Video Transcript: Semi-Directive Coaching, Why?

All right, we're back my name, Steve Elzinga. I'm doing this class, it's, it's really  coaching basics. Part two. If you're taking part two, that means you took part  one already, you learn all about non directive, coaching, that's, that's the heart of coaching. That's what separates it from mentoring and teaching and counseling  and all these other things. But but it's not, it's not always that simple. And there  is a bit of directive. Last session, we looked at how coaching can be totally  directive. In fact, probably the word coaching, first came from a more directive  kind of trying to influence someone else, it comes from the sporting world. And if you've had children in sports, then you know that coaches can be very directive.  And not only do they direct the game days, you know, call plays and tell kids  what to do, but they direct the practices. And in the practice, generally, the coach is trying to get the kids to learn particular skills, and they go over and over and  over these skills again, and again. So that they become natural, so they become instant. So in the heat of a game, you know, there's fans, there's people  cheering, that you know that, in some ways, there's a lot of pressure on a kid in  a game. But a lot of times kids don't feel the pressure, because they just do  what they've been taught. They've gone over these things, so many times, that  their bodies just naturally kick the ball, hit the ball, whatever it is, whatever sport  you're playing, they just naturally do it without all kinds of thinking. So that's  where the word coaching first originated. And then as it morphed into this more  life coach term, it became more and more and more and more non directive,  because there were other words like teaching that you could use instead of  coaching. So there are times when a more directive approach is, is, is helpful.  The problem with being directive or too directive is people lose motivation. You  know, we've all been taught or told what to do. And then we go and try it, it  doesn't work. And so we say, forget it, and then go do something else. And so  that's the problem with anyone telling you how you are to operate. Now, again,  last time, I said, if you're highly motivated, and you believe the coach knows  what he's talking about, and you really want that skill, then you might have the  motivation already. And so you might succeed with a more directive approach.  But for most people, what's needed is more of a semi directive approach. Semi  directive approach, well, what is semi directive? reading from this could get  complicated. Semi directive is when the coaching is sometimes directive and  sometimes non directive. That's the technical definition. Sometimes it's directed.  Sometimes it's not directed, sometimes it's one or the other, or one followed by  the other, then back to the other. Sometimes, it's sort of a combination of the two at the very same time. Well, is semi directive coaching. In the Bible? we looked,  we saw that directive coaching is in the Bible is semi directive coaching in the  Bible. I Corinthians 11:1, we looked at that under directive, if you'll recall, Paul  says follow my example. As I follow the example of Christ. Now I use that as a  directive example. But I think it's really more of a semi directive. I mean, Paul is  being specific in in terms of who you're following. You know, I follow Christ. You 

follow me as I follow Christ. In other words, i.e. follow Christ, but follow Christ in  what? I mean Jesus did a lot of things. He said a lot of things what specific  things are we talking about? Should we all change water into wine? Should we,  you know, what, what should we do? Jesus day, 2000 years ago in the Middle  East is way different than our day. So how do I, you know, Jesus washed the  disciples feet? Should I wash my friends feet? Then we don't do that anymore.  So there has to be a little interpretation here. I'm trying to follow Jesus, but I  have to figure out what that exactly means. So, so if if I am the client, and I am  trying to follow Jesus, I don't know exactly what that means. I mean, I have a  little idea, but I don't know specifically. So now I have to figure some of these  things out. And maybe I need a coach to help me figure out what does it mean  for me today in my life, in my situation right now to wash someone's feet. Now a  coach could come alongside and try to help me figure that out. But it's not very  directive. I mean, it's a directive in general. I'm following Jesus and not  somebody else. But exactly what I should do. I don't know. So maybe now I  need a coach to start asking questions about my life and my, you know, the  people in my life. So I can figure out how this how this works. Matthew 22:36-42, someone comes up to Jesus and says, teacher, which is the greatest  commandment in the law, the law, the 10 commandments, love the Lord your  God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and a second,  love your neighbor as yourself. So those, that's a summary of the 10  commandments, the 10 commandments, are more specific, like there's 10  things. The summary summarizes the 10 into two. So the two are more general.  What does it exactly mean that I should love the Lord with all my heart and with  all my soul, and with all my mind, what does that mean? What should I exactly  do today? As I go about my life today? What should I do? What does that mean, for me? Personally? I don't know. You know, I might, you know, I know enough,  right? I'm supposed to love God, above all, not other things. But I don't know  specifically what that means for my life. So it's kind of semi directive. directive in  a way, I should love God, I should love others. I shouldn't hate them. So it's  directive gives me a direction to go. But I don't have a specific thing that I want  to do, I don't have a specific plan. I don't know how to manage that plan. So now I maybe need your traditional non directive coaching to figure out the particulars  semi directive coaching in the Bible, John 14:12, Very truly, I tell you, Jesus says to His disciples, Whoever believes in me will do the work I have been doing. So  they all this is what I've been doing. And they will do even greater things than  these because I'm going to the Father. So I'm Jesus is saying, Look, I do these  things. I help people I heal people, I talk I, I share the gospel, and, and you're  going to do those things, but you're going to do even greater things. In other  words, I'm not even giving you the total example which you're supposed to  follow, because you're gonna go beyond me. So sometimes, that's what a coach will do, or coach will show, you know, enough for the client to get going in a 

