Video Transcript: Paranoid Leaders

Paranoia or they coming to get me. Look out. Here they come, run. That's often how we feel, isn't it? 

When we look at this fear of people, the fear of others' agendas, or the fear of everybody being out to get me, or they're all talking about me, paranoia has this effect. And also reality, where we don't feel safe and we feel as though we can't trust or depend on other people to take care of what our needs are. We go into survival mode, no matter what; it's kind of like the Blues Brothers, right? Yeah, we're on a mission from God. And the last video that I did with you, I had them as an example of the narcissist, yeah, it's all about us. We're on a mission from God. And if you've seen the movie, they tried to get the money to help pay off the orphanage that they came from, as far as their [the orphanage's] debt. But now let's reframe the example of the Blues Brothers. These two guys though, John Belushi's character, he gets out of prison, his brother is there to receive him and they get back together again to get the band back together again. But of course, they're running from everybody. You remember the film. They are running from everybody literally, because of how they acquired the money to help pay off the debt for the orphanage in Chicago. And they are in the police car and has as Dan Ackroyd character says, yep, cop car, the cop tires, the cop engine and the cop speed and so on, so forth. Yeah, here we go. And, and literally, at the end of the film, we see all these cop cars and everybody who ran it had a run in with the Blues Brothers running after them, chasing them all the way downtown to downtown center of Chicago. And when they finally pay the debt, and the handcuffs are slapped on, as the signature is done, right there in that office to help pay the debt, paranoia. 

How much fear are we willing to allow ourselves, where we eventually get ourselves so much in trouble, so much into our corner of pain, where we don't see the shackles that we put on ourselves? In dealing with the real issues that we have, we have this false perception that people are after us and and we don't know where to turn, and we don't know where to go, and trust is low, as if we're saying okay, I'm going to put on my hat. I'm going to pretend I'm not here and I'm invisible. And I'm going to exit stage left or right. Paranoia trust. In the lesson, I also want you to watch a few of the videos on the mental illness of paranoia. There's a difference to paranoia. You have two versions of it. There's regular paranoia, and there's the clinical paranoia just to keep it simple. Not here today to define all the clinical psych psychological definitions of paranoia unnecessarily. I'm not here to get into the psychiatric views of paranoia and so on again a lot of lot of jargon language that gets you lost let's look at the basics.Paranoia, regular paranoia, says that I have a fear of others. I have a lack of trust with everybody and everything and organizations and where I work and so on, and I am in survival mode.

At a functional level I can I can still do my job. I can still take care of my family, even though they might be talking about me behind closed doors, after hours at the office, or those church members, you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, that little group, they they're out to get me, I don't trust them as the day as long as we say. Okay, that's regular paranoia. Clinical paranoia, it's called that, clinical, rwhen you really need to go and see a therapist or a psychiatrist, where it's out of control, and there's something going on in the brain, clinical paranoia.

It's where we're at the level of mental illness. And you need medications, to help balance out what's going on in the brain. So there's a need for meds, maybe not always need for therapy? Of course, you could argue with regular paranoia, there's a need for therapy. And we all do, we all need help at some point with our issues. But here we're talking about long term, because we're looking at clinical also chronic issues dealing with paranoia, where we just don't trust anybody. There's a Dr. Phil video that I've added to the lesson plan. I want you to view from Episode back in 2016, as he has a gentleman who's on the show, and, and Dr. Phil puts the definition, more clinical even more in detail about the definition of mental illness, the illness side of paranoia, and how he challenges this man on camera, it seems to me that this is where you're at. Maybe this is where you're at, too, and if so please, seek help. But this is where the need for therapy, the need for meds that addresses mental illness is very real. But over here, we're also looking at how we can fall into this trap of fearing others, lack of trust, and survival mode. I know this myself, I taught high school for a year, right out of seminary, I thought perhaps this is the path that God has made to go into, and teaching high school Christian High School, private high school, teaching Bible, other classes they needed to teach. No problem. Wow, wonderful. It was one of the worst experiences in my life, right finally got to understand dealing with high schoolers on a day to day basis. And, and teaching there. Of course, there's more to the story. But I went through a very tough year, I needed a lot of help. And I literally had a panic attack. My son was born that year, as well, who is now 21. I had that going, a lot of stress, and a lot of other stress sores. And I began to feel like the world was kind of closing in on me, because it wasn't going well at the job. But it was, and I was dealing with things, with my son's birth and things went well Thank the Lord. But then my wife experienced postpartum depression and adjustments and other things. And finally, we mutually said, this is not the place for me to be. However, I went through these feelings like, are they talking about me behind closed doors? What are they saying? What about the students? What do they really think about me? And I got all codependent about it. Because I was seeking their approval many a time. And I was in this area, it did not cross over, it can cross over here. But thankfully it didn't.

