And I admire the person for writing that to me, this woman is talking about a very common problem that makes us all crazy. It is addiction to approval. It is the addiction to the approval of others. It's one of the most common destroyers of happiness. And if you don't deal with this issue, you will be miserable most of your life you will be controlled by other people. They will put you in their boxes, you'll end up living the life that your daddy wanted you to live, your mom wanted you to live, your kids wanted you to live, your spouse wanted, your boyfriend or girlfriend; you're not going to live the life God wanted you to live. You're getting up, living a life that everybody else puts you in and you will miss the gifts that God gave you, you will miss the purpose that God gave you. You will miss so many things in your life if you don't learn how to not be a people-pleaser.

So, this week, during this crazy-maker series, we're going to look at the one that's in your mind, that causes you to make yourself crazy, which is fearing the disapproval of other people, fearing the rejection of other people, fearing too much what other people think about your life. And when you do that, when you have that fear in your life, it lets all kinds of crazy-makers in. You've left the door wide open. And all kinds of crazy-makers can dominate, can control, can manipulate, can cajole, can cause you to say yes when you want to say no and cause you to say no when you want to say yes and miss all kinds of things in your life.

Note the top of your message notes outline. There's a verse in Proverbs 29:25, today's English version; it says this. In fact, let's read this verse aloud to go there: it is a dangerous trap to be concerned with what others think of you. But if you trust the Lord, you are safe. Now circle the phrase dangerous trap. It is a dangerous trap. The Bible calls it a snare in the King James version, the Bible calls it disabling in the message paraphrase. It is a trap. And so today, I want us to look at the concept of escaping the people-pleaser trap. And what we're going to do is, briefly, two things. Look at how it traps you, okay? Why it's a trap, why you want to deal with this issue in your life. Why it's a trap, and then how to escape and how to avoid it. And the Bible is very, very clear about both of these issues.

Now, before we look at it, I need to explain to you that actually the desire to get the approval of other people, that's not a bad thing. That's a legitimate need in your life. You do need the approval of others in your life; you just don't need it to dominate your life. There's nothing wrong with wanting to please your parents. There's nothing wrong with wanting to please your husband, your wife, there's nothing wrong to wanting to be loved, liked and approved of by friends, by family by neighbors. There's nothing wrong with that. And actually, you need an amount of approval in your life. In fact, the Bible tells us and actually commands us to try to please other people in many ways. In other words, don't just live for yourself. If you don't care at all about pleasing other people, if you're only living for yourself, you're a narcissist. The person who has no interest in the approval of other people, you know, you call that a sociopath. They're the people who go out and blow up buildings. Okay, if you have no need for any approval in your life, then really, you are so narcissistic, you are so self-centered, you are so selfish. That is actually a real problem in your life. So, there's nothing wrong with wanting the approval of other people. But like all of God's good gifts, what is a good thing in your life, a legitimate need can be misused. You have a need for food in your life. It can be misused; everybody agrees with that. You have a need for sex, it can be misused. You have a need for approval, it can be misused. Everything that God gave us as gifts actually can be misused if we don't handle it correctly.

So, let's begin by looking at five reasons why trying to please everybody is a trap. And because we're doing worship together weekend, Pastor Kurt Johnson and Pastor Brad Baker are helping me with this message today. And they're going to help me deal with the identifying of the causes of pleasing everybody. And then I'm going to come back and deal with the cure. Okay, so let me give you five things, why you need to deal with this. Why? Maybe you've had it all your life, you worry too much about the approval of other people. It is a trap, the Bible says. How is it a trap? Number one, write this down. It causes me to miss God's purpose. It causes me to miss God's purpose for my life. You cannot be worried about being what everybody else wants you to be and focus on what God created you to be at the same time. If you're always worried, and you're always trying to be what your parents wanted you to be, what your husband, your wife wanted, what your friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever it is, if you're always trying to meet their expectations, if you're always trying to meet, fulfill their purpose for your life, you will miss God's purpose for your life. In fact, this is so important. It's one of the two primary areas that we miss God's purpose for life. One is envy, and the other is peer pressure. When I envy other people's lives, and when I'm pressured by other people, I miss what God wants me to do with my life. You know, Campus Crusade has a gospel tract that says God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. But in reality, God loves you and everybody else has a wonderful plan for your life. And if you listen to those plans, you will miss God's plan. First Thessalonians there on your outline. Paul says in chapter two, verse four, our purpose is to please God, not people; that's your purpose in life. God didn't put you here on earth to please other people. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of the heart. So, if I don't deal with this issue, I'm going to miss God's purpose for my life. Pastor Kurt is going to come and talk about the next couple.

