Video Transcript: Giving Your Kids the "I will try" Attitude

All right, welcome back. I want to talk about how to give your kids the I will try  attitude. I will try a few reasons to try. It's fun. Trying is fun. Getting kids to try  different foods, for example. Now, maybe your children are picky eaters. They  

don't like anything. They only like a few things. Often, kids are picky eaters,  because parents were picky eaters. And they've sort of, you know, through  osmosis, you know, put that on the kids as well. Don't do that. Or if you've done  that, undo it, start trying yourself. Don't get locked into, you know, one thing, try  many different foods. If you don't like it, then don't eat it again. But at least you  should try it. Yeah, a lot of kids won't even try something. They look at it. And  they already declared that they're not going to like it. Some foods. Actually, you  have to, you have to acquire a taste. There's a fruit in, in Asia, it's called durian.  And it smells horrible. And the first time I tasted it, it tasted horrible. But I kept  going at it kept going at it. And now well, it's still horrible. I haven't, I haven't got  over it. But I but I keep trying. Every time I go to Asia, I have some durian with  Dutch licorice, very salty Dutch licorice when I was a kid, I tried it. I just hated it.  But I kept at it. And now I love it. If you give me Dutch licorice, I just keep eating  it, you know, double salt or double salt. Help kids, help your kids have this sense that trying is fun. The trying part is fun. In fact, if you've never done something  before, when you try it, and you fail, it's like you have an excuse, hey, I never did it before. I love trying sports that I've never done before. Because there's no  expectations. You don't have to be good at something that you've never done  before. Try it help your kids try foods help you try it kids, try sports, help the kids  try, you know different activities and work things, have them try certain chores,  you know, maybe they're not old enough. But let them try and, and have a set  and then have a sense of fun about it a few reasons to try. It's fun. Number two,  it's how we learn. You didn't, you weren't born talking. You had to learn every  single word. And at first you talk like a baby. But gradually over time you learn  words, you learn sentences. You learned how to walk, you learned at school,  you learn job, we learn basically everything and the only way we learn anything  is to try. And at first when we try something, we don't know how to do it. And we  don't do very well. This is the way it is with everything. It's part of growing up that don't make it give your kids the sense that it's a good thing. It's a good thing to  try. And you don't necessarily succeed every time. Success is not the goal  trying. It's part of life of faith. Okay, faith is not knowing everything you need to  know, you know, believing in God. Well, we don't see God. But we believe in  God anyway. We, we in a way we try God out. Is God real? I don't know, I'm  gonna start living for him and see what happens. That's what faith is. Faith is  holding on to something you don't have all the evidence for. That's trying. Okay,  see trying is is an incredible needed attitude for kids growing up that are going  to be successful. I love these little cartoons. This is Calvin and Hobbes. And you  know, as kids, kids, kids instinctively try things. They don't, they don't. They don't have all the social conventions of of people looking down on you if you fail. So 

they do daring things. Sometimes not very smart things but you know if they get  hurt, they learned not to do that again. I remember as kids my brothers, my,  especially my brother closest to me, we would hike behind my grandmother's  woods there. And there was a pipe going across a river a lot longer than the one you see here. But this picture reminds me of that we would, we would walk. I  mean, it was like a 15 foot drop into the, into the river. And we're walking on this  pipe and to get across and, and yeah, I suppose we could have gotten hurt. But  I remember those days there was a sense of adventure, a sense of trying things  of a sense of that. Who knows what could happen? Here's another one. All right. Why aren't kids motivated, try and solve their problems? Okay. Sometimes kids  are not motivated to try and solve their problems. They got a problem. They  come to you, the parent, or they come to an authoritative figure and say you fix  it. I think number one, why aren't kids motivated to try and solve their problems?  We live in an instamatic area era. Everything is instant, everything, you know,  even television shows, you know, you can have a movie, and it can, it can be  about some problem, some thing that's impossible to solve, but the whole thing  gets solved in two hours. Right? Because it's a movie. You know, it can be you  know, the kingdom is going down. And there's a bad guy and the bad guy is  winning and, but in the end, the bad guy loses and the good guys win. And it's  all done in two hours. Everything can be fixed in two hours. We live in and  people are used to things happening quickly. You know, we get online, we do the internet, we, we we have instant problem solving. So kids have this sense that,  you know, if they can't figure it out in three seconds, then someone else should  fix it. People have no patience whatsoever on fixing anything. The media, okay,  the media, I mentioned that with movies in the media solves problems. You can  go on YouTube, there's somebody who solves the problem. We have no  patience for trying to figure out anything on our own drugs, you know, you  feeling bad take a drug. You're feeling sleepy take a drug. There's a there's a  short cut answer to every problem out there. If you're losing weight, or you're if  you're heavy, take a pill exercise that will take a long time eating right? Well, that would take discipline that takes too long. See, we live in such a time where  everyone wants things fixed, and they want it fixed right now. And generally we  want someone else to do it. We live in an affluent time where people can just  buy solutions. We don't we'd have to make things on our own. It used to be  people would make things on their own. You know, 100 years 150 years ago,  most of the world was agricultural. People lived on farms and farmers. They  were self starters, they were they were self fixers that they fixed everything. If  they had a problem, they fixed it. I grew up in the city but then when I was 15  years old, my dad bought a farm and all of a sudden we went from the city to the farm. And that's the and then we hung around with people that grew up on the  farm and that's the the impression I got was farmers had this sense that they  can fix anything. And you know, I had the sense you know, we're baling you 

