Video Transcript: Directive Coaching Life Coaching

All right, welcome back. This is the coaching. Part two, I'm calling it semi  directive coaching. In the last section, last session, we looked again, at non  directive coaching, which is the basis of all coaching. In the next session, we're  going to actually start looking at semi directive, coaching. But I thought we  should first maybe look at directive coaching and directive coaching is a is a lot  more like mentoring, and like teaching. Okay, so directive coaching. So we'll  spend a little time talking about directive coaching, it's almost an oxymoron. It's  almost like two opposite things, because coaching is sort of non directive, but  now we're going to have directive coaching. So when is it really appropriate to  do directive coaching? Well, I'm gonna give you a few examples. Let's say you  wanted to learn how to play the piano. If you learn want to learn how to play the  piano is really good to have someone that already knows how to play the piano.  I mean, even if you go to YouTube and find someone that's going to help you  learn how to play the piano. My mother knew how to play the piano. And I  wanted to learn how to play the piano when I was a young kid. And I asked her,  you know, Mom, can you show me and she really, she was a good piano player,  but she had no concept of what she was doing. She couldn't explain the  difference between a half note and a quarter note or an eighth note, she really,  she really didn't have any theory at all. And so she had a hard time explaining it,  the the only thing she showed me was, you know, Jesus loves me, for part four  parts Jesus loved and loved me. And I, you know, I learned that and that's as far as it went. But later on in my life, I took piano lessons, again, from someone who knew what they were doing. And so much of this is based on skill. And with  skills, you can be more directive. In other words, the person already knows what they want to do, they just don't know how to do what they want to do. Or in a  sport. If you're, if you're, if you're a child, and you want you go out for a sport,  whether it's soccer, or baseball, or basketball, or whatever it is. You don't know  what to do with the ball, you don't know how to hold the ball, you don't know how to kick the ball, you don't know how to hold the bat, you don't know where to put  it. And, and so you'll notice that when when coaches are helping young children  learn a sport, they're very directive, you know, we're going to hold our bat this  way, we're going to put our glove on, and we're going to catch the ball this way.  And when we throw we're gonna throw it this way in when we kick the ball. This  is how we do it. It's true with things like sewing, maybe, maybe you know how to sew and your grandmother showed you how to sew and she sat you down and  you know, you're knitting and you got these two long sticks, and you go around  and through and around, and then you take that. But if I was going to learn, I  would learn from someone who knows what they're doing. And it's very directive, because it's a skill. I mean, I suppose you could just, you know, you know, I'm a  coach, I'm gonna help you learn how to play the piano, and here's the piano on  the you know, go at it. And then I will, I will smile when you do something, right.  You know, it would take a long, long, long, long time to teach someone the piano

being totally non directive. But when is directive coaching, useful? Let's say you  want to be a coach, you've already been doing some coaching and you've been  doing it in a very non directed kind of way. You know, often when a person  doesn't know what they want to do. They don't know what they want to fix in  their life, then they just know that they're unhappy that there's something wrong  in my marriage or there's something wrong in my family and I have no idea what to do about any of it. I don't know where to even start. And that's really where  directive coaching comes to the front. But so so when is more directive  coaching, response useful? Well, number one, when the client already knows  what he or she wants, if I, if I know, as a client that I want to learn how to play  the piano, that we don't have to spend a lot of time trying to figure that out,  remember, here are the three things that coaches do help the client figure out  what they want to do. Okay, that's the first thing that you do. And the second  thing is to help the client figure out how to do what they want to do. That's the  plan and finally, help the client follow through with the plan, how do you manage  the plan, but that first one, help the client figure out what they want to do the  decision of what to do has already been made in directive coaching. A directive  coaching can be a possibility that you might use as a coach. If the person  already knows what they want to do, they already know what they want to fix.  They already know what they want to work on, they just don't know how to do it.  So again, when is directive coaching useful when the client already knows what  he or she wants or number two often, when learning a skill is involved, like  education, a lot of education is directive, coaching, that's what teachers often  do, they try to give problems, they try to involve the students as much as much  as they can. But a lot of it is directed. You hand someone a history book. And  and the history book outlines the history. It's not like you gotta go find it, it's right  there. You follow it, and then you get tested on it. So it's like learning things,  learning a skill, or learning a bunch of information, a lot of times, we just need to  learn about something for a while before we can do anything with it. And that's  pretty straightforward. Number three, when is directive coaching useful? When  the client wants what the coach is good at. It's that sort of that mentoring piece.  You know, if I'm already I'm good at playing the piano and you want to learn how to play the piano, you might come to me and say, Well, how do you do it, and  then I will show you exactly how you do it. It's not like I'm gonna sit down with  you and say you figure it out yourself. So a lot of times when when the coach  has something, and that's why it's important to take a bunch of classes, if you  want to be a coach. And a person already knows what they want. The more  areas you know something about the more areas you can be in a more directive  role with the coaching. Remember, you know, and I'm going to keep doing this in this class, keep reminding you of the non directive. Remember, in the non  directive class, I said, You should almost switch hats. Okay, when you're, when  you're doing the non directive coaching, you have the non directive coaching hat