Kurt: Well, let's go ahead and take a look at just a few more reasons why trying to please everyone is such a trap. And we just talked about the first one, that it causes me to miss God's purpose for my life. Another reason is this: that it keeps me from growing in my faith. When we try to please everyone, it stunts our ability to grow in our relationship with Jesus Christ. I want you to think about this for just a minute: when God is big in our lives. When God is big, people have less power in our lives. Their influence is a little bit diminished when God is big in our lives. But on the flip side, when we allow people to be big, what ends up happening is God becomes diminished. And we give to people in our lives what really only belongs to God. We give to people authority, we give the people influence, we give the people what God deserves to have. God and people can't both be equal size in our lives. We have to choose: who are we going to give more to? Who are we going to give more influence? Whose approval? Are we going to seek more? In fact, a couple of questions you might want to ask yourself, I wrote these questions down, whose opinion matters to me more, friends or God? Who am I going to trust and believe more, people or God? John 5:44 says this: you try to get praise from each other. But you do not try to get the praise that comes from the only God. So how can you believe that verse makes it very clear that we are disabled in our faith, that a people pleasing mentality hinders our ability to grow in faith? Look at Proverbs 29:25. It says this in the passage: The fear of human opinion disables, well, what does it disable primarily, the fear of human opinion disables our ability to grow closer in our relationship with Jesus.

A third problem is this is that it leads me to sin. Trying to please everyone leads me to sin, you might want to just write next to that giving into peer pressure. When I try to please everyone, I inevitably end up giving in to peer pressure. I've been a youth pastor for 25 years and time and time again, when teenagers are talked to about their biggest struggle. Now it doesn't matter if you talk to Christian church going teenagers, if you talk to non-church-going teenagers, it doesn't matter what region of the country, these teenagers are asked this question. When you ask teenagers, what's your biggest struggle? Over and over again, overwhelmingly, the number one answer is peer pressure. Over and over again, my number one struggle is peer pressure. My hunch is, for those of us who are a little bit older, that might be the same struggle we have; it looks a little bit different for us. But it's the same struggle, this desire to please. And when we have a desire to please, we end up doing things that we know we shouldn't do. When I was a teenager, I was a terrible sinner.  I didn't sin terribly often; I was just really bad at it. I didn't get away with it very often. I always got caught in my sin; my parents would constantly find me out. I was just no good at it. And when I would get caught, especially giving into peer pressure, because really, when you think about it, a large percentage of the stuff that we do that we know we shouldn't do. A large percentage of our sin is the result of giving in to the pressures of other people. And when my mom and dad would catch me in that they would ask the question that parents had been asking for generations, when I got caught giving into peer pressure. I would say mom and dad, everybody was in as soon as I would start to say that they would say this, Kurt, if all of your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you jump off a bridge? I don't know where; there must be some ancient "Parent 101" book. Hey, if you really want to bug your teenager, ask them this question. And we, all of our parents have asked us, we've all rolled our eyes. What a dumb question. Or is it? Is it really a dumb question? Because God seems to be of the opinion that we have a strong propensity to do what others are doing. In fact, look at this verse, it says in Exodus 23:2 do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong, and when you look at scripture, time and time again, we see people who love the Lord, and yet in their own way, jumped off the bridge, because other people wanted them to do that.

Here are a few examples. Think of Peter, one of Jesus's disciples, one of Jesus's closest friends. Peter had spent three or so years with Jesus; Peter had seen Jesus perform miracles; Peter had seen Jesus walk on water; Peter himself had walked on water with Jesus. And when Jesus gets arrested, and Peter is suddenly forced to admit that he knows Jesus and upset the accusers, or be a crowd pleaser, and say, I don't know the guy. And Peter denied knowing Jesus: he gave in there; he jumped off the bridge.