Be watchful, be aware. One of the goals of this course is to become self aware to you and God and you and yourself and you and other people. So what are some of the root causes of paranoia? What do we need to understand? The first cause is childhood trust issues. Now perhaps you had parents that neglected you. They abandoned you. I know of a friend of mine who started a worldwide ministry. And he was abandoned by his mother at the age of 12. In St. Petersburg, Florida. She said to him, Bill, you sit over here on the bench. Okay, mom, we'll be right back. Don't leave. Stay right here. So Bill Wilson, founder of Metro ministries now called Metro world, child sat on that bench at age 12. And mom never came back. And for three days, Bill sat on that bench waiting for mom to come back. And eventually a Christian businessman who drove by that bench along the way noticed that there was this young man who was sitting there. And he was still there that second day. And that third day, and he stopped that third day and said, or perhaps it was the fourth day, and said, How how's it going? I noticed you've been here all this time. And eventually, this Christian businessman brought Bill to the local church. They'll grow up in the church. And God had his hand upon Him. And God used him, thankfully, to start a worldwide ministry, starting in New York City, but they reach 100,000 kids now, in all the boroughs of New York City, and now in many, many countries, another 100,000 Kids Worldwide. Bill is now 70 years old, and he's climbing Mount Kilimanjaro here pretty soon as a fundraiser for the organization in Africa. But the point is this: Bill, obviously had trust issues. And the trust issues that he had were with his mother, and of course with his father, where was Dad? Why didn't mom come back? How do I forgive her? How do I forgive him?

So Bill had to work through those issues and how God then called him to helping kids just like him in some of the toughest neighborhoods in the world. Starting in Bushwick district in Brooklyn, New York, some of you may know where that is. And some of you may have even visited Metro ministries. The kids that they reach are in roach infested apartments, mom is the only parent there, even if she is there, and the kids are left to fend for themselves. And on and on and on are the stories, childhood trust issues. And if mom and dad aren't there, their abandonment issues, there are other issues and it leads to paranoia where you just don't trust anybody, and you're afraid for your life. And in a fear of authority, and fear ,of organizations of fear, and you need God's help to get through. But this is where the paranoid leader, as a person as yourself, if you're dealing with this on a high level, or the regular side or the clinical side, and you're saying, Oh, I see I kind of see that I really see this now. Or even if you don't, you need to check in and do some inventory of yourself. looked back, again, at family of origin, also suspicion, suspicion.

As I was teaching at that high school, I thought, why don't I have more support? I said, I am very suspicious of the leadership here. Do they really care? Why aren't they allowing me more? Because I came right out of seminary, for example, I didn't have any student teaching experience. That wasn't part of the curriculum. I came out fresh with a master's degree and I could teach Bible and of course, I understood teaching and education coming out of the church world, and so on, and now in the secondary ed world. And some of you are saying, oh, yeah, now I can see that. So there was more and more of a need for me to say, Just give it to God because I didn't know what to do. Yet I fell into that trap of saying I'm suspicious and began to resent them. Why don't they help me more? And resent the students as well. Suspicion, suspicion, suspicion and of course, other experiences to in life. You get the idea. Also personal insecurity coming back to that, like the narcissist, insecurities, fear, worry. And it feeds into the other two as well.