know, baling hay, and you know, I'm thinking we're gonna be done by seven  o'clock this you know, at night and then I can go do something with my friends  and then the hay baler breaks and I'm thinking well it's gonna be 7:30 Now it's  gonna be 8:00 and I remember this farmer he had all the patience in the world  thing breaks he just took his time you know, fixes it and then moves on you  know, he had I had this sense you know, we got to get going here we got the  problems can't take forever because I got other things I want to do. We don't  have the energy or the the enthusiasm or the patience anymore to fix anything.  And so we want someone else to come on and fix it. If we have to pay for that  then so be it. Number five, I think we live in a rescuing society. You hear the  sound that's the sound of helicopter blades. Okay. And that's the image I like to  use that a lot of parents are helicopter parents. When their kid gets into trouble.  They swoop in with the helicopter and they pick them up out of the problem.  They rescue them instead of letting their child experience some of the  consequences of their own behaviors, so that they actually learn something, or  allow the child a little bit of time to figure out the solution for him or herself. But  no, the parents first sign of trouble, they get in the helicopter, and they rush over there, and they take them out of the problem, thus, communicating to the child  that no, you can't do it. No, you shouldn't even try. Because if you try, you might  break it, you might get hurt, it's not a good thing. See, that's what we're suddenly communicating to our children that they can't do things, and that they shouldn't  do things and that they shouldn't even try. Who are you to think that you could  do something like that? Sometimes, that's what we say, as parents, taking all the enthusiasm out of the child for trying something, you know, a lot of times kids  will try and make a mess of it. And then we we get after them for the mess,  instead of applauding them for trying? Well, how can parents motivate their kids  to try and solve what their own problems number one, make trying the goal, not  solving problems. We tend to make solving problems, we tend to make solving  problems, the goal. In fact, I think as parents, we would just like to eliminate all  problems. But the Think of how important problems are problems are so  important that we pay people we call them teachers to constantly give our  children problems every single day. When you go to work, the only reason why  your boss or your company pays you is because you do something to solve  problems. Problems are a good thing. So how do we make trying the goal, not  solving the problem? I mean, even at a company, sometimes the you know, the  owner or the boss, they want the problem solved. And sometimes, you know,  when someone when an employee steps out and tries to solve a problem, but  makes a bigger mess of it, than the boss come down, comes down hard on  them. And that subtly communicates to everybody else. You're better off not  trying. Better to not try because if you try and fail, it's going to be bad for you.  Philippians 3:13. Dear brothers, I'm not still all I should be. But I'm bringing all  my energies to bear on this one thing, forgetting the past, looking forward to 