Pilate. When Jesus was brought before Pilate, Pilate knew that Jesus was innocent. Pilot even said, I find no fault in this man. But as the crowd became more and more insistent, Pilate gave in. Knew what he should do and just couldn't do it because he wanted to please people.

Joseph. Joseph had 11 brothers who are jealous of him, they conspire. 11 brothers conspire to sell Joseph into a life of slavery. All 11. Not one of them decided to stick up and do what was right. One sort of tried--Reuben sort of tried to kind of, hey, maybe this isn't, and he ultimately just gave in and decided I'd rather please my siblings than do what I know is the right thing to do.

12 Israelite spies go and spy out the promised land, they come back. 10 of them convinced an entire nation, there's an entire nation waiting to receive God's promise to enter into what they know God has for them. And 10 people convinced the entire nation and this entire nation decided, well, we'd rather just believe these 10 guys and do what they say we should do, rather than trust God. Is God big? Or is the opinion of others big?

King Saul, when he was newly appointed anointed king. The prophet Samuel said to him, this is a word from the Lord: God wants you to eliminate all of the idolaters in the land, we need to eliminate people who are worshipping false gods. And Saul decided not to do that. He got talked out of doing that. And later he says this to Samuel, Saul confessed to Samuel, I've sinned. I've trampled roughshod over God's word and your instructions. I cared more about pleasing people. So, I let them tell me what to do.

Proverbs 1:10, says this Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you, don't go along with them. When I read these verses, when I look at the lives of people in Scripture, and I see their experiences, it causes me to ask myself a question that might be worth you asking yourself, and that's simply this. In what area, in what areas of my life am I caving in to the expectation of other people? In what areas am I doing what I know is wrong, in order to win the approval or to avoid the rejection of other people.

Brad: The fourth reason that trying to please everybody is such a trap is that it causes hypocrisy in our lives. And when hypocrisy invades our lives, we start to wear masks. We become chameleons. We adapt to our environment. And few things are as exhausting as trying to figure out what mask you're trying to wear, in front of which people, in which context: it's completely and entirely exhausting. And God doesn't want us to spend our energies trying to please everyone by wearing masks. No. It's far too much that God has for us in our lives. When we wear masks. We fake it. We pretend. We don't reveal our true selves. And we just love to make ourselves look better than we are. And Jesus knew this, about this tendency of the human hearts, & spoke directly to it. In Luke chapter 16, this is verse 15. He says, You make yourselves look good in other people's eyes. But God knows your heart. See, God wants us to be congruent, inside and out, regardless of who we're around what context we're in. He wants us to be congruent, not full of duplicity, not wearing masks. I mean, the fear of disapproval, it can cause us to compromise things that are so important the truth, right, and this is why we say things that are socially acceptable, rather than what is true. This is why we say things that are politically correct, rather than the truth.

You might write this down. Integrity is more important than popularity. Integrity is more important than popularity. For me, this week, I'm going to turn that into a prayer in my time with God and it's just a simple addition, God helped me. God helped me make my integrity more important than popularity. The Bible says this in 2 Corinthians 10:18, you brag about yourself. But the only approval that counts is the Lord's approval. That's how we become congruent. We say it's only him. It's only what he thinks that matters. And we stop at that point, we slowly stopped wearing masks.

The fifth reason that running around trying to please everybody is just a horrible trap is that it silences my witness. It silences my ability to share the simple truths of who Jesus is and how He's changed my life. If we're pleasing everybody, we don't do this. We find a story that illustrates this perfectly. In John chapter nine. Jesus rolls into the scene and he heals a man who's been blind all his life. And you would think in that moment, wow, what a place to celebrate and declare God's glory, God's greatness. It doesn't roll out that way, doesn't happen. Some religious leaders are around and they go to this man's parents. The man has just been healed. And they say, ‘What do you think Jesus? Who is this guy?’ And what do they do? Instead of declaring he just healed my son, he's amazing. He must be God was skin on he's awesome. They say, ‘Well, why don't you ask our son?’ In the Scriptures tell us they did this, because they were afraid of what these religious leaders would do. Their witness was silenced. We actually find this, unfortunately, all over the New Testament. John 7:12 & 13. No one had the courage to speak favorably about Jesus in public, for they were afraid of getting in trouble with the leaders. So again, 2000 years ago, we see the idea of saying what was politically correct, not to get under anyone's skin, was alive and well. People were afraid.