certain direction. But the client is going to take, you know, what is taught, what  has been learned and and carry it beyond. And the client is going to do that. So  there's, there's a part of it, that's very directive, but there's a part of it. That is not directive. Well, why is semi directive coaching needed? Semi-directive coaching, why is it needed? Okay. Often a client needs a basic amount of directing  learning and information before being able to take a more active role in the  progress towards some goal. So years ago, I lived in Vancouver, British  Columbia, and I owned a 21 foot sailboat and one day Henry Reyenga,  President, Henry Reyenga of Christian Leaders Institute. This was years and  years ago, he came to visit. He was there for a few days. And I said, Hey, Henry, let's go sailing. He had never been sailing before. So I took him sailing. And  Vancouver harbour beautiful harbor, the sun was shining, the mountains in the  city were all around us. And there was a pretty good wind. And so I took him out. And I'm holding the tiller. And I told him to hold the sheet, which is the rope that  holds the sheet, the sail, and we're flying across the harbor, and we're having a  good time. And then at some point, I said, Okay, Henry, it's your turn. I want you  take the tiller, now, I could've just handed him the tiller, and I want to hold, you  know, hold the rope or the sheet, the sail. And I could've said, you know, just do  the best you can. But I gave him one little piece of information. I said, Okay,  you're gonna have to try to figure out which way to go with the rudder to turn the  boat. Because it's not what you think you're gonna pull it this way, and it's going  to turn the other way. Okay, so it's gonna be confusing at first, you have to, you  have to feel it, eventually, you'll feel it and it'll be okay. So, experiment, go,  wherever you want to go, you have the tiller, you're the captain, you do what you want to do. Wow, yeah, but I've never sailed a sailboat. That's okay, you'll figure  it out. But there's one thing I gotta tell you. When we turn around, like we're  going in this direction and we want to go the opposite direction, when we turn  around, do not turn away from the wind. Because if you turn away from the  wind, what will happen is, the wind will have the sail, the sail will be pushing out.  And there's an aluminum bar that holds the bottom of the mainsail, and the wind  is pushing it out this way. And if you turn away from the wind, eventually, you're  going to turn and the wind is going to immediately fill up the other side. And that  aluminum bar that holds the sail is going to come flying across the you know  where we're sitting. You know, and if we don't duck, that thing is gonna hit you in the head and it could kill you it comes, it comes across violently. Now if you turn  into the wind, it can turn around, you turn into the wind, because it's turned into  the wind, the sail is full this way. And then when you when your into the wind the  sail is not full of air at all. And it's sort of straight, and it's just fluffing a little bit.  So you have time to get out of the way. And then it gradually fills and it goes to  the other side. So this is the only information I'm going to give you. Other than  that you are free. You're the captain do as you please. And so he did. At first he  was unsure, you know, I don't think I can do this. It was in ten minutes he had it 

