Video Transcript: Skills of Fathering

All right, taking control of your parenting being a great father. Now, I guess I'm  speaking to fathers out there. Some of you might be single moms and so this  stuff may apply to you. Alright, so I'm going to be using some metaphors. The  first metaphor is being a coach, a father needs to be a good coach. Proverbs  

22:6 start children off and the way they should go. And even when they are old,  they will not turn from it. coaches in the sporting world have a tremendous  influence over children. If you played in a sport, you you know what I'm talking  about. Because coaches, it's very interesting that sporting teams are voluntary  things, kids say I want to be on this team. And then they sign up for a father  figure who wants the best because he wants to teach, he wants the team to do  well. He wants each kid to do well. But there's a lot of discipline involved in the  coaching thing. Like I mean that there's discipline, there's, you know, sometimes it's it's harsh, hard discipline. And there's a lot of encouragement, there's both of  those things going on. It's so the parent child relationship is not a voluntary  thing. Kids don't just voluntarily say, you know, hey, you're my parents. No,  they're they, they inherited you, they're stuck on this team. So sometimes they  don't always appreciate what's going on here. They don't always understand  that as a parent, your your goal is to help them succeed. So how do you  convince them of that? Proverbs? Proverbs 19:18, discipline your children, for in that there's some hope, do not will be a willing party to their death. So as a  coach, sometimes you have to discipline your children. But how do you do it in  such a way that you communicate to them that I'm trying to help you succeed in  the sporting world, somehow the coaches, it seems apparent, right, because  there's this game that you play. And so there's the discipline that happens during the week. And then there's the game where the child gets a chance to shine on  that weekend, whereas parenting is a lot harder, because sometimes the  discipline, I'm trying to help you in a game that isn't going to happen for years  down the road. So as parents, we need to try to figure out how do we how do we let our kids know that the hard thing I'm putting you through now has a positive  benefit. So So that's, that's working hard for a day and then getting paid at the  end of the day. See, now you're teaching them that there's discipline, but there's  a payoff. So don't just try to find those things that you can do. You know, my, my  dad wanted to sell a baseball bat for $2. But he let us pick weeds, you know, we  pick 200 weeds, we get the mitt Well, it took a couple hours, and we got the  reward, the hard work, and then the reward, were close. So we can sort of get  the connection. So as a coach, they say that's what coaching is about. That's  what good coaching is, how do I train you in such a way, little by little by little so  that you understand that you work hard, you get disciplined, you take on  responsibility, and then there's a reward with the space between discipline and  reward has to be short in the beginning. And gradually gets longer and longer  and longer. till finally you kids and your kids understand that some things in life  you have to work really hard, but the payoff isn't for a long period, but it's always

worth it. Ephesians 6:4, fathers do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring  them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Again, the closer you can  make the reward to the hard work, the more they're going to understand that all  of your discipline, all of your coaching is so that they can succeed. As a coach,  your job is to help your children succeed. Okay. And, and somehow they have to have that sense that that's what you're trying to do. Okay. A father is also a  player, okay? You're not just the coach. You're not just sitting on the sidelines.  You're in the game. I love this verse. Proverbs 14:4, without oxen, a stable stays clean. But you need a stir wrong acts for our large harvest. I just think this is so  awesome because in my experience, there are a lot of janitor people. And  there's the athletic director often at a school. And these two are often at odds  with one another, see, because the janitor just wants everything clean. So if  there's a big gym at the school, he wants the gym clean. And the more groups  and people that come in to use the gym, that that is in the way of keeping a  clean gym. So if the janitor got his way, no one would ever use the gym. But the  athletic director, he's not so much cared about how clean the gym is, he wants it  used. So he's, you know, dreaming of all the different things that we could do  and all the different groups that we could go, thus making it more work for the  janitor. Okay, as a parent, okay, without an oxen the stable, stays clean. If as a  parent, you sit on the sidelines, and you bark out the orders, and you bark out  the instructions and you are constantly directing and correcting and you know  leading from the couch, you're never out there, you're not with the kid, you're not helping him you're not, you know, grabbing a broom and showing him how these things go. showing him the work that has to be done encouraging along the way. Another words walking site, get you're getting your hands dirty in your child's  life, show them how to clean their room, show them how to make a bed. You  know, when people go into the army, they don't just know how to make a bed.  They're taught, this is how we do it. And we expect you to do it this way every  single morning. And we're going to reward you or punish you if you don't. Okay,  the drill sergeant is running with the group. He sends the group on a five mile  hike and he's hiking with them. He's leading by example. And as a father, that's  what you need to do lead by example, don't just sit on the sidelines and tell your  kids what to do. Get get involved. As a player Your job is to spend time and  energy with your kids. Not to sit on the sidelines, get in there being a seeker so  as a father and as a parent, you want to be a seeker you're always looking for  things Proverbs 15:4, a wise person is hungry for knowledge. While a fool feeds  on trash. Okay, just watching movie after movie is just feeding on trash. Maybe  watching a documentary is like learning something that you could pass along.  Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.  That's what you need to be as a father. Proverbs 16:26, it is good for workers to  have an appetite the empty stomach drives them on. be driven by learning  things by seeking things by being curious about things. You become an example