Again, we find it in John 12:42 & 43. Many people, including leaders believed in Jesus, but they wouldn't talk about it publicly, out of fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. And this is the kicker, this last part: they loved human approval more than they loved the approval of God. Now, sometimes, silence is golden, right? But in other cases, it's just cowardly. It's just straight, cowardly. The desire to fit in keeps a lot of us quiet. I think for me, this point is, as I've reflected on and I thought about it, it left me with one really penetrating question. Who around me would hear about Jesus, if fear wasn't an issue? And for me, the answer is: more people than are hearing about him right now. You know, maybe, as you've listened to these five traps, is five ways that people used to trap your gun? And you've nailed me; this is me; I am a people-pleaser. Please help me Father.  Rick's going to spend the rest of his message giving us the answer. How do we break free from the strap?

Rick: So what is the antidote? I mean, you know this, you know that there are times that you don't do the right thing, because you're worried about what other people think. And you know that there are times when you do the wrong thing, because you're worried about what other people think. What is the antidote to approval addiction? In other words, how do I break free from the people-pleaser-prison?  The antidote is right here, it's between your ear lobes. You change the way you think, because this particular crazy-maker is in your mind, it's in you. And when you have a fear of disapproval, when you have a fear of conflict, when you have a fear of rejection, when you are overly worried about what other people think all kinds of crazy-makers are going to run over your life. They're going to dominate your life. And you're going to miss all these things that Brad and Kurt just talked about. The Bible says in the book of Romans 12, Be transformed by renewing your mind. In other words, the way you change your life is to change your mind, the way you change your life is to change the way you think.

Jesus said, when you know the truth, the truth will set you free. Exactly. And so, what I want to do right now, in the last couple of minutes, I'm going to give you six truths that will set you free. These six truths, you need to memorize them, you need to burn them into your mind, so that when you are in those high-pressure situations, and you're starting to let other people control you, and you want to say yes, when they want you to say no, you want to say no. And they want you to say yes, you can call these six Bible truths to mind. And they will be an antidote to approval addiction.

Okay, let's just write them down and see quickly what the Bible says about them. Number one, first thing you need to remember, even God can't please everybody. All right, even God can't please, everybody. Right now, there are people praying for different teams to win at a sport. Half of those people are going to be disappointed in the game. Right now, some people are praying for it to rain, and some people are praying for it to be sunny. Half of those people are going to be disappointed. Even God can't please everybody. Now, only a fool would try to do what God can't do. You think you’re God, you think you can please everybody? There's no way, going through life. Most of the people in this world are going to disapprove of you. Accept it. Going through life, you cannot please everybody. Even God cannot do that. In fact, Jesus said this, ‘Woe to you. when all men speak well of you.’ What does well mean? Woe means bad news. If everybody likes you, it means you stand for nothing. It means you're a chameleon. You're a cop out. You're a wimp. You're wishy-washy. If everybody likes you, you have no conviction, you have no beliefs. Because the moment you take a stand, somebody's going to start throwing rocks at you. Jesus says, woe, when all men speak well of you. Now, let me tell you something, not a time in your life for all men to speak well of you except at your funeral. That's the only time you only hear good stuff about people, at a funeral. But until you get to your funeral, people are going to not speak well of you. Even God can't please everybody.

