Video Transcript: Giving Your Kids the "I am Somebody" Attitude

All right, welcome back. We're looking at this question, how do I give my kids,  the I am somebody attitude? This is how a lot of kids feel. They go to school,  school is a bit of a jungle. Everyone's trying to find their place. And a lot of  children are not above putting others down so that they can stand taller. Well,  maybe we adults do the same thing. So it's easy for a child to feel out of place.  They don't know what they're good at, or what they're not good at yet. And it's  easy to feel like this is who you are. I started out slow. When I when I first went  to school, and I had a hard time reading. I just, I couldn't figure out the words  number one. And when I could figure out the words, I had no idea what I just  read. Now, that isn't the case today, but for whatever reason. That's how I  started. But that's all I know. That's all I don't I don't know who I am. Apart from  that. I don't have a long history. So you know, your early experiences is just how  you think you are, this is who I am. So how do you help kids, you know,  overcome some of these obstacles, and have a positive sense of who God  made them to be. First of all, as a parent, if you're going to get your child to  believe that they are somebody, you have to believe that they are somebody lot,  a lot of times, that's the number one problem, that parents don't believe that  their children are somebody. Not, not every parent, when they have the child,  they bring the child home from the hospital, every parent is like, you know, my,  my child is going to, you know, be a brain surgeon, my child is going to .... I  mean, we have all these hopes and dreams. But then as the child starts growing up, we start getting other opinions, and we see a little crack in the wall here. And then And then sometimes we can't help but communicate our disappointment to  our children. When, when we should never really do that. Because just like kids  don't know who they are. You as a parent, you really don't know who your child  is yet either. It the development of a child takes a long time, and some are fast,  some are slow, some figure things out later, you don't always exactly know how  these things are going to go. So you have to first of all believe that they are  someone the problem, we tend to see ourselves through the eyes of others.  Right? You may have a hard time believing that your child is something but  maybe you don't believe you are somebody. We tend to get our cues from  others. We go to work, and we listen to the people around us. We go to school,  and this is what the teacher thinks we go to, you know, we join a sporting team.  And this is you know, the coach puts you on the bench and you think that's who  you are. We tend to see ourselves through the eyes of others. The solution is to  see yourself through the eyes of God. How does God see us? You know, my, my sight is blurry. God's sight is 20/20. So how does God see us? I love this picture. I think this is how God sees we see the little cat but God sees the potential lion.  So here's some verses that will help us think about this Hebrews 4:13. Nothing  in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare  before the eyes of Him whom we must give account. Okay, so God knows the  truth about who we are good and bad. And it's not all good. Okay, Romans 3:23 

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. So, who are we? We are  sinners. We're not perfect people. You're not perfect as a parent and your  children are not perfect either. Galatians 3:27 All of you who were baptized into  Christ, have clothed yourselves with Christ. Okay, we are sinners. But when God looks at us, he looks at us through Christ. When God looks at us, he doesn't just see our sin. He looks at us through Christ, who has taken care of Our sin  Colossians 3:3, For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. So,  we, we are not, as people see us. We are who God sees. And God sees us  through Christ. Because of what Jesus did on the cross, He sees us in a  different way. Hebrews 4:14, he has made perfect forever, those who are being  made holy, kind of a contradiction. Are we perfect? Or are we being made holy?  A little bit of both. God sees our potential. We see all the problems along the  way. We are people who are who God is working on God, God has not done  working with me. So you need to see yourself that way. And you need to start  seeing your children that way. So first of all, you need to believe in believe your  child is somebody. Well, how do you do that? Understand your child's nature.  Okay, understand your child's nature. Psalm 51:5, Behold, I was brought forth in  iniquity and in sin my mother conceived me, we are born in sin. Your child was  born in sin. That's why kids start off selfish. Have you noticed that? What they  care about is their needs. And you watch kids play and you know, they take care of themselves. We are born with a sin disposition. You need to know that about  your children going into it? Okay, they're not going to be perfect. Understand  your child's new nature. Okay, I don't think parents have a problem with  understanding that their children are sinners. The you know, there's evidence of  that every single day. I think sometimes, though, parents don't understand that  their child has a new nature. What is that? II Corinthians 5:17. Therefore, if  anyone is in Christ, he's a new creation. There's something new at work. Your  child is being raised in a Christian home. That means the Holy Spirit is in that  home, the Holy Spirit is working on your child, a new creation. That is like, it's  like potential. Okay? Sometimes as parents, all we see is what they are, we  don't see what could be. Number three, recognize your child's uniqueness.  Psalm 139. You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit them  together in my mother's womb, thank you for making me wonderfully complex. It  is it you were there while I was being formed in utter seclusion. You saw me  before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe  every day was recorded in your book. This, this verse suggests that, that God,  before He created the world, you know, looked at all the potential people, all the  potential people, all the potential people that would exist. He looked at all the  potential worlds he could have created. And some of them had you some of  them didn't. Some of them have your child, and some of them didn't have your  child. But God looked at all those worlds. And he chose this one. He chose the  one that has you in it, and the one that has your child in it. God has a plan for 