what lies ahead. How do we do that? How do we help our kids look forward and  not always backwards. A lot of times as parents, we're always looking  backwards, we're looking at our child, and we're looking at what we've done  wrong. Some of you as parents, you look at you know, you're struggling as a  parent, and you see all the things that you did wrong. And it's hard to get a  sense of, you know, I'm a great parent. You know, sometimes you can let the  past be the past and look forward. What do you want to do in the future? You  can you can sit down and complain about your kids, you can sit down and  complain about your spouse, you can complain about your own parenting, but in the end, what are you going to do about it? If avoiding problems is the ultimate  goal kids will, what? They will never try anything new. Why should I try  something new? The chances when you try something new of failure are really  high. Why? Because it's something new. So if, if we're going to avoid problems,  then it's best not to try it all. But then how are you going to learn? How are you  going going to grow? Kids don't know who they are. They don't know what their  gifts are. So they have to be in the mode of trying, trying, trying, trying trying to  figure out who they are, who God has called them to be what gifts and abilities  they have. Trying has to be the goal. Not solving problems. If avoiding problems  is the ultimate goal, kids will never take responsibility. So why should I take on  responsibility? You know, when we moved from the city to the farm, all of a  sudden we're milking cows and my dad showed my brother and I how to milk  cows Right, and then he went off to work. Now I have to take the responsibility  of this, but but, you know, if the first time I fail at something I get in serious  trouble, then what's the point? Why should I take on this responsibility? You  know, when he and my brother and I, he's 14 months younger than I am, when  we would go down into the barn, it'd be like, you know, who's responsible? You  know, well, why do I want to take responsibility? Because if something goes  wrong, I'm the one that's gonna get in trouble. And why why should he take  responsibility? Remember, we had this cow, we called him Whitey Whitey would  kick Oh, he would kick and my brother and I had these milkers. And we'd be  looking down the line to see who's gonna get Whitey. And, you know, I could see I'm maybe in line for that I go a little slower, but he's going slower to why we  don't want to take responsibility. You take responsibility, and you can get hurt. If  avoiding problems is the ultimate goal, then why take on responsibility? Why say I will do it, just let someone else do it. If avoiding problems is the ultimate goal,  kids will never accept a challenge. Why? Because whenever you accept the  challenge, a challenge is a challenge, because it's difficult. Otherwise, it's not  called a challenge. And if you're taking on something that's difficult, your  chances of success are in a questionable. So why accept the challenge? If  you're going to avoid problems? If you're going to avoid problem? Failure? Then  why take responsibility? So do you see Do you see where I'm going here? You  want your kids to take on responsibility. That's the number one thing I think in 

almost every part of culture is, is looking for people who can take responsibility.  If you have a business, and you own the business, you're looking for people who can take responsibility. If you're a parent, you want kids who take responsibility.  If you're in a church, you want people taking responsibility or nothing happens.  things only happen by people who take responsibility for stuff. If avoiding  problems is the ultimate goal, kids will never commit themselves. Why commit  yourself? You step in, you know that the thing to do is to hang back in the  background. That's what you do. You let someone else fail. You let someone  else fall, you let someone else get in trouble. Why take the risk? Well, you know, the, the downside is way bigger than the upside. So that's why kids don't take  responsibility. That's why maybe you don't take responsibility. Let's try it once  without a parachute. Yeah. Number two, allow kids to have problems. allow kids  to have problems. Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change  our ways. Problems are good. As I said before, we pay people a lot of money.  They're called teachers to give our kids problems. Problem problems are  challenges, problems in our attempt to solve them, help us grow. Sometimes it's  frustrating, your problems are frustrating. But what I find interesting is that we  you know, in some ways, we want to avoid problems. But but when we don't  have problems, we make up our own problems. What do you think sports is?  Sports is just a made up problem. You know, we have a team, we have another  team. And now we have a ball. And now we have this thing. And we have this  problem. And I'm trying to do this and you're trying to do that, and we both can't  succeed. So someone's going to fail, and someone's going to win. And this is  just a made up thing. We don't have to do this at all, but we do it. When people  are bored. They play crossword puzzles, and you know, they try to figure out  things and and sometimes it's really frustrating. You know, games that we play,  sometimes the more frustrating the game is, the more of a challenge it is, the  more we're attracted to it. So here we are avoiding problems and then when we  have no problems we put more problems upon ourselves. allow kids to have  problems. Problems. If we solve them we end up feeling good about ourselves  and problems. If we can't solve them, we learn something. Every single problem  your child experiences, they will learn something. If kids are not allowed to have  problems when they do experience difficulties, they will procrastinate. If they  don't learn how to deal with problems, how to grab hold of problems, then they'll  procrastinate when things negative, bad things happen, they'll just put it off. You  know, they, they have to study for the test. It's a problem. I don't know this stuff,  we're going to have a test, I'm just going to put it off. I don't want to deal with it  today. I don't want to deal with it tomorrow. And then the next next thing, you  know, it's the next day. And now they're not prepared at all. Procrastination is a  dealing with a problem problem. If kids are not allowed to have problems, when  they do experience difficulties, they will pretend problems do not exist. Maybe  you're frustrated with some of your children. They have all this homework, and 