Number two. I don't need anyone's approval to be happy. I don't need it. Not only can I not get it, I don't need it. You don't need everyone's approval to be happy. Why? You've heard me say this. So many times, happiness is a choice. You are as happy as you choose to be. What other people think of you has no relationship to your happiness unless you choose to let them manipulate you. You don't need other people's approval to be happy. Happiness is a choice. If I think I can only be happy if they like me, you're not going to be happy. Now let me give you some facts of life that the Bible teaches. You can't please everybody. You don't have to please everybody. God doesn't expect you to please everybody. You don't need everybody's approval to be happy. No matter what you do, somebody is going to disagree with you. And disapproval doesn't have to ruin your happiness. You know, you think about the most popular people in America, half the nation that likes them. How does a person get elected president? You don't even have to have a majority. When President Clinton was elected, you remember? Remember Ross Perot: I'll give you a nickel if you vote for me. I remember Ross Perot. And when Ross Perot ran, and it was Clinton and those guys all ran at the same time. And Clinton won, he won both of his elections with less than 50%. So, most of the people in the nation did not vote for him as president. And no matter the moment you become a leader, and even half the people aren't going to like you. So, you're never going to get it. But here's the point. Some of you have spent all of your life trying in your mind to please an unpleasable person, probably a parent, and you wanted to show them wrong. And your dad or your mom said, you’re never going to amount to anything, you're worthless. Why can't you be like your brother, blah, blah, blah, and all these things, and you, in your mind, thought, I am going to earn their approval. And you have tried and you have tried, and you have tried and tried to win that person's approval. That’s unbelievable, and you haven't got it? I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for the pain you've been in. But let me just tell you something. It's a self-inflicted prison. That person that you've been trying to get their approval all your life, and you haven't got it yet. Guess what, you ain't going to get it. If you haven't got it by now, you're not going to ever get it. But let me say something more important than that. It's not about you. It's not your fault. It's not saying anything about you. The problem is their problem. They are on leasable. And when you got C's on your report card, they expect the B's when you got B's, they expect today's you got an A, they want straight A's. And they were always on please double. That's their problem, it's not your problem. If you haven't got their approval by now, you're not going to get it. Some of you are 50, 60 years old, still trying to get somebody's approval. You're not going to get it. But the better news is, is you don't need it. You don't need it to be happy. You don't need their approval; let it go. I don't need the approval of other people to be happy. What I need to do is learn the attitude of Jesus. What did Jesus say? Look on your outline, John 5:41. Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me. Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me. Now, Kurt already mentioned it. The bigger God is in your life, the smaller people are in your life. The bigger you make people in your life, the smaller God is. If God is big in your life, when Jesus is number one in your life, he sets you free from the approval addiction, because you're just focused on Him. Jesus sets us free from a lot of things, and said the truth will set you free. And if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed, He sets us free from the pain of bitterness, He sets us free from the burden of guilt, He sets us free from the fear of death. There are a lot of things Jesus set us free from, but one of them He sets us free from is the expectations of others. And wow. When you're set free from the expectations of others, you can be who your Creator made you to be, not what everybody else is trying to mold you and make you to be.

Now let me be real honest, I want you to listen to me on this. If you are looking to any human being to meet all your needs, you're going to be severely disappointed. Because nobody can do that. Only God can meet all your needs. If you are looking, let me say it another way, to any human being to keep you happy, you're going to be unhappy most of your life, because they're going to disappoint you. Human love runs out; human people disappoint you. So, you better put your happiness in somebody and something that cannot be taken from you and that is your relationship to Jesus Christ. You need to look to God. Isaiah 51:12 says this: God says, I am the one. He says I am the one who comforts you I'm the one who meet your emotional needs. Not always other people. I'm the one who comfort you. So why are you afraid of mere humans who wither like grass and disappear? In other words, they grow old they die they move off, they divorce, there's death, there's all these kinds of things, because I'm the one to meet all your emotional needs. Why are you looking to everybody else to do things in your life that only I can do? First, if you look and somebody else to meet all your needs, it's unfair to them. And it's disappointing to you. The one thing about God is this, he has promised to never, never reject His children.

Okay, other people may reject you. If you're a child of God, you've put your faith in Christ, you're in the family of God. God says, I will never, never reject you. Because his love for you is unconditional. In fact, this is one of the most amazing verses in the Bible, Psalm 27:10, on your outline: even if my father and mother abandoned me, they reject me. Even if my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord will hold me close. And I can count on that. So, I don't need everybody's approval to be happy. 