you and your child and your children. God specifically had you in mind he  specifically had your children in mind. So how can you recognize your child's  uniqueness? Your child isn't just one of 8 billion alive on this planet. Your child is  a unique creation of God. So how do you communicate that to your children? All  right, number four, recognize your child's giftedness. I Corinthians 12:2, the  Spirit's presence is shown in some way in each person, for the good of all. He  gives a different gift to each person and that's true a about your children. Okay.  God specifically has designed your child, unique child. And he has placed gifts  and abilities. Does that mean you see all of them at this point? No. Some you  see, and some are being developed, who knows, but but as a parent, it's your  job to bring that out of your child to recognize. So this first section that I'm talking about is you have to understand that your child has potential, you have to  understand that your child has gifts, you have to understand that God created  your child unique. So you start by believing in these things, you haven't done  anything with your children yet. Okay, as a parent, you haven't done anything I'm not I'm not so far, I'm not telling you how to help them feel like they're somebody, but what I'm telling you is you first have to believe things about them. That  they're born in sin, but in Christ, they're a new creation, they have gifts and  abilities, they're unique. God has a special plan. If you don't believe that, see,  then it's going to be hard to do the next things that we're going to be talking  about the next things that help kids understand who they are in Christ. Okay.  Three, help your child believe he or she is somebody. Okay? So first of all, you  have to believe in yourself, you have to believe that you're somebody that you're unique, that you're gifted, that God has a plan for you. And secondly, you have  to believe that about your child. But now, the next step is, so what are you going  to do about it? What can you do to help your child believe that they are  somebody? You're number one? Listen, do not assume. It's so easy as parents,  we assume all the time. And it's because we know and they don't. And when  they're little, we do know, things we know, you know what's coming, we know  what's ahead. We know that they have to take all their clothes off to get into the  bathtub, we know that you know the spoon has to be tilted this way and not that  way. Or you're going to lose your food. We know all these things when they're  little. So but the problem is as they get older, we assume we know everything.  And we assume we know and we don't give them a chance to say what they  think. In a lot of times, maybe you do know things. But sometimes, sometimes  we just need to be quiet to let them say what they need to say. Because they  don't know that you know, and the only way that they know that you know is if  they tell you. So listen, don't assume Proverbs 18:13, He who answers before  listening, that is his folly and a shame. This is just good advice for all  relationships. All relationships, the husband and wife a lot of times, well the one  assumes that they know what the other is going to say. And even if you do it's  really annoying when someone finishes your sentence when they act like they 