for your son or your daughter so that they're always open and always looking.  God has given us this incredible creation. He's given us gifts and abilities. But  we have to seek these things. We don't just instinctively have all these things.  We don't instinctively know what God's will is for our lives. We don't know what  

we're good at. Or you know what gifts we've been given. We have to seek out  these things. As a seeker, your job is to leave no stone unturned in your search  for the knowledge of being a better dad. Okay, you want to be the best dad that  you can be? You're always learning. Don't just take what your dad did. And now  you're just doing the same thing. Always be looking. What when's the last time  you read a book on fatherhood? When's the last time you watched a video on  parenting? A lot of a lot of you have never watched anything or never read a  single book on parenting. This is your number one job. Success in life is not your job. Success in life is your kids. Okay, that's your number one purpose on the  planet. So, are you seeking to learn to grow? By the way if you got this far in this video series on parenting, congratulations, you're you're at least looking half of  you because I'm not talking to you if you didn't get this far. But those that didn't  get this far, you know, you know, it's too much bother. It's too much work. You  know, I didn't like that second video or, you know, I just don't have time. Okay,  Fathers being a leader with integrity. See, okay, being a leader with integrity.  Dad, the team feels you're feeding leadership is lacking. Or men, you know, kids feel that way about a lot of things with their parents or with their fathers.  Because dad is just not involved. He's, he's, he's leaving the whole parenting  thing to mom. A lot of dads do that. They're Yes. See, men are sort of like, we're  focused on often one thing at a time. We focus on one thing at a time we're not.  We're not great multitaskers. So, in the dating phase for men, like the job is to  get the girl and we will do what it takes. We will write poetry, we'll buy chocolates and flowers. Okay. We're like motivated, we will do whatever it takes to win the  girl. Then we win the girl. We get married, and the new wife has going. Okay,  well, what happened to the poetry? What happened to the candy what  happened to the flowers because all of a sudden, the guy switches you know, I  had one job, get the girl second job, make a living. And no one tells women  about this that like the every one of them is like surprised one hold it what  happened to this attentive guy? Well, the attentive guy is now putting his  attention on making a living. And then children come in sometimes men are like  they're sort of involved, but then they get segwayed back into the making a living and doing the guy thing. Okay, so it's easy for men to sort of get distracted from  their life. And they're sitting there sitting on the couch reading something.  Proverbs 20:7, the god the godly walk with integrity, the godly walk with integrity. Blessed are their children who follow them. Okay, so how can you be a leader  with integrity? Proverbs 25:14, a person who promises a gift, but doesn't give it  is like a cloud and wind that bring no rain. Okay, we've experienced that whether it's a windy, cloudy day, you know, it hasn't rained for a long time, and then it 

