Video Transcript: Skills of Mothering

Taking control of your parenting. In this lecture, I want to talk about mothers. And how we learned so many things from our mothers, there was a famous book  entitled, everything I learned to succeed in life or something like that I learned in  kindergarten or before kindergarten. And I thought, really, really, this all applies  to mothers. And I know not all of you had, you know, the perfect mother, maybe  some of you didn't have a mother at all. So, you know, I'm giving just sort of a  Jenner, a generalized thing about mothers, I realize all of you didn't have the  best mother, some of you maybe are still struggling with that. And in some ways, then probably what you've been looking for is a mother surrogate. And some  some, some men marry women looking for a mother surrogate. And they put all  those expectations on their wife, and it doesn't go very well. So that's a  specialized case. But I'm just speaking in general, about a nurturing mother,  extraordinary things that we learn from our mothers. Number one, I think we  learned to have compassion. Isaiah 49:15, Can a mother forget a baby at her  breast and have no compassion on a child she has born, though she may forget, I will not forget. So in some ways, this verse is like saying two things. It saying  on the one hand, of course, how can a woman mother forget, you know, her  child? You are pregnant for nine months? And then you have the delivery? And  you have this infant? That's totally dependent on you? Why would you forget  that? Well, I know some mothers do. And I guess what I was saying that some of you didn't have the perfect mother situation. And that's where sort of God steps  in. So that's this phrase. Though she may forget, because human beings are  human beings. I will not forget you God is your ultimate mother. So we don't  have perfect parents, we don't have perfect Fathers, we don't have perfect  mothers, and maybe you had horrible parents, then God becomes your parent,  that the church becomes your parent. But all things being equal. In general, a  mother teaches compassion, the mother has compassion on the child. And then  we learn that as my mother cared for me, I think about my mother, she was  always caring about us kids. That was her number one concern. And I wish I  was more that way. And so when I'm not, I think about my mother, and I should  be a little more like, considerate. Other people considerate of my wife,  considerate of my children, considerate of the people in my church. We learned  to be caring. I Thessalonians as apostles of Christ, we certainly had a right to  make some demands of you. But instead, we were like children among you. Or  we were like a mother feeding and caring for her own children. We loved you so  much that we shared with you not only God's good news, but our lives as well.  And that's what a mother does. A mother shares her whole life with the children.  So we learn how to be caring mothers are caring, they're nurturing, you know  that they they're there, they have the best interests of the child in mind. And so  we learn that too. Number three, I learned to be independent from my mother.  Genesis 2:24. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to 

his wife and they become one flesh. So you leave at some point, you leave your  mother now often mothers struggle with that. Let's be honest, a lot of mothers  struggle with a son or a daughter, leaving home now, if the son or daughter has  been so rebellious that they've caused nothing but pain and suffering, then a lot  of times mom and dad are willing to let them go. And maybe that's sort of the  built in system. You know, the teenagers sort of rebel. And it's, it's in part to help  parents go, you know, maybe they should move out. Maybe they need to start  making they think they know better. They think they're so smart. Well go out  there into the real world and see how smart you are. So at some point, moms  have to let go and good mothers, you know, stop babying their children. You you teach them at first you put clothes on them, you bathe them you feed them you  spoon feed them But at some point, you put the spoon in their hand. At some  point you say, dress yourself. So we learn to be independent, we, we learn to go from dependent to independent. We learn to be inter dependent. Okay, John  19:26-27, when Jesus saw his mother, so Jesus is on the cross, and He sees  his mother there, and the disciple whom he loves standing nearby, he said to her woman, here's your son. And in the disciple, here's your mother, from that time  on this disciple took her into his home. So Jesus is on the cross, he's dying for  the sins of the whole entire world. And he takes time to be concerned about his  mother. There's a connection between children and mother. And it's an inter  dependent sort of connection, in some ways. As children, we were dependent  on our mothers, and now our mothers are dependent on us. We're inter  dependent, and we learned that with our mothers, we learned to be dependent  from our mothers, Ecclesiastes 5:15, everyone comes naked from their  mother'Is womb. And as everyone comes, so they depart, they take nothing from their toil that they can carry in their hands. Okay, we come into this world, totally, absolutely dependent on our mother. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. And this verse is saying, and that's how we leave the world, too. In between, we  have this sense that we're doing things and we can make things happen, and  we're in control of our lives. But what this verse is saying is no, no, no, no, you  were dependent at the beginning, and you were dependent at the end, a lot of  people need to understand that. And teaching your kids that is incredibly  important. No one is independent. Everyone is dependent on something. We  learn to trust Psalm 22. You God brought me out of the womb. You made me  trust in you. Well, how did God do that? Even at my mother's breast from birth, I  was cast on you from my mother's womb, you've been my God. You see what  the Psalmist Here is making connection with our trust of God and our trust of our mother, that, that the whole thing going on with the mother and daughter Mother  Son relationship is to help build the skill, or the attitude or whatever it is of trust.  And, and we learn what that's all about in our relationship to our mother. We  trust her to take care of us, we trust her to do the right things. And that was  training says the psalmist. God, you've been training me to trust you by this 

relationship that I have with my mother. You see, that's what that's what  parenting is. Parenting is not just teaching your kids things, making your kids be  responsible. Training your children, developing your children, getting your  children to not mess up and succeed in life, you're actually equipping them to  have a relationship with God. That's the bigger broader picture. All these things  that we've been talking about, mean nothing, if they don't have a relationship to  God, but all these things contribute to their relationship to God. They learn to be  responsible in God's kingdom by be by learning responsibility for from you. They learn what discipline in the kingdom of God is, by the discipline that you set up  in the home, all the things that you do as a parent, transfer over to living a  positive life in the kingdom of God. That's why all this stuff is so important.  Number seven, we learn to believe we have a special purpose from our moms. I hope you did from your mother. My mother gave me that sense. In fact, she told  me many years later that when I was born, she told me that, you know, she, you  know, in a way gave thanks to God and dedicated me to the Lord's work. She  never told me that. She didn't lay that expectation on me. But after I went to  seminary and I got into my first Church, she told me that story. She dedicated  me to God and His service. And God honored that dedication. Psalm 139. For  you, God created my inmost Being You knit me together in my mother's womb. I  praise you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are  wonderful. I know that full well, my frame was not hidden from you, when I was  made in the secret place. I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your  eyes saw my unformed body and all the days ordained for me were written in  your book before any of them came to be. God had a plan already when you  were in your mother's womb. See, this is this is something that we learn from  our experience with our mother. But it's something that we need to teach our  children that God had his eye on your son, your daughter before they were born. God had has a plan already mapped out. And all the other parenting things that  we do, are we're doing all these things to prepare you for what God has in mind. It's a special plan. It's a plan that is specifically designed for you. How do we  have to communicate we communicate it by by reading the Word together  reading things like this explaining, you know, reading Psalm 139, sit down with  your children and read this and explain that God has has them in mind. Let them know these things at a young age. Don't leave it up to the pastor, don't leave it  to the teacher. You're the parent. Sit down with your child. Sit down where the  word of God, open it up, explain how these things how these words have  affected you. How you have discovered your purpose, and that, that God has a  purpose for them. And together as parent and child, we're trying to figure out  what that is.