figured out. See, and that's semi directive, I'm giving you enough information to  get started, or at least enough information to not be dangerous. But I'm not  giving you all the information so that you can have the joy of discovering things  for yourself, there's probably no greater joy than that. Figuring out things for  yourself, you can see it in children. When the child figures something out, you  know, for the most part we direct, we correct, we're telling children about  everything. All right, you gotta take a bath, take your shoes off and your socks,  Your pants. your shirt, your hat, your underwear, and we go right down the list,  we could just say we'll take all your clothes off. But no, we direct them and every little point and then kids end up resenting that I can do it myself, you know, a  three year old says with pride. That's exactly what happens in coaching. So  sometimes you got hit, you have to, you have to give enough information though to get started. If you're going to teach someone how to play the piano, and you  just, you know, well, here it is start playing. It's gonna be a long time before they  figure anything out, but you show them you know, I know you see all these keys, but they're really only eight keys. There's a pattern here. And this pattern gets  repeated over and over again. So instead of looking at a keyboard, that's, you  know, like, three, four feet wide. It's really only about eight inches wide. And if  you learn what's there, you're learning what's over the whole thing. So, a lot of  times, there's just a little bit of information, a little bit of skill that you have to  teach someone. And now Now they can be free to figure some things out  themselves. Why is semi directive coaching needed? number two, often in  directive only coach and the client can lose motivation, if the progress to a  particular goal is too structured or too direct. Too much motivation is supplied by  the coach, and not enough by the client. So I retired from my church a while  back and I had an associate that worked with me and he loves pottery. And  before that, I found an old kiln somewhere for 80 bucks, I bought it. And then I  found the potter's wheel is kind of a made up homemade thing for like 50 bucks.  And so I bought it because I was always sort of interested in pottery, I never  really did it. But I was always interested in it. I always thought I'd love to do like,  the seven days of creation in Pottery. You know, what, what would day one look  like? What would day two look like? So anyway, I always had this vision. So I  bought this stuff, and I didn't know how to use it. Well, he saw all this equipment. And he said, Oh, you know, he loved pottery did it in college. And so he set a  thing up at the church and, and all this stuff. And he would teach a class. And I  remember just, you know, stopping in once when he was teaching a class, but  his style was so directive. You know, you had to start with a pinch pot. And, you  know, this is what clay is. And this is the term for clay. This is where clay comes  from and all these details, you know that people had to sit and listen for a half an hour before they even touched the clay. And I'm like, Ah, I could never, I could  never stand that. And we got to make pinch pots. And we've got to, you know,  it's like, Okay, I can't, I can't and the names of greenware, and something else, 

the glaze and all these other things. So I remember sneaking in there one day,  and there was some clay and I just threw it on the wheel, you know, alright, I'll  put it on the wheel and put some water in, turn it on. And, you know, I got the  thing going and you know, I'm having fun. And then you know, it's rising and you  don't know you're gonna make a hole and I put my thumb's in there and I got to  a certain point, and then it folded over. I got about three quarters of the way  towards a really nice pot, and then it folded over. So I did it again, folded over.  Did it again and folded over. Now, for me my learning stuff, especially, is I like to  figure things out on my own, as much as I can. And then when I fail, or I fail at  some point what i All I want is a helpful hint, a little direction, when I'm in trouble. That's the way I play chess, you know, you play chess until you're in trouble.  Now, what do I do? So not everyone has my personality, but you're going to  meet people who have that personality. And if you're too directive with someone  who likes to learn on their own, they're not going to listen, they're not going to  learn anything from you. And often, you know, especially that kind of personality, they will lose motivation if you become too directive while you're treating me like  a three year old. I mean even children don't want to be treated this way. You you constantly tell a child what to do it will what is the child want to do I can do it  myself mommy. I can do it myself. The pride of of doing things for yourself. You  can see the three year old. So semi-directive coaching, honors that desire that  people have to discover and figure out things for themselves. Now, as I said  before, sometimes you need to be a directive enough to get them started or  you're leaving them to total absolute frustration and then they lose motivation  too so you can lose motivation. Either way, you will be being too directive and  are being treated like a sec, a three year old and I'm not going to do it then. Or  you can be left too much to your own abilities. And then you don't have any  success and then you quit too. So that's why the semi directive coaching is such a such a beautiful marriage of these two things. But it's a bit of an art. Right You  have to know who you're dealing with. And what the topic is. Some some skills  are lean more towards direction than others and some personality types lean  more towards, you know, wanting to be directed or wanting to be enabled.  Okay? So this whole thing is a is a bit of an art. Why is semi directive coaching  needed number three, semi directive coaching can be more responsive to the  client's needs. Directive when needed, and non directive when needed. So I  guess that's what I've been saying, here's the last few minutes. Depending on  the client, right, their personality type, you don't want to push someone that  wants to, you don't want to direct someone that wants to do things on their own.  But they, but they haven't been able to do it. So they need someone to help  them process things to figure things out. But they don't want someone giving  them the answers. But others do. Right, this is the personality type look, you are gifted at something and I'm really motivated, and I want to learn it. So you can  be a little more directive. And so you can be responsive to the personality type, 