they act like they don't have any homework at all. They're out there playing and  doing things talking to the friends. And you're like, I thought they had this test I  thought they had this paper to do. Well, they do. But they don't want to think  about it. It's like out of sight out of mind. And if you if you're honest, you know,  don't you as a parent sometimes do that. Here's this thing it's a problem. It's a  problem at work problem with a relationship. You just don't want to deal with it,  you don't want to think about it. So you pretend that the problem doesn't exist.  That just delays the problem from biting you. Or if kids are not allowed to have  problems, when they do experience difficulties, they will plan quick fixes. Again,  that instamatic era, we you know, if it can't be fixed in five minutes, then I'm just  throwing it away, I'm not going to deal with it. I have that issue. When I take  apart things I have a computer doesn't work, I take it apart, I look for a wire just  after 10 minutes, I like Okay, throw it away. When I could YouTube it, I could,  you know, I could talk to some other people. But it's like I have a frustration level that's very low. It was all we planned quick fixes. If we can't quick, if we can't fix  it quickly, then we just discard it, we just walk away. And that's what people are  doing. People are doing that with their marriages, they're doing it with their  families, they're doing that with business, they're doing it, you know, the political  situations, we live in a culture that if we can't fix it, we just throw it away. Or we  play dead. I can't do anything about this. If kids are not allowed to have  problems, when they do experience difficulties, they'll just play dead. Oh, this  thing is defeating me. Someone has to rescue me and can start looking for the  helicopter. Where's the helicopter? Who's gonna fix me who's going to rescue  me. So we kind of live in a culture in a, someone should do it for me culture. The government should fix it. My neighborhood should fix it. My parents should fix it.  The school should fix it. My boss should fix it, my company should fix it. My  spouse should fix it. somebody other than me should fix this thing. Why?  Because I tried and I couldn't do it. I couldn't fix it in two minutes. So now it's the  responsibility of someone else. We live in a culture like that, where everyone is  looking for someone else to fix things. Well, someone has to fix it. Teach your  children that fixing things is one of the great purposes that God has given us. It's awesome. To fix things. It's awesome to use your gifts and abilities to take a  problem and to work on it and to turn it into something successful, or something  positive to take a negative and make it positive. That that that that's the joy of  life. So by by by getting rid of all the problems by throwing it on to other people,  we're just robbing ourselves of our own chances to grow and learn. Number  three, allow kids to try to fix their own problems. Okay, allow kids to fix their own  problems. Proverbs 28:13, a man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never  be successful. But he but if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another  chance. He gets another chance. I've helped kids to try to fix their own  problems. And even if they mess it up, okay. They get another chance. What if  one of your kids had that sense that they have a problem? They try to fix it they 

fail. Maybe they make Even worse, but they get to try again. It's not the end of  the world. It's, it's so often parents, we, we, our kids cause a problem number  one, we don't see it as an opportunity. We see it as this kid is messing up. Why  does this kid keep messing up? If you were more careful, if you had listened to  me, if you had done what I told you, then you wouldn't have all these things now. See, you're, you're, you're putting a load on them, the child already knows it  didn't work. You're not telling them anything they don't know. So that your child  has a negative experience, and then you just pile on negative. Let's say your  child has a negative experience, they they try to fix a problem, it becomes even  a bigger problem. And then you come to them and say, Wow, what an  opportunity to learn something. What have you tried? That didn't work? I guess it didn't work. What else could you try? Well, how about this? Now? Maybe they'll  see something, you know, doesn't work. But why? Why fix them? Why rescue  them? Let them try to fix it on their own? And yes, it may take two or three times  and you knew ahead of time it wouldn't work. But so what? Unless they're going  to get hurt or hurt somebody else? What's the big deal? So they try and they fail  again. Okay. So now, you know two things that didn't work. You know, Thomas  Edison to invent the light bulb? You know, he said, You know, every time I tried  something, and it didn't work, I didn't feel like it was a failure. I just learned that  there's one more thing that doesn't work. And eventually, I had a list of 10,000  things that don't work. I'm eliminating things. I'm getting closer. What of you  gave your kids that sense? Number six, introduce kids to the problem solving  handbook. Deuteronomy 6:6-9, these commandments that I give you today are  to be upon your hearts. Now, how are they going to be on our hearts, the hearts  of your children? How is the word of God going to get to the heart of your child,  you as a parent need to impress them on your children. Included in this word  impress is the word press. There's something that you have to do. Well, how do  you do that? Talk about them. When you sit at home. When you walk along the  road, when you lie down, when you get up, tie them as symbols on your hands,  bind them on your foreheads. If you've seen pictures of people at the Wailing  Wall, Jewish people at the Wailing Wall, you'll often see them they're nodding  and praying. But they have a little little band on their head with a little box, in  front of their their forehead. And in the box is actually the word of God. They put  scripture verses in that little box that are literally binding the Word of God to their foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates,  what is all this about? This is this is about surrounding your children with the  Word of God. If you want your children to have this sense, that, that they're  capable, that, that they should try things, then you need to surround them with  the Word of God. Because the word of God is written by God to inspire us to tell  us who we are. The world wants to tell us who we are. But the word of God, the  Creator of the heavens and the earth, the creator of you and the creator of your  child wants to communicate to you to you, the word of God can speak in a way 