know what you're already talking about before you said it and children have that  same sense. See it's it's de-edifying. Your de-edifying your children by not  listening to them. Listening is probably the number one way that you can edify  someone. What do I mean by edify? I mean by lifting them up. When I listen to  you, I think I'm communicating that you're valuable, that you are worth listening  to. If I cut you off, it means that I think I know more than you. And you should  listen to me. Number two, talk him/her her up. Do not put them down. Proverbs  12:25, ancients hearts are very heavy, but a word of encouragement. does  wonders a word of encouragement. I was not raised in a home that gave out a  lot of encouragement. My, my father didn't. His father didn't do a lot of  encouraging with him didn't have much to say didn't have time for his children.  And my dad vowed he would never be like that. My dad had a real issue with his father. But my dad didn't experience an encouraging father. So he didn't know  how to encourage either. And that's a lot a lot of times how it goes, you know,  the sins of the fathers to the sons to the you know, the next generation. So how  do you how do you encourage. Encouragement is catching your children doing  something good. And saying something good about it. That's what  encouragement is. We're probably more quick to criticize. Why? Because  children do a lot of things wrong. They're, they're learning everything. So  everything that they do could be better. And as parents, sometimes we can't  help but point that out. You could do this better, you could do that better. I  remember playing softball as a teenager and I played shortstop and someone  hit the ball to me and I caught the ball and I threw the ball to first base, and I  threw it right over the first baseman's head. I mean, like, five feet over his head.  After the game, my father came up and said, Hey, you, you you overthrew that  that ball the first play first base. And I wanted to say, really? Duh, of course I did. I knew that you don't need to point that out. See a lot of mistakes, we don't need to point out. Most of us are aware of all the mistakes that we make. What we  wonder sometimes is if we do anything good. encouragement, is catching them  doing something good. And when you say something good, see it gets  reinforced. And then they want to do it again. Okay, tell him or her the truth. Do  not sugarcoat it. Ephesians 4:15, speaking the truth, in love. How do we speak  the truth in love. So a lot of times with kids, we dumb things down. I'm not going  to tell you the truth, I don't want you to feel bad. So there's two extremes. We  never say anything good. The other extreme is we're always saying everything  good. And the child has no idea what is good and what isn't good. Telling the  truth. When something is good, we say this is good. If it's not we say it isn't. Kids can handle the truth. When you're trying to learn a new sport. The only way you  will learn it is you know, if you're shooting baskets, you learn by how many go  into the net. If you're if you're kicking a soccer ball or football into the into the  net, you learn which ones are good when they go in and which ones don't. This  is how we learn things. Tell your kids the truth. Don't be afraid of that. Number 

four, let him or her do, do not do for them. Let him or her do do not do it for  them. What am I talking about? A lot of times when, especially when kids are  young, we do things for them. I mean, at first we have to do everything for them, we have to feed them, we have to clothe them, they can't do these things for  themselves. But as they get older, they become more capable. But a lot of times as parents, we keep doing things for them. And all we're doing is robbing them  of their own self esteem. We're robbing them of that sense that I am somebody, I can do things. So, so so, you know, at every age, really, you need to look and  see what is what is this person capable of doing. As parents, we tend to hang on too long. You know, and by the time a child is 10, 12, 10, 11, 12 years old, they  should be able to do every chore in the household. They should be able to cook  they should be able to clean some of the some countries around the world. You  know, we have 6, 7, 8 year olds taking care of their two year old sister or  brother. Kids are way more capable than we think they are. But we're  communicating to them that they aren't capable if we do everything for them.  Proverbs 20:30. Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways. The reason we why we do everything for our children is because we want  to spare them pain of the pain of failure. Failure is a good thing. And the pain of  failure can be a good thing too. Because it teaches us something. It teaches us  don't do that or learn painful experiences make us Learn quickly. If we get  rescued from every painful experience, then we don't learn anything. So your  child spills, you know, spills his juice, or his water on the table, and He's four  years old. And the parents get all excited about it. Oh, you know, Johnny's  spilled his water, who what are we going to do and, and then then we get the,  you know, the cloth and we wipe it all up. And meanwhile, we're telling the kid,  you gotta be careful look at all the work you're putting me through. Instead, we  can be really positive about the thing, Johnny spills his water all over the table,  and we go, Hey, Johnny, here's a washcloth, guess what we can make messes,  but we can actually clean them up. Here. And then the five year old does his  best to clean it up. And what's he learning you make messes you can clean  them up, Isn't that a great lesson to learn? When you're 18 years old, you make  a mess, you clean it up. When you're 25 years old, you make a problem, you fix  it, that this is possible. Why? Because I am somebody. I'm not a nobody. I am a  somebody and I can do things. Lastly, if you want children that, that have a  sense that they are somebody, introduce your child to the God who believes  both of you are somebody, okay? You're the parent, you're somebody, and your  child is somebody to Psalm 139, I created your inmost being I knit you together  in your mother's womb, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that goes for  you, and your child. Ephesians 3:20. I, God, by my mighty power at work within  you am able to do far more than you would ever dare to ask or even dream  infinitely beyond your highest prayers, desires, thoughts or hopes. Far more  what this verse does not say is that you have to dream infinitely, you have to 

