Video Transcript: Parenting Intro

All right, welcome to taking control of your parenting part one. I want to start with a verse. Proverbs 22:6, train a child in the way he should go. And when he is  old, he will not turn from it train a child. Now, in order to train someone, they  have to be willing to be trained. So it's not like, if you do all the right things, then  somehow your kid will turn out perfect. Adam and Eve were trained by God, God was the Father. And they didn't turn out so well, because they had a will of their  own and your child does, too. But if you train them, and they accept the training,  then they tend to go in the direction that you point them. I want to start off with a  little book, I want to read this book to you. It's called love you forever. It's by a  Canadian author, Robert Munch. And I think it's an awesome book. So I'm going to read it for you. And you can just listen as I read it to you. A mother held her  new baby, and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and  forth. And while she held him she sang, I love you forever. I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby, you know, be as the picture. Pictures are  awesome, too. So I'll show them to you as we go. The baby grew and he grew  and grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old. And he ran all  around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food  out of the refrigerator, he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet.  Sometimes his mother would say, this kid is driving me crazy. Here's a picture.  But at nighttime, when that two year old was quiet, she opened the door to his  room and crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of the bed. And if he  was really asleep, she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and  forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang I love you forever. I  like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby, you'll be there's the picture.  The little boy grew, he grew and he grew up he grew he grew until he was nine  years old. He never wanted to come home for dinner. He never wanted to take a bath. And when grandma visited visited, he always said bad words. Sometimes  his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo. But at nighttime, when he was asleep,  the mother would quietly open the door to his room, crawl across the floor and  look up over the side of the bed. And if he was really asleep, she picked up that  nine year old boy and rocking back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang I love you forever. I'll like you for always as  long as I'm living my baby you'll be there is the picture. The boy grew, he grew  and grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the  mother felt like she was in a zoo but at nighttime when that teenager was  asleep, the mother opened the door to his room and crawled across the floor  and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up  that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she's sang I love you for ever. I'll love you for always  as long as I'm living my baby you'll be there she is peeking around the door that  teenager grew. He grew what he grew When he grew, he grew until he was a 

grown man. He left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark  nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her  son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the  floor and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really  asleep, she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back  and forth. And while she rocked him, she's sang, I'll love you forever. I'll love you for always, as long as I'm living my baby, you will be cute picture. Well, that  mother, she got older, and she got older and older and older. And one day she  called up her son and said, You'd better come see me because I'm very old and  sick. So her son came to see her. And when he came to the door, she tried to  sing the song. She's sang, I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. But she  couldn't finish. Because she was too old and sick. That son went to his mother,  he picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  And he sang this song. I love you forever. I'll like you for always, as long as  you're living, my mommy you'll be when the son came home that night, he stood for a long time, at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his  very new baby daughter was sleeping. He picked her up in his arms and very  slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth. And while  he rocked her, he's sang, I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always, as long as  you're living my baby, you'll be. Isn't that awesome. I just I just love that book. I  love this picture. That gets me every single time. I think the books you know  what I love about this book is when kids when you read it to kids, they're there.  When you read the book, the kids, they're laughing. And the older people the  adults are crying because it's so touching. These are the words Robert Munch  has to say about this book I made up. I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song was my song to my dead babies. For  a long time I had in my head. I had it in my head and I couldn't sing it because  every time I tried to sing it, I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head  that I couldn't sing. For a long time it was just a song. But one day while telling  stories at a big theater at the University of Guelph it occurred to me that I might  be able to make a story around the song out pop love you forever, pretty much  the way it is in the book. All right, I want to talk about five schools of parenting.  This is sort of our introduction to this whole taking control of your parenting. If  you're a parent, you probably know what I'm talking about. Like you know,  sometimes it goes well, but often it's it's a struggle. And what do you do as a  parent and and how do you how do you parent these days because over  different times and ages people have parented different ways you were raised in a certain ways that the way you should do it with your children or your  grandparents were raised maybe a different way and, and your friends and it's  like there's so many different views of how to do this. In the 50s there was a  parenting style, I would call it the parent walks ahead. The 50s was, you know,  authority, or people respected authority. If If mom or dad say something, then 