that other things cannot. But the only way your children are going to know the  Word of God is if you surround them with it. When you lie down, when you get  up when you walk along the road when you you know what habits do you have  in your life that surrounds your children with the Word of God? The Word of God is the number one problem solving book that there is. II Timothy 3:16, the whole  Bible was given to us by inspiration by God, it's useful to teach us what is true to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. And it straightens us out and helps  us do what is right. It's a guidebook to our lives. It's God's way of making us well prepared at every point fully equipped to do every to do good to everyone. So  introducing the Word of God to your child. The Word of God. Not only has  instruction but the word of God tells us the Gospel story. The good news, what is the good news? The good news is that though we are sinners, God sent His Son to die for us so that our sins could be forgiven. What is a sin and sin as a  problem, we make all these messes. And do these messes define who we are?  No, because of God's forgiveness. And when you're forgiven, something that  you've done, you get a clean slate. And you can try again, see, Christians  should be the people that try the most, the the people that are least afraid of  failure. Number six, introduce kids, your kids to the God who wants to live in  them, and empower them Ephesians now Glory be to God who by His mighty  power at work within us is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or  even dream of infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts or hopes,  I use this verse in the last little talk that we had before. Again, this verse does  not say that your child has to think grand, you know, grand thoughts and grand  purposes for his life. Your child just has to figure out who he or she is, who God  made your child to be? What are the gifts that God has placed in your child?  What things do they develop over the years, so that they have this sense that  they can do things? Trying? Trying is the most one of the most important things  or attitudes that you can help your child have to try something. Failure is why we don't try. Help your kids get over the failure thing. And how are you going to do  that? See, the tendency we have as parents is we tend to see our kids, they  they create a problem. And then when they try to fix it, often they make it worse.  And then we come to them and say What were you thinking you took this thing  and you made it worse. Instead, we need to applaud they're trying. Your kid is  only 10 years old, what successful, great, wonderful thing are they going to end  up doing anyway? See what as kids are growing, it's not what they accomplish.  That's not the important thing. We're thinking, you know, trophies and, and you  know, the grades and, you know, we're thinking of the accomplishment, it's not  the accomplishment, we should not be grading the accomplishment. We should  be grading the trying. It's it's trying that we want. I remember when I was in  college, I wrote this paper English paper. And I was I was in the pre medical.  You know, I wanted to be a doctor at that time. And I thought I had to have all A's to get into medical medical school. So I was taking this English class and I, I did 

this paper and I tried something and I took another story and I inter wove it, I  threw my testimony in there because I was so excited about, you know, what  God was doing in my life. And I you know, I did this kind of complex thing. And  my teacher just penalized me just, you know, gave me a, I forget a C or  something. I had an A going in the class and on this paper, it was a major paper, she just, you know, blasted me. So I take the exam. And on the back of the  exam when I was finished, I said okay. You know, I felt like with that paper, that  that I was, you know, I was like playing a game of baseball, and I got up to the  plate and I hit the ball and I went around first base and second base. And then I  thought I am gonna go for it. I'm gonna go all the way to third base. And I got to  third base and I slid, and I got out. And because I got out, you penalized me. I  said most people get to the plate and they try to hit a single and they only get to  first base and they play it safe. But I didn't play it safe. I tried to go to second I  tried to go to third and maybe I didn't make it maybe, you know it wasn't  successful. But at least I tried when so many don't. So could you not honor that  if I get an A on this exam? Could you give me an A, even though mathematically  it's impossible. So I just I just I just tried that out. Guess what? I got an A. I got  an A because I think the teacher understood that there's something about trying  trying is way more important than succeeding. It's way more important than  then, especially with kids, it's the most important attitude that they can have is to try. So next time when they're doing something, don't judge them by what they  accomplish, judge them by what they've attempted. And especially when they  fail, because what they expect is judgment. What they expect is criticism. And  we have plenty of it. We know what they did wrong. But instead, resist it.  Encourage encourage, encourage their attempts, because you know what, then  you'll get a child that attempts that tries and it's a child that tries that figures out  who they are, and what God is calling them to do.