on. But if all of a sudden you're going to switch, hey, I think we have to learn  something before we go back to the non directive, I think you have to learn, you  know what, what responsibility is or discipline is if if we're talking about doing  something with doing something with the whole parenting thing? Okay, you want to be a better parent, but you don't understand what discipline is you don't  understand what responsibility is, you don't understand what judgment is. And  we should go over these things so you have a great idea of the idea of the  concept of judgment, before we can even start talking about what things we  should do to help your kids get better judgment? You have to understand these  things first, before we can do something with them. So again, directive coaching  useful when the client wants what the coach is good at number four, when is  directive coaching useful? When a client is really motivated to acquire the skill  that the coach has. In other words, they're already motivated. One of the  reasons why we do non directive coaching. In other words, let the client figure  out what they want to do. Let the client figure out what the plan is. Let the client  figure out how they're going to follow through. The reason that we put so much  emphasis on letting the client figure it out, is because if they can do that, they're  more motivated to actually follow through. Yeah, we've all had experiences  where we've told people what to do. You know, we outlined this is what we want  you to do. If you're a parent, you've done this with your children, you know, we  want you to do this, we want you to clean your room, we want you to be more  responsible, and we don't want you doing, we want you to do your homework  first. When you come home before you start playing, there's all these things that  you want your children to do, because you know that if they do these things, you know, the things you're suggesting, they'll be more successful, and they'll be  more, they'll be happier in their life. But what happens, the kids don't listen. They think they know better than you. That's often the case in much of life. So when  you have the person who is in charge, telling the person who is supposed to  follow, if the person in charge is always telling that person what to do, eventually people start resenting it even though the person in charge is saying something  that they know is true, saying something that is actually helpful, a lot of times the client or the person that they're telling, just will not do it, because they're being  told. So the more that someone can figure it out, it's like, you know, if you're in a  business meeting, and if you can get, you know, if you're the boss, if you can get people to come up with the idea that you have, they're more likely to get excited  about it. If you just download the idea on people, they're less likely to get excited about it. So directive counseling, where you're taking more of an active role as  the coach in in directing in telling this is how you do it, let me show you, let me  tell you, let me explain. That only works. If your client is already really motivated, in other words, they really want this skill. I find that in the sporting world, that if  you're in a sport and you want to improve, you're already motivated. And by the  time you come to somebody, you know, you find a coach that can help you're 