that's the way it's going to be. Kids were supposed to listen and just obey. Then  the 60s took place at least In here in the United States, the 60s was all you  know, the Vietnam war was going on the rock and roll started happening.  Teenagers, because because of the transistor radio, the transistors made radios really cheap. And because they were treat cheap, any kid could afford a radio  and then radio stations started catering to kids. And all of a sudden teenagers  got their own music, and their own lifestyle, their own dress. And there was a,  there was a there was a ground swelling of rebellion. And parents had no idea  what to do. And young parents, you know, they they didn't want to, they didn't  want to be their parents. They didn't want to be authoritarian, authoritative and,  you know, tell their kids what to do. Because they didn't want someone telling  them what to do. So how could they tell their kids what to do? So it'd be it  became a parent just walks away? I mean, what do we do? We can't tell our  kids what to do, we just leave them to whatever they end up doing. Then the 70s in the 80s, the parent is not sure where to walk? Should you go back to the 50s? Should you have some more of a authoritative kind of thing? Or should you, you  know, walk away what you do, then the 90s to the present, the parent I think is  walking behind. I think parents today kids are in charge. Whatever the kids want, whatever the kids need, I don't know if somehow parents feel guilty for  something. But they tend to focus on their kids and do everything for their kids.  And, and sort of picking up after their kids, whatever their kids want I see this in  church all the time. When children, people come back to church when they have young children, but once the children turn 10, 11, 12, 13 years old, and they  start, you know, rebelling against going church parents today are like, well, what  can we do? What can we do? Well, I'll tell you what you can do it my parents  never gave us a choice. We just went there was never the thought of a choice.  But parents today are always giving kids a choice. You know, what is that you  want to do? Parents are reluctant to impose their own religions, their own  thoughts on their children. And by the way on that the drug dealer is not shy  about pushing his view of what life is all about on your children, and neither is  anyone else. So if you're a parent, and you're not like helping your children see  your point of view, you're the only one not doing that. And number five, what I  would call the Bible School of parenting, the parent is sometimes not sure where to walk. Okay, sometimes it's hard to know, should I be in front? Should I be  behind? Sometimes a parent walks ahead. Of course, a parent has seen things  has experienced life. Why? Why have your children find out everything the hard  way? Why not, you know, let them you know, experience some of your wisdom,  not not, not that kids always listen, but at least you you give them a shot.  Sometimes a parent walks behind, you know, my, my kids are grown kids. Now,  they know more about a lot of things than I do. And I'm the one that's behind,  and I'm the one that has to ask them questions. And as a parent, if kids know  something, it's okay to be the student to your child. Now, that isn't often the 

case, you're often the teacher, but sometimes being the student is okay. But I  put here never walks away, never walks away. You never walk away from your  child, no matter what I mean, even if your child has walked away from you. And  so you've experienced that. You never walk away from your child. God doesn't  walk away from us. We don't walk away from our children doesn't mean we're  always happy with what they do, but we never give up on them. And then finally,  we always walk beside them. Okay. They're human beings, we're human beings. We treat them with respect, we demand respect. Back, especially as they get  older, my children are friends of mine. They're, they're, they're, they're equal in  almost every single way. They know things and I know things and we exchange  and it's, it's, it's a one to one kind of relationship. All right. So what I want to do is I just want to give you a little summary of where we're going. We're going to in  the next eight sessions. Look at four attitudes that I think parents need to give  their kids. These are the four basic attitudes you want your children to have. And then we'll look at four skills that you should teach your children. And then I'll be  looking at something for mothers, something for fathers. And then the last video  will be a special case kind of situation, single moms, adoption, some special  needs children, sort of specialized different cases. So the first attitude that that  as a parent you really want your child to have is the I am somebody. The I Am  somebody attitude. Psalm 139. You, God made all the delicate inner parts of my  body, you knit them together in my mother's womb, thank you for making me so  wonderfully complex. It's amazing to think about your workmanship is  marvelous, how well, I know it. A lot of issues that that children have stems from  a sense of not knowing who they are a sense of inadequacy, a sense of other  people are better at everything than I am. If even children that are talented and  gifted, they see other people. And they see, it's easy to see everyone else is  more talented and very gifted. And even if you are the most talented and gifted  person in the room, then sometimes people feel like well, then, you know, I'm  not like everyone else. And I'm different from everyone else. And people look  down on me b ecause of that. It's real easy to feel like you're not somebody,  especially as a child. I mean, as we grow up, we learn what our gifts, our  abilities, we, you know, we have our arenas, you know, workplaces, friends,  where we fit in where we belong, where we know we contribute. But children  growing up at first, they don't have always that especially, especially I noticed  when kids start going to school, you know, when you have them at home, you're  nurturing, you're caring, you're responsive to their needs. And then all of a  sudden they go to school, and it's the Wild Wild West, and some kids have a  hard time figuring out who they are. So how. So what we'll be doing is exploring  how as a parent, do you give your kids this sense that, that they are somebody.  Next is the I am needed attitude, I am needed. I Corinthians 12:27. Now here's  what I'm trying to say all of you together are the one body of Christ. And each of  you is a separate, and this is the key word. necessary part of it. A necessary part