Number 3 thing I need to remember, third truth. What seems so important now is only temporary. The reason you become a people-pleaser is because you put more emphasis in here and now than in eternity. When you have short term thinking, instead of long-term thinking, you're going to get messed up in this. What seems so important now is only temporary. The things that you think are important right now, a week from today aren't going to matter as much. And a month from the date, the stuff that you feel pressured by is usually temporary. Let me give you an example. If I were to ask you name the five most important things to you when you were in high school. Will Bobby like me? Am I going to get invited to that party on Friday night? Am I going to have a date to the prom? Will we win that game? Will I pass this test? Five years later? How much does that matter to you? None of them matter. Five years later, they just don't matter at all. Yet they seem so important. Let me tell you what maturity is. Maturity is when you realize that everything I think important, isn't. And everything that I think isn't important is. That's maturity. Maturity is learning that all the things you thought were important really weren't that important. Who gets elected to the pep squad? Who cares? Really, you know, some of you have gone back to a high school reunion. And you realize that for some people, they peaked their senior year. And they're still talking about that catch, they made it. You’ve got to be kidding me. Okay, I mean, it's like their life is downhill since high school. I've actually found that it is the late bloomers, the people who nobody knew about in high school, are the people who do things with their lives. Like Bill Gates. If you had been to school with Bill Gates, nobody would even know who he is. Okay? It's you don't want to peak too soon in life. Does that make sense? Some of you stand, I'm still waiting to peak.

Well, I hang around Saddleback Church, and I'll help you out. Okay? The best of your life is the rest of your life. So, what seems so important now really is only temporary First John 2:12 says this: the world and everything in it. Everything in it that people desire is passing away. But those who do the will of God will live forever. Now notice he's comparing short-term thinking and long-term, eternal perspective. And he says short term thinking leads to people pleasing. Because all stuff I think it's important isn't. An eternal perspective leads to freedom. It's, what do you focus on? Now? Let me tell you why this is a problem. Because today we have a 24-hour news cycle. And 24-hour news makes it appear that everything that happens is important. If you turn on the news, everything that happens, it's not; nothing is more worthless than yesterday's newspaper. You don't even read it. Why? Because then, why was it important yesterday? Because it's not, you know.

Years ago, somebody did a prank at Christmas time in Walmart. Some people went in on the sly on Christmas Eve day and they switched all the price tags around. And Christmas shoppers went into Walmart and stuff that was supposed to cost 100 bucks were now two cents, and stuff this post you know be $1.95 was about 500 bucks. People got very confused, very angry, very upset, because the price tags had been switched. I want to tell you something. Satan has switched the price tags in life. And the stuff that the world says is important, isn't. It's a con job, and the stuff that is important, you don't really realize it. And one of the things you’ve got to do, if you're trying to focus on short term, and you're going to try to please people. Jesus said this in Luke 16:15, the second half of the verse, the things that are highly valued by people are worth nothing in God's sight. Well think about that: the things that are highly valued by people are worth nothing and God says, what do people value most, today? I'll tell you, here's what they value most today, success, wealth, and fame. That's what people value most. Of the success, wealth and fame, what's that going to matter after you die? None. Nothing. In eternity, it's not going to matter at all. How well known you were, how much money you had, how much you accomplished, what's going to matter as the kind of person you became, while you were here on earth alive, your character, because you're not taking your resume with you to Heaven. You're not taking your wealth with you to Heaven. You're not taking any of that stuff with you, that stuff that people spend their entire lives trying to get, and they're going to leave it all here. Now, let me tell you, particularly this issue of trying to be popular, or trying to be famous, or trying to be well known, it's not all cracked up as much as you think it is. Fame is not nearly as big a deal. I've had a little bit of this. Okay, I've been on TV a few times and things like that. And I want to tell you what, it's just not that big deal. Fame is not where the people want to be famous. You know what strange Hollywood people work their entire lives to become well known. So, everybody knows my name. And then as soon as everybody knows him, they put on dark glasses and hide. Why they realized I don't really want everybody to know my name. It's a pain in the posterior. Okay, yeah. So, you get it. And then all these famous people, they get their fame. And then what do they do? They try to hide from the people who know their name. Because they realize, Well, that wasn't worth it; it didn't make any difference. And when you get sick, and when you got a loved one dying, all your fans really don't matter. What you need just a couple of really good close friends.