looks like it's gonna rain then it doesn't. It promises but doesn't deliver. I read  some statistic that the number one complaint that kids have about parents and  specifically fathers is broken promises. Parents make all kinds of promises. Yes, on Saturday, we're going to go here and do this. And then Saturday comes and  something else comes up and we don't do it. Broken Promises by the way, that's what divorce is, you know, a lot of times parents are going to get a divorce. And  then they sit down with the child and they carefully explain, look, you know,  Mommy and Daddy, you know, are having some trouble and we're going to be  splitting up. But that doesn't mean we don't love you. We, you know, we fallen  out of love with each other, but we will always love you. And the child is like,  really? I mean, they don't say this, but I'm sure that thinking it. Really? Because  Didn't you once say that to each other? Didn't you express love, you know, till  death do us part. And you know you were always going to love each other until  you didn't love each other. So right now you're promising to love me, I suppose  until you don't love me. So what does it mean? Broken Promises. Keep your  promises. Don't make promises you can't keep. Because what you're doing is  you're giving your son or your daughter a sense of trust. Can you trust people or can you not trust people? Can you trust even the people closest to you? The  people that say that they love you? Can you trust them? A lot of kids have  concluded no you can't you can't trust anybody. And so they don't. Proverbs  22:1, choose a good reputation over great riches being held in high esteem is  better than gold or silver. Again, be a person, a leader of integrity. As a leader,  as a leader, your job is to lead so Dad, are you leading? Are you leading in your  home? Are you the one saying let's do our devotions? Are you the one making  sure that that happens? Are you the one leading a prayer? Are you the one  saying it's time to go to church? It's time to go to the kids club or whatever it is.  Are you sitting back reading your newspaper busy with the stuff that you're busy  with? You let you just you know oh let mom take care of all this. touchy feely  religion stuff. If you're the father at home lead. You know, when you I see this all  the time the church fathers sitting there in church, it's the worship time. He's not  singing I look at son number one he's not singing either. So number two, he's  not singing daughter. They're not singing. Why? Because Dad's not singing so,  how are you leading? You're not leading them to express their worship and  music. Now you're like, Well, you know, music isn't my thing. I don't know how to get you know what, that's just excuses. If your son or your daughter's eternity  was dependent on them learning how to worship, guess what? You'd figure out  how to do it. You would figure out how to do it. It's whether it's important to you.  If it's not important to you, then yeah, then you don't lead. quits. Excuses, put  the excuses aside, step up to the plate, lead. Be a faithful husband. The most  important thing you can do for your children as a father is to actually love their  love your wife. Your kids are watching how how? How do you treat your spouse? The boys are looking how should I treat my wife one day, what they're looking at

Dad and how he treats his way. Proverbs 4, guard your heart above all else, for  it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk. Stay away from  corrupt speech. Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you.  Make out a straight path for your feet. Stay on the safe path. Don't get  sidetracked keep your feet from following evil. You say well, what does this have to do with how you treat your wife? Well look, avoid perverse talk. Stay away  from corrupt speech, look straight to fix your eyes on what we mark out a  straight path for your feet. Don't get sidetracked a lot of men do get sidetracked.  The straight path is honoring your wife making her the queen of the household.  Not getting distracted by all the other things in life, the making a living and how  popular you are out there in the culture. The straight path is right, what's right in  front of you. Encourage your wife, honor your wife. That's the best thing that you can do for your children. As a faithful husband, it's your job to set an example of  how a man treats a wife, or any woman. I gave my father $100 and said buy  yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a  present for my mother. That's good. All right, being a man of God. Proverbs 3:5- 6, trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own  understanding, seek His will and all that you do. And he will show you which  path to take. Okay, if the most important thing you can do to raise your children  is to be a man of God. What is a man of God, a man of God leads by example.  He's into the Word of God. He's into prayer. He's into church, he's into worship,  he's into whatever it is that a walk with God entails and he's into communicating  those things to his kids. He is a person of integrity. He does what is right. He  stands up for what is right. He he has priorities in his life and he does those  priorities. He knows what his gifts are. And he uses those gifts for the cause of  the kingdom and his kids know that. He's engaged, he cares. He's  compassionate, he's energetic, He's enthusiastic, he's encouraging. He, he he  negotiates. Well, he sits down he listens. All the things that we've been talking  about in this whole series. That's what a man does. That's what a man of God  does, he's into building God's kingdom, not his own. Proverbs 14:26 Those who  fear the Lord are secure. He will be a refuge for their children. Okay, what this  verse is saying is if you know God, if you walk with God, then you're creating a  secure environment. He will be a refuge For the children, so then the father is  now going to be a refuge. Why? Because the father is secure. So if if if, if as a  father, you are not secure, if you're not secure in who you are and what you're  doing, then you're communicating fear to your children. And they're not sure.  And if they're not sure, then they have a hard time following you. They have to  know that you're secure in the Lord, that you have security. And that when  trouble comes, that you're not torn off from the path, you can handle the trouble.  And if you know if a father communicates to the children in one way or another,  that that even when bad things are happening, that God is taking care of us,  then they will have that sense too as they go out into the world. They will go out 