of it, you're part of a body, and you're a necessary part. That's the sense of  being needed. We all have this need to be a part of something to be needed to  have people on the team that are needed. If you're on a team, and you're sitting  on the bench, then you're not needed. If you're part of a family, and everyone  else has a role, and you don't, it's hard to feel needed. If you're in a church, and  all you do is attend, it's hard to feel that you're needed. So what can you do as  parents to help your children get the sense that they're needed? Okay, next one, that we're going to be looking at the I can do it attitude, I can do it. Mark 9:23,  Jesus was confronted with a boy that had a demon inside of him and, and the  father, you know, wanted this boy healed and the disciples couldn't do it. And  then he comes that they bring this father and the boy to Jesus, and he has this  little exchange. And And the man says, If you can, could you make them whole?  And Jesus says if you can, everything is possible for him who believes  everything is possible for him who believes How do you get your children to  have that belief in themselves? The I can do it attitude rather than the I can't do  it. A lot of people have the I can't do it. When they hear about something new.  They right away conclude that they can't do it. I can't or I won't. Or I'm afraid of  what? Failure? Most people don't try because they're afraid of failing, and  they're afraid of what people might think of them if they fail. How do you give  your kids the sense that they can do it? They might not succeed the first time, or the second time. But, but they can do things, even things that they think they  can't do. And if they can't, well, at least they'll give it a try. See that sense of just, you know, try, I can do it. And then, fourthly, how do we give kids the, I am not  the center, attitude. I mean, that's a key one. We have a lot, a lot of kids running  around today, at least in our culture, here in the United States, where kids think  that they're the center of everything. We're very self absorbed. These days, let  me write that down, self absorbed. self-absorbed is not selfish, selfish, is when  you you are going to do whatever it takes to please yourself and do good things  for yourself. And you don't care who gets hurt, Okay. that's selfish, self absorbed is I, I'm not even thinking of other people. I'm not even thinking of other people  that I might hurt. I'm only thinking about myself, I'm not trying to hurt anybody. I  don't mean to hurt anybody. But I'm just not aware of anybody. I'm just thinking  about myself. Luke 9:23 Then Jesus said to them all, whoever wants to be my  disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily, and follow me and  not turn from it. Life is not about you. Well, how do you teach your children that,  especially your children start out, they're born, and the only thing they know is  what they hear and see. And gradually they learn. And everyone seems to be,  you know, meeting their needs, it's easy for a child to get the sense that life is  about them. And gradually, over time, you have to teach them that no, life is not  just about you, you know, a brother or sister comes along, and all of a sudden,  they find out, you know, the hard way, that they aren't the center of the world.  And lot, a lot of times the child has has a problem with that. And then they go to 

school and and they go out into the workforce and they want to find someone to  marry all of a sudden, there's other people. So how do you how do you teach  your children to, to have the sense that life is not about them, but it's actually  about helping others. That that's what a marriage is all about. That's what  friendship is all about. If you start a business, that's what a business is all about  you, your business is not going to succeed. If you're serving yourself.  businesses succeed. When a business serves others makes products or  services that help other people. If you're going to get involved in the church  world, it's the same thing. Okay, then we're going to be looking at the skill of self  discipline, self discipline, Proverbs 20:3, sometimes it takes a painful  experience, to make us change our ways. That's how discipline happens.  Discipline happens when we experience the negative consequences of our bad  or negative behavior. You touch a hot stove and it hurts, it burns. You pull your  hand back there like I'm, I'm not going to do that again. Okay, now if as parents  we rescue our kids from every painful experience, every painful situation, then  they're never going to learn discipline. Okay, the skill of communication  Ephesians 6:4. And now a word to you parents. Don't keep scolding and  nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. rather bring them up  with the loving discipline the Lord Himself approves with suggestions and godly  advice. Okay, so we don't want to be scolding and nagging our children. What  How do you communicate with children? How do you communicate with your  children? It's easy to be condescending, it's easily easy to be directing. A lot of  times as parents, we tell our kids, you know, Do this, do this, do that don't do  that. And we're still telling them the same list as they get older. That was when  they're three years old, and they're about to take a bath, we say, hey, take off  your pants, your shoes, your underwear, your socks before you get into the  bathtub. And we mentioned all those things, because a two year old might take  his pants off and leave his socks on and go in. But we say the same thing to a  10 year old, a 10 year old by the time they're 10 years old, should know better.  Hey, go take a bath. We don't have to explain all the details anymore. But a lot  of times we do. And we treat them. We're not treating them with respect. So  we're going to explore all the different ways that you can communicate with your children. All right, then we're going to talk about the skill of responsibility. How do you turn out responsible kids? II Thessalonians 3:10. For even when we gave  you, when we were with you, we gave you this rule, if a man will not work, he  shall not eat. Okay? Responsibility is a lot like discipline. The only way that you  can teach responsibility to children is to give them responsibility. And the only  way you can successfully give them responsibility is to give it to them, and let  them experience the consequences of whatever they do. If you don't work, you  don't eat, okay, then you learn them to be responsible. You learn that, you know, working, working and eating goes together. All right. And then we're going to  finally learn the skill of judgment. The man who knows right from wrong and has 

good judgment, and common sense is happier than the man who is immensely  rich. For such wisdom is far more valuable than precious jewels. Nothing else  compares to it. judgment. Judgment is knowing right from wrong judgment is  knowing it, the judgment is a lot like discernment. What's the what's the wise  thing to do in this situation? Well, how do you teach that to children? How do  they learn right from wrong? It's a skill. It's something that they have to learn.  And it's something that can be taught. So these are the four the four, like I said,  we're going to be looking at four attitudes and four skills. And then we'll have two messages, one for mom and one for dad. And then as I said, we're going to be  looking at more of a specialized issues that that sometimes parents have with  some of their children. All right, well looking forward to seeing you again.