dream, these big, huge dreams, it doesn't say that. It says that God is able to  take whatever it is that you do. And God can make it more than you could ever  imagine. Your job isn't to imagine more. Your job is just do what you do. But trust in the God that can take whatever it is that you do, and he can make it into  something incredible. Isn't that an awesome thing to try to teach your children  this. That, that, you know that as a child, you have gifts and abilities, God has  uniquely created you to be who you are. And he he has a purpose for you. And,  and all you need to do is be faithful in that. And God can take all of who you are.  And you can think high or low of all that. But God can take all of that. And he can make it go beyond what you ever would have imagined. You know, what  happens with my life is not my problem. It's God's problem. I just have to figure  out who I am, how God has wired me, the gifts he's given me and the  opportunities he's placed in front of me. And I just need to go after those things.  And God is the one that makes it into something. Because of that, how can I  communicate that to my child? I don't have expectations of my child for myself.  Just discover who you are as God's child and your purpose, and we'll leave the  rest to God. Ephesians 2:10. You are my workmanship. This is God talking, you  are my workmanship. This is actually the word workmanship is poem. You are  my poem. You are my my creative endeavor created in my son to do good  works, which I prepared in advance for you to do. Okay, God has, God has a  whole life prepared for your child. God has a whole life prepared for you and  your family. So it's just about discovering it. It's about believing that see, you  know, I started this whole talk that you have to believe that you are somebody  because if you don't think God has created you to be somebody, then you are  always going to be, you know, inadequate and thinking you're inadequate. And  then you won't have enough self esteem and courage to see the potential in  your own children. In fact, if your children do really well, it will be like a  competition. They're doing better than you. And I've seen parent child  relationships, often where the parents are competing with the children. Instead  of, you know, in this together, as a parent, you are somebody, you have gifts, the ability, God has a purpose for you. And now help your child see the same thing  in their life. Ephesians oops, Philippians 4:13, you can do everything through me through God, whom gives you strength, I changed these verses a little bit. I  changed these verses a little bit. I made them, you know, directed to you. The  the original Philippians 4:13, says, I can do everything through through God  whom gives me strength, but I changed it to you because I wanted to, I want you to own this, that you can do everything through God, whom gives you strength.  Again, I'm talking to you as a parent. And I'm helping you see that this is how  you need to talk to your children. Your children can do all things through God,  who gives your child strength, don't sell your children short. They are somebody. Okay, last one, Isaiah 43:1, but now this is what the Lord says, Who created  you, Who formed you fear not for I have redeemed you I have summoned you 

by name. And you are mine. Give that sense to your children. God, the God who created the heavens and the earth, the galaxies, the planets, the universe, the  Milky Way. That same God created your child. That same God knows your  child's name. That's just mind blowing. How is that possible? So how do you  communicate that to your child? By by just being critical, always telling them  what to do, and correcting and directing and rebuking and challenging? I mean,  that's part of parenting. But how are they going to get? How are they going to  know that they're unique? How are they going to know that they have gifts? How are they going to know that God has chosen them for a purpose? Unless you  communicate it, communicate it. You are somebody and you are somebody as a child of mine, and a child of the God of this universe, and it doesn't matter what  the kids at school say? It doesn't matter what the school the teacher says. It  doesn't matter what the guy at work says. It doesn't matter what the coach says. It doesn't matter. All the negative things that go around all the negative  influences, none of those things. Those things don't matter. They don't know  you. Like I know you. I know you're a child of God, a gifted child, unique, gifted  child of God with a purpose. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Let  them do, let them try. Let them experience life. All right, we're on to the next one.