you're willing to listen to do exactly what they say. Because you really want this  already, you're already motivated. Directive coaching in the Bible. Is it in the  Bible? I Corinthians 11:1, Paul says, follow my example. As I follow the example  of Christ, so I have followed the example of Christ. So I have these things that I  do in my life, because I'm trying to be like Christ. And I'm suggesting to you this  is Paul talking to the church of Corinth. Paul is suggesting that you people now  follow what I do. In other words, let me direct you by my example. That's that's  one of the ways that we can do directive. Coaching is by example, you know, let  me show you how to play this chord on the piano. Let me show you how to hold  your hands. When you play the guitar. Let me show you the outline that I have  made for a sermon and let me try to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing. And  then let's see if you can follow that pattern. Follow the example in another  translation is follow the pattern I follow the pattern of Christ. And now you follow  the pattern that you see in me how I talk how I deal with people. Another  example, Exodus 25. Okay, so the people of Israel have gone into the desert,  they they've been in bondage for 400 years, Moses leads them out into the  desert. The people have no idea who God is, they hardly know who Moses is.  And so Moses goes up to the mountain of God, and he receives the very words  of God, okay, the 10 commandments, but more than just the 10 commandments. Moses receives instructions on how to build a tent, the tabernacle, the symbolic  presence of God or the very presence of God right there. And, and there was so  much change, right? The people, the people have stability, at least in Egypt, you know, every day was probably the same, you know, building pyramids or  whatever they were building, and all of a sudden they're in the desert and who  are they? Where are we going? One day, we're here next day, we pack up and  we move over there. So to give them a sense of security, there was the  tabernacle, God is here, the pillar of cloud, the pillar of fire to lead at night, the  cloud to lead them by day, but, but when it was stationary, right there, the  tabernacle, and then and then they arranged the tents, all the tribes, they  arranged all these tribes, all these tents, in the same order, wherever they went,  they put them in the same order around the tabernacle. So even though they  were on the move, every even though there was change everywhere, that was  the stability. We're here together. Here, you know, my neighbors are still my  neighbors, even though we've moved, and God is still at the center. So it was a  significant thing, that that God instructed Moses very practical, to give people a  sense of security, as they're moving towards an unknown future. By the way,  that's the role of the church is, too. It gives us a sense of security, it gives us a  sense of community, you know, around each other, but also around God, in a  changing and shifting culture. Okay, but but listen to these words, Exodus 25.  Have them make an arc of acacia wood.Make an atonement cover on pure gold, make a table of acacia wood make a lampstand of pure gold, see that you make them according to the pattern shown you on the mountain. Now, God, and now 

through Moses to the people. It's been very directive. I mean, I suppose God  could have said, you know, well, why don't you make a big tent and we need  some furniture, put some furniture? No, no. It's very directive, let me tell you  exactly what you need to make. What you need to make it out of. And then he  explains the purpose of each one of the utensils and the furniture that's going to  go into the tabernacle, all the detail, if you read to see all this incredible detail.  Well, that's, that's like directive coaching. You know, when people want what the  coach has, or when the coach knows exactly how something ought to be done.  That, then it be more, you're more inclined towards directive, coaching.  Examples of common skills that people want to learn from someone who  already is proficient in that skill. So let me just give some examples. Life Skills.  How do you do wash? How do you make your bed? How do you how do you?  How do you clean? How do you mow the lawn? How do you fix things? How do  you? How do you dress? How do you tie your shoes? You know, you could put  shoes on a child and say here, figure out what to do with the laces and they  could spend, you know, hours trying to make a knot or make something. But you know, in three minutes, you can just show them, okay, you take the two ends,  you fold this over, you go around and put it this way where he then rabbit goes  down the hole and you know, and all of a sudden it's tied. Like skills are a place  that you know, there's certain ways of doing things. And if someone would just  show you so a lot of kids today don't don't practical little things they don't know  how to do at least in our North American culture. parenting skills a lot of times  parents just sort of fall back on how their parents did it. How my parents did.  Parenting is how I'm going to it's, it's the only thing that I knew. But let's say your parents weren't very good. You didn't have great examples. Well, then you might try to find somebody that's actually a pretty good parent. They're proficient, you  know that they're already good at it. So if you're a life coach, and one of the  things you have at Christian Leaders Institute is the whole parenting thing.  There's a lot of different parenting classes. And you've taken these classes. And  you've tried to put these skills into practice in your own parenting, and people  around you can see that, then you're more likely to be a person that people  approach to say, Hey, can you help me in my parenting? Marriage skills, it's the  same thing. You have to learn enough skills to make a marriage work, but you  need to first put them to practice in your own marriage. When people see that,  that that boy, you're doing some good things in your marriage, then they're more likely to ask you and say, Hey, could you help us in our marriage? You, you have the skill, people can see that you have the skill. In the sporting world, people  quickly can see whether you're good at this sport or not good at the sport. If  you're good at the sport, you're you're more likely to have people say, Hey, could you help me? Can you can you give me a few pointers? Can you can you see  what I'm doing wrong? And maybe, you know, help me out. Preaching skills. If  you're a, you know, if you preach on a Sunday morning, and people go, Wow, he