or the situation because sometimes it's not just personality, it might be a  situation in some things I want to learn on my own. And some things I want  somebody to show me exactly what it is, you know how to do it. Why is semi directive coaching needed number four semi directive coaching can speed up  the coaching process while still maintaining most of the benefits of non directive  coaching, okay, if I'm going to teach you the piano, if I have to, you know, I have  to let you figure out everything on your own. It's gonna take you 20 years to  learn how to play the piano. Let me show you a few things. Okay, let me show  you the, you know, the, the note, let me explain what a chord is. Let me show  you one chord. Let me show you two chords, let me show you three chords. And once you understand that you have the basic building blocks for everything.  With three chords, you can you can play 100 different songs. But I need to show you those three chords first, and then I'm gonna let you try to figure out how the  chords work. You know, because you play a chord that goes with part of the  song, and then the song goes along. And all of a sudden, well, you should really  switch chords, or It's not going to sound good. Now I can tell you where to do  that. Or I can tell you the first time or the second time, but then I can let you  fumble along and then ask Does that sound right? Should you change? Or does  that sound right? And then the person goes? Well, I don't know, we'll do it again.  And eventually they know they're starting to learn on their own. Well, that  doesn't quite sound right. Yeah. So maybe we have to change? Where do you  think we have to change. So if I can be less directive with some of the more  advanced stuff, you know, then I'm helping them sort of hear with their ears,  what's really going on, and that in the long run is going to help them become a  better piano player and this is true about any subject. Number five, semi  directive coaching can supply the Christian worldview foundation if that is  missing in the client. Okay, you remember, when we when you took the first  course, I told you that this non directive, coaching is really great, you know, let  you let the client figure out what they want to do. Let the client try to figure out  how you know, with the plan have to do what they want to do, and then help the  client manage the process of actually following through with the plan with what  they say they want to do. Okay. And I said that clients, you know, generally can  figure this out, you know, with with proper questions, they can sort of figure this  out. But I said there's one sort of exception, the thing that you're assuming is  that they have a Christian worldview. See if they don't have a Christian  worldview, I as a coach, I might be helping them figure out how to do something  that isn't legal, or isn't moral? Or isn't something that I as a coach would support  it all? You know, like, you know how my client can get a divorce as quick as  possible? Well, no, I'm not for that. So when a client doesn't have the Christian  worldview, I'm not gonna just let them figure out what to do with their life  because they don't have the worldview from which to figure it out. So when  semi-directive coaching, see you Okay, you've come to me and you want to 

figure out your life, you're not happy, okay? There's something we need to figure out first, and that's your worldview. So now I can be directive I can share the  Christian worldview, you know, in a winning positive way. And, and, and, you  know, so now I'd be more directive, I'm being more, you know, I'm teaching more this is what the Christian faith is, this is why I think it's a great idea, this is the  benefits towards the Christian worldview, how it will help you figure out what you really want to do in life. So I'm being directive with that part that you don't have,  so that we can be the non directive after that? Well, I hope you can see that the  positive to this, you know, again, I'm stepping into the waters of a more directive  approach from from the first course that you took. And I do it with again, with a  little trepidation and a little fear. Because I don't want you to lose that whole non  directive coaching thing as we sort of put our toe into the water of the semi  directive coaching. Because and why? It's because the world is so full of  directive coaching, bosses, telling people what to do, parents telling children  what to do coaches, you know, on the, on the sporting field telling players what  to do, government's telling people what to do. Now, news is telling us what what  we need to do so we live in a very directive world and, and we have conflict  because of it. So, you know, but I but what I'm trying to say is there often is a  place for the directive, alongside the non directive. So in our next session, we'll  we'll start looking at well how do we exactly do this. Until then