What are the characteristics of the paranoid person? The paranoid leader? Alliance building, scheming, secrecy. Well, you know, the boss is really talking about me, and I know it's going to be bad. So are you with me? And you begin to make sides--very characteristic of the paranoid person. For example, my father led a church that went from 50 people to over 4000 people. Unfortunately, there was a person who was on staff before. What ultimately happened, which was a church split, the person began to divide people and eventually became a matter of two sides. You're either on the side of the staff, or you're on the side of that pastor, are you on Lou's sight or on the staff side? That was divisive, that was dangerous. That led to a lot of paranoia, a lot of closed door meetings. And a lot of immoral choices: really an abuse of power. Top down. And so the scheming secrecy Alliance building, if you start to see that happening, you got some paranoid people on your hands, and need to get right in there and say, Hey, let's sit down, we need to talk. We need to get honest about ourselves and honest about the real issues and not just react. Later on, we're going to have a video on conflict management, and how we react to things rather than pulling back and look at the whole picture. And in really trying to understand the real issue, say, Help me understand. Jack, help me understand Sue. Tom, you seem like you're trying to run away from me. If you're the supervisor, or you're the church leader, and you're noticed the the scheming and alliance building volunteer who has a lot of his or her issues, and she's getting a lot of the girls to get with her, or the male trying to get off the guys to to band with him because he's afraid of you. Danger signs: overreaction to criticism' Jack, that was a little over the top? You know what I'm saying? When you were making making that announcement, and he kind of made people people feel a bit guilty. They weren't joining the project. In the service yesterday? Well, what do you mean, they ought to be on on board and so on. But you made them feel guilty? Yeah, but here, you're always telling me I'm doing it wrong. And you're always criticizing me. And so it goes. I know, we've all been there with that kind of situation. And we need to step back and say, Hold on, hold on. It's not as bad as what it seems. And then later on, if that's been resolved, sometimes we can fall back into that thinking, what we call stinking thinking. Our stinking thinking says wait a minute, it they are trying to get me again. And so easy to fall into that fear to fall in that suspicion. rigid structures for control.

Another characteristic. Well, okay, pastor, but I demand this and demand that, demand that we have a structure, structure meetings that follow this agenda style and this model. And if we don't do it, then you're wrong. And so on, so forth. And so the person who has a problem of controlling may also have some problem with paranoia, as your head volunteer, or that person at the office, where they turn to rigid structures, they become legalistic. Therefore, there's fear, fear of doing it not doing it, right. Sometimes standards are misperceived. And again, it's perceived that everybody's after you.

Well, the challenges. Trust. a Patrick Lencioni says in his Death by Meeting book and all of his books that he's written on organizational health, and leadership, and solution building, how trust is one of the firm foundations. So it's one of the foundations that we need to have, as we build the ministry that God's called us to build. And so trusting others, for the paranoid person on the regular side, fear of others, lack of trust, always seems to be in survival. They don't trust anybody developing intimate relationships. Because again, a fear of others means that I'm not going to get intimate with you, I'm not going to get to know you better, or get to know you. Well. I'll know you on the surface, and you'll get to know me on the surface. And there's no exchange and of course, therefore, no trust. 

Personal transparency. Always deflecting, always wearing the mask, there's a fear of letting that mask down just a bit, to let others come in, because the fear that others are going to literally betray you, make things bad for you. And that therefore produces the paranoia that we really don't want, but we fall into.

Finally, empowerment of others. Because if we don't trust others, how we're going to empower others, if I don't trust you, if you're if you're my leader, in the area of Men's Ministry, if you're my leader in the area of women's ministry, and I'm suffering from paranoia, I won't empower you. I'll rather micromanage you, because I'm afraid that you're gonna take over, or you're gonna take over the whole church, as far as take over knowing that area of ministry, where  I have no control over, but also maybe the whole church. Of course, that's thinking that's over the top. It's irrational. But we punt to the irrational place, that regular paranoia. 

So paranoid, paranoia, in the book of First John, chapter four, it says this, starting at verse 16. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him. In this way, verse 17, love is made complete among us, so that we will have competence on the Day of Judgment. Because in this world, we are like him, we are like Jesus Christ, we are there for like God already. We don't have to become God. We are like him, he characteristics and features and so forth, as we learn from Genesis chapter one, and two, and hear through Jesus Christ we are brought back into God's image, through the power of Jesus. And so we are like him. There is no fear in love, verse 18, I will repeat me read it again. There is no fear, no fear, in love, but perfect love drives out fear. Because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. If we're caught up in the regular paranoia, we're stuck in that place. 

Now, given some of us have crossed over into the mental illness side of it, any mental health help, and also, therefore need for medications for therapy, weekly, as well as monthly year round. Okay, that's, it's good to understand that. And of course, there are other mental illnesses that are related to it, such as schizophrenia, called paranoid schizophrenia, as well as just the paranoid personality disorder itself. And there's videos on that too, I want you to watch so you can gain an understanding of the difference between regular and also the clinical, so that you can appreciate the difference and also pick out the difference in application.