really has a sense of the tax. He has a sense of our lives and he knows how to  apply what's in the Bible to my life. I feel like he was he or she was speaking  directly to me. Okay, if you're trying to become a preacher, a better preacher,  well, then you recognize the people that are pretty good. And and if you want to  get better yourself, well, that's the kind of person you might come to you and  say, Hey, can you teach me some of the skills that you have? I see that you  have them, I don't understand what it is. I see it, I've experienced it. But I don't  get it. I don't know if I know how to do it yet. musical skills, piano or learning the  guitar, or learning how to sing learning parts. These things are not just incredible gifts that some people just happen to have. You know, I learned how to sing  parts. But I learned how to sing parts. Because I went to a school. In eighth  grade, we had a teacher that taught us and my brother was in seventh grade.  And then our family moved. And so my brother didn't have the experience that I  had in eighth grade with that same teacher, we went to different school and they  didn't teach music. So from eighth grade on I learned parts and I know how to  sing parts. And I've sung parts ever since. And my brother because he didn't get  taught. Still doesn't know parts. By the way, we all learn from directive coaches  without the coach or the learner realizing it. In other words, directive coaching is  happening all the time. All the time. For example, your mother tongue, the  language that you speak I, I grew up learning English. English is one of the  hardest languages to learn, I'm told. I don't know that personally, because I just  grew up with it. I grew up with it. And how do I learn it? I didn't take a class. But  there were mentors, and teachers and coaches around me my entire life. You  know, from from the time you're born, there are people that are talking to you.  And little by little by little by little you pick things up. It's, it's really quite amazing.  And that's true about so many things, learning how to walk. You learn how to  walk by looking and seeing others and trying it and trying and failing. So what's  my point? My point is that directive coaching it's not it is, in most cases not ideal. If you have someone who doesn't know what they want to do, if you have  someone that's sort of unmotivated, and sort of lost, then directive, coaching is  not the thing to do. But there are those cases when people know exactly what  they want. And you as the coach know a lot about whatever that is. So what I'm  saying is there is a place for directive coaching. But if You're going to do  directive coaching, then as a coach, you have to know whatever that thing is. If  you're going to teach someone how to play the piano, you have to know how to  play the piano. If you're going to teach someone how to play the guitar, you have to know how to play the guitar, if you're going to teach someone, you know, the  eight things, the attitudes that you want children to have in the whole parenting  thing, or the the skills of communication, taking responsibility, learning judgment, and all these different skills and attitudes that you want children to have. Well, if  you're going to direct a parent in that, if you're going to help a parent understand those concepts and what they need. They're the different parts then you have to 

know. So that's why taking classes yourself, if you if you want to be a coach, and you want to be a Well, I mean, you could pick one thing, you could just be a  coach in marriage, you could be a coach in parenting. There's nothing wrong  with that. But if you want to be a versatile coach, then taking as many classes  many different areas might open up the possibilities to what you might do in your coaching career. Alright, so next time, what we're going to do is we're going to  segue into what this class really is all about. And what this class really is all  about is semi directive coaching. Okay, until next time,