into the world, they will attempt things, they will try things, even difficult things,  even things that they might fail, because they know ultimately, they are secure.  The reason why we don't try things, the reason we don't risk anything is  because we're not secure, we're afraid. But if we knew we couldn't lose, see that we'd go out, and we'd attempt things we'd live boldly. Proverbs 16:3, commit  your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed. Teach your children that  demonstrated the things that you're doing in your workplace, pray about those  things. Don't hide those things from your kids, the struggles that you're going  through, make those items for the family prayer. Proverbs 14:14, backsliders,  get what they deserve good people receive that a reward, okay. walking with  God, there is the fruit of walking with God, let your kids understand that and feel  that being a man of God, a man of God, as a man of God, it is your job to lead  your family in the Jesus way. So are you leading? Are you leading your family?  Are you leading your children are you show the showing them the Jesus way, in  terms of how you treat your spouse in terms of how you treat your kids, in terms  of the job that you do, the money that you make, the money that you use to buy  whatever it is that you buy, all the things that you do are those examples of, of  you trying to be the best follower of Jesus that you could possibly be? going to  end with one little cartoon here. bye Ken, I'm off to work. Notice the little child,  bye Dad, do you see this? You see what how the kid sees his dad. The kid sees  his dad as Superman, a lot of people have a problem with God because they  had a problem with their father. The father wasn't a leader, the father wasn't  encourager or the father didn't love unconditionally. It's now that the child is  older, he comes to church, and he hears about a heavenly Father that loves him that that wants his best that, you know, sees the best, expects the best has a  plan. And a lot a lot. A lot of times adults have a problem with that. They have a  problem believing that. Why? Because they're still struggling with their  relationship with their own father, who wasn't these things. Now I know that as  fathers, we're not going to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect. But be  honest with your children about that, you know, with my kids, I've tried to come  to them and say, Look, you know, here's what grandpa did, and I didn't like it.  And I'm, you know, I'm gonna maybe I've learned a little bit. I'm not totally like  grandpa, but I still have some of those tendencies. And I don't I like him. And  here they are. But, you know, you know, I'm trying the best. I'm trying to do  overcome some of these things. But I haven't totally overcome them so I hope  you'll forgive me and by the way, God can use even the negative parenting that I sometimes do to make something good happen in you grandpa wasn't perfect  with me. But because of some of that I am what I am. And God uses all those  things. So you don't have to be a perfect parent. But, but try to be the example  because kids want to be like their dads. Boys especially want to be like their dad from an early age. And then at some point. sons a lot of times daughters are  often disappointed with their dads when they find out they're not Superman. 

They're not Superman. help your kids. You're not a perfect person, but help  them with these basics that you love them unconditionally, that you believe they  are gifted and have talents and that God has a purpose. And you can see that  and you encouraged.