Number four, the fourth thing I need you to remember is that I only have to please one person in life. I only have to please one person, and that is my Creator, My God, my Savior. I only have to please the Lord, the One Who made me and had a purpose for my life. And that simplifies life enormously. You want to learn to live for an audience of one. You only need one personal approval, God's approval. Jesus said it like this in John 5:30. I don't try to please myself. But I only please the one who sent me. He said, I'm living for an audience of one. You may have not ever realized this. But one of the pastors alluded to it. People pleasing is a form of idolatry. Now, the first two commandments in the 10 commandments are number one, don't have any gods before me. Anything you put before God becomes a god. So, a boat could be a god. A career could be a God, a girlfriend could be a god. Golf could be a god. Anything that comes number one in your life that isn't God becomes your God. And number two is don't make any idols. Anything that replaces God in your life as an idol. Success can be an idol. Money can be an idol. Sex can be an idol. A relationship can become an idol. If that relationship to your girlfriend, to your wife, to your boss, to your friend is more important than God, it's an idol. And it's a god. And when I am a people-pleaser, I have allowed something else in my life to take first place. Does that make sense? And all of a sudden it becomes God, because their opinion matters to me more than God's opinion. What they think of me matters. I don't want to tell him I'm a Christian, because they might think less of me, then you're saying their opinion is more important than God's opinion. I don't want to let him know that I go to church because they might not like me. Then their opinion matters more than God's opinion. At that point, you have another god in your life. You have an idol. I only have to please one person. Paul says in Galatians 1:10 I'm not trying to be a people-pleaser. No, I'm trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I wouldn't be Christ’s servant. Remember, I only have to please one person. 

Number five. Remember this, a fifth truth. One day, I'll give an account of my life. Boy, do I need to remember that. That's a people-pleaser antidote. One day, I will give an account of my life. The Bible says in Romans 14:12, yes, each of us will have to give a personal account to God. Now, when you remember that, you have that long term thinking, it's going to change what you say what you do, and who you try to impress. Because in a situation where you got to the point, here it is: am I going to please God in this situation? Am I going to please this person? Do I want God's approval? Or do I want this first approval? Do I want God disapproving of what I just said, did or whatever? Or do I want this person disapproving of what I just said and did? When you take that long look and realize I'm going to give an account today, for every word I say, it's going to change, it's going to give you confidence, it's going to give you courage, it's going to give you the ability to stand up and be a man or be a woman in a situation that is constantly trying to put pressure on you to be politically correct, or socially acceptable.

Now, I know this one, because in a lot of interviews, I've been interviewed on lots of TV shows and broadcasts that went international and things like that. And in those broadcasts, they will ask me the toughest questions possible, the most incendiary, the most politically incorrect, and they want to put me on the spot make me look like, well, because I believe a certain thing, then I'm a bigot, or I'm this or I'm a data and they and they're intentionally trying to get me to back down off of what the Bible says. And I've been questioned and ask questions like, Is Jesus really the only way to heaven? By Jewish reporters. Are people who don't know Jesus really going to hell? Is that what the Bible says? I've been asked that question many, many times. Does God really say homosexuality and sex out of marriage is wrong? Does God really say that? Do you believe that? 

Now, when I'm in those interviews, the old Larry King interviews, when I got my human nature wants to be liked, just like yours does. My human nature wants to compromise, wants to divert, wants to punt, wants to not tell the truth. And I've actually heard guys being asked those questions on TV, and they'll say, well, I just leave that up to God. There's word for that: cop out. The guy knows exactly what God says. And you don't say I leave it up to God, when you know what God has said clearly in his word. Well, I just leave that up to God, or everybody has to make up their own mind. That's a nice politically correct, people-pleasing cop out. You're not standing for the truth. In those moments, when I could say something that would be politically correct, and wouldn't offend, wouldn't ruffle feathers, but it would be a lie. I remember these truths. And in that pressure moment, I do three things. First, I remember what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross. And I'll think about Him on the cross with his blood being shed, from England. He didn't deny me. He didn't deny me. He didn't back down for me. He died for my sins. I owe him my life. He created me, he saved me. He forgave me, he's taking me to heaven. I'm not going to deny him. I remember that what Jesus did for me, I remember that one day, I'm going to give an account to God. And at that point, God's going to say, and what did you say in that interview? What did you say in that conversation at work? What did you say to your friend school? And I remember, as Pastor Brad mentioned, integrity is more important than popularity. I'm not going to give up my integrity. So, I tell him the truth, and I let the chips fall. The Bible says in Luke chapter nine, verse 26, Jesus said, If anyone is ashamed of Me, and My words, in other words, you're a people-pleaser. I, the Son of Man, will be ashamed of him. When I come in glory, in the end of the Father, and of the Holy angels, is Jesus going to be ashamed of you? Because you were ashamed of him? This is people-pleaser problem. This is an approval addiction. This is a short-term thinking issue.