But coming back to Scripture, as it applies to the human experience in general. It says, perfect love drives out fear, there is no fear, in love. Therefore, there is no fear in God because in the same passage, it's saying, God is love. And God is love. If we are in God in Christ, therefore, the power of the Holy Spirit, we therefore, turn to him and he drives out the fear. As we are in Him, there is no fear there is peace. Jesus said in John 14, verse 27, my peace I give into you , as is in the English says unto, in the pattern, this version, the NIV version, I'll just add to it into, as we know that God goes into us through the Holy Spirit, breathes life into us. Therefore, he breathes in love into us, and drives out the fear. Because all that we fear is one we believe, the lies that the devil tries to have us believe. In Jesus Christ, the devil must flee from us. And because of that, it dries up the fears, plural, out of us. So these things can reverse; we therefore can trust others. Therefore, we can build intimate relationships that will be of substance. They'll be comprehensive that will, again, be Christ centered, and where we can build in unity, God's kingdom as God's called us to do the Great Commission Matthew 28, and also personal transparency. We can laugh, we can share life together, as God intended, right now, by the power of the Holy Spirit and we can empower others. And that is done through God. So there's no fear. There's no fear to be had. Yes, I had that bad experience teaching high school. But also we need to consider this perfect love also means to fforgive. I believe that the key to conquering the dark sides, those life debts we think we have to pay back, the shadow side that develops because of the fear that drives us to overcome, that childhood trauma that created a high level of compulsivity and control, the high level of paranoia, high level of narcissism, codependency, whichever one is out of whack, too high, or all at once. Because of Jesus Christ, and His forgiveness of you, of me, and therefore, as God says, As you forgive others, He forgives you. As you forgive others, He forgives you that is and how, through God's forgiveness, we can forgive, we are empowered to forgive others, to set us free and therefore to become leaders who are affected.

Let's look at the chart, the chart, as it pertains to paranoia, and the biblical character, as our focus today. So, paranoid leaders are highly suspicious. Of course, when they're in a bad way, and refuse to admit they're wrong. It's another aspect, and they are masters of denial. Oh, everything's okay. It's all good. When really, you have issues that need to be addressed, head on. If you don't, they become larger issues. And things get deeper. And it becomes harder to resolve. But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord, we can, through his love, resolve them,  look at in terms of the church, some pastors, their chief adversaries governing the governing board, like I said about my dad, and yet what he went through also as a choice by the board, at that church of 4000, they did, in fact, abuse their power. Of course, both sides, and the staff, everybody made mistakes. And ironically, it's to be their chief partner and caring for the flock of God. And you know, that church board, the fear may not always lack merit. Also, the common thing is a situation where the senior minister or senior leader is afraid to let an associate preach because he or she fears the congregation will like him or her better. And if an associate is praised, the leader takes steps to keep that from happening again. So there's fear there too, of being usurped or being taken over in terms of the role. Whereas servant leadership says, No, we're to empower others, because eventually, a successor will be needed to carry on the vision God gave for the organization, that the vision God gave for the church. Paranoia gets in the way, that fear gets in the way of the succession and the success of God being built, you know, God's kingdom being built through that given church, and that church together, regardless of denomination, all together, and so we ourselves as leaders, can get in the way, if we think that, Well, Jack who preaches better than I do, or Sue and her gifts, my goodness, her strengths, they're not my strengths. Well, of course, her strengths are her strengths, right here to fix in the kingdom of God to fix anybody's weaknesses. We're here to maximize your strengths. So we can all come together as the Body of Jesus, head and feet, hands and so on. So we can be in unity and in concert with each other to that puzzle fits, and that where we're out of whack.

So the final thing about paranoid leaders, they're worried that anyone's negative emotions are because of, or directed at, him or her personally. And they have trouble maintaining close relationships with members of the organization. They don't feel like self disclosure or transparency can be possible. Again, trust is paramount. That biblical example that Bible character, King Saul. King Saul, at first, yes, mighty king, anointed by Samuel, you may recall the story. But eventually Saul betrays his vow to God, and begins to disobey God and go the other way, away from God. Samuel is called by God to anoint King David to succeed him. Of course, David and Saul did not always meet, eye to eye. Saul was trying to kill David, because he didn't trust David, as one of God's leaders. And the story goes, how Saul fell on his own sword. So if you're struggling to paranoia, go to God. Get help from from that mentor, that accountability partner, and other pastors and if you're a pastor watching this, go to another pastor: we need each other as well as that therapist and that counselor. Yes, it's okay. It is OK to get help. I myself have gone to an empowerment coach. Sometime back in 2011, and again in 2015 and 2016. Helping me to think to go to God and say God, what's going on? I need your help. Through that help with that other person and God uses that other person to help us look at ourselves and where God drives out our fears