Finally, one more thing I need to remember, write this down. I remember this when I'm under pressure, God shaped me to be me. God shaped me to be me, not somebody else. God doesn't want me to be you. God doesn't want you to be somebody else. When you get to heaven, God isn't going to say, Hey, why aren't you more like your brother? Thank God. Why weren't you more like your dad, your mother? What? You know, whatever. When you get to Heaven, as God said, women, I made you to be you. When you get to heaven, God is not going to say, Were you popular? God is not going to say, did you make everybody happy? God is not going to say, did you make sure you didn't ruffle any feathers? He's not going to say, did you become what others want you to be? Did you become who I made you to be? Or do you go off and live your life for what your daddy wanted? Or what somebody else wanted? Did you fulfill the purpose I created you for? The Bible says this: Don't let the world around you squeeze you in its own mold. I love this Phillips translation. Don't let the world squeeze you into its own mold. That's people pleasing. But let God remold You from within, that's learning these truths that set you free. Let God remold your mind from within. So, you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good circle, the phrase, the plan of God for you is good. God's purpose for your life is good. Other people's purpose for your life is not good. God didn't put you on earth to fulfill the purpose of somebody else. God puts you on earth to fulfill the plan of God for you, the plan of God for you is good, it meets all your demands, and moves toward the goal of true maturity. Now, these six truths will set you free. And if you let them burn into your memory, they will guide you, and they will keep you from being controlled by crazy-makers who want to push you into their mold. Will you have integrity? Will you have courage? Will you stand up and be who God made you to be and say what you know is the right thing. So, let's review these truths. 

1. Even God can't please everybody. I need to remember that one. 

2. I don't need anybody's approval in order to be happy, it's a choice.

3. What seems important now, what you think of me, isn't really going to matter in the long term. When I get to heaven, what you thought of me isn't going to matter. 

4. Number four, I only have to please one person; that makes life pretty simple. 

5. Number five, one day I'll give an account of the life I lived. 

6. In number six, God shaped me to be me, not somebody else.

Now, there's only one person in the universe who knows you completely, Who accepts you unconditionally, and who knows the purpose you were created for: Jesus Christ. So, you need to get to know Him. And make sure that his opinion of you matters more than anybody else. That is an anti-crazy-maker move. Let's bow our heads. I want you to pray this prayer with me just say it in your mind.

Dear God, you know how I often let other people's approval or disapproval, control my life. And I've done a lot of dumb things that I really didn't want to do. And I've said yes, when I wanted to say no. And I've said no to things that you wanted me to say yes to. When I'm sorry, help me to remember these truths that I can't please everybody. And I don't need to please everybody, help me to remember that. What seems important is only temporary. And I only have to please one person. Help me to remember that one day I'm going to give an account of my life to you. And what's going to matter is that you shaped me to be me not to be somebody else. Give me the courage to say no, when no is the right thing. And give me the courage to say yes when Yes is the right thing. And I want to begin by today saying yes to you, yes, Jesus Christ, come into my life. Thank You that You know me completely and love me unconditionally. Jesus Christ come in and save me, change me, change my mind. I don't want to be molded and squeezed into a mold by the world. I want to be exactly who I was made to be by you. And from this day forward, I want to grow and making you what matters most to me. You're number one in my life from this day forward. No other gods, no idols. You are number one; your attitude matters most and help me have the courage to do the right thing. In Your name I pray Amen.